“Don’t get any ideas, buddy,” I give him a warning look. “Suzie is a friend of mine and there is no way I’m going to come between you two.”

“See,” he says in exasperation, “You’re taking it all wrong. I won’t say that you don’t turn me on, but then every cute girl does that to a guy. I just have this déjá  vu feeling like you’re my ‘best bud’. I can’t get romantic with my ‘best bud’. That’d be too strange.”

I know the feeling, I think to myself. If he only knew–

Chapter 33: Dealing with Hormones–Female Style

On our return to the high school, we find Caitlin and Suzie waiting for us. The rest of the team have long since left as the scheduled run was a short one. Dan had told me during the run that he and Suzie were going out together tonight so seeing her here was not unexpected. She doesn’t look entirely happy right now either.

As we run on to the track for our cool down, we give each other high fives, just like Dan and Chris used to do. It’s an automatic reaction which earns me another strange look from Dan. What’s he going to do? There’s no way that he can guess that the obviously female and much smaller version of me is actually Chris.

“Hey, Suzie,” I call out and wave to her with a big smile. “He’s all yours now. Thanks for letting me use him as a body guard.”

“Make that more like a punching bag,” he acts worn out, “This girl can really run when she’s got something on her mind. I was in serious danger of not keeping up with her. Next time we’ll have one of the other guys trail you.”

I give him a playful slap on the shoulder. “Don’t act like such a weakling,” I tell him. “You liked it and you know it.”

“It looks as if you wore him out,” Suzie observes. She looks a lot less than happy. “Can I talk to you a minute? Privately?” she asks me as she glances at Dan.

Once we’re out of earshot of Dan, she starts to lay into me, “What are you doing with my boyfriend?” she demands. “I thought that we were going to be friends.”

“Relax, Suzie,” I reassure her. “Nothing happened. In fact we didn’t even talk most of the run. You don’t have anything to worry about. I think that he’s gotten over any infatuation he might have had with me. He told me I remind him too much of his friend Chris to chase after me. I admit he’s cute, but he’s not for me. We’ll never be more than running partners. His focus is on you, sister. You know what? You’re one lucky girl since he’s quite the catch. Don’t blow it by getting all jealous.”

She’s still not completely convinced, “You two aren’t plotting something then?”

“Look, Suzie,” I sigh, “I’m your friend. Really I am. I won’t do anything to hurt you–I promise. Anyway, I’ve met another guy who makes me melt. I made a fool of myself with him earlier today. That’s why I was so upset and needed the long run. Dan was the only one who could keep up with me. My family won’t let me run alone so I needed him.”

Her eyes lit up, “Who’s the lucky guy?”

“He’s not getting lucky,” I point out. “I cannot complicate my life with a relationship right now. I just need to tell my hormones that. The run was just what I needed to put things in perspective.”

“You didn’t answer my question,” Suzie presses. “Who’s the guy? It’s not Andy Lang is it?”

“I’m not telling,” I inform her as I blush.

“You just did,” she smiles. “I don’t know what you see in that guy. He seems like a nice kid, but he’s a loner.”

“Well,” I state emphatically. “Nothing will come of it.”

“Sure, Tina,” she smiles knowingly, “whatever you say. Next time, don’t abuse my boyfriend so much before he has a date. I don’t think that he’s going to be good for much more than a movie tonight. He looks pretty beat.”

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Caitlin’s not any better on the ride home.

“The run must have done you some good,” she observes. “You really perspired a lot and you look a lot happier. So what did you decide to do about your new love?”

“First of all,” I reply, “there is no ‘new love’–just hormones out of control. Second, the run was just what I needed to work the energy out of my system.”

“So Andy Lang gets your motor running, does he?” she smiles like someone who just found a buried treasure. “I don’t know anything about him. How did you meet? What’s he like? What about him turns you on? Come on, girl, spill.”

“Caitlin!” I exclaim, “aren’t you getting a bit personal here?”

“That’s what best girl friends do, sister,” she explains. “So spill.”

“I don’t think that I can do this,” I inform her while I turn beet red and bury my face in my hands.

“Sure you can,” Caitlin says, “just start simple. Tell me something that you like about him. Something that really gets you going.”

I think about it for a minute, recalling my feelings from earlier in the day.

“I like his eyes,” I tell her, vividly remembering looking into those hypnotic pools of his soul as I prepared to climb the tree.

