Are We There Yet?
By BillieBob

“Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?” ( Read the story to find out)
No warm fuzzy creatures were harmed in creating this!
Who said a Halloween story had to be scary? TISSUE ALERT!!!

My life really sucks big time. Stuck everywhere I look. A loveless marriage, at least from what I get from her. No matter what I say or do, I only get the cold shoulder. Also, a totally dead-end job as a traveling salesman. Don’t give me that crap about how great glamorous and fun filled that life is on the road. And don’t even bring up the subject of all the strange tail I get from all those lonely housewives. I hear enough accusations from my cold and indifferent wife!

Like: “Stewart Wilson, so who have you been screwing this week?”
Yes, that is my name. My shrew of a wife’s name is Tabitha. Lately, I’ve begun to suspect those accusations have been the result of a guilty conscience. That and other little tale tell signs that she’s been having an affair with another man. Signs like jewelry that I hadn’t bought for her starting to show up. Flowers being delivered in addition to those that I had ordered. Then the slinky and provocative dresses in our closets began to appear. Then lastly, the erotic lingerie I know I didn’t buy. I only noticed those outfits in the laundry hamper while adding my things to it. Never did I see her wearing those things at home while I was there. Was she dressing up for someone else? I know I have never strayed into another woman’s bed. That’s not for me.

And if I hear one more dumbass joke I’m going to puke right that idiot’s face!
It hasn’t always been like this. We married young, had our required 2.3 children. Okay, we had three, but I digress. We raised them. Well, more like my wife did, because with me being a salesman over the road, I was gone more than at home. Yes I regret missing a lot of the children growing up. All those happy memories I never got to enjoy. So here I am on the road again, but now a broken down old man in his fifties crying over lost treasures I never had a chance at. I made what was considered a very good living out selling all those inept so-called salesmen. Chasing the almighty dollar, for Corporate America, and my loving family. I get the feeling their idea of love would be to load the gun so I can eat a bullet.

The kids are all in collage getting a decent education courteous of yours truly. That is why I’m still on the road, to pay for their tuition and all the assorted costs. I hope to at least get a ‘thanks Dad’ when they graduate for all that I’ve done. I can’t remember the last time I’ve even gotten a card from any of them for any occasion. I wouldn’t be surprised if when I die they show up at the funeral to only piss in my open casket. Well, at least they’ll be well provided for. Two million dollars of whole life insurance, they should be able not have to worry about food, shelter, and basic living expenses.
It’s a good thing I’m not driving a semi with all the hours I’ve been on the road. I understand they’re required to have so many hours of down time in every 24 hours. The reason for the long hours is I don’t arrange the timing of the sales calls. You know, where and when. I suggested the idiot in the office to try to meet those appointments. They told me if I couldn’t handle it, I should quit and they’d get someone more capable of doing it. You’d think after 25 years with me being their top salesman they’d get smart and realize that it’d make more sense for me to fly cross country instead of driving. Now I see how profound the cliché about hindsight being 20/20. I have half a mind to borrow the maximum I can on my insurance, and go disappear. That’ll fix them all. What an ungrateful family that I have. They look almost as friendly as a school of piranha during a feeding frenzy. WHAT THE HELL…!

Damn, what are three little girls doing playing in the middle of the road? I managed to stop the car after almost crashing while skidding and spinning a couple of 360s. After I got out, checked my shorts so to speak, and made sure my heart was still beating, I looked back to yell at those silly girls for playing in the middle of the road, and… there was no one there! I know for a fact I saw them, and hoped I hadn’t hit them! I even turned the car around and slowly drove back to where the skid marks started. I stopped and got out to look around for those girls. I spent at the better part of an hour looking for them at least 100 feet off from the centerline on both sides of the road. Not a single sign they were ever there. This has got me stumped.

I was so worried I might have harmed those three lovely little girls. No, I’m not a pedophile. My only concern was for their wellbeing and the heartache their loss would have caused. What kind of irresponsible parent would let their children play unsupervised like that on or near a dangerous highway?

I finally gave up and headed back to the car. As I reached the car and went to open the door, I could have sworn I heard a giggle oh so faint, which caused me to look around. Now I’m sure someone, maybe those three girls are pulling a joke on me.

Several miles down the highway while meeting on-coming traffic, it happened again! I had no option, but to take a dive into the ditch along my side of the road! After the car came to a stop in the ditch, I rested my head in my hands. As I could hear a siren approaching, I didn’t think anything of it. I thought they were on a much more important call, and I was too busy trying rather futilely to gather my composer.

