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The fight with David continues and Deirdre starts yelling back. Can this end well? A Splintered Life
Chapter 10 The Hammer Falls Copyright © 2010 by poetheather
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The Hammer Falls
Deirdre stood there stunned, as if he had hit her. “Is that what you want David? For me to have died?”
The words came out scarcely above a whisper.
David glared at her, clenching and unclenching his fists, and barked out, “Hell yes! Look at all you have done to us all. If you had died, things would still be good. Sure my baby brother would be gone but I wouldn’t have a freak living in his place!”
Deirdre recoiled as if slapped. The venom in the words was palpable. So was the heavy smell of alcohol on his breath. She hadn’t really noticed how strong it was before, but it was clear now. As was his anger.
“I loved my baby brother. I fought for him. I looked out for him. I did everything I could for him, to help him grow up and be a man. Then you came along. I wish mom hadn’t found you in time for them to have saved you. They said if it had only been fifteen minutes later, it would have been too late. Fifteen fucking minutes.” David pulled a bottle from his coat and took a long pull from it. He sighed. “Fifteen minutes more and my brother would have died, but we would have been spared you.”
“You would rather I was dead?” Deirdre’s voice shook.
“Hell yes! Look at you! You’re a goddamn freak! Prancing around as if you were a girl. How can you stand knowing everyone is laughing at you?”
“They are not laughing at me David. I am a girl to everyone but you apparently. Why are you laughing?” Deirdre kept her voice level and clam. She felt like she was on a roller coaster ride hurtling out of control.
“I’m not laughing. Do I look like I’m laughing?” David growled this out, glaring at Deirdre. “All I ever wanted was for my little brother to be happy. And you… you fucking killed him.”
The words hung heavily in the air. Deirdre tried to say something twice before the words finally came out. “David, I’m still here. And this is what makes me happy. I had hoped you would understand. You always told me about the importance of being yourself, of standing your ground, of facing off against anyone who thought they knew me better than myself.”
“I didn’t think those words would make you a fairy.”
“But David, I still like women. Doesn’t that matter?”
“Oh... you mean your little lezzy girlfriend? Oh, sure. What do you do for her bro, bang her with your shemale cock? Or does she fuck you with a strap on?”
Deirdre gaped, unable to answer.
“Oh... yeah. I am sure you want to get real cock as well. Isn’t that why you wanted to be a girl John? So you could justify your need to get fucked.” He drank again from his bottle.
‘That is not why I did this!”
“Sure. Then why did you Johnny?” David said, sneering.
“I did this so I could be me, the me you always encouraged me to be.”
“I never encouraged you to be a girl!” screamed David at the top of his voice.
“Damnit David, if you think I chose this path to spite you you’re messed up. I wanted to die rather than deal with this. Do you think for a moment that I thought this would be some sort of fun game?”
“How the fuck should I know. You closed me out John. You pranced around, doing your little girly things, growing your girly tits and what about me? You left me behind without looking back. You obviously wanted something I couldn’t give you.”
“I was trying to find myself!! Jesus Christ David, this whole thing has nothing to do with you. Why would it? It was me dealing with me and trying to keep from killing myself. Shit, I’m finally happy and you start this.”
“John, you look stupid. How could you do this?”
“I did it so I wouldn’t die! How many times do I have to tell you that David. I didn’t do it because I wanted cock, I didn’t do it so I could be a little fairy, I did it because it was let that part of me come to life or fucking die!! What is so god damn hard to understand about that?!” screamed Deirdre, glaring angrily at her brother.
“You fucking faggot, don’t go preaching to me! You think it was this or die? Fine. But you didn’t even have the courtesy to die. You stayed alive and drug all of us into this fucking hell with you.”
“My life isn’t hell!”
“The Hell it’s not! I lost my friends, Johnny, my friends I had since I was four! I lost my girl, because she was afraid I might have caught whatever it was you had. I lost everything, all because little Johnny wanted some man meat to break him in.”