“Do I have to drag this out of you, Tina?” she asks in frustration when it becomes clear that I’m not going any further. “I swear you’re acting like a boy right now. Nothing but short answers. You’ve been a tomboy far too long so let me explain the drill to you.  Girls–more specifically girl friends–tend to describe what they’re feeling and what happened in full explicit detail. Don’t you remember the stories told at the mall yesterday by some of the girls? So, tell me more about his eyes and how they affect you.”

Taking a deep breath I give it a go. It might be good to let it out. Talking about it might help reason  to reassert some control over my hormones.

“Today when I looked into his eyes and I practically melted on the spot,” I tell her. “Is that better?”

“You’re getting there, sister,” she says. “What color are they?”

“Hazel,” I reply as I think back on today’s experience, “A beautiful clear hazel color. When I looked into them I felt myself getting lost in their depth. There’s kindness and gentleness there. A touch of sadness too. I was hypnotized when I noticed them.” I feel myself reliving my earlier experience–warm feelings and all.

“You’re catching on,” she says with satisfaction. “Keep it going, girl.”

“He was giving me a boost up into a tree,” I continue. “When I set my foot in his hands and placed my hand on his shoulder and looked into his eyes, it was like time stopped. All I could sense were the strong feel of his shoulder in my hand, his hypnotic eyes, and his masculine smell. I swear, I must have even stopped breathing. Laurie broke the moment with some comment and I was so embarrassed I just climbed up as high as I could to get away.”

“What did Andy do?” she asked.

“Well, uh,” I stammer a bit, “I think that something happened there too. He had to go sit down for a while.”

“Trying to cover up a stiffy was he?” she eagerly asked.

“Caitlin!”, I exclaim yet again, “You’re impossible.”

“Well?” she asks expectantly.

“Yes, he was,” I gave in, blushing again.

“Oh my God, girl,” she excitedly presses more, “what happened next?”

“Nothing,” I reply.

“What do you mean, ‘nothing’,” she practically screams. “He didn’t kiss you or anything?”

“No,” I emphatically reply. “He did not kiss me and I most assuredly did not kiss him. We didn’t even hold hands. It was so awkward. I didn’t know what to do. I’m sure I looked like a complete idiot. I was so glad to get home before it could get any worse. I have no need of a boyfriend and I don’t think he’s looking for a girlfriend. We’re just friends. I think that we’d both like to keep it that way.”

“That’s going to be tough,” she states. “There’s no way you can be ‘just friends’ after an experience like that.”

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The running really helped to settle me down but I’m still not all together yet so I ask Caitlin to take me straight home and she reluctantly agrees. Caitlin’s prying isn’t helping the situation. It’s obvious that she wants to help me with my ‘problem’. She’s made it pretty clear that she thinks I need to follow the path my hormones are dragging me down. I, on the other hand, am of the opinion that I need to learn how to deal with these new feelings just like I did when I was a guy and I need some time to think about it objectively–something which is hard to do when emotions and hormones are involved.

As we pull up to the Mercer home I see the Quinn family minivan parked at the curb. I suspect finding private time will be difficult tonight.

Walking into the house, I find my mother and Aunt Jen in the kitchen drinking wine and chatting.  The conversation comes to an abrupt halt as I walk into the room. 

“Hi, Sweetheart,” Mrs. Quinn greets me.

“How’d the run go?” Aunt Jen asks. “It must have been a good one–you look pretty sweaty.”

“It was pretty intense,” I respond. “It’s good to see you here, Mrs. Quinn. Where’s Dr. Quinn?”

“Oh,” she replies, “Mike had to go out of town on some emergency. I thought I’d just come over to visit with Jen for the evening.”

“Well, I won’t get in the way,” I say. I’m sure that Laurie’s already told them about my issues with Andy and I don’t feel up to anymore prying on the issue. “Anything good to eat?” I ask as I open the refrigerator looking for some sports drink we keep there.

“You won’t be in the way, darling. You’re welcome to join us after your shower. We had roast chicken for dinner,” Aunt Jen informs me. “Why don’t I fix you a plate while you get cleaned up?”

Downing half a glass of sports drink in a very unladylike manner I agree to the plan and retreat to my room.

If I thought I’d find some personal quiet time, I was wrong. Laurie heard me come home and is waiting for me in my bedroom.

“How are you feeling now, Tina?” she asks. “I’ve been worried. You were gone a long time.”

“I went for a long abusive run,” I tell her. “And yes, I feel much better. I find that intense exercise is still a great way to deal with emotional issues. You should try it sometime.”

“No thanks, I think that I’ll stick to long talks with my girl friends,” she replies with a smile.

