A delightfully silly romp through the life of an actress with the unlikely name of Geoffrey. Unsuitable for mature audience.

I was born in a small village called Upper Bottom. My father, Samuel Fanning, and my mother, Dorothy Fanning, were simple village folk, and only their Wealth, inherited from my late grandfather Joseph Severus Fanning, saved them from middle class poverty.

I was a small child, barely 5 feet and 8 inches at birth, but I quickly grew to my imposing height of 3 feet and 7 inches by the time I was three years old. My mother had been understandably stressed, having to bear a child near twice her own size, but as she later told me, I was an easy child to bear.

As a young boy, I much enjoyed playing in the fields of Upper Bottom, climbing the trees in our forest, and fleeing in terror from farmer John Hodgeswick-Troughton-Sente’s dogs with all the other children of the village.

By the time I was twelve, my parents accrued enough Money to buy our family entrance to the Wealthy working class, and I was therefore pulled out of St. Jill’s Unprestigeous School for Young Girls and put to much nobler work at Upper Bottom’s only mill. I was happy there, but soon the miller’s advances, particularly the revolutionary work in robotics and hydraulics, cut my apprenticeship short and I was forced to look for another employment elsewhere.

However, my lack of skills quickly showed in whatever I tried doing, and with no other recourse, I decided to become an actor at the tender age of twenty-seven months and fourteen years.

When I joined the travelling company of actors, singers, and lawyers, I decided to draw on my experience at St. Jill’s Unprestigeous School for Young Girls and, remembering fondly the nights with all the other boys at school, started my life as a female in-personator. I was fast accepted by the group’s lawyers, who had at some time previous been spurned by the actresses and wished for female company.

My experience allowed me to enter the female person much faster than any other female in-personator of the time, due to the mainly upper class upbringing of most actors which tended to produce sturdy, masculine men and sturdy, masculine women, their bodies hardened from their academic studies at various universities, as only these seedy organisations were willing to pay for the studies, whereas I, who had spent his tender youth at a near-working class standard school, had my body worked to gentle femininity thanks to my few years of work at the mill.

Quickly, I became the star of the troupe, especially after my lower middle class roots were revealed. I was loved by the audience, I was loved by my fellow actors, and I was adored by my fellow actresses, several of whom later used my working class mannerisms to create successful careers for themselves.

Still, as the saying goes, all things must come to pass, and by the time I reached my thirtieth year of age, I was no longer the up and coming boy actress I used to be, opting instead for roles of maids and lovers, my days of crones and matrons over. I had also received a letter from my parents a year prior that my uncle Josephine had bequeathed me a substantial amount of Money in his will and died less than month later. Put together with my comfortable earnings on the stage, I had more than enough Money to buy myself a small farm in the country.

I celebrated my last night as an actress by performing Will Shakespeare’s Romeo in his traditional white bridal gown. The director chose for this performance the older, less polished version which omits the happy ending and delays Juliet before she can tell Romeo she’s leaving with Rosaline. This then meant that my meaningless death on the stage left the audience in tears, and poor Rosaline had to leave under the barrage of potatoes and books — our performance drew audience from all walks of life.

Afterwards, I retired to work at my new farm at the Bare Bottom village, which had been established by the luckless expatriates of my birth village of Upper Bottom. I was not accepted by my fellow working class members at first, but they warmed up to me when I revealed my acting skills and my acting costumes, which I had previously locked in a diamond encrusted box and left in the third attic of my new house.

My death came as a complete and unexpected surprise to me, just two months after I reached my forty-sixth birthdate. It came to me in the form of my long-time friend and former co-actress Carreigh Stiltkins and left in the form of my mathematics teacher Ms. Charles Ange-Wought. As my body was, at the time, home to seven deadly diseases, eight of which had been previously unknown, my death came as no surprise to me.

In conclusion, after I had left my mortal coil behind, I entered the blue light and

PDF version of the story (which is greatly recommended due to the visual aspect of the story) can be accessed here.