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I don't want to whine. It is just confusing how life goes some times.
I don't do bars, dope, steal, or stalk anyone. I live in a little apartment, own a little car, go to Prayer on Friday, and help anyone who asks me if I can. So, no drama if I can help it. I don't drink or do Pot. Not that I am so holy; I am just a boring person.
There is a College girl from Saudi Arabia who often asks me for help, but suddenly developed a problem with my gender presentation after knowing me for about six months. I have full accnowlegement in my faith. Yet, she is just sure that I am going to hell, and has caused me a lot of emotional pain. I don't agree with her and have said so many times.
She seems to lack any social competence at all; a fact that I had just struck up to being raised in a very messed up place and treated like a bird in a gilded cage all her life. I made allowances for her. After all, she lives in civilization, and even feril children have shown some adaptability.
So now, she is having this big emotional crisis about not being in contact with me. For her, it is a big event in her stilted little life, she is what 20? For me, I have been down this road enough that, yeah OK lets get on with it, what ever. My blood presure has not gone up a bit over it. By the way she acts, I am beginning to suspect Aspergers or something in her.
Someone please kick my ass if this does not make sense. So where do I stop being a friend and become a care giver, or should I just walk away from this fruit loop? By nature I am gentle, and it is hard for me to just turn my back on someone in trouble. Maybe I just have poor boundaries.
Much Peace
Khadijah Gwen
Comments
Khadijah -- you don't owe anyone that much
A friend does not continue to put you down and threaten you with hell and damnation. If she cannot accept you as who you are she isn't a friend. She is using guilt to try to keep you under her thumb to use. Again it doesn't sound like a friend to me.
You don't owe her, she is just an acquantaince. You have a big heart and try to be a friend to all...
If you really want to give it one more shot, you need to say, "I am what I am, and my faith is strong and supports me. If you cannot accept that, then we will just have to move on in our lives. I cannot and will not put up with being treated in such a way."
Then if you really want to drive the point home, tell her you will pray for her to open her heart.
Kristy
YES! The Preying Weapon!
Yes, I like to totally get it! I have even used it on people but have been sincere, really trying to help them. Yeah, she will like to totally see it as this huge put down! AND, it will like be so much better for my future than pushing her out of my car on the freeway! :) I was once quite sanctimonious my self but too stuuuupid to know it. That was eons ago when I still thought that GID was caused by daemons. :)
Thanks
Khaduuj
With some people it is the
With some people it is the only thing that can work (even if it doesn't usually) but remind them that they are not following their (whatever theology they follow) own religions teachings.
Once in a blue moon, on alternate tuesdays, in Months with a J in the name it has been known to work...
Good luck to you hon...
Hugs,
Kristy
I never know how to title these things.
I'm a little concerned and worried about some of it. I don't like that she's got a problem with you gender presentation. It could, like you said just be cultural and environmental but there's just as many people in her culture who just won't accept your status anymore than the north american culture does.
If you're in the position of actual meeting with her and there's personal contact. Then please be very careful if she's a real fruit-loop and things go badly between the two of you then she could hurt you physically or tell very unfriendly sorts of people.
Online this is different and a bit safer. You can always ignore or ban her from contacting you on any kind of social networking site. Thus affording to be nice.
(Sigh.) Either way it's going to be up to you. I try and be a good person to everyone I meet whether online or RL. It's hard for any person to make a choice like this but...
I've gotten a feel I think since coming here of who you are. Just a little bit from comments and blogs and such and you've struck me as a brave and very sweet woman that I respect a lot. Support the girl, in my opinion you'll kick yourself over not trying I think.
But just please, please be careful Gwen.
*Hugs*
Bailey
Bailey Summers
Others have tried to kill me.
Thankfully, they only tried.
These non western societies fascinate me. I have a pool that is 82 degrees about 50 feet from me but this complex is full of Indians and Muslims. Do you think any of them swim in it? I am surprised that the Indians aren't out there doing their laundry. LOL
This evening, I am gonna put on a propah Muslim swim suit and drag my "Nephew" into it with me. Oh, such scandoulous behavior! What has come over me.
K
Change of mind
If she suddenly developed problems with your gender presentation after knowing you for six months, then someone or something evidently changed her mind. I sincerely doubt it was you, so it was probably someone else she knows / admires / respects, who has a more conservative / traditionalist viewpoint.
So if someone could change her mind one way, there's a chance that with some imagination and tact, you can do your level best to re-enlighten her (so to speak)... :)
EAFOAB Episode Summaries
As the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then only left-handers are in their right mind!
Onset of Bipolar or Schitz...