“I do not fucking want any god damn man meat!” Deirdre was ready to take a swing at her brother at that.
“Then why were you swapping spit with dreads boy?”
Deirdre again stopped as if someone had thrown ice water on her. She couldn’t think of anything to say.
“I guess you’re still the coward you have always been. I bet you just want to be broken in but are afraid, isn’t that right Johnny boy? You want dread boy’s prick inside you? Scared of it?” He pulled again from the bottle. Deirdre could smell it clearly on David’s breath.
“I am going to my room, you prick! Sober up before we continue this. You need help David, and I am not going to stand here and be yelled at by a drunk.” She started to storm out of the room.
Deirdre was slammed into the wall by his backhand. Her lip split where his class ring had hit her. She looked up in fright as his fist slammed into her stomach. She looked up from the ground at him, mouth bleeding, and heart pounding in fear. The look on his face scared her more than anything else had in her life. “Oh no Johnny, we’re going to finish this now. I’ll help you get past your fear. I’ll break you in.”
His fist plowed into her right eye and she rolled backwards. “If you want to be a girl, I’ll help you. Welcome to womanhood Johnny.”
Comments
No.
....Oh God...please..no....
Possa Dio riccamente vi benedica, tutto il mio amore, Andrea
Love, Andrea Lena
UH!!
can't say I didn't see this coming.
Apparently not everybody gawked at Dr. Phil, Jerry Springer, and/or Oprah. Oh, and I guess numerous other infotainment 'shows' where transgenderism has been discussed and debated.
I can't imagine there are still people living in modern society who haven't heard about the transgendered. And when coming in touch with the 'phenomenon' either through siblings, or friends, or acquaintances, don't have some sort of an understanding about it. Or are on their way to get it.
Unless they are bigoted, ignorant, dim-witted, prejudiced, anxiously self-doubting and overcompensating, religiously zealous, or any combination of these. That's a lot. But it's not the majority, and not exactly salt of the earth.
So if David is bemoaning the loss of friends and his girl ( gah ), because his brother turns out to be his sister after arduous years of anxiety, doubt, and self-hate, resulting in an attempt at suicide, he is in fact complaining the loss of shallow narrow minded shits he's better off without.
Up till now, and certainly with this chapter, David isn't much better than his so called friends, perhaps even worse. But that may also be because of the booze, and the significant duress he himself is under. Because, yes he has lost, and is mourning the loss of his brother.
He, David, is in serious need of counselling but is perhaps neglected. I sure hope David comes to his senses before he finished this ultimately stupid act. And if not on his own accord, will be stopped in time, for if he does go on he destroys all.
Jo-Anne
You hit the key to what is
You hit the key to what is going on with David on the head. He has been neglected in this process and no one has been there to help him cope. David has held all of this inside him, all of his pain, fear, loss and had no way to let it out safely. During transition, sometimes the family is forgotten in the rush to help the one transitioning. If anything, David was failed by his parents and the shrinks. This is not to say this isn't a bad thing and ultimately his action, but the causes are not simply cut and dry.
He has heard about the transgendered, but like most folk, he has a somewhat warped view of who and what they are. This hasn't helped him at all in his search for an answer to what was going on with his brother. That and some people react to a suicide attempt as an act of betrayal. Compound that with everything else and it is clear to see why David is in the state he is.
Heather
We are the change that will save the world.
Heather
We are the change that will save the world.
Sigh.
During this chapter I started to feel sympathy towards David: the poor guy has had a lot to deal with, and he has no idea what transsexuality is about. But after the end it's clear I cannot even imagine what could be going on in his mind. It just doesn't make any sense, either from the point of view of my experiences or his earlier tirade.
For the sake of both of them, let's hope they get interrupted, or at least that he's too drunk to get an erection.
On another level, leaving us with a cliff-hanger like this was pure evil. Please follow up as soon as you can.
You should feel sympathy for
You should feel sympathy for David as he is a bit screwed up over everything. And he is really messed up.
