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Chapter 15
Robert Shannon’s penthouse was paid for by his law firm, but he held the title to it. That was one of the fringe benefits of being a Williams, Thorenson & Kettering partner and another reason that he didn’t want to return to San Diego.

Robert worked for one of the most prestigious firms in town, had a great view of the Hudson River and if you looked ever so closely you could see Lady Liberty lighting the way to the world’s most prosperous city. However, a spectacular view like this could not quell the anger he was feeling since he saw his son dressed in that tiny red dress.

Robert had a Christmas tree erected in his condominium to bring his family into a festive holiday mood. He had hired several window decorators who had worked on the Macy’s windows to create a wondrous tree before he knew about his son. Beneath it lay an abundance of gifts bearing the names of each of his family. But Robert Alan Shannon, Sr. was no longer in the Christmas spirit.

Hana saw the tree and swooned. Ami and Jun thought that it was nice, but they were tired and retreated to the rooms that were theirs when they visited their father on vacations, to ready themselves for bed. They skipped down the hall whispering to each other gleefully.
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It wasn’t long before Hana and Robert were alone in the expansive grand room. There was a fire raging in the massive flagstone fireplace. Normally this would have been a romantic setting, but Robert could not shake the sense of betrayal that his son had flung in his face.

“I don’t think I like this whole Robbie-trying-to-be-a-girl thing one bit, Hana,” Robert’s temper had, by that time, flared to red hot. “No son of mine should be parading around New York City looking like some goddamn little drag queen. It’s just not right.”

Hana patiently allowed her husband to get whatever it was that bugged him off his chest.

“I want him to put on some real clothing,” he said. “And I want you to take him and get his hair cut tomorrow. I want him to look like my fucking son, not some teen-aged debutante.”

Hana quit biting her lip and told Robert exactly what she thought.

“First of all, Robert, Ami only has girl clothes with her. She didn’t pack any boy clothes at all. And anyway, when she is at home she doesn’t want to wear boy things anymore. She threw them all away. I certainly wasn’t going to make her dress in her school uniform for her Christmas vacation. Secondly, even if she changed into whatever masculine things you wanted her to wear, Robert, she’d still look like a girl. Even if she shaved her head bald, she’d still look like a girl, honey.”

“I don’t care, Hana. I want you to take him and get his hair cut tomorrow.” Robert repeated his earlier demand. “He can see my stylist. And I want you to stop calling him her. It’s bugging the hell out of me for Christ’s sake. The child’s a boy and he should be acting like a boy.”

“You really are out of touch with your child, aren't you? I see her every day of her life, Robert, and I’ve never seen her do anything remotely the same way that a boy does. Never. She’s a girl, Robert. Some day she can have a child. You know that. Can a man give birth to a baby? Now you can throw out the bathwater, but you don’t want to throw the baby out with it. You’ll be the one who loses the most in the long run if you do.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean, Hana?”

“You can put Ami into boy clothes but she’ll always be a girl.”

“It’s your fault that he’s that way, Hana. You and that crackpot doctor cut his penis off. You ripped the balls from his body. You deprived him of his testosterone and you turned him into a girl. Those CAT scans are probably just the doctor’s scam too. I hold you two accountable for raping him and turning him into a girl.”

“That’s ridiculous, Robert. It’s nobody’s fault. Not mine or yours. It's not Sandra Hart’s fault. Hell, it’s not even Robbie’s fault.”

“Then whose fault is it? God doesn’t make mistakes.”

“It’s not even God’s fault, Robert. Don't blame him. He got it right. He created a beautiful spirit and put it into the body of our child. Ami's spirit is feminine, honey. If anyone is to be blamed, it would be Mother Nature herself.”

“How do you know that?”

“I’ve been reading websites and talking to people who are intersexed, Robert. That’s how I know.”

“You’re talking to a bunch of quacks?”

“No, Robert. I’m talking to people who know about girls like Ami. I’m talking to people who are intersexed and transgender themselves.”

“Just as I thought. You’re listening to a bunch of quacks. And you’re letting what they say turn our son into a girl. You were the one who told the doctor to cut off his balls and his penis. You’re to blame for everything, Hana. I hold you accountable.”

