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The Sword of Damocles
 
 
Deirdre was in the kitchen fixing something to eat when she heard the front door slam open. Her eyes opened worriedly and she kept stirring her noodles. If it was David, she really hoped he wouldn’t come around the corner into their little kitchen/ dining room area. She preferred to hide from him. There was something going on with him and it made her nervous.

She could hear him stomping into the house, then the footsteps stopped. He heard the sound of David collapsing onto the couch. The TV barked into life. She heard the channel change until it stopped on some sort of sports game. She thought it was football. The wa of the house trembled with anticipation. Something was really bothering David and she figured that they were going to end up yelling at each other again. They had been fighting more lately over stupid things. She wondered what it would be about this time.

She finished cooking and ate what little of her ramen that she could. Her stomach was jumpy with the prospect of another argument. She cleaned up her dishes and put them in the drying rack. If she was lucky she could just make it back into her room and get back to working on her English paper. It was due tomorrow and she really didn’t need this. She took a deep breath in and blew it out slowly. She calmed down some and felt like she was ready to face her brother.

She rounded the corner and David was sitting on the couch looking disheveled. His hair was tousled and it looked as if he hadn’t shaved that morning. His eyes looked a little red as well, with his cheeks flushed. Deirdre wasn’t sure what was wrong but this was not a good sign. He was still wearing his leather jacket and she could smell the booze from where she was.

Deirdre tried to walk past. But David’s voice stopped her. “Why, John?”

Deirdre tensed. “Why what?”

“Why did you have to do this to us?” David’s voice was flat with some bitter undertones.

Deirdre paused and stood looking at David, who still watched the screen. “David, I didn’t try to do anything to anyone. I was just trying to be myself.”

“At the cost of all of us. How selfish can one person be?” David turned and faced Deirdre. She shrank against the wall under his gaze. His eyes were hard and a little bloodshot. David did not look good. Her heart began to race and her palms began sweating.

“You had to be your precious ‘self’. Did you ever think, even once, what the cost to the rest of us would be? Ever?”

“What do you want me to say, I’m sorry? Well, fine. I’m sorry David. I’m sorry my attempt at being happy has cost you. It wasn’t my plan.” She wiped her hands on her pants.

“What was your plan? To become something you’re not?” He sneered the last. His gaze was obviously disapproving. There was still an undercurrent of anger that seemed to be building, which worried Deirdre.

“David, this is what and who I am. I am not trying to lie to people.”

“Oh...so you tell everybody, look at me, I’m a little fairy. I was born with a penis but now I wear dresses. I’m a girl now.” David’s hands fluttered alongside as he mocked her.

“Asshole! That’s not true.” Deirdre’s fear was turning into anger. She moved from the safety of the wall a step towards her brother.

“Sure it is. You couldn’t handle being who you are so you decided to see if life would be better if you were something else. That’s chickenshit. My brother wasn’t that much of a chickenshit.”

“Do you think going through transition is easy? This is tough as hell. It takes all of my courage. I have been fighting to be myself David. Why don’t you understand?”

“Understand that you’re a coward? I already figured that out when you cut your wrists.”

“How is killing myself a cowardly act?”

“You were running from your problems instead of dealing with them. You copped out. Just like now.”

“Fine. I’ll give you suicide as a cop out, but this is not a copout. This is my life. I was ready to kill myself when I was not ready to deal with this. I lived and am now trying to become what I had been hiding from. What’s chickenshit about that?”

“Look at what you’ve become! A simpering shemale, pretending to be a girl. You are not my brother! My brother wouldn’t have done this to his family! I wish you had died, instead of this!”
 

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End of Chapter 8
 
 
To Be Continued...