Imagine how high I jumped when I heard the sharp sound of someone rapping on the car window! I looked up to see the badge of a County Sherriff’s Deputy attached to the biggest cop I’ve ever set eyes on! I rolled the window down and asked, “Yes, officer?”

“Sir, may I see your driver’s license, registration, and proof of insurance please?”

“Yes sir.”
After I handed him all he requested and walking back to his cruiser, I sat there trying to work this all out while taking a drink from the bottled water I had in the car. I figured he was running my name and such looking for an excuse for stopping. After five to ten minutes, he came back.

“Mister Wilson, please step out of your vehicle.”

“Yes sir.” As I got out I wondered why the request as I knew I didn’t have anything legal pending such as tickets and such.
“Mister Wilson, I had observed your erratic driving, and have suspected you of driving under the influence. Do you mind performing a field sobriety test?”

“Sir, I don’t mind, but you’ll soon see I haven’t been driving under the influence of alcohol, or anything else.”

So, I performed all the tests and passed, leaving the deputy puzzled.
“So, Mister Wilson, can you explain yourself well enough so I don’t cite you for inattentive as well as reckless driving?”

“I don’t think you’d believe me. Even I find it hard to believe.”
“Try me and let me be the judge of that. I’ve been patrolling these highways over twenty years.”

“I’m not too sure what I’d seen, but this was the second time today. I saw three little girls playing in the middle of the highway, and had almost hit them. The strange parts are when I’d see them. Normally, you’d someone if they are on the highway from a far distance at first. Not with these three girls. All of a sudden there they are and I barely have a chance to avoid hitting them. Earlier today I went back to look for them in case I did hit them and render aid, or ask where their parents were for allowing them out there. But there wasn’t a sign of them.

“Are you claiming to have seen ghosts?”
“I’m not sure. But as I went to get back in my car I thought I heard what sounded like little girls faintly giggling.”
“Well, I believe you only because you aren’t the first to report that. Tell you what, since you’ve been honest with me I’ll cut you a break, and just give you a warning on one condition. I escort you down the highway to the nearest town to a diner with a motel next door. You get yourself a good meal at the diner, and a good night rest next door at the motel. You refuse and we might have a problem. I can’t let you travel in this condition. I’m only concerned for your and others safety. It’s only about five miles or so.”
“Okay Deputy, I can do that. Frankly, seeing those girls and everything has gotten me spooked.”

So after Stewart had gotten his car out of the shallow ditch they proceeded on to the next town. It was the typical small village with the diner, motel, one general store/post office, a gas station, several farms, and about twenty houses. As they entered the diner, introductions were made, and the deputy told the owner of the diner he had a client for him. Stewart thought that was worded strangely till he found out that Gus also owned the motel, not thinking that the word customer should have been used instead.

Gus, being the perfect diner operator poured both Stewart and the deputy a cup of coffee after they both sat down.

“Uh, Deputy, if you’re concerned I’ll take off as soon as you leave, please don’t worry. I realized I need to stay the night here and get some rest. I’d rather get to my next sales call late than not at all.” Stewart said.

“No, that isn’t why I stayed. I needed a break for dinner. Oh, by the way we’re on a first name basis here. I’m Mike,” as he held out his hand to shake.

“Oh, okay I’m Stewart. If you’re uncomfortable with that, you can call me Stew.”

“Say Gus, Stew here has a tale to tell you about the Carlson triplets.”

“You… you mean it’s true?” asked Stewart.

“I can’t say it is, can’t say it isn’t. Just from what I’ve heard. So tell me your tale, Stew.” Gus answered.

So Stewart did tell, about both times it happened. Mike and Gus would give each other that knowing look at various parts of the tale. Near the end, they nodded ever so slightly to each other in turn as a signal in agreement. What Stewart didn’t know was they were deciding whether he was the right one. Right now, he was in the running. The running for what you ask? Not yet, as it is almost, but not quite Halloween and time was running out. No more of next year to try to find the ideal candidate for their purpose. This was the last and final year to right that wrong from so long ago. The very future of mankind depended upon it!

Stewart picked up the menu and began to read through it. The funny thing was he kept going back to the listing of the Home Style Turkey Diner. So he finally selected that. Even though he was married, he hadn’t had an actual home cooked meal in ages. Especially at home as that was too far beneath his wife to bother with. Just another factor in the sorry state of his life.

