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Editor Note: The images used for this story were purchased and used under royalty-free license* from Istockphoto.com . ~Sephrena
Author Note: Please email me at AngelJediGirl (at) gmail (dot) com before posting this story to any other site. Posting to a pay site is prohibited.

Comments and suggestions are also welcome at the above email address.

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Chapter 40 - I Am a Rock Star

I was nervous. I was really nervous! Whatever had kept me calm and collected throughout most of the day had finally left me, and I was really beginning to worry that I wouldn't be able to do this.

The last 50 minutes since Josh had left my dressing room had been the worst 50 minutes of my life. Not long after he was gone, my dad had shown up, and I had confronted him about recording the concert. He apologized for not telling me, but then went on to explain that the concert was going to be broadcast on TV Sunday night. He hadn't told me about it because he didn't want me to start worrying.

Well, that just made me worry even more. Not only did I have to worry about making a fool of myself on stage during the concert, which seemed to be a likely scenario now, but I also had to worry about making a fool of myself across the entire country!

How could Dad do this to me? If he had warned me, I might have been able to prepare, but now I was a nervous wreck! I had no idea what to do!

I spent most of my time after that sitting on the sofa trying to calm myself down by watching TV. It didn't help. Finally, Stephanie came back in and did another quick check of my makeup before leaving again.

Now, I was just waiting for my cue to head for the stage. The show was supposed to start in 10 minutes, and I had no idea how to get out of performing. There wasn't anything I could do but step onto that stage and try to give the fans a good show. If only it were that easy.

"Are you ready, Princess?" Dad asked from beside me, causing me to jump. I hadn't even heard him come into my dressing room!

"No, Dad," I replied while standing up and immediately fighting to hold back the tears that threatened to come spilling out. I'd already had my makeup check. Stephanie would be upset if I messed it up now.

"Oh Megan," Dad comforted me by pulling me into a loving hug. Safe inside of my private dressing room, he could comfort me in the one way that nobody else here could. "You'll do fine - I promise. You're an amazing young woman. I'm so proud of what you've accomplished, and I know that this is just the beginning of many great things you will get to do in your life."

"I can't do this, Dad!" I whined back. "I'm going to mess up, and everyone will see."

"No, you won't," he replied. "I've watched you perform many times over the last three weeks. You're a natural performer. Once you get out there on the stage, you'll be fine. Trust me."

I heard his words, but there was no way he was telling me the truth. I'd never even make it to the stage at this rate.

"Come on," he said, releasing me from the hug and looking down at me with a loving expression. "Give it a try. You owe your fans that much. I went out to see your mom a few minutes ago, and there were a lot of people talking about you. They want to hear you nearly as much as they want to hear Josh."

That worked, because I laughed. There's no way that was the truth either. I was an unknown. I'd only had a song out for two weeks. Despite how high it had ranked in the charts, it was still only one song.

I nodded. I wasn't ready to do this, but I knew I didn't have a choice. I had to get out there on stage and perform. I had agreed to do it, and it was way too late to back out now.

I followed Dad out of my dressing room, and we started down the hall toward the doors at the end of the hall.

"Sarah!" I heard my name being called from behind me. I turned around and Josh was running up to where Dad and I had stopped.

"Hi, Josh," I said softly. I wasn't sure if this was going to help my state of mind at all.

"I just wanted to wish you luck," he said with a grin that started to melt my heart. "If you sing like you did this afternoon, they might like you better than they like me."

I laughed out loud. That was the funniest thing I had ever heard him say. But he continued to grin at me, and he accomplished the impossible. He lightened my heart. Perhaps I could do this after all. Josh seemed to think that I could.

"Thanks, Josh," I told him. "I really needed that."

"No problem," he said as if it was something he did all the time. "You're an excellent singer. You'll do great."

"We need to hurry, Sarah," Dad urged from behind me. With a small grin at Josh, I turned and followed my dad through the doors.

Once I had stepped outside, the nerves started to creep in again. It was loud and noisy. That meant that there were a lot of people waiting to hear me sing.

"You'll do fine," Dad comforted again when we stepped up and into the backstage area. I smiled at him, but he didn't follow me inside. I stopped and turned around. "I'm going to go watch with your mom, is that okay?"

