God is good. He gave us love and hope. He can see what is in our hearts and loves us. If we didn't have hurt, we couldn't appreciate love. God set the world in motion... whether as told in the Bible or by starting things with the Big Bang... he did it for us and him. God loves us so much he feels our hurt, and hurts for us. Just as we hurt for our children when they go out on their own. They have to live their lives, but we feel their pain.

Pain is part of life. I've hidden my feminine yearnings from real life and it hurts me to be a man. At the same time, I've had a wonderful marriage, 34 years so far, with the last 9 caring for my bride who has been bedridden while working full time, taking care of the house & yard. We've never questioned why God caused her MS to flare up after she broke her back after a fall on ice in December 2000. We only asked God what we should do.

We were active in our church, she was head of the Sunday School & we both taught classes. After she broke her back, she continued at church & as an Elementary School Librarian till the end of the school year when she finally crashed. It took 47 days in the hospital until they stabilized her and I brought her home.

In the 6 months from the fall until her collapse, she was in a manual wheelchair. The school kids called it the little wheelchair that could. Each Sunday I pulled her up the 27 steps into our church. After 6 weeks, an older parishioner stepped forward and thanked us for inspiring him. He'd wanted to do something for the church in memory of his late wife but didn't know what to do. He donated the cost of installing an elevator and a stree level entrance into the church. Because of our determination, our church is now handicap accessible.

I've made our house handicap accessible including a roll in shower and covered bridge ramp. We were customers of a nearby medical supplier who knew what I'd done with our home. Six years ago, they offered me a job as service manager. Now I help others in circumstances similar to ours and I understand their needs and concerns.

God never shuts a door without opening another. Our personal tragedy has become a blessing to so many others. When we pray, we need to be quiet and listen to God's reply.

*****

Boys will be girls... if they're lucky!

Jennifer Sue