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Editor Note: The images used for this story were purchased and used under royalty-free license* from Istockphoto.com . ~Sephrena
Author Note: Please email me at AngelJediGirl (at) gmail (dot) com before posting this story to any other site. Posting to a pay site is prohibited.

Comments and suggestions are also welcome at the above email address.

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Chapter 27 - There's Something about Seeing Mary

"Did you hear what happened to Jared Lumbart?" Ethan asked while we were walking home.

"What happened?" Emily asked back. It was obvious that she hadn't heard the story yet. I hadn't exactly been willing to repeat it to them anytime throughout the day either.

"According to Coach Madsen he got suspended under the new tolerance rules," Ethan continued his explanation. "Apparently he kicked a girl pretty hard. I heard she was limping afterward."

I winced and rubbed my thigh. The pain had finally diminished sometime in the afternoon, but every once in a while it would remind me by shooting a pain through my leg when I took a step. It was only a bruise, thank goodness. The last thing I needed was to have a major injury the week before my first concert.

I didn't think that either of them had seen me wince, but Emily gasped and looked at me in horror.

"Was it you?" she asked. I sighed, which was enough of an answer for her. "Oh my gosh! What happened?"

I once again had to relive the horror of the morning's events as I related them to my best friends. They were understandably shaken that someone would attack me like Jared had, and I was glad that they were there to comfort me. I'd thought it would be better not to say anything to them, but that proved to be a mistake on my part. They'd do anything for me, and I'd do anything for the two of them.

Except tell them my secret, apparently.

When the discussion turned to what we were going to do that evening, I once again had to disappoint them. The studio had every free moment of my time planned through the night of the concert. Scott claimed that there was so much to do in so little time that I had to cram for the concert nearly as much as I would be cramming for my finals over the weekend.

"Every night?" Emily asked me, not believing that I would be that busy. She was starting to look sad again, and it was tearing at my heart. I didn't know how much longer I could keep this secret from them. I had a concert next week, and I had no one to share the experience with!

"I'm afraid so," I replied. "I'm going to be recording songs this week!"

I was hoping that they would share in my enthusiasm a bit, but neither of them seemed very excited.

"That's great," Emily said in a lackluster tone. "I'm very happy for you."

We walked the rest of the way home in silence. Both of my friends managed to say quick goodbyes, but I don't think they were happy with me.

I certainly wasn't happy with myself.

*  *  *

"I'm going to tell my friends, Daddy," I told him as he drove us to the studio for whatever cramming they wanted me to do that night.

"Nooo!" he yelled back immediately. I hadn't expected him to yell, and it scared me! He saw my reaction and seemed to calm himself down a bit before continuing. "Look, you can't tell them yet, okay. Please, for me."

"But why?!" I whined. I didn't want to keep this a secret from them anymore! The three of us had been best friends since kindergarten. I'd known Emily even longer. We told each other everything. Now I was hiding one of the biggest pieces of my life from them. It was tearing us apart, and it was tearing me up inside!

"Look, Princess," he said, trying to calm me down. "You'll just have to trust me a little while longer. It's for your own good."

"No, Dad!" I said forcefully. "Trust can only go so far! They mean too much to me! Keeping this a secret is going to tear our friendship apart! I can't do that without a good reason!"

My dad tightened his lips into a grimace and I saw his grip on the steering wheel tighten too. Whatever reason he had, he seemed to believe in it. We drove in silence for another five minutes before he finally found the words he was looking for.

"Give me a week," he said. "After the concert, we can discuss letting them in on the secret. But please, give me a week."

"Not without a good reason!" I shot back immediately. I'm sure I sounded snippy, but he had it coming. He was still asking me to trust him, and quite frankly I no longer did when it came to keeping the secret from my friends. He'd given me no good reason to keep it from them, and now it was hurting our friendship. My friends were going to win in this argument if "trust me" was the entire reason my dad would give me. Besides, I still felt angry that Aunt Judy knew and my two best friends didn't!

"Look," Dad said before pausing to think about how he would explain himself. He had realized that he wasn't going to win this argument and now he was frustrated. I didn't care. He was putting whatever his own personal reasons were for keeping this a secret over my friendship. I needed Emily and Ethan. I wouldn't be able to do this without them. In fact, I didn't want to do this without them! If Em and Ethan didn't learn my secret soon, Sarah Carerra's career would be over before it ever truly began.

"Your career is riding on this secret," he continued. "I understand why Mary wants you to have a normal life as a girl. I agree with her. But living this double life is complicated, and I have to know that you can keep it a secret. If you tell every single one of your friends about it, the secret will eventually get out and you won't be able to have that normal life anymore. This is for your own good!"

