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Chapter 20
Wednesday, January 14, 1998

Ami had anything but a restful sleep. When she awoke from her sleep, she was drenched to her bones. She looked as if she had jumped into a swimming pool, nightie and all. Her hair was drenched, her face had lost all its color and she looked like death warmed over. She had been trying to scream but her voice was not there.

As she sat up in bed she looked stunned. As she regained her voice and she began to tell me of her dream/nightmare.

“It was so real, Meghan. I had all my senses. Touch. Smell. Pain. I dreamed of all the things my father did to me. However, my dream went further. He threatened to cut off my breasts. He did start cutting and I couldn't stop crying.”

“Ami!”

“He cut my left breast completely off and threw it on the floor. That's when Momma and Jun came into the room. My blood, and some of my father's, was everywhere but I didn't die. He... he...”

Ami became hysterical. She had a moment when she couldn't do anything but cry. She composed herself and picked up where she left off.

“There was blood everywhere, Meghan. Then Momma and Jun were there. My father stabbed Jun several times and she fell to the floor, lifeless. She didn't get up again my entire dream. Then my father started stabbing Momma. She fell to the floor, lifeless.”

“Ami, that's horrible. You don't have to continue...”

“I want to, Meghan. My father cut off my right breast and yelled that he had turned me into a boy. He started ripping all of my clothing off and noticed I didn't have a penis. So he started thrusting the knife into me all over my torso and between my legs. It hurt so much, Meghan, but I didn't die.”

“You are so brave, Ami. I couldn't relive anything like that even if it was in my dreams.”

“Why's God doing this to me?”

“I don't know, sweetie. Your Momma and Jun are alive. Thank heavens for that.”

“I don't know what I'd do without them and you and your mother, Meghan.”

“Friends and family are here to help you get through it all.”

“Meghan, my father was stabbing and stabbing when the police knocked down the door. In my dream, instead of facing the police, my father slit his throat. What a coward.”

“Yes, Ami. He's a coward.”

“Why can't I make him love me?”

“Some people just aren't able to love, sweetie.”

“I did everything for him to love me.”

“I know.”

“Then why?”

“We love you, Ami. That's all that counts.”

“I love you guys too.”

“Your hair's kind of cute, all short like this.”

“Thank you, Meghan. I want it to be long and pretty, again, like yours.”

“It'll get there.”

“I guess. Did you notice it's lighter than it was before. I don't know if I like it red, no offense, Meghan.”

“None taken, sweetie. I think it's lighter just because there's not that much of it there yet. It'll soon me long and black and silky.”

“It will be. I love you, Meghan. Thank you for being by my side through all my ordeals.”

“I wouldn't be anywhere else, sweetie. It's always my pleasure.”

We hugged and Ami eventually fell back into sleep.
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Wednesday, July 5, 1996
Robert Shannon's plans never included returning home that Independence Day night. He had other plans and they did not include Robbie and Jun. He didn't have an office party, as he had told his kids and the sitter, he was indulging in more adult celebration. His plans were carnal and nothing was going to sop him from sating his urges.

When Robbie and Jun were younger, Robert was able to pick up on ladies simply because his children were irresistible. Even though he didn't like the reference much, each and every lady he conversed with remarked about his darling little girls. This was probably where the seed of hatred for his child was nurtured.

Now he tolerated his kids. The novelty was growing pale and he had to think of a way to keep Robbie and June in San Diego. They were no longer bright and shiny to him, they were becoming a dull reminder that he was getting old and that they posed a threat to his bachelorhood. As recently as when he picked them up at the airport, someone had referred to Robbie in feminine pronouns and he'd just about had it with his “damaged” child.
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Hana and Robert had planned the visitations many years in advance. During their 1995 visit with him, Ashley Richardson had yet to enter the picture. She hadn't yet applied for work at Stillman, Thorenson and Hatcher. She hadn't captured Robert's affection. She wasn't even a pleasant aroma in the wind to him.

Now she was. Robert's life practically revolved around Ashley Anne Richardson. His affection for Hana was diminishing and he wanted only to savor the new woman in his life. She was smoother, youthful and very devoted to him. She was so naíve that she didn't realize Robert was a married man. This weekend, if fate brought her to his apartment, all that would change and Robert's goose would be cooked.
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“Hello, this is Robert Shannon's residence. Sheena Newman speaking. How might I help you, sir?”

“Yes, hello Sheena, this is Robert Shannon.”

“Hello Mr. Shannon! Is everything okay?”

“It is. Sheena, might I ask you to spend the next three days watching Jun and Robbie. Some information has opened in a case I'm working on and I need to be in DC for a day-and-a-half.”

“That shouldn't be a problem, sir. It's just that I have no change of clothing...”

“I've set up accounts for you at Henri Bendel and Barney's. You may pick out anything you like at either or both stores with my compliments if you'll rearrange your schedule for me.”

