Something Feels Strange - 41

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Feels Strange

“Look, kids,” I joke playfully with them, “I’ve got an errand to run for the Director’s office. You two are both wonderful people so just relax and enjoy lunch.”

Tiff gives me a look that says this had better be good or the payback will be bitch as I leave them.

I just hope she gives him a chance.

Chapter 41: Decisions

For lunch, I settle for just a small salad and a coffee–I'm starting to get an upset stomach for some reason–as I begin to checkout last night’s happenings on the Lang’s home network.

After logging in I find that there have been no emails sent since I checked last night. Dr. Lang had spent some time online doing some banking after he watched his movie.  Other than that, not much else of note happened. He seems to have logged off about the time Andy and his mother would have gotten home.

I’m just starting to look at some of Andy’s stored files when my cell phone starts moaning. Speaking of the devil, it’s a call from Andy.

“Hey, Andy,” I answer the phone happily.

“Hey, Tina,” he says in return. “You got a minute?”

“Sure, Andy,” I smile, “I’m at the Panama Coffee Shop on 1st Street for a bite of lunch. Do you have time to join me?”

“Wow! You’re in town? I can be there in five minutes,” he says excitedly before hanging up.

I quickly cover my tracks in the access logs of his home network, power down, and stow the computer in its carrying bag before he arrives.

He gives me a quick kiss in greeting on arrival; “How’d you get away from work?” he asks. “You should have told me you’d be in town. You know I have today off.”

“I needed to get a few things for the Director’s office so I just left early to try and get a few errands of my own in,” I tell him, “but mine can wait. It’s great to see you.”

We spend the next twenty minutes or so talking about anything that comes to mind–none of it too deep. We’re just a couple of good friends passing the time. I do bring up the subject of tomorrow night’s date and Saturday’s ski party.  Apparently he really had to twist the arm of a co-worker to cover for him on Saturday but all is taken care of. He’ll just work her evening shift on Sunday in addition to his own.

As we talk, I get the impression that something is bothering him.

“Is everything okay?” I ask him gently.

“In many ways things are really great right now,” he tells me. “I’ve never before felt like I do when I’m around you. Heck, I’ve never felt like I do when I just think of you–which is just about all the time. You make my heart sing.”  I know the feeling. I felt the same way about Laurie when our relationship was new and I feel that way now about Andy.

“But–?” I lead him on.

He frowns and sighs; “It’s just that I wish my parents felt the same way about each other. Last night when we got home, Dad made a sarcastic remark about how her place was at home and not working late. It was like a spark to black powder.  I thought the resulting argument would blow the roof off the house. I don’t know what’s keeping those two together.

“To make it worse, he said a number of rude things about what he thinks I should be doing with you so I joined the fray this time. Mom was pretty unhappy about the way I told him off but then again she did the same thing. It was pretty crazy. Dad ended up sleeping on the couch in the family room. I voted to just kick him out. I guess I really lost it.

“I suppose that I’ll always love him in some way, but I won’t put up with the way he treats Mom or the way he talks about you. In recent years he’s really done a poor job with his family. He treats both Mom and me like dirt, but she’s gotten the brunt of it. I just hideaway in my room. We never spend time together anymore.

“Mom and I talked about it for a while this morning. She told me that she’s about had it with Dad and is thinking of divorcing him. She’s been worried about what this’ll do to me. I told her that I’ve suspected this might happen for some time. I also told her that I’m all for it at this point, particularly after last night. I think she’s going to see a lawyer this afternoon to see what she’ll have to do. She wants to talk with me more after she talks to the lawyer.”

Surreptitiously, I turn off my cell phone and casually push it deep into my purse which I quietly drop under the table. I don’t want our mole in the security team to hear any more of this.

“I hope she’s not going to see Mr. Rana,” I say with concern..

“No,” he replies, “She doesn’t care for the man, plus he’s a golfing buddy of my father’s. A friend of hers recommended someone else who’s done a good job representing several other women in difficult cases.”