I sat there in complete shock at his words! Had I heard him correctly? Did he really mean what I thought he had just said?

"Are you telling me," I yelled at him. I could no longer hold back my anger! "That the only reason I can't tell my two best friends about Sarah Carerra is because you want to know that I can keep the secret?! Are you seriously saying that?!"

He sighed, but nodded. I think he realized that he had just crossed a line with me. I was livid! That was NOT a good reason to keep the secret from them! I definitely would NOT be keeping it from them any longer! As soon as we got home from the studio, my friends were learning the truth about Sarah Carerra!

Dad's cell phone started to ring. He even started to reach for it. But upon seeing my glare, he withdrew his hand. We weren't stopping this discussion until it was over. One of his clients could be having a mental breakdown for all I cared. The conversation was not being interrupted!

"I know you're mad, Megan," he said. "But as your agent, this is something I need to know. Give me a week. You can tell them after the concert, but give me until then to prove that you can keep this a secret. That's all I'm asking."

"As my agent?" I asked incredulously. "What about as my father? Shouldn't you be my father first? Emily and Ethan are more important to me than Sarah Carerra, Dad! My father should know that! For heaven's sake, there wouldn't even BE a Sarah Carerra if it wasn't for them! They deserve the right to know about her!"

"I know, and I'm sorry," he said. He looked chastised now. At least, he looked like I had hurt him with my accusation that he was being my agent before he was being my father. But he needed to hear it. "Can you give me a week? That's all I'm asking for."

I sighed. He was asking for a lot. A week might be enough to rip our friendship apart completely. Unless...

"On one condition," I told him. He frowned, but let me continue. "I get to tell them that they can be a part of my music career after next Saturday. Until then, I won't say anything about Sarah. I won't say anything about what I'm doing this week. I won't even tell them about the concert. They'd just be upset that they couldn't go anyway. But I get to tell them that they get to be a part of it soon."

He sighed again. I don't think he wanted this to be a negotiation, but he wasn't going to get everything he wanted without me getting something in return. After a nod of his head, he finally spoke. "Okay, but if they learn about Sarah before we get back from the concert, you'll be looking for a new agent and a new manager."

I didn't think he meant it, but I wasn't going to put it to the test. I'd uphold my end of the agreement. As long as Emily and Ethan knew that the end of the secrecy was in sight, I felt that our friendship would be okay. That was all I was asking for.

Dad's phone rang again, and this time I nodded to let him know that he could answer it. I might not be happy about the outcome, but at least I was satisfied.

From what I could gather listening to Dad, the phone call seemed to be from Scott. It also seemed to be about bad news. I was worried when my dad hung up the phone and then made a U-turn and headed back toward home instead of toward the studio.

"Everything okay?" I finally asked. I couldn't take the pressure of not knowing any longer.

"Yes and no," Dad replied. "That was Scott. It appears that we won't be able to have the CD ready before your concert next Saturday. The company that produces the CDs and packaging needs more lead time than a week to start producing everything."

"What does that mean?" I asked him. That wasn't exactly good news, but it didn't explain why we were turning around.

"Nothing in the long run," Dad explained. "But it does mean that you won't be recording anything new tonight. Scott said that since we now have the time he would like to bring in a real producer for the album. He may be an experienced sound technician, but a professional producer would be better for the album. He said he has someone lined up and we can meet him at tomorrow's session. You get the night off tonight."

"Cool!" I exclaimed. "That means I have time to save my friendship."

I saw my dad wince, which was exactly what I was trying to accomplish. He needed to remember that being my father was more important than being my agent or my manager.

"I guess I better get your mom a ticket to Salt Lake too, then," he said.

"You weren't even going to let Mom come to my first concert?!" I screamed at him. I even hit him on the arm as hard as I could. It was probably a good thing we were stopped at a stoplight at the time. I didn't think that I could get any angrier at him than I had already been! I couldn't believe that he would even attempt to keep my mom away from something as big as my first concert!

The rest of the trip home was in complete silence. I was fuming in the passenger seat, and Dad seemed to be wilting next to me. I'd never been this mad at him before.

*  *  *

I was even more disappointed when we got home and I wasn't able to contact either Emily or Ethan. They'd apparently gone out somewhere, but neither of them would answer their phones. I sent Emily a text message to call me when she had a chance, but I never heard from her that evening. I hoped it wasn't too late to save our friendship.

I fell asleep after spending the rest of the evening studying for my finals.

The following morning found me waiting in Mary's office with my mom.

Eventually the girl whom she was seeing ahead of us emerged from her office and Mary followed behind. Once she was out the door, Mary turned to us.