"Of course," I replied immediately, but I didn’t mean it. I was hoping he would be there for me until I took the stage. It almost felt like he was abandoning me.

"Good luck," he said before stepping back out the door and walking toward the gate in the fence that led to the concession area and the seats.

Nervously, I walked through the backstage area to the side of the stage. The band and the girls were there waiting for me.

"Sarah!" Sophie yelled when I stepped into view. I didn't quite feel the same enthusiasm that she was displaying. "This is so exciting! We're going to be on stage!"

I hadn't ever seen her this excited before, and it made me smile.

"You look nervous," Connor told me with a sly grin. He looked amused at my discomfort.

"I'm scared to death," I told them truthfully.

"I remember what that was like," Jason stated. "The first time I stepped onto stage, I was sure that I was going to mess up big time. But I didn't, and you won't either. We won't let that happen, Sarah. We'll be there with you every step of the way."

"Yeah," Holly agreed, and the rest of them were nodding their heads. I smiled.

"Good, you're here," Jack, the show's coordinator interrupted as he approached us. "Are you ready to take the stage?"

"About as ready as I'll ever be," I replied, trying to keep my response positive to prevent him from seeing how nervous I was.

"Great," he said. "Band, you can take the stage now. Sarah, are you wired?"

"Yeah," I replied and then pulled my hair away from the side of my head to show him where the small ear bud was imbedded in my ear. The earpiece would allow me to hear the music and the band over the noise of the crowd. I was just happy that it was completely hidden by my hair.

"Good," he said and we watched as everybody walked out onto the stage to take their places. The nerves were really starting to take a toll on me again. This was it.

I suddenly had this overwhelming feeling of disbelief. I was about to sing a concert! I had never in my life thought that I would be doing something like this before! And to go from having a voice that I tried to hide everyday to sharing it with not only the crowd here, but also millions across the nation when it was broadcast tomorrow...I was overwhelmed.

"Go, Sarah," Jack said from behind me, breaking my train of thought. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I could do this. I had to do this.

I opened my eyes and took a step forward. My heart started to beat faster with each step closer to my microphone that I took. The light in the late evening air shined down upon me, and the heat of the early summer was palpable. After three or four steps, the cheering started. I was overwhelmed by all the noise! It almost sounded like they were all here to see me!

Once I reached the microphone, I took another deep breath and turned to look at Jason. I nodded slightly, and then Jason and Stacy started playing the soft intro to ‘Rock Star’ immediately, just like we had discussed the day before. I provided the small part I was supposed to sing. But I thought I sounded nervous, and I hoped that the crowd couldn't hear it in my voice.

Shortly thereafter Stacy's drums led us into Jason's high energy guitar solo that set the mood for the song. After a few more seconds the first verse was upon me, and I was singing to the best of my ability.

And I was enjoying it!

I didn't even make it through the first verse before I could feel the smile spread across my lips, and I could feel the energy on the stage grow tenfold. I started moving to the song and a moment later I was happy to realize that I was doing what Kate, my choreographer, had drilled into my brain earlier in the week.

Then a buzz started to creep into my body and mind. The rush I felt when I performed was the one thing that I knew could help me through this experience. Normally I didn't feel it until after I had completed a song. But now, it was growing on its own. I could feel it gathering strength, and it pushed me onward as I started into the second verse and beyond.

When the second chorus came to an end, and we started in on the softer, less rock sounding interlude that followed, I realized that I was no longer nervous about being on stage! I could do this! I WAS doing this! I was performing a concert!

And I was loving it!

As the song started to come to an end, I truly started to understand and feel the words of the song. It was speaking to me in a way that it had never done before.

"I am a rock star," I sang truthfully for the first time in my life. Jason finished us up with another short guitar solo, and I capped the song with "Yeah!"

And then the rush crashed over me like a tidal wave.

I had never felt the way I felt at that moment ever before in my life. As the crowd started to roar, I couldn't keep the smile off my face, and the wonderful feeling flowed completely through me. Could this get any better?

"Good evening, Salt Lake City!" I yelled into the microphone when the noise started to die down, causing it to swell again.