“Do you expect it to get nasty?” I ask him.

“Oh, yes,” He says emphatically. “If last night is any indication it will be very nasty. Dad made some veiled threats saying she’d regret the day she even thinks of leaving him. I really don’t know why he wants the relationship to continue since he’s obviously not enjoying it either.”

“Did he say exactly what he’d do to make her regret leaving?” I ask with alarm building in my heart. Knowing his relationship with Mr. Rana this could be bad.

“Not really,” he shrugs. “I guess he’ll try to leave her penniless or he’ll really be a pain or something.” It’s the ‘or something’ which has me worried.

“When is your mother planning on separating?” I ask–it would be disastrous to my investigation if it happens too soon.

He shrugs his shoulders, “I don’t know. I guess she’ll have to make some kind of decision after seeing the lawyer.”

We talk for a few minutes longer than we should. I’m running late for work when we embrace for a long goodbye kiss before parting ways.  Tomorrow evening seems so far away.

---<>---

When I return to the reception desk after lunch I find the ‘misplaced’ top secret file in my desk file drawer. I call Mrs. Harrison on the office phone to let her know that I’m about to transmit a file of interest using a prearranged code word. She gives the go ahead to proceed.  I’m able to take the necessary pictures without interruption then hit the transmit sequence.

I’m feeling fairly crappy:  a slight stomach ache, tender breasts, and a little bloated. It’s getting close to my next period. Why can’t it wait until after the weekend? I just sigh and head to the Ladies room to install a pad–just in case.

I spend the rest of the afternoon meeting with the organizers of the office picnic then putting together fliers and lists for them.

---<>---

As the three of us walk out to the car for the ride home from work, Aunt Jen brings Laurie and me up to date on what she’s been working on.

“Tina,” she begins, “You were right about the encryption program. It does create files matching those we found on Mr. Rana’s computer.  Not only that but it opens them as well. We’ve recovered encrypted files sent to Mr. Rana from four different Lab employees and I’m told that we’re intercepting all email traffic that hits his office computer.” Doesn’t that sound familiar?, I think to myself. “Someday you’ll need to tell me how you got it. I’m assuming it came from the Lang’s home computer system. Tina, you need to be careful about hacking other peoples computers. It could get you in trouble. You should let me have the professionals do it.

“Also,” she continues, “the account information you supplied was very interesting. Apparently Dr. Lang has an offshore account that holds over five million dollars in it. I can tell you he’s not earning that kind of money here. We’re pretty sure he’s our leak in the Ignition Facility.

“Some of the emails we’ve been able to get from Mr. Rana’s computer indicate that someone is getting desperate for more information. He’s made some not-so-veiled threats of professional and personal harm to some of his contacts. The pressure is on. This should make it more likely for them to make mistakes as they try to meet his demands. We just need to be ready when they do.

“Laurie, We’re now sure that Rachel Conners is the leak in the Energetic Materials Center.  It’s clear that she’s been trying to make it look as if Dr. Sommers is the traitor. We now have Dr. Sommers on board and he’s cooperating by helping to gather evidence against her. Laurie you can stand back and let us take it from here. It’s time to just be another intern. We no longer have a need for you to get close to her.”

“Mom,” Laurie says, “I sent in the first false report planted by Dr. Sommers this afternoon. Hopefully that’ll help. I also tried talking with Rachel today but didn’t get very far with her. She’s pretty arrogant and petty. I’m glad I don’t have to pursue that assignment.”

“I also sent a report from the Ignition facility today,” I add.

“Susan is following those,” she tells us. “Hopefully we’ll have enough information to nail our leak in the security team pretty soon. One of the other people who’ve sent encrypted files to Mr. Rana is on the security team.

