Randall/Rachel's saga continues....

Chapter Two

The Decision

Gina drove home with Randall. She was quiet, and really didn’t know how she was going to broach the subject, but Randall beat her to the punch.

“Mom” he started, “What were you and the Doctor talking about? Is it serious?”

“Well, yes, honey, it is”

“Am I going to die?” he said quietly.

Gina quickly pulled off the road and into a parking lot. There were tears in her eyes as she looked at Randall. “No, you are not going to die, but we have something serious to discuss. Let’s go home and talk about it.” She stated flatly.

“Ok, mom”

Fifteen minutes later, Gina and Randall were sitting in her bedroom with the door closed. Garrett was playing his X Box, and wouldn’t be a problem.
“Honey, there’s something you should know about when you were born.”

“What”

“Well, you were born with a condition that prevents your body from processing the chemicals that makes a boy well.....a boy. You have noticed that you have a small, uhhh, penis, right?”

“I don’t know, is it small?” Randall said innocently.

“Well, yes it is, compared to other people.”

“And?”

“And, you have noticed that you also have something else between your legs, right?

“Uhhhhhh, yesss?” Randall was beginning to get embarrassed.

“That is called a vagina, and it’s something that girls have. You are actually kind of special.”

“What do you mean?”

“It means you can actually choose what you want to be, a boy or a girl. How do you feel about that”

“Scared”

“I understand, sweetie. I really do. And I don’t expect you to make a decision right away. We are going to Austin later this week to talk to someone who will help us through this decision.”

“Really?”

“Yes, but I need to tell you everything the doctor told me.”

“What?”

“That you will never be able to be fully a boy. If you choose, you can dress and do whatever a boy can do, but you will never be able to look completely like a boy, because your body can’t process the boy chemicals”

“So I have to be a girl”

“No, I would never make you choose one or the other. That is for you to decide. But you were also born without the normal sex organs of a girl, so if you choose to live as a girl, you will never be able to have children. However, there is less of a physical price to pay if you choose to live as a girl”

“So what am I? A nothing, a freak?”

“Not at all, baby. You are a special, wonderful person who has a lot to offer no matter which gender you choose. But I have to be honest, honey. No matter which direction you choose, there will be a price to pay. You can’t make this decision for anyone but yourself and what will make you the happiest.”

“I think I already knew that, Mom. Did you mean it when you said you thought I was special?”

“With all my heart, Randall”

“Mom, You may find this hard to believe, but I have already chosen, I think. I never have felt comfortable as a boy. I’m small, and I don’t like the same things other boys like. Becca is my best friend, and I have always wanted to be like her, but I didn’t know why. I think that now I do. I think I was meant to be a girl all along”

“That’s wonderful, dear. I’m happy with you no matter what. I want you to be happy.”

“Thanks, Mom. I love you very much.”

“I love you too, my sweet child”

Both mother and new daughter hugged and cried for the next hour.

The next day, Randall and his mother sat down with Garrett and explained the situation and Randall’s decision and everything that entailed. Garrett asked many questions and was careful to listen to the answers he never once thought of teasing Randall over this situation. Garrett was surprisingly nonplussed by the entire revelation.

“Wow....” sighed Garrett after the revelation. “Are you sure that you want to do this? I mean, I’m in your corner, but...man, this is going to go off like a bomb in school.”

“Which is exactly why I’m pulling Randall out of school, effective immediately” stated Gina determinedly. “I don’t need her dealing with the idiots that seem to crawl out of the woodwork every time someone a little different comes along”

“Uh, Mom?” said Garrett.

“Yes?”

“You said her”

“I did?”

“Yep” Garrett and Randall started smiling.

“Ok, so I did.” replied Gina as they both looked at her. “Well, she IS a girl after all.”

They could hold back the laughter no longer.

“So, new sister, now that all my questions have been answered. What about your name. I refuse to call my new sister Randall. That’s just weird.”

“And my other situation isn’t?”

“Nah, I’m over it”

“Well, I guess I hadn’t gotten that far yet. I suppose mom will have to name me again. What would my name have been if I was born a girl?”

“Rachel Diane. I loved that name, it was your great grandmother’s”

“Ooooh, I like it too! Rachel Diane it is then. But I guess I should hold off on using that name until I look the part a little more.”

“That would probably be for the best for now. Let’s wait until we talk to the therapist to get too far.” suggested Gina.

Friday came and Gina and Randall drove to Austin to the office of Dr. Julie Smith, who was the therapist suggested by Dr. Andrews. Dr. Smith specialized in the treatment of gender issues, and was highly respected in her field.

“Mrs. Harris, can I speak to Randall alone for a bit?”

“Certainly, Dr. Smith, I’ll just wait out here in the waiting room”

“Great, Mrs. Harris, I’ll have my receptionist get you something to drink.”

“Thank you”

“Right this way, Randall. Have a seat in this chair right here.”

