By Barbara Lynn Terry

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Part I - The Storm Continues.
 
 
I was very sad, and broke down crying. Mother just couldn't let it go for some reason. Why was she so angry with me? And she told me that she was in the hospital because I was the one who started everything. If she had listened to the doctor when I was born, none of this would have happened. She is the one who started it all. Kathy came over by me and apologized.

"Susan, I am so sorry. But because your mother kept saying she was raising her son, is when the judge decided that since your mother showed no remorse, and no sense of wrong doing, he decided to take the matter into his own hands. He can do that legally. I'm sorry Susan, I really did think this would have gone a lot better than it did."

"Why couldn't she have just waited until the judge sent her to the hospital, before she lost her temper? Why is she so angry at me? I don't understand any of this except that she was raising me as a boy when I am a girl. Why would she do that?"

"You're guess is as good as mine, Susan. But for whatever reason, she has been given ten years in prison, because instead of remaining quiet, she actually angered the judge. When you have two places that is being considered for final sentencing, you want that judge on your side. Your mother did everything wrong from the beginning. We have what is called a truth in sentencing law, and that means your mother will do the whole ten years. If she doesn't take part in any programs while she is there, she may never be able to see you or your sister again. She could be precluded as a child abuser from seeing Angela at least. You will be legally an adult when she gets out. But Angela will only be twelve. I am really so sorry, Susan."

I was now hysterically crying and trembling too. No matter what Kathy said I wouldn't be consoled. I don't know when it happened, or who did it, but when I woke up I was in a hospital room. Cindy, Bobbie, and mom were sitting by the bed. When I woke up, Cindy spoke first.

"It's about time sleepy head. We thought you'd never wake up. How are you feeling?"

"Like somebody ran over me with a train. I feel really drained."

"Do you remember anything that happened this morning?"

"Not right now, Cindy. How did I get here?"

"Well sis, if you really must know, you were crying hysterically in court when the judge sentenced your mother to ten years in prison. Your mother also threatened to get you and that she will never forget what you did. Now listen. You did nothing wrong. Your mother refuses to still admit that you are a girl. She even told the judge that all she was doing was raising her son and baby daughter. That was when the judge gave her ten years in prison, because she didn't tell the judge the truth. But you know that we are here for you Sue, and we always will be."

I broke down again. I was so inconsolable that the doctor had to give me another shot to calm me down. I laid there sleeping, but it seemed I was awake too, because I could hear voices. They seemed far away, but I could still hear them. Somebody was saying it was too bad her mother couldn't see the light for the end of the tunnel. I didn't know what that meant, and I didn't know who was saying it. Then somebody else said they should let her sleep, and come back later. Was I dreaming, or was I actually hearing a real conversation? And if it was real, where was it coming from?

When I woke up, mom was sleeping in the chair by the bed. She looked so peaceful, I just laid there looking at her. At least this was one mother, adopted mother or not, but this one mother who wanted to see me happy. Of course she has been my mother for years, ever since I met Bobbie in kindergarten. She finally opened her eyes and looked at me with that famous Granger smile.

"Hello sweetie, how are you feeling?"

"Hi mom. I'm feeling alright I guess. I feel really drained though. I had a dream while I was sleeping too."

"Oh, what was it about?"

"I was hearing voices, and one of the voices said something about someone couldn't see the light for the end of the tunnel. Then somebody else said they should leave her sleep and they would come back later. I was weird."

"Well, we dream all kinds of dreams, honey. But this wasn't a dream. We were talking about your birth mother, and what you heard in your dream is what we said. We should have actually talked outside of the room, but when we were talking, we were standing off to the side of the bed.

"The doctor wants you to stay here for the week. I will have Bobbie or Cindy bring your homework. But you have been through a very emotional time, and the doctor wants you to rest. We will be here as much as we can, so that you're not alone. I have been here since they brought you in from the courthouse. Honey, try to get some rest, okay. I will be right here, even during the night. The doctor seems to think that will reassure you that everything is all right. I also ordered your meals for you too, since you were sleeping so much. Are you hungry, dear?"

"I'm tired. I feel really drained."

"That is to be expected, but you have to keep your strength up. Your dinner should be here shortly."

"Mom, do I have to eat it all at once? I really don't feel hungry."