“You should also know that we’ve brought in some outside federal investigators to work on the case.  Your evidence, Tina, was enough to convince them to join the fray. The encryption program you’ve given us is a huge break which makes it possible for us to move the investigation quickly. Now that we’re pretty sure we know who the bad guys are we just need to collect sufficient evidence to convict them. The best thing we can do is to catch them in the act. The tricky part is that we need to be careful not to tip any of them off before we have enough evidence on the whole group. Not only that, but we’re still trying to trace the flow of information after it leaves Mr. Rana. We must take the whole network down.”

After we’re all settled in the car the conversation continues.

“Tina,” she says, “as I told you before, we can return you to being Chris anytime now. You’ve done more than we’ve asked. We have professionals working the case now. Anyway, darling, you’ve done your part. We have a plan in place for your transformation back to Chris when you are ready.”

There it is again–the choice is before me. What do I do?  For now I just sit pondering the situation.

“Tina,” Laurie breaks into my pondering, “I’m enjoying having you around, but if you want to go away as Chris for the rest of the summer, I’ll understand. As I see it, I can be around Tina this summer or without both of you. To tell you the truth, I prefer to have you around. You’ve made this a very interesting summer.”

I’ve got four more weeks before I’m scheduled to ‘leave for Alaska’. I can spend it being a girl or hanging out in the mountains as Chris. I really need to think about this. Both options have their appeal but both have their downsides.

“A penny for your thoughts,” Aunt Jen says with concern in her voice when I don’t respond. I guess I’ve been awfully quiet.

“I don’t know what to do,” I honestly say. “I don’t think I’m done with Dr. Lang yet. I’ve got a project in the works right now which will seal his fate if all works out well.  I can’t leave until that’s done. I don’t know how long that’ll take. Also, I’d like to finish my library database and finish helping organize the office picnic if I can.”

“And then,” Laurie points out with a sly grin, “there’s the little matter of Andy.”

“And Caitlin,” I add trying vainly to deflect her focus.

“We can turn your project with the Langs over to the professionals if you want,” Aunt Jen points out. “I should tell you that it’s the FBI which is taking over the case so we have lots of help. If we can trace the trail out of the country, we’ll probably get the CIA and Homeland Security in on this too. I suspect that they’ll want to talk to both of you real soon.”

“Nah,” I sigh, “This is something I have to do myself. I’ve got to see it through. I think being in their home regularly will be a great help to my work. The FBI won’t be able to do that.”

I guess I’ll be Tina just a little while longer.

---<>---

“You seem depressed today,” Caitlin observes when she picks me up for running practice an hour later. I’ve been pondering my option for an early out and don’t really like the fact that I’m of two minds on the subject. Heck, I’ve even checked with Brain Central which has been pretty quiet for a while. Apparently Brain Central only worries about potential threats to my security. It doesn’t see any threats either way.

“I’m feeling a bit out of sorts,” I absently tell her as I gaze vacantly out the window and fiddle with my runner’s necklace. What I’m not going to tell her is about my other issues. I still can’t get Aunt Jen’s offer out of my mind.

“You’re not planning another abusive run, are you?” she asks. “You look like you have a lot on your mind.”

“Well, maybe,” I admit. “I doubt the run will be too abusive. It’s still too hot for a really good run. I’m feeling a little down though. It’s probably just that time of the month again. God, I hate periods.” I installed a tampon for safety’s sake before leaving the house even though there’s no sign of blood yet. I don’t think I could ever get used to the strangeness of having one of those devices stuck up inside me.

“I hear ya, sister,” she commiserates with me. “Yours must be worse than mine.  I had mine last week and it wasn’t bad at all. But, like, you seem a more melancholy than that. What’s eating you? Are you having troubles with Andy already?”

“Nah,” I reply in an attempt to cover the true reason for my melancholy, “It’s nothing like that. Andy’s the bright spot in my life right now. I don’t know what’s wrong. I just feel the need to think tonight. I suppose I am feeling a little depressed.”

“Actually,” she confidently assures me, “what you need is Caitlin’s surefire treatment for depression. And you’ll get it–right after running practice.”