“Ok, doctor” he said in a small voice.

“So, I read that you are a CAIS patient.”

“Yes, I am”

“How do you feel about that”

“Well, to be honest, it was kind of a relief finding out about it. I have always felt weird about doing ‘boy’ things. Not like my brother Garrett. He’s strong and really likes to play those boy games.” stated Randall.

“You say ‘boy games’. What do you mean by that?

“Well, my dad always insisted that I play the games Garrett did. My friend Becca and I always called them ‘boy games’ as opposed to the games we played, which were just ‘games’”

“What did you play with Becca?”

“Oh, make believe, where she was the princess and I was the prince. I always wanted to be the princess too, but my dad wouldn’t have liked it. He was always calling me a sissy for liking to play with Becca and her sister Angela. So I played boy games for dad and games with Becca and Angela.”

“Did you love your dad?”

“Oh yes! He was just sad after he came home from the war, and said mean things because he felt bad. It must have been really terrible over there. Mom said dad had to kill people in Iraq, and that made him sad”

“So you don’t resent him for making you play the part of a boy?

“Well, I was unhappy, now that I think about it, but I loved my father too much to hate or resent or whatever he did. I still miss him very much...I can’t explain it, but I know he loved me, he just couldn’t deal with everything the I was facing. Sometimes I wonder if God didn’t take him so he couldn’t be sad anymore. I think he knows what is happening to me now, and is happy for me.”

Dr. Smith talked with Randall for the next 45 minutes, going over the decision, its potential consequences, and finding out about the person that Randall was. After she was finished, she called Gina back in.

“Mrs. Harris?”

“Gina, please”

“All right, but you must call me Julie if I am going to continue seeing Randall, or Rachel, as it should be now. Your daughter is a very special person. She has every right to be angry and depressed about her situation, but I see none of that. You have done a great job with her”

“You mean I passed? I can go forward?” asked an incredulous Rachel.

“Young lady, I think the world would be a much brighter place with a girl like you in it” Julie said with a smile.

The newly-minted Rachel jumped up and down in excitement. “I can’t believe it. I just can’t believe it. What am I going to do?”

“Slow down, Rachel,” cautioned Gina “I’m sure there’s more Julie has to say”

“Yes I do” added Julie. “From this point forward, you are to be Rachel Diane Harris, a twelve year old girl. I expect you to dress, walk, talk and act like the beautiful young lady you are. Total immersion, Gina. Do you understand? You have a brand new daughter”

“I understand, Julie. Kind of a total life makeover?”

“Exactly. My office will guide you through the process of changing Rachel’s identity from Randall’s. We’ve been through this many times, and you are going to have a lot to do in the coming weeks and months to help in Rachel’s transition.”

“This is going to be a busy time, isn’t it, Julie?” asked Gina.

“Yes, but if you keep your perspective, and don’t let the little things get in your way, it will be the most rewarding time of yours and Rachel’s life. We are partnering together in this for the long haul. I’ll be here when you need me. Is that clear?”

“Yes it is, Julie...and...and”

Gina could say no more. She sat down and started crying. She cried and cried like she was emptying out her soul. Julie and Rachel sat with her and hugged her. The loss of Randy, the revelation of Rachel’s true direction, uncertainty about the future, all came pouring out.

By the time she was done, Julie and Rachel’s eyes were wet with tears as well.

“I-I’m sorry, Julie, Rachel. I don’t know what came over me. I just realized that the child Randy named after himself was gone. It was like I lost him all over again. Now I have to get Rachel ready to face the world, and I have a new life, the last gift I have from Randy, growing inside me. It was all too much”

“Don’t worry about it, Mom. I understand. I kind of feel the same way.”

Julie added, “You see, Gina, that’s why I’m here helping you. This is one of the most stressful changes a parent can face. In a way, it’s like losing a child. The boy you brought up, loved and nurtured is gone. There’s no mistaking that. That relationship will never come back. In its place is a new relationship, one that will be closer than anything you could have shared with your son. You have a beautiful daughter. Rejoice in that, and remember all the good times you shared with your son. That person will always remain.”

“Thank you, Julie” said Gina as she wiped her eyes. “I needed to hear that”

“That’s why I’m here, Gina” smiled Julie. “Now, I’d like to get some blood work done on Rachel to make sure her hormone levels are within norms. I’ll go over the results with you family physician and an endocrinologist colleague of mine here in Austin. We may need to get Rachel on some meds if her levels aren’t good for a girl of her age. Remember, she doesn’t have ovaries to put out the hormones she needs to develop”

“Ok, Julie. Can we do the blood draw here?”

“I’d prefer it. Just go downstairs with this slip and they’ll take care of it. Oh, one more thing...”

“What’s that Julie?”

“I also prescribe several days of retail therapy to get this girl equipped.”

“Mom, what’s that”

Gina was smiling. “Shopping!”