"Well, we will see. What you don't eat, the nurses can put away until you want it."

"Mom? MOM!"

She sat on the bed and just held me. I broke down again. I never knew I had so much water in me. I just cried, and the nurse came in with a syringe and put it in my IV. I was asleep in what seemed like seconds. When I woke up, it was dark and my room door was closed. I looked over and saw mom was asleep in the chair that was by the bed. She was sure going to make sure I was safe and protected. I moved a little in the bed, and mom opened her eyes.

"Do you need something, dear?"

"Yes mother, I need to use the restroom."

"Okay, come on, I'll help you."

When we got back to my bed, and I had laid down, the nurse came in. When she saw that I was awake, she said she needed to check my vital signs. After she was done, and had written them down on her rubber glove, she went over to the sofa that was also in the room.

"Mrs. Granger, this is also a pull out bed. I will get you some sheets, blankets, and pillows."

Her name was Darcy, and she was about mom's age, and had a very nice smile. She came back with the bedding, and mom made up the pull out bed. Now I knew she was going to be here at night. Darcy smiled at me and told me to get some rest. When I saw mom just laying down on the sofa bed, I went back to sleep.

Mom was sitting by the bed when I woke up, and told me that my breakfast would be here soon. I smiled, and told her I was hungry. She gave me a big hug, and then asked me if I felt ready to go home. I said yes, and then I asked how long had I been in the hospital.

"You've been here for five days, sweetie. You have been sleeping a lot because you were so inconsolable about what happened in court."

"I'm sorry mom, but I can talk about it now."

"I'm glad to hear that sweetie. Here's your breakfast. Tell you what, I'm going down to the cafeteria and get something too. I will be back right after. You relax and enjoy your breakfast." She gave me a hug, and after saying she would be right back again, she left.

My breakfast tray had a pancake breakfast. Two pancakes, two sausage links, two slices of toast, milk, and juice. The pancakes took up the whole plate, and the sausages were on a separate saucer. I ate one pancake, the sausages, and one slice of toast. I drank my milk and juice. When the nurse came in to take my tray, she asked me if I was feeling all right. I said I was fine, but I don't eat a lot, even at home. I didn't tell her that my normal breakfast was just a slice of jelly toast, milk and juice.

She took my tray, and told me to get a little more rest, because the doctor wouldn't be in until this afternoon. That was because he had office appointments on Fridays. I turned on the television and found a cartoon channel. I was just laughing along when mom came back, holding two cups of coffee.

"Would you like some coffee, dear?"

"Thanks mom, but no. I would like some hot chocolate though."

"I thought you might. Here, this is hot cocoa, not coffee."

"Mom, the nurse said the doctor won't be in until this afternoon. So I guess I have to wait until he gets here. But will you watch cartoons with me?"

"Of course, sweetie. I love cartoons, by the way."

We just sat together enjoying the cartoons, when the nurse came in and took my vital sign readings. She said that she needed updated vitals for the doctor.

"How are you feeling, today?"

"I feel fine. I'm ready to go home, actually."

"That's good. Let me get these readings charted, and I will be right back."

Her name was Kathy, and she was another one with a beaming smile. She looked younger than mom, and had a lot of contagious energy. When she came back, she had good news.

"I called the doctor, and he said that you can get dressed, because when he does get here he is going to discharge you. He was happy to hear that you were feeling much better. But he wants you to talk to the hospital therapist for a bit. He just wants to be sure that you are ready to go home mentally, as well as physically. Will you see the therapist?"

"Yes Kathy, I will."

"Good girl," she said, smiling her contagious smile. "I will go and give her a call."

"Mom, will you stay in here while I talk to her? I would really want you here."

"I don't see why not. The therapist they have here is very nice. Some of my foster kids have had to see her."

"Mom, are you ever going to have foster kids again?"

"Yes dear. Those poor children have to know that somebody cares about their welfare. There are a lot of foster children that have attitudes because they think nobody cares if they live or die. These children have been abused either physically, mentally, and even sometimes, sexually. You aren't a foster child to me, though. Sue, you have been my daughter, and Bobbie's sister longer than you know. I am happy you are living with us.

"By the way, Mr. Marks has told me that he has the adoption papers ready for us to adopt you and Angela. Would you like that, dear?"