“And just what is it that Dr. Caitlin prescribes?” I ask with trepidation. I’m having visions of another in depth girl-to-girl chat with more detail than I’m willing to divulge.

“Oh, don’t you worry your pretty little head about that,” she evades my question with an evil leer. “Dr. Caitlin will take care of everything.  You just go run your pretty little tush off then we’ll take care of your problem. That’s what girl friends are for.”

All pleas for information are simply met with a smile that reads you’ll see. Well, I decide, first I’ll do it my way–on the road.

I’m doing a warm up stretches when Dan arrives. I wave him over to talk to me.

“Hey, Dan,” I greet him with a crocodile smile. “You up to helping me work through another problem?”

He groans and rolls his eyes, “I have strict orders from Suzie to run the other way when you have troubles.”

I give him my best little girl pout, “Oh, come on, Danny boy.  It’s just a little problem this time.  We’ll only run half the distance we did last time.” I outline one of Chris’s mid range work-it-out workouts for him. It’s not any longer than what they already have planned–it just has a couple of BIG hills in it.

“You know, Tina,” he says, “you’re really starting to freak me out. You have to be in touch with Chris to figure out these routes.”

“I’ve never met him,” I tell him off handedly. In a way that’s true. Tina and Chris have never–physically that is–been in the same place at the same time.

In the end, all the guys decide to join me. I’m not sure all of them are convinced it’s a good idea. The girls pick a route that avoids the big hills. We should finish about the same time.

The faster boys keep up with me reasonably well. We do string out a few of the slower ones. I don’t really get the time to contemplate on this run as there is a bit of chatter going amongst the guys. I tune them out as we head up the first big hill.

What do I do about changing back? That’s the question on the agenda today.

I’ve completed what the Lab tasked me with. The spy network has been exposed. All that’s left is evidence gathering and that’s best left to the professionals. I wonder what the plan is for extracting me?  I’ve never asked about that. It needs to be done in such a way as not to draw attention to my primary mission at the Lab and I have to disappear totally in a way that no one will search for me.

If my primary mission is over, why stick around? The obvious reason is Andy. I’d like to savor my relationship with him as long as I can. I know that the deeper the relationship gets the harder it’ll be to end, but I want the memory of this summer with him. And I want it to be a happy memory. Also, if his mother does decide to divorce her husband, then maybe I can be there for him as he goes through the inevitable emotional turmoil. If his father gets busted, I can also help–although I might not be so welcome if my role in the whole sorry mess comes out.  I suspect that I could give Mrs. Lang some ammunition to use in the divorce proceedings if necessary. I bet she doesn’t know about the offshore accounts–and I have almost everything in place to catch Dr. Lang red-handed. There’s also a lot more I can do in the Lang household–things that’d be easier for me to do than some federal investigator who can’t get into the house.

And then there’s Caitlin. I’ve really come to love Caitlin as a girl friend. I’ve noticed that her two sidekicks have been out of sight for the last week or so. She hasn’t said anything about either of them–she seems to have become a totally new person recently. Come to think of it, she hasn’t even really complained about her job this week. I want to stay as close to her as I can this summer. I’ll never be able have this kind of relationship again. I want it to last as long as possible.

And don’t forget Laurie: I haven’t been making nearly enough time for her this summer, but at least I’ve not been gone all summer either. I can’t shake the sinking feeling that we’ll never regain what we had before the change. We’re too much girl friends now. She might be able accept me as her boyfriend Chris when this is over since she doesn’t see the strong connection between Tina and Chris. Unfortunately, I can’t disassociate the same way so it’ll be much harder for me. We’ve been too close as girl friends for me to make the change easily. I won’t be able to forget sharing clothes together and doing the things that girl friends do. Heck, I can’t count the times I’ve seen her naked or just in her underwear–something I never expected to do until our wedding night. In many ways, our girl friend relationship is much deeper than anything we experienced as boy/girlfriend. Is it worth it to lose the romantic relationship for the close friend relationship?