And besides, cliffhangers are good for the soul.
Heather
We are the change that will save the world.
Heather
We are the change that will save the world.
I'm sorry!?... NO!
he's made his bed... he hasn't tried to utilize any resources for the family of TG people to even TRY to understand! He's playing the pity me and all I've lost gambit! The type of friends such are has been discused, Nuf Said... The folks deserve such a verbal lashing though. All this crap about people who were beat as a child, that then beat their own kids bull-sheet! That just makes drug companies and therapists money! and that same victim crap applies here. I know! I never beat mine and I was abused! It springs from what type of person you are, and how you decide to live your life! PERIOD! We are humans! Not lemmings! If you decide not to edjumacate yur self, you are asking for what ever you receive while in your self imposed ingnorance. and deserve it!
The parents!?... gods, out of site out of embarasment!? Sticking the one who hates it all even worse than they themselves... and has less desire for actually understanding any of it? to keep watch on her!? I'm sorry!, that's like sticking the wolf in the hen house as a watch-dog!
The only person here who deserves any consideration is the girl. And her mis-fortune of doing far to little, once she got a clue to the way the wind was blowing... to late... to avoid this confrontation!
No one has a right to inflict this on anyone...
...I certainly don't know how this will play out...bu if he goes as far as his words imply, he should go to jail for a long time. And I agree totally with Pattie that being hurt in no way justifies hurting others; sadly, the ones who end up on the receiving end usually aren't the ones who inflicted the original abuse. David deserves to go to jail, either way, since he just brutally beat a woman, sister or no. I only wish when he stood there at the beginning of the chapter clenching and unclenching his fists, that she would have walkded out, but she wanted so much to be accepted, the part of her that loved him even in the midst of his rejection. Even if it stops here, it's still devastatingly tragic ...and all too real. Excellent telling of a difficult and sad situation.
She was born for all the wrong reasons but grew up for all the right ones.
Possa Dio riccamente vi benedica, tutto il mio amore, Andrea
Love, Andrea Lena
Remember that having
Remember that having sympathy for someone does not mean you condone their acts. You should have sympathy for how he managed to screw himself into this action but there is no sympathy for taking this act. Understanding the why can help you see how things came about but the what, the action taken consciously, is a major factor. He screwed up a number of different ways and those mistakes led him here to this place where his booze released his inhibitions and let his anger and pain out on a target that really did not deserve it.
Booze is like that. I avoid Jack Daniels because it makes me a mean drunk, where I have no problem fighting and the restraints I put on my combat training vanish. That scares the crap out of me but the idea is the same here. The anger was there and the booze let it out.
He made his bed out of his own choices, but the path he walked to get there is cause for sympathy. It is not about accepting victimhood but rather understanding the origin of violence. Anger can only truly be defeated by staring right at it until the fear becomes revealed. David never faced his fear so all he has is anger. I feel sorry for that.
Heather
We are the change that will save the world.
Heather
We are the change that will save the world.
I feel sorry as well...
...I've wanted to believe in David all along, and there's still hope for him, but without knowing until next time what actually does take place. I've seen and understood all along his perspective and how he arrived at that point, feeling betrayed and abandoned by his brother, but he brutally attacked his sister, and needs to be held accountable. If he ends up raping her...forgivable? That would be Deidre's call...worse crimes have been forgiven by victims. But he still is responsible. I hope his anger is arrested somehow by intervention and that he stops before he makes a choice that is irrevocable. I feel sorry for him, but only to a point. I almost feel sorry for my abuser, but I'm not ready to forgive him. I can only imagine...no, I can't imagine what Deidre is going through. One of the most compelling stories I've ever read. Thanks you Heather.
She was born for all the wrong reasons but grew up for all the right ones.
Possa Dio riccamente vi benedica, tutto il mio amore, Andrea
Love, Andrea Lena
Thanks. I have tried to
Thanks. I have tried to write a compelling yarn.