"My name is Sarah Carerra," I said when the noise started to die down a second time. "How many of you, like me, are Hannah Montana fans?" The crowd roared again, just like I knew they would. Hannah/Miley, Josh, and I were all singing for the same target market. This was my crowd, and just like Scott said it would, singing one of her songs and mentioning her name seemed to be endearing me into their hearts.

"Now that she's helped us get to know each other, I was hoping that I could play a few of my own songs. Is that okay with all of you?" I asked the crowd, knowing what the answer was going to be. The fourth roar confirmed that they liked that idea, and I was pretty sure that I even heard a few people yelling at me to play 'Intuition'.

I looked out at the crowd, truly seeing them for the first time. I hadn't really taken the time to look before because I was so nervous. Now, I could see the people sitting way out on the grass, many more in the closer seats that made up most of the amphitheater, all leading to the pit between the seats and the stage that was filled to the brim with people standing and clamoring to get closer to me.

Right in the middle of the seating were the VIP sections. I tried in vain to pick out my mom, my dad, or even Austin. But I couldn't make them out from the stage. The umbrella we had used to shade us during lunch had been taken down, and I wasn't even sure I was looking in the right direction.

I was brought back to my surroundings by the loud beat of Stacy's drums and the chord from Jason's guitar that indicated the start of 'Pop Princess'. I had no choice but to focus on singing the song instead of searching for my family. I knew they were out there. Even if I couldn't see them, I could feel their love and support.

It was really weird to go from singing a song that made me sound like a rock star to a song that made me sound slightly like a stuck-up Hollywood celebrity. I liked the song, but Scott had definitely taken me out of my comfort zone when I recorded it. Dad had said that I sounded completely different when I sang it. I worried about his comment until he assured me that it was a good thing.

This time I pulled the microphone out of its stand and moved around the stage. I didn't have any real choreography or dance moves to follow, but I tried to move to the song and get the audience involved. The smiles that I could see on those close to the stage seemed to indicate that I was succeeding.

I sang about buying clothes at my favorite expensive store while I turned and stepped close to Jason. As I approached, he changed somehow, and started to move with me while he continued to play. I then took a few steps over to where Connor was playing the bass guitar while singing about taking my friends to a fancy restaurant. He started to do the same thing that Jason had done, and moved more with the music while he too continued to play the song.

I finished my tour of the stage by moving over to Sophie and Holly while singing about attending a movie premier before finishing the final chorus about the good life of a pop princess.

From rock star to pop princess, the crowd didn't care. They roared again as the last notes of the song faded into the background of the amphitheater, and I smiled for the crowd.

I had never in my life had as much fun as I was having up on that stage! Who would have known that performing would be such an adrenaline rush?! Even Scott's party couldn't compare, because I was way too nervous to have fun while singing for him the first time. But that night in Salt Lake City, I really understood where my true calling was. Sarah Carerra was not just a stage or a phase in my life. She was an integral part of me now. Even if the wig came off and everyone found out my real name, Sarah would take the stage any time I sang a song for an audience. She was the part of me who could sing and who enjoyed singing, and she wouldn't be going away.

As the cheers started to die down, I stepped over to the side of the stage where a stool was sitting. On top of the stool was a bottle of water, the one thing I needed most right then. The need to rehydrate my throat was far more pressing than the desire to continue the rush. Singing in the studio was one thing, but singing on stage was a completely new experience. Somehow, I was putting that extra zing on the songs, and that required more workout from my voice than I was used to.

The water did the trick, and after a few sips I was ready to continue.

"Girls, I'm sure you'll understand exactly what I'm going to sing about next," I told the audience with a sly grin as I walked back to the microphone stand and replaced the microphone. "Guys, you should too, but I think it will require you to 'Open Your Eyes'."

The soft strum of Connor's bass hung in the air for the briefest of moments before Jason cut in with a light, carefree melody that touched my heart immediately. I had been told earlier that I would be able to watch Josh perform on the TV in my dressing room through a closed-circuit system. I could only assume that he was watching me now, and for the second time that day, I could only hope that he would listen to the words of my song.

I flowed naturally into the first verse, the one that talked about the guy of my dreams, and the biggest problem in my life: He didn't know I existed. I could feel the heartache that the song was meant to imbue, and I knew that it was transferred to the crowd. When I had recorded this song in the studio, it was just a song. But now, it had a real meaning to me. I was learning quickly that the songs that meant something to me were the ones that people really enjoyed hearing me sing. 'Ever After' and to a lesser extent 'Enchanted Forest' were the same way. When I had an emotional tie to the music, Scott said I shined.