Thinking about the evening ahead, I dig through my drawers looking for the plainest underwear and pajamas that I can find. None of this girly girl stuff for me tonight. I need to remind myself of who I really am before I do something stupid–like falling for some guy.  Mind you, white cotton panties with cartoon characters printed on them, a bra–of any type–and purple pajamas with heart patterns sprinkled on them aren’t exactly masculine, but it’s infinitely better than my translucent pale blue baby doll with a matching thong.

“I’ll be back,” I inform her as I take my stuff to the shower. I’m not running around naked in front of anyone tonight.

The shower feels great. I love the feel of the hot water filtering through my hair as I close my eyes and lean back into the spray. As I leisurely wash my body, I can’t help but feel the smoothness of my curves and the swell of my breasts. The emptiness between my legs reminds me that my hormonal responses are just not the same as before. I can’t say that I miss the ache that comes with a raging hard on.  An over stimulated penis can be uncomfortable and difficult to deal with discretely.  As I reflect on the activities of the day–particularly of my contact with Andy–I find myself responding in what must be the female equivalent of the male sexual response. It is strangely familiar but totally different in the physical manifestation. I think I prefer the softer experience of the female response. While it is frustratingly pleasurable, I remind myself that it is an unwanted response, but one that I just can’t turn off. Just like I couldn’t as a guy.

As I resolved earlier, I can learn to control these feelings again–as a girl. I know I can. It only stands to reason that I’d be attracted to a boy since my new body IS female. It has a physically female brain and hormonal system.  I am a girl now, and I will relax and enjoy it while I can–but with control.

Returning to my room, I find Laurie is still there but she has also changed into her pajamas. She is sitting cross legged on my bed looking through the images from our hike which are on our cell phones. It looks as if it time for our delayed talk but I’m hungry.

“Hey, girlfriend,” she says without looking up. “Mom says to tell you that your dinner’s ready whenever you want it.”

“Now sounds good,” I mention, and she joins me for the short trek to the kitchen.

Just like before, the conversation stops when we walk into the kitchen.  The two older women are sitting at the breakfast table obviously having been into some deep conversation.

“Smells great,” I remark to no one in particular as I open the microwave to retrieve the reheated dinner.

“There’s lemonade in the fridge,” Aunt Jen says.

“How was the hike?” Mrs. Quinn asks innocently as I sit down next to her at the table. Briefly I think, maybe she doesn’t know about my response to Andy, but then I remind myself that I live with a bunch of women. There are no secrets when it comes to things of the heart.

“Good,” I reply. Laurie and I spend the next few minutes recounting our adventures to our mothers–leaving off the attraction part.

“So, Tina, I can tell that you really like this Andy boy.” Mom–I can only think of her this way as she goes into mother mode–asks getting directly to the point–she’s not one to beat about the bush. “How are you dealing with this?”

I blush as I reply, “He’s a nice kid.” Why do I have to blush so much? I quickly fill my mouth with salad before I can say any more.

“Just nice?” Aunt Jen asks gently with a knowing smile. If possible, my blush deepens even more as I try to hide behind my loosely hanging hair. I follow the salad with a fork full of mashed potatoes. That should keep me from saying anything stupid.

Unfortunately no one is in a hurry to change the conversation.

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” Mom smiles. “It happens to everyone. Urges happen. We just need to learn how to deal with them.” This sounds like the same counsel that Dad gave me the first time around. I can see that she is winding up for a fuller explanation.

As I swallow the potatoes I realize that I need to join the conversation before Mom gets up a full head of steam.

“I know, Mom,” I tell her with a sigh. “Dad gave me this talk a few years ago and, you know, it’s not too different from this side of the gender fence. The physical response is just different. I had just hoped that I could avoid this experience. I learned how to develop self control as a boy and I suspect that I can do it again as a girl. At least I know what’s happening this time. Unfortunately, knowing what’s happening doesn’t necessarily make it less challenging.”

“I’m sure it doesn’t, sweetheart,” she says as she leans over to give me a hug as I take another bite of chicken.

Reflecting on the new emotional feelings of the day I say to the group after swallowing my latest bite and putting my fork down, “I think I’m starting to see what you all see in chick flicks. I’ve never understood how you females can get all gooey eyed over the male leads, but now I can appreciate what a handsome face, strong shoulders, and a tight butt can do for a girl. I’m looking at guys in a whole different light now.” I figure that I might as well be honest with them–and with myself.