Heather
We are the change that will save the world.
Heather
We are the change that will save the world.
Yes, Booze is like that, but there is more...
David was the First Born Son, the apple of his mother and father's eyes. Then came along a younger brother. Being younger, smaller, needing Mummy's attention which was suddenly not available for HIM anymore. Younger and smaller and so weaker. Someone to bully as well as fight to protect. And now little brother is a pretty girl. A Girl in "my" appartment, and she disturbed my whole life. And I am big and strong and I can take what I want whenever I want so I will...
It is not at all uncommon for first borns to resent new siblings. As they grow up, they try to find socially more acceptable ways of sharing and accommodating their little brothers and or sisters, but always there remains a slight feeling of having been pushed out to make way for the new baby. In families where one is boy and the other girl, the problem is less hard to deal with, in families of several boys one after the other i have, when i was growing up, watched the gradual destruction of the oldest son as a person, until or unless they escape into the wider world.
Much depends on the skill and love the parent put into it, and much depends on the individual character of the individuals involved. Heavy drinking is a sign of weakness - an alcoholic once explained to me why he drank - "it is like committing suicide slowly and being able to watch myself doing it." Our Author has excellent observational and analytical skills of following family dynamics, and writes really well. The story has verisimilitude.
Briar
Briar
Thank you for a good
Thank you for a good review.
Yeah, first born males have all sorts of issues, especially if they don't escape into the outside world as you noted. David basically painted himself into a corner and fell apart. If only he had talked these things out or something, but first borns have an amazing belief that they have to do everything right on their own accord, which leads to a lot of personal breakdowns.
And that alcoholic comment is so true. David drank himself into disaster.
Heather
We are the change that will save the world.
Heather
We are the change that will save the world.
It doesn't...
...even begin to excuse him this...
-Liz
-Liz
Successor to the LToC
Formerly known as "momonoimoto"
Remember that having
Remember that having sympathy is not the same as excusing. His actions have no excuse but I feel sympathy for his pain that led him to this action.
Heather
We are the change that will save the world.
Heather
We are the change that will save the world.
Guess so
Not to point out what your saying is wrong but in a lot of cases david would be the one loved by family as john becomes a non person. After the parents wracked them selves of where they went wrong with their second child.
Yeah, the fact that they are
Yeah, the fact that they are still trying with Deirdre is a positive sign.
Heather
We are the change that will save the world.
Heather
We are the change that will save the world.
I have got bad feelings
I have got bad feelings about another chapter(set in the present). poor Deirdre, hope somebody will save her on time.
Sometimes bad things happen
Sometimes bad things happen to good people.
Heather
We are the change that will save the world.
Heather
We are the change that will save the world.
I don't feel sorry for
I don't feel sorry for David. I feel sorry for Deirdre. If he does what your leading up to, then I hope you'll at least have Deirdre call the cops. But I'm hoping that Megan shows up just in the nick of time...or maybe Deirdre can fight back and win.
And Heather...nothing but bad stuff has happened to Deirdre...except for her meeting Megan. Seriously, is anything actually GOOD going to happen in this story? If she gets violated I think I'll just stop reading this story. Seriously...most of us read stories on this site to escape our own problems and realities for a short while.
I know a lot of people come
I know a lot of people come here to forget about life for a while and that this is painfully like life. I know a lot of bad has happened to Deirdre. I used the legend of Deirdre of the Sorrows as my inspiration for her and bits of that tale have shown up. And sometimes you have to go through the darkness to find the light.
Heather
We are the change that will save the world.
Heather
We are the change that will save the world.
Fools.
I expected David's attack, too. I think Deirdre and her parents are fools. Deirdre should have told her parents that she was very afraid that David would attack her and tell them all the reasons why, including his drinking. Deirdre should have learned to notice long ago when a guy was being hostile to her and likely to try to beat her up. E'd been bullied in school, right? If her parents said they didn't believe her or wouldn't do anything about David, she should have been more assertive; she should have argued with them and/or suggested alternative living arrangements. Assertiveness is hard, for me at least, but she should have known that her life might have been in danger and that should have motivated her.