Having been a patient for a long long time, I have seen a lot of things. I doubt that it is honest religious scruples with her because in her sect of religion, T folk are absolutly accepted. (or they try harder than others) I am wondering if she has onset of something more serious, and being Saudi, I wonder what they do with people with Chemical imbalances in their brains?
Recently, a Guy I know who lives in Saudi, told me that he went to an exorcisim at the home of his cousin. I have not found out "how that worked out for them". It certainly did not remove the daemon from me in the 90's. Eventually I found out that I was just another woman. LOL
Curiously, I don't see myself as victim here. To me she is a right pain in the arse, but I just want to do the right thing. In August I am leaving here to go live 2500 miles away, so even if she does not listen, she won't be able to affect me any more.
I sound harsh don't I?
Khaduuj
I have to agree with mittfh, Gwen
It does not have to be someone in the religious part of her life, at least not, i the formal part of it. it only needs to be someone else that she knows, that is 'helping' her change her mind, while not helping her to our understanding.
It’s not given to anyone to have no regrets; only to decide, through the choices we make, which regrets we’ll have,
David Weber – In Fury Born
Holly
It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.
Holly
One question you should ask...
One question (okay, a collection of them, but I didn't want to scare you away) you should ask yourself is:
1) Does she REALLY need HELP?
2) Or, is she actually doing much of this to get attention?
3) If it's help, are you really qualified and able to provide the help needed?
4) Do you have time to do this?
Then, look at why she's your online friend. Is it because you believe you have much in common? Or, maybe is it because you believe she's living a life that you'd like to be living yourself?
Your answers to these (& similar) questions should help you decide on the best course of action.
Best luck to you.
Anne
Maybe I'm the Crazy!
She is not an on line friend. I see her a lot.
I'm gonna bail out of this as soon as I can get my skirt uncaught from her door. LOL
Khaduuj
Lolas Credo
Janelle, who many years ago ser up Transgender chat room in the msn World had a friend, Lola, that once wrote:
"You cannot make anybody love you, you just have to be there at the right moment"
Those words of widom has helped me when I have lost friends. I hope they can help you in your situation right now.
Truely Your
Ginnie
GinnieG
Thank you GinnieG
Oh, I am OK. I worry that some here who know me think I am having a Manic episode. Really people, I am OK.
I have a girlfriend who is preggers and married to boot! How can you beat that. She like totally accepts me but her Jordanian husband is one of those folks who is nice to my face but won't let her visit me. You know the type.
Another girlfriend has asked me to go off to college with her and room with her. She was the first Non T friend I had and we have remained close for over 5 years. I have spent too much time trying to be an Angel, and I'm afraid that my bloody halo got bent.
Much Peace
Khaduuj
Emotional Crisis
Does this woman not have your phone # or know your address? Does she approach you at temple?
I say what she is really having is a crisis of faith. Leave her to it. She has to work it out herself.
Nobody
Crisis of faith.
I agree with you and one thing about Islam is that it is extremely fragmented, um just like Judaism and Christianity and probably Athiesim too. LOL
You know how is is about safety for a T folk. We get screwed over enough and pretty soon, everyone you meet is a potential danger. I never felt that way before this last go around; always thinking that pretty soon it would get better. And THAT is the biggest reason that I am so unsupportive of folk who think they could be T.
I just don't want them hurting like many of us have. They'll have to take the rope off their own neck. Once they have jumped in the garbage disposal, I will try to help them if I can.
So, this young woman will have to figure her own religiosity out. She knows where I live and has my phone number and the bizarre part about it is that I have slept overnight there.
Much Peace
Khaduuj
Philosphically Speaking
You could as her what she thinks happens to someone who judges others and causes them pain? Or why does she want to be around and take advice and/or from a sinner who is doomed to go to hell? What does she think YOU are getting out of the friendship?
{{Hugs}}
I have to say, from personal experience,
that Kadijahgwen presents very well indeed as the woman she is. In her chosen religiously correct garb she is demure and quite acceptable. After a professional makeover, she is stunningly pretty and, IMHO, indistinguishable from a genetic female. ANYONE who has a problem with Kadijahgwen's presentation is suffering from some kind of blindness, undoubtedly caused by misplaced and misunderstood religious fever (NOT misspelled)
Our own Kadijahgwen IS a demure puzzle composed of equal parts of somewhat subdued kink, and religious awakenings, and she is a WONDERFUL friend, one I treasure and respect.
Hugs and love,
Catherine Linda Michel
As a T-woman, I do have a Y chromosome... it's just in cursive, pink script.
Subdued Kink?
I beg your pardon! I will gladly accept a spanking from anyone who is willing to do it. LOL
K
I know, I am a brat.