“Robert, even if Ami still had her penis and testicles and even if he was producing testosterone, those things wouldn’t be what would make her into a boy or a man, don’t you see? Character and personality factor into it too. And right now the rotten taste of your character makes you into the spoiled little child. Given Ami’s character and yours, I know she’d win out in the long run. She’s kind, gentle and caring. You’re not. You’re not thinking about what’s right for Ami. It’s never been about her. It’s always been about you and I’m getting sick of it, Robert.”

“Bull shit, Hana.”

“Robert, I expect you to be kind to Ami for the next couple of days. You might not like how she’s dressed and you may not like how she looks, but she is your child and she deserves to be treated fairly on her birthday and for Christmas. When we go back to San Diego you won't have to worry about her.”

“But…”

Hana cut her husband off. “And while she is here I expect you to treat her like a young lady. If you’d just talk to her you’d find out that she is very bright and intelligent, Robert. She’s all the things I saw in you when we met back in high school. And in spite of how you're treating her, Robert, she really does still love you. I don't know why...”

“Hell, Hana. This whole thing is fucking weird,” Robert thought for a minute. “Hell, I’ll try but I’m not going to accept the fact that Robbie wants to humiliate himself and become a girl. What boy in his right mind would do that to himself? It’s just not logical.”

“All I can ask, honey, is that you try to get to know her.”

“Whatever.”
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Robert and Hana were ready for bed when Jun came in to kiss her parents goodnight. Hana was reading a book and facing away from Robert. She turned towards them as Jun said goodnight.

Jun whispered something in her father’s ear that caused him to push her away. She almost fell to the floor but steadied herself. That startled the ten-year-old girl.

Robert had fallen just short of being violent with his youngest child. Jun whimpered and apologized to her father for what she had just said. She added that she still loved him then left the bedroom.

Five minutes later, Ami sheepishly approached her father and her mother watched. Ami had been crying and tears were evident on her pink teddy. She had no makeup on but she still looked gorgeous. To anyone but Robert it was evident that she would one day become a radiant young woman.

Robert still could not get over the fact that he was losing his only son.

“Daddy?”

“Yes, Robbie?”

“Daddy, I hope you can eventually see that I’m happy. I’ve never felt like I was supposed to be a boy. Believe me, all I want to do is make you happy. I love you, Daddy.”

Ami tried to hug her father but he flinched away from her roughly.

“I’m not ready for this but I do love you, Robbie.” Robert mumbled, “I hope you know that I only want what’s best for you, son.”

“Then let me be happy, Daddy.”

Ami kissed her father on the cheek. It amazed Hana that he allowed her to do so given his previous reaction to the child. Maybe he was letting her kiss him because he had pushed Jun away earlier. Anyway, he let Ami kiss him but he looked like he was in agony as her lips touched the skin of his cheek.

Ami gave her mother a hug and a kiss then she left her parents’ bedroom.

"I love you Momma. I love you Daddy."

She left the room and her perfume slowly faded.

“Robert, please give her a chance. When you get to know you her you’ll find out how wonderful she really is.”

“Whatever.”

Robert turned off the light and he rolled over facing his wall and Hana faced hers.
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Chapter 16
Saturday, August 31, 2002

I had been in classes most of the day. When I finally had the chance to check my e-mail I was greeted by the usual Future Supermodels of America interplay, various online magazines and one message from Michelle James. I immediately opened her e-mail.
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To: Meghan Johnson
From: Danielle James
Subject: Just wanted to say hi!

Hi Meghan!
It’s been weeks since we’ve chatted or even talked. I’d really love to hear your voice! Please call me at home. You have my number. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Love you, sweetie!
Michelle
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I dialed the phone and it didn’t take two rings before Michelle James answered. We had talked hundreds of times on the phone since the Disneyland trip but her e-mail made it sound urgent that we talk.

“Hello? This is Michelle James.”

“Hi Michelle! It’s Meghan. Are you okay?”

“Oh… yes, Meghan. I just need to talk to you about some things that have been going through my mind for a long time.”

“Are they bad, sweetie?”

“No, Meghan. I just don’t know how you are going to take what I have to say when I say it. It’s just that if I don’t tell you what I have to tell you I’ll just never be able to live with myself anymore. But it’s hard to tell you what I have to tell you because I don’t know if you’ll like me anymore afterward.”