The three women stare at me with their mouths open. I guess they didn’t expect this response.

“What?” I ask. “I’m a girl now. Can’t I have girl fantasies?”

Aunt Jen is the first to reboot. “Sure, darling, you can. We’re just surprised that you’re okay with this.”

“I’m not sure that I am–completely,” I tell her. “I’ve been thinking pretty hard about this all evening and have decided that it’s better to go with the flow than to fight it. I’m a girl now. I have a 100% female body complete with a female brain and female hormones. I should expect to be attracted to boys just like your average teen girl.  When I get back to my male body I’m sure that I’ll make the transition back to being attracted to girls when everything is 100% male.” Glancing at Laurie I add, “At least I really hope so. I’d like to get back what we’ve put on hold for the summer.”

Returning my attention to the group, I continue, “I’m a girl learning about hormones for the second time in my life. The same need for self restraint is there and I learned it once, I can learn it again. I’m sure it won’t be any more fun this time around either; however, I’m not going to feel bad about being attracted to a guy because that’s simply what girls do. I am going to control what I do in response to those urges to keep from damaging my life and that of others.”

“That’s a very mature attitude, Tina, but unfortunately, it’s also easy to say when you’re away from the temptation,” Mom points out. “Remember that when you’re in his presence.”

“Do you think that he’s attracted to you?” Aunt Jen asks.

Laurie pipes in, “Oh yeah. Big time. The signs are all there. The interesting thing is he appeared to be more afraid of his attraction to Tina than Tina does of her attraction to him. He was just as anxious to get away as she was.”

Looking closely at me Mom asks, “So what are you going to do now?”

“Nothing?” I suggest. “Let him think about it for a while then ease back into being just friends. I really don’t think that having a boyfriend is a good idea for Tina.”  I glance over at Laurie to watch her reaction.

As if reading my mind she adds, “Tina, it is okay with me if you have a boyfriend. I know that you aren’t Chris this summer. Chris is in limbo and will be back at the end of summer and will be unable to pursue any of Tina’s relationships. From a mission perspective, I think that you need to continue to see Andy and if it turns into something special, then so be it. You’ll have a sweet memory of the experience when this is all over.”

Aunt Jen clears her throat, “Ah, about the mission. We need to keep what I’m about to tell you amongst ourselves for now. I’m not even sharing this with the committee yet but I think that you all need to hear this.” She certainly knows how to get our attention. “While you two were out exploring today, I managed to have a trace done on the call that Dr. Lang made Saturday night. I can’t tell you where it was made to, but I’m convinced that we really need to keep a close eye on Dr. Lang. Tina, we really need you to integrate into their household.”

“Am I in danger?” I ask pointedly.

“I don’t think so,” she replies, “but be careful nonetheless. Keep your cell phone with you at all times when you’re there. You need to find out who Dr. Lang’s friends and associates are, what he does with his spare time, and look for any suspicious behavior. We may be on to something here.”

“So,” I ask, “what do I do now?”

“Given the fact that Andy seems frightened by his feelings right now,” Mom says, “I suggest that you play it slow.”

“Yeah,” Laurie agrees, “I’m real sure that he picked up on your attraction as well. You need take it easy and not act like of a love-starved girl. Don’t pursue him. Down play your attraction to him. Like you said, just ease into being ‘just friends’ and see where it goes.”

“In other words,” I interpret what she’s saying, “you want me to play the girl trick of acting like I’m not interested when in fact I really am? I’ve always hated that one.”

“Well,” she defends, “you don’t want to scare him off. Some guys will run for the hills as soon as you show too much interest. You need to let them think the relationship was their idea. Guys are funny that way. You need to be really careful to land this one.” This sounds a lot like fishing, something that I'm normally not so good at--though I do enjoy it.

Given our past history, I guess she knows what she’s talking about.

We spend another half hour discussing the situation before Mom excuses herself to go home. In the end, we agree–at the very least–that I need to maintain contact with Andy. If it develops into something more, then so be it. I feel a bit guilty when I find myself hoping that we can become more than friends. I find myself sort of hoping that Andy and I can be like Chris and Laurie.

Before going to bed I step into Laurie’s room for a heart-to-heart chat.  I need to make sure that she really is cool with all this.

I hop up on her bed and sit cross legged facing her.

“Laurie, what’s happening to us?” I ask her.