In a lot of ways, I really want to savor being Tina for as long as I can. This is a once-in-a-lifetime experience. Also, it seems natural to put off painful experiences as long as possible–even when we know that the longer we wait the harder it gets–which brings up the other side of the argument.

The sooner I get back to being Chris, the easier it’ll be for Tina to disappear. I know in my mind that this is a true principle, but my heart seems willing to accept the pain as part of the price for the experience. There’s definitely a conflict there.

To have a month of paid vacation hiking and fishing in the Sierra’s would be a dream come true for Chris. Sure he’d miss everyone–particularly Laurie–but wow–what an opportunity! The time would be useful for readjusting to being Chris and for the memory of Tina to fade away from everyone’s minds before Chris returns.

The smart thing to do would be to pull the plug now. That’s the kind of decision which would be a no-brainer for Chris. Chris takes the long view and is adverse to things which cause pain.

For Tina, on the other hand, the decision would be to stay and enjoy the here and now with due respect to the future. She is enjoying her current life and is willing to deal with the fallout when it is forced to come to an end.

Well––I’m Tina now, so I guess Tina wins. She’ll stay for the duration. Coming to the decision lifts a load from my mind and I feel much better.

Dan’s voice breaks into my contemplation. “You look as if you’ve come to a decision. So, did you solve your dilemma?”

“Yeah,” I grin, “I have.”

He has the decency to not ask for details.

“That wasn’t so bad, was it?” I ask him as we top the last hill.

“Nah,” he replies with a grin, “I can handle the small problems.”

The run was relatively short–it only took a little over half an hour for our group.  Caitlin led the faster girls into the school stadium just before we arrive. I give Dan the customary Dan/Chris high five as we finish our run.

“Thanks, dude,” I tell him. “I really needed that. I owe you another one.”

“Too weird,” he shakes his head muttering to himself. “This is just too weird.”

Caitlin greets me with a pout, “You look much better now,”

“What’s wrong with that?” I ask.

“Dr. Caitlin didn’t get a chance work her cure.” she tells me.

“Oh,” I say trying to act as if I’m in pain. “I’m not all better. What does the doctor recommend?”

She looks much happier, “You’ll see. I’ve just about got it all arranged.”

She wanders off for a few minutes to make a private phone call then we take off. After leaving the school, we swing by the local grocery store where she picks up a large–and I mean LARGE–tub of ice cream with the ominous name of Death by Chocolate, some paper bowls, and a few of plastic spoons. The next stop is at a picnic table under a shady oak tree in a local park where we find Laurie and several girls from the running team waiting for us.

“Hey, cousin,” Laurie greets me. “Caitlin says it’s chocolate therapy time. I wouldn’t miss it for anything!”

“This,” Caitlin says waving at the bucket of ice cream after setting it on the table, “is the cure for whatever ails you. It seems that being a tomboy, Tina, has deprived you of some very special girl experiences.  One of those special things is drowning your troubles in chocolate ice cream with your best girl friends.”

“You bet,” one of the other runners exclaims excitedly. “It really helps. The only problem is you have to run extra long for the next week to work off the calories.”

Over the next hour we work our way through the melting ice cream. It’s still hot–around 90 degrees–which makes the ice cream taste even better. Everyone shares funny stories of various types–all from an intensely feminine perspective. Nothing is sacred. I’ve heard of such gatherings before, but no guy will ever experience one. This is definitely a girls-only event and I feel that I really belong here.

As darkness gathers the girls begin to drift off to other things. I make sure to hug and thank each one. Caitlin is right. I do feel much better for the experience.

Giving her a hug, I thank Caitlin for being such a wonderful friend as we part for the evening.