“Honey? I don’t know that you can say anything that’s going to ruin our friendship.”

“Well... here goes... I used to go to school with you, Meghan.”

“Sweetie? I thought you grew up in St. Louis?”

“I did. But before we moved to St. Louis, I went to school with you.”

“Oh? Did you go to Bishop’s?”

“No, Meghan… I was one of your classmates at Rouge Castile Academy.”

“Oh? Who were your teachers?”

“Veronica Owens was my sixth-grade teacher. Emily Welden was my fifth-grade teacher. Brianna Tillman was my fourth-grade teacher…”

“Wait a minute, honey... aren’t we the same age?”

“Yes, Meghan. We are.”

“Were you a grade behind me or in front of me?”

“No, Meghan. I was promoted in 1994.”

“Oh? I was promoted in 1994 so that would make you and I classmates.”

“Yes, Meghan. We were classmates.”

“But I don’t remember a Michelle James... I thought I remembered all of the kids.”

“I know. You knew me when name was Daniel. I was Daniel James.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing and didn’t say anything for almost a minute. I accidentally dropped the phone and when I found it and returned it to my ear I could hear her Michelle crying.

“Michelle, are you alright?”

“Do you hate me, Meghan?”

“No, honey. I don’t hate you. It’s just so surprising. When did you go through your change?”

“The summer between my sixth-grade and seventh-grade years. My Daddy’s best friend is a genital plastic surgeon in Portland and he did the sex-change for me. I don’t like the term sex-change because I was always a girl… I like genital reassignment better. We kind of did the operation under the table, so to speak. God, I was barely thirteen years old.”

“It must have been hard on you... I mean, hiding your secret for so long, sweetie.”

“It was, Meghan. I was having a hard time living as a boy. You must have seen how well I fit in with the other guys.” She laughed nervously but continued, “My folks were wonderful and accepted me as their daughter with few reservations. Now I’m a architecture undergrad at M.I.T. and I talk with my parents everyday.”

“M.I.T.? Architect?”

“Yes, It's hard to believe, isn’t it?”

“No. It’s just that it’s... it’s wonderful!” I said, “Have you had trouble with your friends? Has anyone found out about your transition?”

“Well, when I left San Diego, all those friends who could have known were left behind. I missed you most and... and... and I made new friends in St. Louis but they knew me only as Michelle. At school I’m accepted as just another coed. No one knows about my past unless I choose to tell them. My boyfriend doesn’t even know and we make wonderful love all the time! He says he can't get enough of me!”

“That’s great! I’m happy for you, sweetie,” I said. “But when we were at Disneyland, I had no idea you were transsexual. You acted so much like a girl that it’s not even funny. You seemed to be accepted by the girls that you were with.”

“Well, thank you for the compliment, Meghan!” She talked in a girlish soprano. “Louise and Gayle have been my friends forever. I met them when I first moved to Missouri. Oh! Do you ever see Robbie Shannon anymore?”

I had to consider how I would respond to Michelle’s question. I didn’t want to give away my best friend’s past even though I now knew of Michelle’s own conversion from male-to-female.

“Not much, honey… but I’ll try to get in touch with him… for you.”

“Thank you, Meghan. He was always so nice to me. He wasn’t like the other kids. I think that we had a lot of things in common. We were always the ones that got picked on by the other boys. I just wanted to thank him for being so nice and let him see how well I’ve turned out as a human being.”

“Well, Michelle, maybe we can make that happen. What are you doing for Christmas vacation?”

“Well, I’m going home to see my folks for Christmas, but the week after that I’m free.”

“Why don’t you come out to Las Vegas for New Year’s Eve?” I asked. “You can stay with me and Ami for the weekend… maybe see Elizabeth Goode.”

“I’d like that, Meghan. I don’t want to impose upon Ami, though. Is she still seeing Kaz?”

“Yes, and they're madly in love. You know, sweetie, Ami won’t mind another body in our condo. We could go out and do the Vegas tourist thing. You’ll be twenty-one, won’t you? We can ring in 2003 in style!”

