---

Editor Note: The images used for this story were purchased and used under royalty-free license* from Istockphoto.com . ~Sephrena
Author Note: Please email me at AngelJediGirl (at) gmail (dot) com before posting this story to any other site. Posting to a pay site is prohibited.

Comments and suggestions are also welcome at the above email address.

*  *  *

Chapter 41 - Backstage Pass

"You were awesome!" Sophie said as the girls and I stepped out of the backstage area and made our way toward the building with the dressing rooms. I was disappointed to come off stage and not have Dad there, but I knew it would only be a few minutes before he would bring Mom and Austin backstage to see me.

"I couldn't have done it without you guys," I told the two girls truthfully. I wish the guys had been there to hear that too, but they had to dismantle their equipment to allow Josh's band to set up.

"Nonsense," Holly replied while we stepped into a small lounge area that my band and Josh's band had been using as a waiting area. "This is like, your destiny or something. You're so good on stage! I never could have done what you just did. We're just along for the ride."

I smiled at her while I sat down on one of the soft chairs and closed my eyes. The rush was still going strong, and I basked in the overwhelming feeling that continued to radiate through me.

Tonight had truly been amazing. I knew with certainty now that this was what I was going to be doing for a living. Whether as Sarah or as Megan, singing would be a big part of my life. I enjoyed it too much not to sing.

"Sarah!" Dad said excitedly when he entered the room a few moments later. I opened my eyes and looked up at him, smiling with all my heart.

"I'll talk to you in a bit," I told Sophie and Holly while I stood up. They nodded their understanding, and I stepped out of the room and followed Dad down the hall to my dressing room. Once we were inside and the door was locked, he wrapped me in a hug.

"You were amazing, Megan!" Dad exclaimed as he leaned down and kissed my forehead. "I am so proud of you!"

"Thank you, Dad," I replied with a loving smile. I was so happy that my family was here. But... "Where are Mom and Austin?"

"They're still out in the VIP section," he told me. I frowned. Why wouldn't he bring them backstage? I wanted to see them! "We'd like you to come out and join us to watch Josh perform."

I looked at him incredulously. Come out into the crowd? I didn't think that pop stars did that.

He laughed lightly before speaking again. "Don't give me that look," he said. "The VIP section is pretty private, and you won't have many people trying to get to you. Besides, Annie was the one who offered the invitation. You wouldn't want to let down Josh's mother, would you?"

I laughed this time. No, I didn't want to let her down. I still had hope that Josh and I would find a way to be together. Staying on his mother's good side could only help the situation.

"Okay," I told him.

"Great!" He said excitedly. "I'm going to walk back out there. Jack has provided a golf cart that will shuttle you through the crowd. When you're ready, come on out."

"I'll come out with you," I said excitedly. I really wanted to see my mom.

"No," he contradicted. "Stephanie will want to make sure that your makeup is still okay, and you should probably get something to eat first. You spent a lot of energy this evening, and you need to replenish some of it. Once you've done that, we'll be waiting for you."

He smiled at me and gave me another short hug before opening the door to reveal Stephanie waiting for her chance to get at me. "I'll see you in a bit," he said before stepping out the door. Once again I felt alone as he walked away. I wanted to share this with my family, but his words made sense.

"Hungry?" I asked Stephanie before turning toward the table that was filled with food. Dad was right, I did need to eat something.

*  *  *

I was really nervous when I climbed into the golf cart 20 minutes later. Twenty long minutes where I yearned to give my mom, and even Austin, a hug. I really needed them right then, but instead I'd had a bite to eat with Stephanie and the girls before Stephanie touched up my makeup. Now I was finally heading out into the crowd.

And that was what scared me. I hadn't caused much of a scene in public before. People didn't really know who I was yet. But this crowd did. I'd just performed a 30 minute concert for them. They were going to recognize me immediately.

"Are you ready?" the driver asked when I stepped into the golf cart. His name tag said he was Wally.

"I guess so," I replied.

Wally honked the horn of the golf cart and the gate in the fence we had gone through at lunch time was pushed open from the other side by a security guard.