"Megan," she said with a large smile on her face. "It's so nice to see you. You look particularly good this morning, I must say."

I'd only ever been to one other appointment with Mary in my life dressed as Megan. That was a couple of years ago. She wanted to see what I looked like. Back then, I didn't want to be Megan and I only did it to appease her. Today, however, I wanted to make a good impression. Since I had decided this past week that I truly wanted to live my life as Megan, I felt it was only appropriate that Mary meet her for real.

To help show her how serious I was in my decision, I wore the sundress that I had worn to Emily's house last Sunday. It was about the most feminine one I owned, and I was more than willing to show it off.

"Good morning, Mary," I replied with a smile.

"If you're ready, you can come on back," she said with a similar smile. I don't know what I would do without Mary. She's been a big help over the last six years.

"Okay," I said and stood up to follow her into her office. Once inside I took a seat on the sofa she always had me sit on and waited for her to take a seat in her chair.

"I wasn't sure whom I would be seeing this morning," Mary started the conversation. "Brett or Megan."

I smiled at her probe for information. "I don't think you'll see Brett any more, honestly. I've decided that I want to live the rest of my life as Megan."

She looked surprised at my revelation, for once. She quickly collected herself and continued. "I must say, I didn't think it would happen that quickly."

"But you did think it would happen," I probed for information myself. Her smile showed that I knew her too well after all these years.

"Yes, I did," she replied. "I don't know if you are aware of this, but you've been quite feminine since the first time that I met you. I wasn't going to try and steer you in either direction, but I had my suspicions about where you would end up."

"I've heard that a lot lately," I told her. "It seems like everyone knew that I was a girl before I ever realized it."

"Can I ask?" she asked. "I mean, what made you decide that Megan was who you really are?"

I tried to figure out where I should begin. Obviously, I had made the realization while talking to my mom a week ago, after my date with Josh. Then there was Josh, too. He, and the date, were the catalyst that led to Mom and me talking. Without the date, I might not have come to the realization that I wanted to stay as Megan quite so soon.

But Mary didn't even know about Sarah Carerra. We'd discussed the possibility of Sarah at our last session, but she didn't know any of the details. All of that had come after I got home and before I met with Scott. I decided to start there.

"It started with singing," I told her. She nodded at me. Apparently that was another topic she wanted to discuss. "We decided to do the Hannah thing we talked about. It's been a very interesting two weeks."

"Tell me about your music career then," Mary said, realizing that it played a role in my self-discovery.

"I'm Sarah Carerra," I told her bluntly. She had to know the secret anyway if she was going to do her job as my therapist. Besides, she was the one person Dad had given me permission to talk to about this. Apparently he knew better than to keep it from my therapist than he did to keep it from my friends.

"Oh," she said. Then she thought about what I had said for a minute. "Ohhhh!"

I'd wondered if she'd heard the name yet, and her reaction answered it for me. Her look of amazement was quickly replaced with the professional, caring look that she usually maintained.

"You've heard of her then?" I asked Mary. I really wanted to hear her thoughts on Sarah before I continued.

"I have," Mary replied with a short laugh. "My daughter is one of your biggest fans already. She has two of your posters in her room and keeps listening to your song over and over."

"There are posters?" I asked. Mary chuckled at the confused look on my face. I didn't know that there were posters of me already on sale.

"I must say, Megan," Mary said. "It looks like you will have a successful music career. Is this why you want to stay a girl?"

"No," I replied. I stopped to catch my bearings. Posters? I'd have to ask Dad about them. What else is going on that I wasn't aware of?

"Sarah has become a part of my life that I really enjoy," I continued my explanation. "But it isn't where I found the happiness that being female means to me."

"So Josh Holliday isn't a deciding factor then?" Mary asked with a sly grin. She knew more about me than I thought she would. I could feel myself blushing again.

"No," I was finally able to answer her. "How do you know about that?"

"I watched the Tween Awards with my girls last Saturday," she said. "I must admit, you looked really good on the red carpet. And that kiss. What did that mean to you?"

"I honestly don't know," I told her with another blush. "The kiss was unexpected. I mean, it surprised me as much as it did my dad. And believe me, he was quite upset about what happened when I made it home that night."

Mary laughed at my description of the night's events. One thing I've always enjoyed about coming to see Mary is how friendly she is. She often seems more like a friend whom I can talk to about anything instead of my therapist. I really felt that I could open up to her.

"But it was what happened later that night that led to me realizing that Megan is who I really am," I continued. "Mom and I talked a lot that night. She helped me work through my feelings about the night's events, and even about how I felt about being a girl. It was during that discussion that I finally realized the truth."