Why was David really there, anyway? Who thought he could do her any good? From the beginning of the story, it seemed to me that David was there as a punishment to Deirdre, for attempting suicide and for transitioning. Perhaps it was a punishment for David, too. I guess I'd have to go back to see if there was a reason for punishing him.
Parents are known to be clueless, sometimes, but Deirdre must have been very fragile mentally and physically after her suicide attempt. They wanted Deirdre out of their sight since they were against her transitioning, but I would think that at least her mother would be sensitive to Deirdre saying something scared her very much, just to protect her mental health.
I understand that David protected "Johnnie" from bullying at school, but was David a bully other than that? Attacking someone weaker, especially to rape and/or kill er, is always wrong no matter what his provocation.
Hugs and Bright Blessings,
Renee
Ready for work, 1992.
Hugs and Bright Blessings,
Renee
David was there for a very
David was there for a very simple reason. His parents believe that he will keep an eye on Deirdre and make sure she doesn't try to kill herself again. They are trusting him as they have no cause not to trust him. As they understand things, David would do most anything to protect his brother.
She did speak to her mom and her dad spoke to David. The problem is that David wasn't going to admit that he did not like Deirdre, so what was there to do? They had nothing besides Deirdre that David was acting odd.
And yes Deirdre was in a fragile state after the suicide, but she did not head off to this new college until things fell apart in their old town. In some ways they felt chased out of town. Then they moved and now they are in a new place, with David and Deirdre going to school. It was not an act by a pair of parents dumping their kid, but it wasn't easy either.
Heather
We are the change that will save the world.
Heather
We are the change that will save the world.
Dark and getting darker, YIKES !
This has me very worried.
David has already committed assualt in hitting her.
Beyond any emotional damage he has caused there may already be internal bleading and such. Any additional beatings makes the odds of serious injury and death all the greater.
Whether he continues on to rape her or not there is the flip side of drunken rage, drunken fealings of guilt and worthlessness.
Does David have a gun *to protect his sister*? Does he have a knife? Suicide seems an all too likely outcome, after he kills or maims his sister. Just the emotional outcome of this night will do Deirdre great harm and David too, even if they both survive. This is the end of their fsmily. I see no way it can be salvaged now.
Their parents are not very observant. Like another said, out of sight out of mind.
So very sad and so entierly believable.
John in Wauwatosa
John in Wauwatosa
Yeah, a sober David would
Yeah, a sober David would not deal well with what he had done. Suicide might be his response to this action, when he remembered it.
Heather
We are the change that will save the world.
Heather
We are the change that will save the world.
David is seriously deranged
Yes, he is fueling his anger with alcohol, but that is just the excuse. He is so self-involved in his victimhood that he can't see straight. He didn't lose his friends and girlfriend because of Deirdre, he lost them because he is nothing but a pity pot. What's worse is that he appears to be using the classic approach for his feared latent homosexual tendencies: kill anyone (usually after raping the victim) who threatens to touch the sore spot in his soul. He's not trying to teach Deirdre anything. He's getting his jollies off while pretending he is disgusted by her. I'm quite sure that he has convinced himself of his staunch heterosexuality, that's a prerequisite for his type.
SuZie
SuZie
I don't think I have shown
I don't think I have shown anything that could imply that David is gay. He is very clearly hetero, so that isn't a likely source of this action, but it is an interesting take on the character and does make sense of a great deal of the information, but not all.
Heather
We are the change that will save the world.
Heather
We are the change that will save the world.