Mike hung around and asked subtle questions about Stewart’s life. Before he knew it, he was telling them all of the sad details, essentially everything, including his suspicions about his wife. The more he told them, the more they were convinced he was the very ideal one they’ve been looking for. And all he thought was they were only exchanging pleasantries about things like the weather. Because they saw into his very soul revealing his kind nature, and his so-called family wouldn’t miss him so terribly.

Stewart excused himself to go to the men’s room. While on his way back to his seat he glanced at an old yellowed flier in a frame on the wall. What he saw caused him to stagger, almost falling down, for there were those identical triplets pictured on the flier! After he regained his footing he read it. The details were more shocking. It was one of those asking for information regarding the hit and run accident resulting in the death of the pictured girls. It went on to tell how they had snuck out to go trick or treating that afternoon. Soon Stewart’s tears were flowing freely down his cheeks. The next thing he was aware of was sitting down pretty much in a daze.

“Hey Stew, you look like you’ve seen a ghost,” offered Gus.

Poor Stewart could only nod, hold up three fingers, and point in the direction of the flier on the side wall. Then break down and sob uncontrollably with an overwhelming wave of grief and sadness. Now, Gus and Mike knew for certain he was the one they had so desperately searched for. And the goal was in sight, finally! They did what they could to comfort poor old Stewart. They had told how that was their local sad tale. Everyone had loved those three beautiful angels. Even though it happened back in 1976, it hadn’t left the minds and hearts of all the local townsfolk. The grief is still felt by one and all. The driver had never been caught.

“Where’s the parents?” asked Stewart, somewhat under control.
“Their father had abandoned them before they were born. Their mother was so overcome with so much grief she committed suicide by taking an overdose of sleeping pills.” Mike answered.

“Until today I thought my life was crap. Except for the father, I can’t say how bad I feel for them. I’ve never heard of anything so bad.” said Stewart. “I’d like to settle up now and get a room please. I’m so beat I think I can sleep on a bed of nails.”

“Sorry Stew, you’re out of luck as to the bed of nails, but the beds in my motel are quite comfortable,” Gus said with a chuckle. “And don’t worry about settling up right now. We can take care of that in the morning. Let’s get you set up with a room.”

“Great. In the meanwhile I’ll call home to let my wife know I’ll be delayed and not sure how soon I’ll get home.” Stewart said while pulling out his cell phone out.
“Sorry but this is a no signal area. Cell phones don’t work here, but you’re welcome to use one of the phones here,” Gus answered.

When Stewart had gotten in his room, he looked around and was pleasantly surprised as the room was much better than he had expected. He picked up the receiver and dialed for an outside line. Then he made the call home. On the eighth ring it was answered. There was very loud music and generally loud party sounds in the background.

“HELLO? I’M SORRY YOU’RE GONNA HAVE TO SPEAK UP!
“HELLO! I’M TRYING TO CONTACT TABITHA!”

“WHAT?”

“I SAID I’M TRYING TO CONTACT TABITHA!”

“SORRY! SHE ISN’T HERE! SHE’S OUT WITH HER BOYFREIND! HER IDIOT HUSBAND FINALLY KICKED THE BUCKET AND SHE DECIDED TO CELEBRATE BY FIRST MAXING OUT HER CREDIT CARDS SINCE HE LEFT HER SITTING PRETTY!”

“Oh.”
“WHAT WAS THAT?”

That was when I hung up the phone.

Numb.

‘So, this is what death is like. Just like a perverted brand of cereal. Chuck full of crap, and more crap. It would have been poetic justice if I had forgot to pay my life insurance premium. At least I don’t THINK I did. How ironic if I did forget and she’s thinking she going to get 2 million and find out the policy had lapsed after maxing her cards out. Oh hell, I just remembered I didn’t mail the check! It’s in an envelope in my desk drawer. The check was for the current 3 months, starting 2 months ago, and the grace period is only 30 days!

‘What? There’s that giggling again. This sucks even more. Not only I’m dead, I’m also losing my mind! I wonder if the dead can get drunk. This would be a good time to have a few. What harm can it do? I’m already dead! I wonder if Gus has anything to drink. I guess I’ll try. What’s the worst that could happen? Not see or hear me of course!’

“Hey Gus, do you have any liquor around here?”

‘Hey Stew, sure I have.”