"Thanks, Dave," Wally told the security guard as he slowly moved the cart out into the crowded concession area. With 45 minutes between my show and when Josh was scheduled to take the stage, it looked like a prime time for people to pick up some refreshments.

We inched through the crowd, slowly making our way toward Josh's VIP section. It wasn't until we reached the seating area that I was recognized.

"Sarah Carerra!" someone yelled from nearby. Within seconds everyone was looking at me. I waved back at the crowd, and gave people high fives as the cart continued its slow trek toward my family.

Eventually, we reached a relatively clear area where the entrances to the different VIP sections were, and the crowd thinned as people went back to what they were doing. When I was able to step out of the cart at the entrance to Josh's section, my mom was already there, and I rushed into her arms. At that moment I didn't care what anyone else thought about me hugging my manager's wife. My mom was here, and I was going to give her a hug.

"You were amazing, Megan," she whispered into my ear as she squeezed me tightly. "You truly have a gift. I'm glad I was here to see you use it."

"Thank you, Mom," I whispered back. "I would have died if I didn't know you were out here."

She let go of our hug and held me at arm's length, admiring me. "You're an amazing young woman, Sarah. I'm so proud of you."

I opened my mouth to return the gratitude, but was interrupted by Austin before I could say anything.

"That was awesome!" he exclaimed. I turned toward him. He looked like he was having the time of his life.

"Thanks, Austin," I replied, giving him a loving smile. I would have done more, but that would have been even more odd than me hugging Mom right then. Dad smiled at me for a moment, and then he stepped aside.

"Chloe!" I screamed in shock! Emily was here, and Ethan!

"What are you doing here?!" I screamed while wrapping her in the type of hug I wished I could give everybody else. At least with Emily, it wasn't out of place. Without giving her a chance to speak, I was talking again. "I can't believe you're here! Why didn't you tell me?!"

"And miss such a sweet dedication," she said laughing. I laughed along with her. I was so happy that she was able to hear the song! This was amazing! "Your agent told us not to tell you. He wanted to make up for not, well, you know. We flew on the same flight with his wife and Austin."

I nodded. There was no sense in voicing anything regarding the secret. It was enough that they were here. "Didn't we learn through all of this not to keep secrets from each other?" I asked with a mock glare.

She laughed again. "Unlike yours, this one was worth it." I laughed with her before turning toward Ethan.

"Xander," I said. "Thanks for being here."

"You were amazing!" Ethan replied in awe. He had spent Thursday with me while I was dressed as Sarah, but I could still see that look in his eyes. He was in love with Sarah still.

That was when I did something that completely surprised me. I leaned up on my tippy-toes, and kissed his cheek.

"Thank you," I told him quietly. But something had changed in our relationship. We both felt it. I was sure even Emily could feel it. There was a spark of something there, something that scared me immensely. The thought of having feelings for Ethan was something that I didn't know how to deal with, but it wouldn't be long until we had to do just that.

"Oh my gosh!" Amanda interrupted us, no longer able to wait her turn. I was happy for the interruption. I didn't know what was going on with Ethan anymore, and it was easier to not think about it. "You are like the best singer ever!"

I laughed at her enthusiasm. She really was one of my biggest fans.

"Thank you, Amanda," I told her truthfully.

"What was it like?" Emily asked, and everyone looked at me expectantly. I smiled, remembering the wonderful feeling that being on stage had invoked in me.

"It was one of the best experiences of my life," I told them. "The feelings, the rush I felt while performing...it was amazing. I'd give almost anything to do it again."

"Don't worry, Sarah," Dad said. "You'll get your chance."

I smiled at him. Those were some of the best words I had ever heard in my life.

"Come meet my family!" Amanda exclaimed, causing the small circle of my friends and family who had formed around me to break up. Through the gaps I saw many people watching us from inside Josh's section. Beyond them many others were watching from the adjoining sections that were only separated by a waist high barrier. They looked surprised to see me so close.

I followed Amanda into the VIP section, allowing her to lead me past my family and friends to hers. Annie was the first to get to me, wrapping me in a short, friendly hug before speaking.

"You gave an excellent performance, Sarah," she told me with a smile. "I can see why Josh likes you."

I winced at her comment.