On the way home with Laurie I contemplate what happened this evening. I had been feeling melancholy for some reason and I initially dealt with it as a boy would: intense physical exercise coupled with solitary contemplation. It’s the old I-can-solve-this-by-myself approach that most males use when dealing with their problems–they feel there’s something unmanly about involving others in the process. As a problem solving strategy it really works to erase the storm clouds by making me focus directly on and analyze the issues and avenues for dealing with them. This approach allows me to come to a rational plan of action. I always feel better when I’ve decided on a course of action.

The chocolate therapy party with the girls is a totally different approach to dealing with problems, but is also very effective. We never really explicitly addressed my problems but somehow I felt better about them when we were done. We just shared stories and feelings, laughed and even cried a little together. Even though we didn’t analyze or come to any conclusions it just felt good to feel the love and support of my new peers. It gives me hope and strength to face the world. I’m not alone. We all have problems and we need to love and support each other. It’s a great feeling. While guys often talk, it’s different. Guys are always just trying to solve the problem. It’s not the same. I wonder if guys have any clue about how wonderful these support sessions are? I know that Chris didn’t. 

Suddenly, I remember that I need to be checking my spyware on the  Langs’ system. After getting home, I grab Chris’s old laptop and head out the library–promising to be back soon.

After sneaking into their system electronically, I discover it’s computing night at the Lang house tonight.  All their computers are running. The two parents are working on email and Andy seems to be working on his website.

Checking the log, I find another email to Dr. Lang from Mr. Rana sent earlier in the day. In the email, he mentions that they really want to know when the new report can be delivered. The sooner the better. Uh, oh… what’s this? Mr. Rana warns Dr. Lang to cautious around me, hinting that he’s discovered something about me that’s ‘not quite right’.  I wonder what he’s found.

Dr. Lang just sent him a reply with an attachment. Reading the email, I discover that he’s attached a report from my father’s project. I just hope it’s the one Dad told me about! He also tells Mr. Rana that there will be another delay because he’s been called to Washington to discuss his progress with some important people. It would seem that he’s not especially looking forward to the trip.  He leaves Monday morning. Curiously, he asks Mr. Rana to arrange the ‘entertainment’ which Mr. Rana apparently arranged on his last trip. He gives Mr. Rana his hotel information. This could be useful. I copy the file and email onto my memory stick to be given to Aunt Jen when I get home.  I hope that Steve the programmer can get the email interception program done soon.  I’ll have to check with him tomorrow.

Mrs. Lang has received an email from her sister encouraging her to ‘leave the bastard’. I get the feeling that the sister has little love for her brother-in-law. Mrs. Lang replied that she’d been to see a lawyer about a divorce.  The lawyer told her that she had a good case but it’d be useful if they had some incriminating evidence against her husband. Things would go much better if he’s caught with his hand in the cookie jar, so to speak. She doesn’t think she’ll find anything, but promised to wait a week or two to see what she could dig up, however she doesn’t hold out much hope–after all, there’s not been threats of physical violence. I think I can help her with the dirt! She comments that her husband is going to be gone most of next week and that she’s looking forward to some peace for a few days.

I’m just finishing up when an attractive mid-twenty something woman comes up to my study carrel obviously looking for me. She’s in very good shape and apparently likes to show it. She’s wearing skin tight low rise jeans and a tank top that stops just short of her ornate belt. She’s blonde with pure blue eyes.

“Hi,” she says with a friendly smile as she drags over a chair from the adjacent carrel. “So you’re the famous Kristina Jeffers. I’ve been hearing a lot about you lately.”

Who is this woman? My confusion must clearly show.

“Sorry,” she apologizes as she sits down while digging around in her book pack, “I’m Stephanie Adams,” and with big smile pulls out a small wallet to reveal an FBI badge before slipping it back in her pack. “I’m here to give you a hand, though from what I hear you don’t need the help. If your Aunt is correct, you could save the world single-handedly.”

Oh boy, I think to myself, I’ve just joined the big leagues. This could be fun. It will definitely be interesting.

---<>---

 Edited by Gabi–for which I am very grateful.

 



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