“It sounds tempting… you’re sure Ami wouldn’t mind? I don't want to impose on either of you.”

“Honey, I know that she won’t. I don't mind either. Kaz is coming in for a couple of days so the more, the merrier! I’ll invite Robbie Shannon to spend some time with us and we can make it a New Years day reunion of sorts!”

“Thank you, Meghan. You don’t know how much this means to me! I’ll give you a ring in a couple of days? We can finalize plans.”

As I hung up the receiver I was glad that Michelle accepted my offer but now how was I going to get Ami to go along with my plans?
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Monday, December 30, 2002
Ami's grandparents left her an inheritance that allowed her and Jun to live comfortably for the rest of there lives. With part of the money she bought a condominium in Turnberry Place that just happened to be in the same tower that the Goodes lived. She also bought a place in downtown San Diego, one in La Jolla and one in New York City. But she lived in Las Vegas most of the time.

The Nevada residence was a four-bedroom, three-and-one-half-bath estate that took advantage of sweeping southwesterly views of the Las Vegas Strip. We’d often just sit on the sofa watching the pretty lights play against the deep azure blues and purples of the early evening sky. As the night grew older the intensity of the colors were a feast for anyone’s eyes.

Ami’s bedroom was the master suite, of course. Mine was the bedroom third in order of size but I liked it because it faced toward Caesars Palace where I worked occasionally as a cocktail waitress. One of the bedrooms was fashioned into an office where we kept our computers and business equipment.

When Michelle got to the condominium she would take advantage of the room next to Ami’s which had been outfitted to rival any high-roller suite in the city of lights. A spacious bathroom was tiled in rose granite and had a huge Jacuzzi tub capable of entertaining two bathers comfortably. A king-size bed was fitted with red satin sheets and a matching velvet comforter. A canopy floated over it that was ensconced in beautiful red roses.
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I was not home when Michelle arrived because I was still at work at Caesars. Ami was there and had been talking to Kaz on her cell phone. When Ami answered the intercom the doorman announced that Michelle had arrived. Ami asked Clifford to help carry her bags up to the residence and he was only too happy to do so. Ami is a good tipper.

As Ami opened the door Clifford followed her to the guest room and sat the suitcases next to the bed. Ami gave him one-hundred dollars and thanked him for his help.
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“Ami! You look wonderful!” Michelle almost sang it out. “Thank you for letting me stay here over New Year’s weekend!”

“It’s my pleasure, sweetie! Why don’t you come into the living room and we can talk about your trip?”

Michelle was in awe of Ami’s condominium. The sofa faced a huge picture window and most of the major Vegas hotels were in view. They talked about Michelle’s trip from Cambridge and about her studies in school. Michelle was on her way to becoming an architect and had several offers already from major firms along the eastern seaboard.
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“Did you ever meet Robbie Shannon, Ami?”

Ami thought that that was an interesting question considering that they were talking about integrated architecture within a balanced ecosystem.

“Why do you ask?” Ami queried.

“He was always so nice to me and I thought that Meghan would have talked about him to you. I thought maybe the two of you might have met.”

“Well, Meghan has mentioned Robbie before but I haven't had the privilege of his presence. How do you know him?”

“We went to school together in grade school.”

“Where was it that you went to school together?”

“The Rouge Castile Academy in La Jolla.”

“That’s right. That’s where Meghan said that she went to school. Did you have a crush on the boy? A crush on Robbie?”

“I don’t know if you can call it a crush. I admired the hell out of him, though... even at our young ages.”

“He must have been very special to you.”

“He was. I guess you could call him the best friend... male or female... I've ever had. He and I were the runts of our school. We were always chided… ridiculed. He tried to play on a baseball team but got hurt.”

“They made fun of him and you?”

“Yes.”

“But you’re so pretty. How could anyone ever make fun of you, Michelle?”

“It’s a long story, Ami.”

“I’ve got two ears, sweetie. If you want to talk to me, I’ll listen. I’ve even got a shoulder to cry on… if you need to cry. I’m here for you Daniel.”

Michelle's eyes widened.

“Robbie?”

“Yes. Michelle, I used to be Robbie. I used to be him and I'd still consider it an honor to be your friend!”

Ami and Michelle hugged.

And their tears flowed.