"And what did you discover?" Mary asked. She was always so good at asking the perfect question during our sessions.

"My mom helped me realize that I had already made the decision," I told her. "I just didn't know it yet. I mean, I've been living as a girl for a while now, apparently. Everyone in my life has said I've been really girlish the last few years. I never saw it, but apparently they did."

"You can't let others make this decision for you," Mary cautioned.

"I know, and I'm not," I replied. "But they got me thinking about it. I am happier this way. Emily and Ethan said that I got really depressed when I went back to being Brett. I'd never seen it before until Monday morning. I was so depressed before school that I didn't even want to go. And Brett didn't go back to school. Megan went to school all week. And I'm glad she did. Being Megan makes me happy. It makes me feel complete in ways that I didn't even know I was lacking before."

We sat in silence for a moment while Mary took that in. Finally she was ready to continue. "How were you accepted at school?"

"Pretty well, for the most part," I told her. "The first week, most people thought that I was already a girl. Mom had gotten my ears pierced the first Saturday, and I got my hair done the following Monday. Most of my fellow classmates thought I was a tomboy finally taking an interest in being a girl."

"They just accepted you?" Mary asked. She didn't seem to believe that.

"At first," I replied. "There might have been some who didn't, but I never knew. Last Friday the principal got really mad at me for presenting as a girl, even though I wasn't doing anything differently. It was only my hair and the earrings. He threatened to suspend me."

"He can't do that," Mary said bitterly. She'd apparently been down this road before. "In the state of California it is illegal to do that because of gender presentation. He would get in a lot of trouble if he does suspend you."

"He won't," I told her. "At least, I doubt he will. When I showed up at school Monday, I guess he was ready to suspend me. He called my mom, and she changed his mind. He talked to me that afternoon, and it was almost like he had completely changed his mind. I don't think he likes what I'm doing, but he doesn't seem to be doing anything to stop it anymore."

"Anymore?" Mary asked for clarification. I hadn't even realized I'd left that opening.

"Friday afternoon he made sure that all of the teachers called me Mister Brett Campbell during roll call," I told her. "He stopped it on Monday after talking to my mom, but the damage was done. When I showed up dressed in girl's clothes on Tuesday, some of the kids were unhappy with me."

"Did they hurt you?" she asked.

"Yes," I replied. "It wasn't anything really bad, but they kept calling me names and I was tripped a few times. Most of the kids were okay with me being Megan. It was mostly the cheerleaders, football players, and their crowd. There were a couple of others, but it was a relatively small number."

"What else?" she asked. I guess she could see something in my face, because I wasn't sure if I should mention yesterday at all. I knew that she would get it out of me eventually, but it still stung to think about."

"I got beat up yesterday," I told her. "Not bad, really. I was knocked down by one of the football players and then he kicked me in the thigh. I've got a pretty nasty bruise."

I lifted the skirt of the sundress up to show her the black and blue region of my left thigh. I heard a large intake of breath from her, but she didn't react in any other way.

"He was suspended for it, though," I told Mary. "The principal issued some new rules on Wednesday to help prevent abuse because of tolerance issues. This was the only thing that's happened since then. He wasn't the brightest of the football players either. His coach was really mad when he found us."

"Are you worried about it happening again?" Mary asked.

"Not really," I told her truthfully. "At least not until after finals on Tuesday. The biggest punishment from the tolerance rules was being suspended without the ability to take the finals. Someone may try something after they are over, but I'm not too worried."

"Why?"

"Well," I replied. "Wednesday is yearbook day. It's basically a do nothing day. I've also got an appointment that afternoon as Sarah, so I'll only be there in the morning. Thursday is only a half day. We mostly get a refund on textbooks we turn in and such. Once you've turned everything in, they usually let you go anyway. I've got another appointment that day as Sarah, and my mom may be turning in my books for me. So no, I'm not too worried because there isn't really much time for something to happen."

"That's a lot of Sarah time," Mary pointed out. "Are you sure that she isn't taking up too much of your time?"

Oh, that's right, she probably didn't know about the concert.

"No, I don't think so. I will be spending a lot of time as Sarah this next week, but it's not normally like that. I have my first concert next Saturday, and my record label is trying to cram as much as they can into this week to make sure that I'm ready for it."

Mary raised her eyebrows at that information. "A concert already?"

"Well," I said with a small blush. "Josh Holliday asked me to open for him when his opening band had to pull out. It wouldn't normally be this quick."

"I see," said Mary. "What are your feelings about Josh?"