She shrugs her shoulders and says, “I don’t really know, Tina. I don’t see my boyfriend Chris in you anymore. I had hoped that I’d see Chris again when we went to the City on Saturday but I didn’t. I just see a wonderful girl friend who is discovering new horizons on almost a daily basis. Sure, she has a lot of the same great personality traits as Chris, but she is very much a girl. I’d be pretty excited for any girl friend that falls in love and wish her the best so I guess that’s what I’m doing with you.  I miss Chris terribly so am a little jealous that you get to be near to someone that excites you while I wait patiently alone for my love to return.  I just hope that Chris is in there somewhere, waiting patiently for me. I just hope that you–the Tina you–doesn’t forget about me this summer either. I still want to spend time with my favorite cousin.”

“First of all I’m not in love,” I correct her. “It’s just a hormone-driven infatuation. I can deal with it and keep things under control. Second, I’m also having a hard time remembering what life as Chris was like. In a way, life as Chris is already fading into pleasant distant memory. I would have thought that it’d bother me, but strangely it doesn’t.  I’m sure that there is still a lot of Chris in me, but I’m having trouble remembering the details of life as a boy. It feels strangely alien to contemplate. I am really feeling comfortable with who I am now. I know that I have a lot to learn about being a girl, but I still feel like one–and like it.”

“Do you really think Chris will come back?” she asks.

“Yeah, I do,” I tell her. “There’s not much choice there. But will he be the same Chris that left a few weeks ago? Not any more than if he really had gone off to Scout camp for the summer. You know we’ve talked about this before. I think my Dad is right in that we’re both in tumultuous times in the development of our maturity and the ways that we look at the world are changing fast as we learn how to take on increased responsibility for ourselves. He has said that this is why few teenage romances survive. It’s even more difficult when we’re apart as we can’t change together. Chris is gone for the summer and he will come back colored by Tina’s experiences. You will have changed considerably too. In fact, I see changes in you already. Will the two of you still be compatible? The odds are against it but it’s worth finding out. I certainly hope that things will work out. I’m afraid Tina gaining a boyfriend might not help Chris and Laurie. I just don’t know. What I do know is that I–that is me as Tina and me as Chris–want to be your friend for life in some fashion.”

Tears are welling up in her eyes as we talk. “I’m so confused,” she says reaching out to hold my hands in hers. “I really love you in both your forms. I’m afraid that I might lose both of you when this is all over.”

“I have the same fear,” I tell her squeezing her hands. “Let’s just hang in there and make the most of the here and now and leave the future to itself.”

She gives me a sad smile, “Now I know that Tina Jeffers is different from Chris Quinn. Chris is obsessed with protecting the future and would never have said anything like what you just said.”

“Tina is cautious too,” I tell her. “There is no way that she’ll do anything stupid to destroy her future. But–still–I also intend to make the most of what we have before us right now.  Speaking of which, I’m curious, tell me what attracts you to a boy and how it makes you feel.”

She blushes and looks reticent to say anything.

“I have it on good authority that this is what real girl friends do,” I inform her. “Remember the mall yesterday? We had that short chat after listening to some pretty sordid tales by some of the girls that were cut short. I still want to know the answer to my question. It might help me better understand my current situation.  As you might recall, I asked you if you ever think about sex and what it’ll be like.”

She turns even redder. “I remember the question. I was hoping you’d forgotten about it.”

“Well?” I ask. “Am I your best girl friend or not?”

“The only problem is that I know this conversation will get back to Chris,” she says.

“He’s not here right now,” I tell her. “And after this summer’s experiences, I think he’ll be more understanding than the average guy.”

“You’re probably right,” she admits.

“So,” I encourage her, “how about answering the question.”

She sighs and takes a deep breath. “Sure, what girl hasn’t? I know guys think about sex all the time. Let me tell you, it’s the same for girls. It’s just that most of us try hard not to show it–we have a lot to lose if things go wrong: a lot more than guys do and it scares most of us enough to discourage a boy until we’re sure that the relationship is secure. Sure, there are the wanton floozies like some of those other girls we met. As we’ve discussed in the past, the baggage they end up carrying is usually much heavier than they’d like to admit and the rest of us simply want to avoid the pain. But aside from all that, I think that every girl has visions of being swept off her feet by some kind, tender, yet hunky knight in shining armor to be carried off to a sumptuous bed to make mad, passionate love all night long.”

She gets a faraway look and sighs.