"Oh yes! Then I know that I will be in a decent family. I mean, I am now, but then Angie and I can actually have your family name too. Even though I still love my birth mother, and I always will, I think that even when I become an adult, Angie is going to need a safe place to be after mother gets out of prison. I was hoping that she would have gone to the hospital, but I guess she made her bed and she has to lie in it, short sheets and all."

"Yes, dear, I'm afraid so. But you know though, that some people can't be helped because they don't want to be. Your mother still thinks of you as a boy, but everybody else knows you're not. I'm afraid that even when she does get out of prison, she will go back again. It is a shame when some people think they are always right, and everybody else is wrong. But, hey, right now we are going to celebrate you coming home. You know we missed you.

"Bobbie and Cindy came here everyday that you were here, and did their homework. Now and then they would look over at you to see if you were awake. But every time you woke up, you became hysterical, and they had to sedate you, so you could rest. Honey, you even scared me. I even slept here at night too," she pointed to the sofa bed, "so that I could be here when you woke up. I didn't want you to be alone."

"Thank you, mom, I really appreciate that." I gave her a hug, and just held on for dear life.

"Well, it is about time, sis. We thought you'd never wake up." Bobbie was her usual bubbly self, as she, Cindy, daddy and Mr. Marks came in. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay. I'm ready to go home."

"That's great, sis. You know for a while there, you scared us, you really did. Every time you woke up you'd cry and no matter what we did, we couldn't calm you down. But I can see that you're just your usual, cheery self today. That's great. Listen, when we get home we have a nice surprise for you."

"Like what?" I asked like a school girl with her first real dress.

"Mmmmm, you'll just have to wait and see."

"Oh come on, sis, give me a clue."

"Nuhuh, you just have to wait."

I gave that pouty lip, hurt look, and she made a slap motion with her hand. It is so great to have a sister to do things with. It really is. Lunch came up while they were there, and I ate a little bit, but I wasn't really all that hungry. The doctor came in a little after one.

"Well young lady, it is good to see you up and smiling. I've written your discharge, and the nurse will be in shortly for your mom to sign them. I can say though, that you had us really worried there for a while. I hope everything turns out for you."
 
 
Part II - The coming home party.
 
 
We left the hospital, and on the ride home, Cindy, Bobbie, and I were talking, I think faster than the car was moving. They were bringing me up on all the latest gossip at school, and what our assignments were like, because we got a new teacher in World Studies. They said she was always yelling like she was talking to someone outside. I thought about that for a moment. So, I guess maybe I would just sit there and see what was going on. When somebody yells for no reasons, it usually means something happened in their life to make them that way. I wonder if she could be reasoned with. I mean, I will be thirteen this coming August, and maybe I will never see her again.

Before I knew it we were home, and when I got inside I saw a banner in the living room that said WELCOME HOME SUE in big decorative letters formed in an arch. All I could do was just be awed, I mean, no, I was actually floored. It was only Monday that I had gone in the hospital, and this was Friday, so I was in there for four days and six hours.

"What is all of this? I haven't been gone that long." I got hugs from everyone, including Cindy's parents. I went upstairs to put away my things, and then came back down. "Whose idea was this?" I asked looking stern at everyone. They all looked at me, then at each other, then back at me, and said in unison, "mine". It was like a scene right out of Seven Brides For Seven Brothers, where the reverend wanted to know whose baby was it that he heard crying in the house. The women all replied mine.

Anyway, I smiled at the thought that Angie and I were loved so much to be missed this much. There were cupcakes, cheesecake, soda, kool aid, and yes, even pizza. I picked up a styrofoam plate, and it fell right out of my hands. Mom saw this and came right over to me.

"Sit down, dear, and I will get you something."

"I just want a slice of pizza and a soda."

"Alright, go and sit down, and I will bring it to you."

I sat down on the sofa, and I started to think about the events that had me in the hospital. I only wish my mother would have kept quiet long enough for Kathy to make her recommendation to the court, and the judge sending mother to the hospital. But it was like mom had said though, some people just can't be helped because they don't want to be. I was wrapped up in my thoughts, that I didn't hear mom standing next to me.

"Oh! I'm sorry, mom, I was just thinking about Monday, and what happened in court."