David and It
I used to wonder why violent attacks on the transgendered so often culminate in rape. It seemed hypocritical at the very least. That if the "reason" for their anger was some ideal of preserving the sanctity of traditional gender roles and sexual norms, then wouldn't putting their thingie up the bottom of another young man make them kind of gay? It might, if they thought about their victims in those terms. But in their minds they aren't dealing with a man, or a woman, but with an "it". This is their term, which comes up over and over in the trials for this sort of hate crime. And there are precedents for this label, the ultimate in dehumanization. From the auction blocks of the antebellum South to the crematoria of Poland, once you've reduced someone in your mind to the status of an "it" you can do anything you want to "it" with impunity. Fuck you, David! You have joined the ranks of history's true monsters, and may you someday be cursed with a full realization of the evil to which you've descended. (And let's hope Deidre can manage to get away!).
~~~Laika
"Government will only recognize 2 genders, male + female,
as assigned at birth-" (In his own words:)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1lugbpMKDU
It was obvious that David would be trouble.
The longer that Deidre stayed in the unit the larger the risk to herself!
I hope she is still alive and has the sense to get out!
Her parents couldn't see that, so in many ways they are like David with no real idea of what John/Deidre is about. Some commented on David being left out of the counselling - so were his parents!
David is not the only one whose drunkenness is a cover for cowardice, how many people suffer from drunken cowards and probably always will?
It's strange that drunken males think their dick is the thing that will save the world, I.E. if I rape you then I have made you a woman, obviously the lack of blood in their brains and their brains in their dick is possibly a reversion to where they came from in evolution!
A common and appropriate term is a 'dickhead'.
I can't feel sorry for David and hope that he gets his comeuppance from somebody bigger, the law, or maybe a Mac Truck?
I can only hope that Heather has an out for Deidre, please?
A great- if not violent- chapter, thanks Heather.
LoL
Rita
Age is an issue of mind over matter.
If you don't mind, it doesn't matter!
(Mark Twain)
LoL
Rita
You are welcome. Yeah, David
You are welcome.
Yeah, David is a dickhead, no arguing that. Good points.
Heather
We are the change that will save the world.
Heather
We are the change that will save the world.
David is a gutless wonder,
ALISON
'beating up his own sister,whether he likes it or not.I have seen
so many kids like Deidre beaten within an inch of their life by
the 'Davids' of this world that think that if they can beat the shit
out of some little Transgered kid that it will reinforce their'Manhood
I mean to say it might be contagious,and you would not want to catch
it ,would you?It is all to do with their "macho"(?) image.David is more worried about what his mates think than what he thinks himself because
he has not got the balls to stand up for his own sibling.
ALISON
Yeah, it isn't a very manly
Yeah, it isn't a very manly act to beat up someone weaker than you and it doesn't help your manhood any, it just makes you kind of sad and pathetic. If only the Deirdres of this world were able to avoid that.
Heather
We are the change that will save the world.
Heather
We are the change that will save the world.
A Splintered Life - Chapter 10
Now, it is a battle that she must win, but even so, will lose her brother. the next chaprer or two will be the darest, yet.
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine
I think it is a battle that
I think it is a battle that must be won, not necessarily by her. And whose to say she hadn't already lost her brother but just hasn't been aware of it?
Heather
We are the change that will save the world.
Heather
We are the change that will save the world.
I expect the finale to this drama is written already...
...almost like predestination, since you are the Creator in their world? But I choose to hope...perhaps in vain, that nothing is irretrievable until the end, and that David will come to his senses. If I'm wrong, I've wasted nothing but hope, but although Deidre has perhaps lost her brother, maybe one day they'll find each other once again. Thank you.
She was born for all the wrong reasons but grew up for all the right ones.
Possa Dio riccamente vi benedica, tutto il mio amore, Andrea
Love, Andrea Lena
Yeah, everything is all
Yeah, everything is all written and done for. It is as complete as it is gonna get. There are things I noted that if I rewrote this I would address, but it is fine as it stands.
Heather
We are the change that will save the world.
Heather
We are the change that will save the world.
Excellent
Looking forward to this , and more good stuff Heather!
LoL
Rita
Age is an issue of mind over matter.
If you don't mind, it doesn't matter!
(Mark Twain)
LoL
Rita