“You ask if I ever think about sex and what it would be like. I have to admit that I do. A lot. So do my other girl friends. We all wish that we could have sex without all the other baggage. The only way that I can see to do that is with the man that I plan to spend the rest of my life with so–until I’m committed to him–I keep it under control. The one night stands and short term relationships that we heard about yesterday sound exciting–I got pretty aroused by the stories–but just look at where it gets those girls. Nowhere really. They are all hurting inside to some extent and/or have desensitized themselves to the point that it’s hard for them to have a real deep relationship with a boy.”

“Do I look forward to it? You bet. Sometimes the desire and anticipation are overwhelming. I  can’t tell you how many times I’ve been sorely tempted to drag Chris off to bed to make passionate love. We’re just too young to make the kind of commitment that we know will last so I have to struggle to control myself. When I’m convinced that I’ve got the right man and we’re ready to make the commitment, then I intend to wear the poor guy out.”

“Have you ever had a crush on anyone other than Chris?” I ask. “I mean someone that gets you sexually excited?”

“Sure,” she says. “There are plenty of guys out there that look good to me. I had my first crush in seventh grade when I was only twelve years old. I still get warm feelings when I think about it. I was so lost that he was all that I could think about. I had fantasies about setting up house with him. I didn’t really know what sex was at the time.  All I knew is that I wanted him to notice me and treat me like someone special.”

“Well,” I ask, “did he?”

“Did he what?” she asks in reply. “Did he notice me? Not really. He was into some new electronic game and was totally oblivious to all my efforts to get him to notice me. Needless to say, he never did treat me as someone special. In fact, my infatuation ended one day after I tried to do something nice for him and called me a ‘stupid girl’ and told me to go play with my girl friends. I was soooo mad. It became obvious to me at the time that twelve-year-old boys are pretty immature.”

“Has there been anyone else?” I ask.

“Any more crushes?” she asks. I nod affirmatively. “A few, but no one has ever lived up to my fantasies. After my first crush, I found myself looking more at older boys. I really took a shine to a football player when I was a freshman. He was a Junior. We went out a few times, but he was so stuck on himself that I got bored pretty fast. He was also more interested in getting into my panties than getting to know me. It was a real turn on though at first–I have to admit–I was sorely tempted. He had these amazingly strong arms and chest. His butt was to die for. I got pretty aroused, in fact–I don’t think I should be telling you this–but I had my first real orgasm when we were making out on our first date but then he blew it by acting like a jerk when his buddies came by. He treated me like a possession, not a person.”

“Now” she says, turning the tables, “I’ve told you my secrets, now it’s your turn.”

“I guess my experiences are similar in a lot of ways,” I tell her. “My first crush was probably around thirteen. She was beautiful and graceful and in one of my classes at school. I felt so out of control with my feelings and acted like such a fool. The interest that I showed in her was more along the lines of trying to impress her with my manliness. It didn’t work. About the tenth time she called me a loser I started to get the hint that she wasn’t going to respond favorably. I was devastated. After her, I began to notice a lot of other girls, but then–after talking with my dad–I started recognize my feelings and worked on self control. I had a couple of more failed experiences trying to get a girlfriend which helped me with my self control development. Having two older sisters helped a lot also. Girls weren’t a total mystery after living with Tiff and Marla. In fact the sibling rivalry thing taught me that girls are people too and not play things. Girls can also be a pain to live with.”

“Did you ever fantasize about sex?” she asks, “I get the feeling sometimes that’s all boys think about.”

“Sure,” I reply. “When we used to make out I would often wish that we were older and married so that we could just take it into to the bedroom. When we do, I want it to be special and not some heated rut. Have I thought about it with other girls? Yeah, sometimes. But most of the time I would get aroused it was just because I was attracted to her, not necessarily that I want to haul her off to bed.”

“I get the same way about a cute guy sometimes,” she admits. “I get all gooey but I’m not about to do anything stupid. The best cure for an infatuation is to get to know them. Very few boys live up to the fantasy.”

“That pretty much sums it up for me to,” I tell her. “So help me out here, girlfriend. Right about now I’m thinking that Andy is pretty sexy. He’s got wonderful hazel eyes that I get lost in, strong shoulders, a cute butt, and smells so manly. He’s also got a kind and gentle personality. I get all gooey just thinking about him. I also took a good look at Dan today and think he’s pretty cute too, but I know him too well and can’t imagine anything going on there. Am I going nuts or what?”

Laurie smiles and gives me a hug, “No, Tina, you’re not going nuts. You’re just a normal teen girl who is learning about love and life. Welcome to the club. Oh, and you might want to add a few panty liners to your purse.”

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Thanks again to Gabi for her editing. We may not get it all, but it's a lot better than it was!