"Would you like to talk about it?"

"Yes. I guess I'm still saddened that mother made the decision of where to go because she was still trying to get the judge to understand that she didn't do anything wrong. And then threatening me in front of the judge didn't help either. I mean, why is she like this though?" She sat down, and I laid my head on her shoulder. Cindy took my plate and set it on the coffee table for now. "Everything could have gone better if only she would have kept quiet. I still think she isn't a bad person though. I mean she never killed anybody, or stole anything, or kidnapped anyone. She could have gone to the hospital where she could get the help she needs. What kind of help can she get in prison?"

"I don't know, sweetie. I suspect there are programs there, just as there are in the hospital. But I just don't know. She moved a little, holding my head in her hands, and then she tilted my head to look at her. "This is not going to go away too soon, but I want you to know that it does get better. There is a saying that time heals all wounds. We will see. In the meantime, young lady, this is a party, so let's have fun."

"I really don't feel much like having fun. How has Angie been? I would like to see her."

We went upstairs, and I peeked in our room. Angie was fast asleep. I gently closed the door, and started toward the stairs, when I heard Angie's voice.

"Sithy ith that you?"

I opened the door, and putting on my smile, I said, "Yes, sweetie, it's me." She ran over to me and gave the biggest hug she could manage. I picked her up and sat her on my lap, sitting on our bed.

"I mithed you sithy."

"I missed you too, little sister. Would you like a cupcake?"

"Oh yeth."

"Then let's go ... oh, after I change you." I got out a clean diaper, and cleaned her up, and then lotioned and powdered her and put the clean diaper and plastic pants on. I then told her to sit right there, because I had to clean this diaper and put it in the diaper pail. She was still sitting there like a good girl, when I came back.

"Come Angie, let's go and get you a cupcake."

We went downstairs, and everybody saw me carrying Angie. They all came over and gave us both hugs, and I told everyone that Angie would like a cupcake. Bobbie got her a cupcake, and a little sippy cup of soda. Cindy brought her high chair from the kitchen, and we all had a wonderful time. I forgot my sadness because I had Angie to care for. Even though mom does a wonderful job with her, she is my flesh and blood, and I consider it not only my duty to watch her, but an honor too. Angie is such a beautiful child. I had forgotten all about my pizza, when mom reminded me that it was still on the coffee table. I sat down,and started to nibble, but not before I gave Angie a small piece. She just sat there having fun like any two year old would. Most of the cupcake and small piece of pizza were mostly on her face and high chair, but she was having fun.

I sat there beaming at the prospect of having my own little girl to fuss over, the way I fuss over Angie. Mom saw my dreamy eyes and came and sat down next to me.

"A penny for your thoughts, dear."

"Oh, I was thinking how wonderful it would be to have my own little girl to fuss over. When I look at Angie and see how cute she is, and the things she does, makes me think I could be a very good mother."

"And you will be, too. Honey, when you get older there is nothing stopping you from getting married and having a wonderful family." She looked me in the eyes and told me that she was proud of me, the way that I look after Angela, and the way that I help around the house, and with the cooking, and the laundry. Then she giggled and said that was what being a mother was all about, mostly. I giggled too, and Bobbie and Cindy wanted to know what was so funny, so we told them. They giggled too.

Because everybody was having something to eat now, nobody wanted dinner, except Angie, who said she wanted thicken thoup. She was so cute. So I got out a can of chicken noodle soup, and heated it up in the pan, not too hot, but just hot enough for Angie to eat. Angela just loves crackers with her soup. She plays more than she eats, but it is fun watching her. When she was finished eating her soup, I washed her hands, and wiped her face off, and then said we needed to get her changed. I carried her upstairs, and I changed her. After putting the soiled diaper in the pail, I went back in our room, and saw that she was fast asleep in the center of the bed. She looked like a little angel. I covered her up, and went back downstairs. I told everybody that Angie was asleep. That's when mom came and gave me a hug.

"Honey, if you have any doubts about being a good mother, just look at the way you take care of your sister. That is being a mother. You have it in your heart dear, and I have no doubts about you being the best mother you can be." We hugged again, and all of a sudden I wanted more pizza.

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Continued in Chapter XXII - Mommy Sue