Deirdre is worriedly talking to her mother about all of the things that have been bothering her lately. Why is it that parents don't really listen? A Splintered Life Chapter 7 - Maternal Worries by poetheather Copyright © 2009 by poetheather

“Hello?”

“Mom, it’s me...Deirdre. I really need to talk to you.” The stress in her voice should be fairly clear to her mother.

“What is it sweetie? Is something wrong?” Her mom also started to sound worried.

“Yes, there is. It’s David. He’s starting to act really weird. He comes in really late and I think he is drinking, a lot. Also he...looks at me funny.” Deirdre got up from her bed and made sure her door was locked. It was.

“Now Deirdre, I am sure you are over reacting. David drinks a little, but not a lot. Maybe he is just going out on dates?” She wasn’t certain but she didn’t think there was any real cause for Deirdre to worry herself about David.

“Mom, listen to me. Please. David is starting to act weird and it is making me worried.” Deirdre kept nervously looking towards the door. She really didn’t want David to hear her talking to mom about his drinking and other stuff.

“Did you want your father to talk to him about it? He could you know.” Her mother started to pick up on the worry that seemed to fill her son turned daughter.

“That would be good. But Mom, what am I supposed to do about the weird looks he keeps giving me. I don’t really feel safe around him. He’s starting to creep me out.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“I’ve seen him stare at me. It wasn’t the kind of stare that was nice to have either. His eyes were hard and he did not look happy when he was looking at me. He hasn’t really said anything, he just keeps looking at me. I also have caught him peeking at me when I have gotten out of the shower. Mom, He’s starting to bug me and I don’t know what to do.” Deirdre could feel herself starting to choke up as the tension and fear of the situation ate at her. She really hoped her mom would listen to her and take her seriously. The only reason David was in the apartment was because her parents had forced him to watch out for her. He hadn’t wanted to be there and it showed. Why couldn’t her parents see that?

“Are you sure? Or are you just stressed and starting to see things. I know I have miss read things when I have been nervous or stressed. Could that be what is going on?” Her mom’s voice sounded hopeful. Deirdre could understand, even she didn’t want to be afraid of David.

“I don’t know Mom. He’s acting weird and I am getting worried. We’ve even begun having arguments over stupid things. Since I didn’t know what to do I thought I’d call you.” Deirdre was sure how worried she was came through her voice. It sounded shaky even to her. She got up and checked the lock again.

“Alright, sweetie. I’ll talk to your father and have him talk to David. If you are really worried just try to stay out of his way. He’ll calm down in a bit. Don’t worry, he’s your brother. You know he loves you.”

“You’re right Mom. I’m just worried and nervous. This whole thing hasn’t been easy on any of us I guess. I’ll try to stop worrying so much about him.”

‘That’s my girl.”

“Thanks Mom.”

“No problem honey. It’s what Mom’s do. You have been both the son I wanted and the daughter I never had. I love you very much Deirdre. This has been hard and stressful. Your Dad’s starting to cope better and given time I’m sure David will as well. We all support you. I just wish you had talked to us instead of trying to kill yourself. I was so scared when I came in the bathroom and the tub was red. I didn’t want to lose my baby. What ever the reason for cutting your wrists I would have understood and tried to work with you.”

“I know that now Mom, but then I felt like a freak and all alone. I tried to kill myself because I couldn’t take it any more. I thought no one would understand and I didn’t believe you would love me anymore. It was dumb, but that’s how I felt.” Deirdre started to play with her hair nervously.

“Deirdre, listen to me. You are my child. I carried you for nine months and pushed you out of myself. I nursed you and changed you. How could I love you any less for you growing up to be your own person?” Deirdre smiled a little.

“I know Mom. There are still times where I wish this hadn’t happened to me. I never wanted this. I didn’t ask for this. I got stuck with it. And I found myself in a bind of either killing myself or becoming something I was afraid of. I was so scarred of losing you and Dad and David that it seemed easier to kill myself.”

The line was silent for a while. Deirdre could hear breathing from the other end of the line. “Sweetie. As we both told you in the hospital, we love you. No, this hasn’t been easy. And your father and I often wish there had been some other way to deal with this, but you are our kid. What were we going to do, abandon you to your pain? All that would have accomplished would have been your death. We would have loved for our little boy to be fine. But you are turning into a wonderful daughter. It just takes time to get used to such changes.”

“But it’s been over a year...” Deirdre’s voice was plaintive.

“And you had been our son for nineteen years before that. That is scarcely enough time to cope with the change. We know that things have changed and we are still getting used to it. We love you, for you. We would have preferred if this hadn’t happened but there you are. Life is what it is Deirdre. God has things happen for his reasons. Sometimes you just have to rely on faith that God’s plan makes sense. God gave you a tough path sweetie, but I’m sure he thought you could handle it.”

“Thanks Mom. This is hard on me as well. I’m doing fine, so far but I am so glad I am still in therapy. This would be a lot harder without you and Dad and the doc and Megan.”

The tension shifted again. “How is she?”

“Not bad. I think she is doing better in classes than I am. She asked about you today, wondering how you and Dad were doing. She also said to thank you for lunch last weekend and is wondering when we can get together again.”

“This is another one of those things I’m still trying to understand. It is obvious how much both of you care for each other, it’s just that I was getting ready for your first boyfriend. I wasn’t expecting you to start dating girls again.”

“I wasn’t either, but I’m happy with her. Megan jokingly said that my love of women must be some boyish part of me left. So in a way I am still your son, at least in who I choose to date.”

“She is a nice girl.” Deirdre could hear the smile. “I can see why you care for her. Just use protection if you have sex.”

“Mom!”

“What? You’re not having sex?”

“That’s not the point.”

“What is?”

“I... I... uh’m not sure. But it is not talking about my sex life with my Mom.”

“Deirdre, I had sex. Your father had sex. We both still have sex...”

“Ewwwwww....”

“...and we assume our children are having sex. It’s a normal part of a relationship. It’s weird gaining a daughter and finding out she’s a lesbian but your father is dealing with that part of it quite well. I’m still working on it, because it sounds odd to me. But you two seem happy. So I mostly think about that.”

“Mom, I’m infertile.”

“So you can’t get pregnant. But I do remember the doctor saying that as long as you had testicles you would have sperm. That means she can get pregnant. While I would love to be a grandma, this may be a bit early. And don’t forget disease.”

“Yes Mother.”

Her mother started laughing. Deirdre rolled her eyes and shook her head. “It’s not funny Mom.”

“Yes it is. That was the same tone I used when I had this talk with your Grandma. Oh... what a memory.” Her voice was warm. Deirdre relaxed.

“Sweetie, can you at least believe that your father and I want you to be happy?”

“Yes.”

“We know this isn’t easy for you. It’s not easy on us. But we want you to be happy. And your Dad will talk to David and try to find out what’s up. He’s only there because your Dad and I are worried about you.”

“I know mom.”

“Then don’t stress so much. Say hello to Megan for us and keep up those grades.”

“Yes Mom.”

“I love you Deirdre.”

“I love you too, Mom.”