"Mom!" Amanda hissed, reminding her mother that Josh no longer had eyes for me. "Shhh!"

A frown crossed Annie's face before she spoke again. "I'm sorry, Sarah."

"It's okay," I replied with a forced smile. "And thank you for letting me come watch him sing with your family."

"The pleasure is ours, Sarah," Annie said with another smile.

"Wait," a boy said from nearby. I looked over at him and he had to be one of Josh's brothers. They looked a lot alike, but he looked a couple of years older. "Are you saying that Josh turned down a chance to be with Sarah Carerra?"

"Shhhh!" Amanda intoned immediately. "Please don't talk about that with her here!"

I laughed at the way Amanda was trying to protect me. She really had a sweet heart.

"It's okay, Amanda," I told her before turning toward her brother. "Josh has his eye on somebody else right now."

Josh's brother looked shocked, and the expression was shared with three other boys nearby.

"Josh is an idiot," one of the boys commented, causing me to chuckle.

"Sarah," Amanda interrupted before they could continue that line of discussion. "This is my dad, my brother Jeremy, my cousin..."

I listened as she introduced me to everyone, and I greeted them warmly. But I couldn't remember any of their names five minutes later. They were all really nice, and made me feel welcome in their group, but there were too many names to remember.

Eventually, I took a seat between Emily and Ethan to watch Josh take the stage. When I saw him, my heart skipped a beat. Beside me, Ethan tensed at my reaction.

*  *  *

Just before Josh's last song, I was whisked away from my family and sent backstage. I managed to bring Emily and Ethan with me, but the rest were going to have to make their way on foot. At least everyone had a backstage pass and would be able to join me.

I stood in the lounge talking to a few of the fans who had backstage passes. Apparently "mingling" was expected after one of Josh's concerts. It was interesting to talk to some of them, and I even signed a few autographs.

It was a whirlwind of activity and I turned my head from conversation to conversation without really understanding what was being discussed. Everyone wanted to talk to me, but I couldn't keep track of all the conversations going on around me at once. I just kept a smile on my face and answered any direct questions posed to me, and that seemed to be enough. I think most of them were just happy to be hanging with Josh and me, and the rest was just gravy.

That lasted for about 45 minutes before I was finally able to break away from the crowd. I found my family and friends sitting on a couch near the door. They looked bored and tired, but they smiled as I approached.

"Finally! I'm starved!" Austin said.

"Didn't you guys get anything to eat from my dressing room?" I asked. I had previously told them they were welcome to the food in there.

"We didn't want to impose," Mom told me. I grimaced. There was way more food in there than I was going to eat before the end of the night. They should have gone and had some while waiting for me.

"Come on, then," I replied. They stood up and I led them down to my dressing room. There was still plenty of food on the table, and it should suffice for them.

"Ew, gross," Austin commented when he stepped in behind me. "Your dressing room is all girly."

I laughed. His reaction was the exact opposite of mine. I really liked my dressing room.

"Yeah, well, this is where the food is," I said, smiling. He grinned, but he looked around warily. I was beginning to wonder if he was worried about his own masculinity now. His big brother turned out to be his big sister. What did that mean about him?

I held Austin back while the rest of my friends and family headed for the food.

"You know this isn't going to happen to you, right?" I asked him, looking directly into his eyes. Immediately, I saw his worry.

"Oh Austin," I sighed and wrapped him in a hug. "I promise this won't happen to you, okay? I've always been a girl, but you aren't!"

"How do you know?" he whined, and I could see him holding back the tears. I knew that he was trying to prevent himself from looking feminine by crying, especially while we were having this talk.

"I just know," I promised him. "I knew I was a girl, too. Deep down, I knew. I didn't realize it until a few weeks ago, but I knew. Do you think you are a girl?"

"No!" he adamantly said. "I'm not!"

"See? If you don't think you are, then you aren't," I told him.

"But you didn't know for sure! What if I don't either?" he cried. I felt so sorry that I had brought these feelings on him. He never should have had to suffer because of what I was going through.

"Look," I said, then I waited for him to lift his eyes and make eye contact with me again. "If you're really worried, we can have you tested. I'm sure Mom and Dad would be willing to do it. But if they don't, I'll pay for it myself, okay?"