“Sir, I'll check my calendar.”

“I hope the children haven't been too much for you.”

“No, sir. They've been angels.”

“Let me know if they get out of line.”

“I will, sir. Let's see. Yes. I can watch Jun and Robbie tomorrow and Friday.”

“Thank, you, Miss Newman. I won't be by the condominium since I've got things at my office.”

“I understand, sir. I'll tell the children you send your love.”

“Miss Newman, if my kids see anything they like at Barney's please allow them purchase an item or two.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Have a good couple of days. I'll send your employer a letter of high recommendation.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“Goodbye.”

“Goodbye, sir.”
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Wednesday, January 21, 1998
Ami was still having trouble sleeping. It seemed like every time she got deep enough into her slumber to dream, the dreams became nightmares and she'd wake up yelling for her mother. If Hana wasn't there, and they were with me in our house, she'd rely on me to get her through the night.

“I wish I could take those horrible dreams away, Ami.”

“Thank you, Meghan. I wish I could just put it out of my brain.”

“I guess it'll take some time.”

“Yes. The psychologist I've been seeing says she believes it will fade over time but never really leave me.”

“Feeling better seeing her?”

“Yes, I believe that I am, Meghan.”

“You're hair's really growing in! It's a bit redder than before.”

“Yes. I think I kind of like it this way, Meghan.”

“It's pretty. If it gets any redder, though, you and I will have the same color!”

“We'd be twins!”

Ami and I started giggling.

“I'd be the winner, though.”

I tickled Ami in her side.

“You've always been the prettier of us!”

“Meghan! You're very pretty.”

“But you're the sexy one, Ami.”

“I wish I felt that way. My father thinks I'm still a boy.”

“Ami... you know that you were never truly a boy. Your father knows that too. He's an asshole and he's the one in jail for trying to harm you.”

“I just wish that he loved me, Meghan.”

“He probably doesn't love anyone at all. Except himself.”

“I just feel like maybe I let him down.”

“Nonsense, Ami. You did everything a child could do. You weren't Super Robbie.”

“I know, Meghan. I just wish he could have seen past Robbie and seen me.”

“Well, sweetie, he has lots of time to think about you and what he did to you.”

“Maybe.”

“He won't get out of prison until the middle of 2001.”

“Is that enough time, Meghan?”

“I'd lock him in a very small box of a jail cell for the rest of his life if I was the judge.”

“Wow! That's all?”

“No, Ami. It make sure he was freezing cold in the winter and blistering hot in the summer.”

“Wow! You' make a strict judge!”

“I'd probably have water trickling down on him and make him have to be naked too. Dump his food on the floor where it would be hard to pick up and eat.”

“Meghan!”

“He almost killed you, Ami.”

“But he didn't.”

“Thank God.”

“But maybe it was my fault...”
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Thursday, February 5, 1998
"Ami! You've got to check this out!"

To say I was excited was a bit of an understatement. I had become a computer enthusiast years early but I found something online that really blew my mind.

"Check this website out, Ami! It's called The Future Supermodels of America and it's for us, teen-aged girls who want to have fun discussing dresses and school and boys!"

"That's nice. Tell me more."

"It says that Elizabeth Goode started the group so that we can have contests and things, exciting activities, awesome tips on how to look prettier and field trips! She says there's one planned for 2001 to Disneyland! I wanna go!"

"I think that I'd like to also! I love Disneyland!"

"She says this Disneyland thing is the first big event she has planned. She'll make announcements soon but wants all of us to begin friendships online before she lets anything else out of the bag."

"I guess that's good..."

"She says it'll probably be limited to one or two dozen girls, but she'll finalize that as time goes by. She says it'll probably be a popularity contest and the girl who gets the most votes will probably earn a tiara and sash like in Miss America. She'll probably name that girl her creme de la creme."

"Do you believe in that Meghan?"

"Believe in it?"

"Do you believe it's fair to label someone the best simply because she gets the most votes?"

"I never really thought of it. But don't adults choose the President of the United States that way?"

"Yes, but we're just little girls."

"Little girls? Ami, we're young ladies. She says we're up-and-coming supermodels!"

Ami and I began giggling.

"I want to join, Meghan. If anything it will be fun making friends that don't live in San Diego."

"I know. I think the only friend I have far away from here lives in Alpine, and that's only a bit farther east from us than El Cajon. I guess when you and Jun went to visit your father, you kind of lived in New York City, but that was different."

"I guess even my relatives in Japan and Scotland don't count as friends because they're family. It'd be fun to have a friend in Australia or somewhere out there."

"It would be, Ami!"

"How do we sign up?"

"There's a membership area right here. You can be first and I'll go after you."
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We signed up for The Future Supermodels of America right then and there. I couldn't help but think that this would be the best thing either of us had ever did in our lives.
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