“Gus? A funny thing happened when I called home. I was told I was dead. How can that be? The dead can’t make phone calls.”

“I know all about it buddy. Don’t worry about a thing. Here’s a bottle and I’ll tell you something. You’ve been given a very special gift. The first part was the phone call. As for the rest, you’ll have to wait till morning to understand all of it. All I am allowed to say is it is a very special gift that happens only once every 10,000 years. Take the bottle and head back to your room. You’ll find ice in the ice bucket in the bathroom. And as for the bottle of booze, you can drink as much as you want tonight because you won’t get very drunk, or have a hangover in the morning. It’s part of the gift for tonight. Have a good night’s rest. Tomorrow will be a whole new life.”

“Don’t you mean a whole new day?”

“Goodnight Stewart Wilson. You’ll know in the morning.”

“Goodnight Gus. For some reason I also want to say ‘Thank you for everything’. You’re a real angel.”

“You’re welcome, and just between you and I, yes I know I’m an angel.”

And after Stewart had gotten back to his room, he had only one small drink. Apparently, to say goodbye to an old tired life. In the morning waking up totally refreshed and had gotten ready for the next leg of the car trip. After starting the engine giggles were heard. Looking in the rear view mirror those three sweet girls in the back seat all belted in and full of smiles. Stewart was mostly gone now. The body was all changed, becoming their mother. Stewart and Victoria shared the mind. Stewart didn’t mind at all with that arrangement. He was happy to have a fresh start with a happy, loving family. In the passenger seat in front was the girl’s nanny/tutor. It wasn’t common knowledge, but she was also know previously as Mike the Deputy Sherriff when not a guardian angel.
After Vicky turned the radio on the girls started in with their little game. All together as one they chanted:

“Are we there yet, are we there yet, are we there yet?” With a lot of difficulty, getting it out with so much giggling.

“Girls? Don’t make me send the Tickle Monster back there.” Vicky said with a grin.
The girl loved when mom made that threat. Because they knew the odds were in their favor with their three to Mom’s one set of fingers to tickle with! After finding an oldies station on the radio they started out on the road. A song was introduced. It was from 1966 called “Oh So Happy by Shades Of Blue”. Of course the girls and mom knew it and sang along. Mom sang the lead, and the girls singing like beautiful angels sang the chorus.

Oh, how happy
You have made me
Oh, how happy
You have made me

I have kissed your lips a thousand times
And more times than I can count I have called you mine
You have stood by me in my darkest hour

In our years together, we have had stormy weather
But our love has been so strong that somehow we've carried on

Girl, you brought joy to my delight
And all that was wrong, you have made it right
And I love, I love, I love you

Oh, how happy
You have made me
Oh, how happy
You have made me

(Oh, how happy) oh, how happy
(Oh, how happy) oh, how happy
(Oh, how happy) you.....

(You have made me) you have made me
(You have made me) you have made me
(You have made me) you have made me....

As Victoria/Stewart was singing with their beloved girls they couldn’t stop thinking about how happy they both were to have them back, safe and sound. Of course there were a few tears of joy. Now, on to their new life!

Epilog: Victoria went on to a moderately successful singing career, well enough to pay tuition for all three girls to get a top of the line education in the finest colleges. Their high grade point average also gave them their pick of the best to attend, all graduating with honors. The first born majored in medicine to eventually fulfill her role in stopping a worldwide pandemic, left unchecked would have killed over 95% of the world’s population. Through her efforts she developed a vaccine. As a result, 40% survived. The second born majored in energy research. Eventually finding a new source of clean, safe, and cheap energy. The oil producing nations weren’t happy at first, but the world still needed oil for industrial and other uses such as lubrication. The third born went with two majors. Physics and law. Eventually she was appointed to the US Supreme Court to help with some very historical decisions.

Author’s note: If I threw you with the song, I urge you to listen to it. I’m sure you can find it at a number of places such as You Tube. The idea for this story started with remembering an old Twilight Zone episode with Ingor Stevens. I think it was titled “Going My Way?” where she kept seeing a hitchhiker along the road. Calls home and finds out mom is sedated because she had gotten news of her only daughter’s death.
If I had to stop several times and wipe the tears, blow my runny icky nose I thought there’d be at least one other who’d like it. I was listening to the song on an MP3 player while pondering the storyline. That’s when it got real hard to deal with.
Oh, I forgot. And they all lived happily ever after. ( I really couldn’t resist )

The End