"Okay," he said, and he looked happier. "I love you, Megan. But I don't want to be a girl."

"I love you too, Austin," I told him. "And I promise that what I've gone through won't happen to you. You're my little brother, and you always will be."

"Okay," he said again. This time, he had a smile on his face. I nodded at him and he hurried to get some food too.

I looked over at the most important people in my life as they filled their plates with food. Mom caught my eye, and I knew she had overheard us. But she smiled to show me she appreciated what I had done for him.

My family was the best, and that included both Emily and Ethan. I wouldn't be where I was today without them, and I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

*  *  *

"Megan?" I heard Emily whisper softly from behind me. "What are you doing?"

I looked at the clock. It read 3:18. With a soft sigh I turned away from the hotel window where Cutey and I were staring at the lights of Salt Lake Valley and the distant mountains. Well, I was looking out the window. Cutey was just swimming around in his bowl. It seemed so peaceful out there. I looked over at the couch’s pull out bed that Emily had been sleeping on. She was sitting up and staring at me like I had lost my mind.

"I couldn't sleep," I told her truthfully. I'd been lying in my large, king-sized bed for nearly two hours before I'd gotten up. Emily immediately looked concerned and climbed out of her bed, her soft nightie probably not providing her much warmth in the air conditioned room.

"What's wrong?" she said when she sat down next to me and looked out the window to see what I had been staring at. I unwrapped myself from the blanket I had thrown over my own soft sleep pants and top, and she snuggled up next to me and wrapped the blanket back around us. I sighed, and we leaned our heads together.

"Absolutely nothing," I whispered to her. "Everything is so right! I don't want it to end!"

She giggled next to me. "How long have you been staring out the window?"

"About half an hour," I told her. "It's so peaceful. Everything seems so peaceful right now. Emily, this was one of the best days of my life. I've never felt like this before."

"Megan," Emily sighed. "You are amazing, you know that? I never could have done what you did tonight. You'd never get me up on stage like that. But tonight, I saw just how much this affects you. Just before you started singing 'Ever After', you had me in tears. I've never met anyone like you, and I am so grateful that I can call you my friend."

"Thanks, Emily," I replied. "I love you too."

She laughed lightly. "This is only the beginning," she told me. "I think you've got an exciting ride ahead of you, and I'm glad I get to be there with you. I had a hard time keeping the knowledge that I was going to be here a secret. I can partially understand how hard it must have been for you to keep Sarah a secret from me."

She lifted her head and I turned toward her.

"We're sisters now," she stated. "And that means that you always have someone here for you, just like you'll always be there for me. Whatever happens, we can get through it together."

"Thanks, Emily," I smiled back at her. I felt a tear slide down my cheek as I wrapped her in a hug.

She was right. No matter what happened, my family and I would get through it together.

*  *  *

*  *  *

The Good and the Bad

It's been an amazing journey. I started writing Sarah Carerra just shy of a year ago as a break to the frustrating sequel to my first story, A Flower's Bloom. Now, it predominates my writing, and much like you, I can't wait to see what happens next.

This is not the end of Sarah Carerra. The first five chapters of book 2 have already been sent to my editor and the next five aren't far behind. However, it is going to be a few weeks before I'm able to start posting more from Sarah's life. I regret there has to be a break, but that's the way life is sometimes.

In the meantime, I do plan to start posting an updated version of A Flower's Bloom. It's a different type of story than Sarah Carerra, and is slightly more mature in content, but it is a fun story. The sequel is coming along well too. I had hoped to finish it quickly after I finished writing Sarah Carerra Book 1 at the beginning of May, but it took long enough that I had to abandon it once again if I was going to keep this break between SC 1 and 2 as short as possible. I get to work on it every once in a while, and I hope those fans waiting for it will be patient with me.

Thank you for all of your support. I enjoy writing Sarah Carerra, but it is seeing and hearing the wonderful, and not so wonderful, comments that have been left that keep me posting it. I am addicted to feedback! Writing is a hobby for me, but the fans make it worthwhile.

It's the end for now, but there are many great things still to come.

*  *  *