I finished singing through the first verse, and the heavy, more forceful sound of the chorus kicked in where I vented all of my frustrations about the situation before it calmed once again and I softly sung "Open your eyes, see me."

Then it repeated. The second verse spoke of the awkwardness I felt around him, and how I couldn't seem to escape the draw he had on me. I sung about how I hoped and prayed for some way to express my feelings to him, without any knowledge about what to do.

Then I vented my frustrations again in the second chorus, before once again begging him to open his eyes. I was right there in front of him; all he needed to do was look.

But the next part was my favorite part of the song. With only a soft, simple melody backing my words, I expressed my true feelings to him. I opened my heart to him.

And he saw me.

I then immediately cut to the chorus again. But this time, instead of pent up frustrations giving a slightly negative tone to the music, I sang the words with an upbeat, positive tone. But the words were slightly changed. The message was no longer of what I was missing from my dream guy, but what we shared together.

The song then began to wind down, and with a soft touch that almost felt like a caress on the lips, Jason played the last note as I blew the audience a kiss.

The cheers rose again as I stepped back over to the stool and picked up the water bottle. The first two harsh choruses certainly had made my throat dry. But I had a tear in my eye as I took a few sips before placing it back on the stool. If only Josh would open his eyes...

With a soft sigh I turned back to the crowd.

"Young girls these days have a lot of pressures placed on them," I said once I got back to the microphone. "But we need to take control of our lives and live them our own way. Don't let the media tell you what to do or who to be; decide for yourself. I don't know about you girls, but 'I Just Wanna Have Fun'."

The tandem beat from Stacy's drums and Connor's guitar sent the speakers around the amphitheater pounding as I removed the microphone from its stand and began to bounce along with the bass. Jason joined in a few seconds later with a riff that filled the gaps between the two bass notes, and I soon followed with my vocals about the many things the media tries to force on young girls these days, and how I wasn't going to take it.

This song was fun. It was fun to listen to, it was fun to dance to, and it was fun to sing. The people in the pit between the stage and the first row of seats started bouncing along with me, and together we turned the atmosphere electric.

The song was fast paced, and provided me with an excellent opportunity to approach the edge of the stage and touch some of the many hands that reached up as I moved from one side to the other. Cheers rose up as I neared, and the dancing took on a frenetic pace when I had passed by.

I returned to the area near the microphone stand as the third verse started, and gazed out at the crowd. Everyone was swaying to the beat now. I could see people all the way in the back, sitting on their blankets on the grass behind the seats moving from side to side. Up closer, I saw a young girl of maybe three or four bouncing around on her father's lap while her older sister did the same thing in front of her own seat.

We continued the frenetic pace until the end of the song, and when I sang the final "I just wanna have fun!" followed by the final loud drum and bass note, the rush I had been feeling all evening hit its peak. The large crowd erupted again with the loudest cheers I had heard yet.

I basked in the wonderful feel for a moment before I placed the microphone back into the stand and stepped over to the stool. This time after taking a sip, I picked up the stool along with the water and moved it over to where the microphone was. I placed it right in the middle of the stage before turning to the Usana worker who had come out on stage holding my guitar.

"Thank you," I told him with a smile as I accepted the guitar and placed the strap around my neck. I then turned back to the crowd and took a seat on the stool. The worker bent down and pulled the cord to the sound system out from under the hidden access plate next to the base of the microphone stand and handed it to me. After plugging it into my guitar, I gave it a quick strum and heard the tone echo throughout the amphitheater.

I then looked out at the crowd. They had quieted down now, and most of them had returned to their seats, eagerly anticipating what was coming next.

"This next song is very special to me," I told them. A tightness gripped my chest, and I was at a loss for words for a moment. "I wrote this song with my best friend. I've known her since I was two years old, and we've done everything together."

I did my best to hold back the tears that threatened to spill out now. I barely succeeded.

"This is the first concert I've ever performed," I told the audience. "I wish with all of my heart that she could have been here tonight. But even if she isn't here in body, I know she's here in spirit. I'd like to dedicate this next song to her. 'Ever After', Chloe. Always."