"That's a hard question to answer," I said truthfully. I'd had a feeling we would be discussing Josh next. "I realized sometime over the past two weeks that I haven't been looking at girls in that way in quite a while. Longer than the last two weeks, anyway. But I was even more surprised when I started to respond to guys like that. It scared me at first, but it seems natural somehow. I'm not quite sure how to explain it."

"So you're attracted to boys now. That seems normal for a teenage girl to me." Mary smiled to let me know she wasn't repulsed at this information or anything. "But how do you feel about Josh?"

"Like I said, I'm not really sure how to answer that question," I told her. "We went to dinner before the Tween Awards last Saturday. All through dinner he was doing nothing but annoying me. In fact, just before we left the restaurant, I was pretty sure that we couldn't even be friends. But he changed after that. I don't know exactly how it happened, but he seemed to care more about me and he really helped me make it down the red carpet. Then, during the show, the kiss, his speech, it seemed kind of magical."

I paused and tried to collect my thoughts. "I don't know. There are plenty of things that I do not like about Josh Holliday. But I can't deny that I'm attracted to him because of more than his good looks. He made me feel special."

"I'm going to caution you here, but it isn't related to your condition," Mary said. "I know you haven't had many relationships in your life. It's possible that this is nothing more than a crush."

"I know," I told her. "I don't know if I love him or anything. Maybe it is just a crush, I don't know. But it wasn't a factor in deciding to stay a girl."

"Alright," she said. "I just want you to be careful. Being a girl is still new to you. I don't want you to get hurt."

"I'll try," I said. I'm not sure what else she wanted to hear.

"Let's talk about Sarah, then," Mary said, moving on. "How do you feel about her?"

"I'm really glad that we decided to separate my music career from my home life," I told her. "Being out with Josh last Saturday, I can see how annoying being in the spotlight can be. This way, I'll be able to turn off the spotlight if it becomes too much to handle. I hope it can help keep me levelheaded too. Some of the things that annoy me most about Josh are his attitudes that he probably fell into because he's famous."

"Like what?" Mary asked.

"Well, the one that bugged me most was his blatant disregard for other people's money," I told her. "My dad is both his agent and mine. That's how we ended up going to the awards show together. Anyway, Dad paid for dinner as our agent, not as my father. Josh doesn't know he's my father. I only ordered a salad. I wasn't really hungry, but I didn't want to waste Dad's money either. Josh said that I was being stupid by not taking advantage of the offer. He ordered the most expensive thing on the menu. Its stuff like that I hope to avoid."

We talked for quite a while about my feelings on different parts of what I was going through before she asked me the million dollar question.

"What would you like to do now?" she asked. The question caught me off guard. I hadn't thought about it, but I knew what she was referring to. She was talking about hormones. We'd discussed the different options as part of my decision. Now that I had made the decision, she wanted to know what the next step was going to be.

"I don't know," I told her truthfully. "I mean, I want to be a girl, and I'd like to start the hormones. But Tracy, my cousin, thought that there might be more to my development than just the accident. She didn't think that losing my, you know, was enough to cause me to develop breasts and the figure that I have."

I'd talked to Mary about my changing body before, so she was aware of the issues. She had admitted to me that hormones were not her specialty, and she really couldn't do more than provide me with a note to start them. The rest would be between me and a specialist.

"I went to a gender specialist yesterday, an endocrinologist," I told her. "Mom made the appointment after we talked to Tracy. Anyway, they did some tests and everything. I think it's probably best to wait until we hear back about those before making a decision on hormones."

"That's very mature of you," Mary said. "Most of my patients would be so anxious to start the hormones that they wouldn't even consider what you just said."

"Tracy is really smart," I told her. "She's a nurse. The way she was talking, it almost sounded like I might not even need hormones. I guess we'll just have to wait and see."

"Alright," Mary said. "In that case I think we should close the session for today. If you aren't opposed to it, I'd like to increase our visits to every Saturday, at least for the time being. This is going to be a critical time for you, and I think it would help."

Thinking about how often I wished that I could talk to Mary over the last two weeks, I realized that it would probably be a good idea. So much had happened in the last two weeks that I felt overwhelmed at times. Talking to Mary was always a big help.

"That actually sounds really good," I told her. "There were so many times that I wished I could talk to you. I think it would help. Oh! I don't know if I can come next Saturday, though. We're supposed to be flying out to Salt Lake sometime in the morning, but I don't know when. Can I check with my dad and call to make an appointment?"

"Yes, that will be fine," Mary said. "I'll save your normal nine o'clock session for you in either case."

"Okay," I said. "Thank you, Mary. I don't know what I would do without you."

She might be my therapist, but she was also my friend. Her eyes watered slightly when I gave her a hug to show her just how much I appreciated what she did for me.

*  *  *