Without any other thought, I started playing. The band fell in immediately, anticipating my playing much better than I would have been able to reciprocate. We played through the short instrumental that opened the song, and right on cue I started the first verse that introduced the young princess the song was about.

If I thought I had an emotional tie to 'Open Your Eyes' earlier, then I was kidding myself. Nothing was ever going to come between Emily and me. We'd known each other for too long to have our friendship fall apart. Not even keeping Sarah from her would have accomplished that. It might have seemed rough these last few weeks, but we never would have been apart for long.

Playing this song now, with thoughts and wishes for her to be present to hear it, gave me an emotional rendition that I was certain was felt by everyone who was present. The only thing that held back my tears was the knowledge that I would be able to sit next to her tomorrow night as we watched a replay of the concert on TV. I would still get to share that moment with her; it just wasn't now.

The song started to pick up as Jason joined me on the main tune at the beginning of the first chorus, adding a second melody to the mix. I sang about the girl's desires to escape the evil king, her dad, who had imprisoned her in his castle on the night of her destiny, the prom. She was worried, but she hoped her prince would come to rescue her.

The song then dropped back to the simple melody that it started with as I started singing the second verse. The girl looked out the window of her high tower above the garage, overlooking the driveway far below. The knight was nowhere to be seen when the song ramped back up into the second chorus. But she wasn't worried. She knew that her prince was coming.

The song fell into the simple melody a third time, before changing tune slightly to an upbeat tone when she saw her knight ride up in his white steed, a Ford Mustang. Immediately the drawbridge opened and a foul beast rushed out to attack the knight. But the beast seemed to know better than to do its master's bidding, and the black Labrador looked more ready to play than to attack the knight.

But it didn't matter. The knight sidestepped the dog and plunged his sword straight into the heart of the king by handing a single white rose to the crone at the king's side. The girl's mother instantly transformed into the beauty she once was, and her magic flowed toward the king, restoring him to his goodly throne and he turned to call for the girl.

The spell had been broken, and the song ramped up for the final time while she rushed down the stairs and into the arms of her waiting prince, where she will stay, happily ever after.

The noise of the crowd at the end of that song came and went, and I hardly heard it. I couldn't believe that Emily wasn't here for this. 'Ever After' was as much her song as it was mine, and she deserved to have this moment. I would have given almost anything to have her there on stage with me.

But alas, it was not to be. With silence the only thing in my head, despite the cheering coming from the crowd, I unplugged my guitar and handed it back to the worker who had come from backstage to retrieve it. I moved the stool back to where it had been and took the time to rejuvenate my vocal chords with another sip of water.

My heart was heavy, but I knew that I needed to shrug it off and finish this concert with a bang. I stepped up to the microphone for the final time that evening.

"Thank you, everyone," I told them with sincerity. "This has been an amazing evening. I know that most of you are here to see Josh perform, but I'm glad that you were willing to let me sing a few songs for you too. If you knew who I was before tonight, then chances are you know my final song of the evening. If not, then trust your 'Intuition'."

A small cheer rang through the crowd as I stepped back and turned toward the band. I made eye contact with each and every one of them, smiling broadly to let them know how much I appreciated them before turning back toward the crowd, waiting for my final cue.

I poured everything I could into that song. All of the emotions that remained from 'Ever After' were redirected back into 'Intuition'. I had never sung this song with as much emotion before. 'Intuition' had never truly been my song, because it was given to me by the record company, and because I hadn't had much say in how it was supposed to sound.

But during the concert, it became MY song. When I saw how the crowd reacted to it, I knew for certain that I did have a say in how the song sounded. I had the ultimate say. But even so, I embraced the sound that had been impressed upon me by Scott and the record company. They knew what they were doing, and they had turned me into a star with this song.

I sang through the verses with an exuberance that I'd never had before, and the crowd reacted in turn. The smiles on the faces of the people closest to the stage were wider than I had seen them all evening, and the excitement in the air was at an all time high.

When the song came to an end, the crowd erupted in cheers. I felt elated at their response, but deep down inside I wished Emily and Ethan could have been there to share it with me. Sarah was going to be a big part of our lives for a long time to come, and they deserved to be here. It just wasn't the same without them.

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