Went to funeral for my uncle yesterday. Was there crying my eyes out and not really all that able to walk after when my brother makes a fuss over my choice of clothing. Simple pink shirt and black dress pants. So he pushes me outside as he wants me to leave, since I wasn't all that steady I was in no shape to drive.

So after he pushes me I push back when he punches me in the mouth really hard.

I just read a story on fictionmania called simply Dot. It is a very moving and touching story.

Its very hard for someone writing to know how they are doing lately as it seems the only comments are from the *core group* of like 8 people and the rest don't comment at all.

Kudo's mean nothing to a writer really its the feedback a writer craves. Okay its also about attention too, which for most of the tg community who spent most of their lives purposely NOT drawing attention to themselves you have to admit the craving for it in some small way is there.

Dorothy mentioned someone with any names. Well that person is me.

I went to doctor yesterday for the results of some tests I have been getting lately. Had hot flashes, breast pain etc. I expected that I was going into menopause or something.

Well I am barren. I will never be able to have children. While I kinda expected that it still hit me really really hard.

Okay I am seriously disappointed. I wrote "the waiting room" hours ago and aside from Dorothy nobody has made a single comment on it at all.

If it was that bad, even though I was kinda proud of one point in it, I am not sure I wish to continue writing about it.

Depressed

For those wondering I am trying to get another chapter out. John has given me stuff to work with but my muse is being stubborn. Also real life exhaustion doesn't leave me with much.

I find myself in a VERY bad mood. So much so that I am actively angry but have no cause for it or direction. I am trying hard to not lash out at anything and I am on the edge of screaming should someone provoke me.

I hate these moods as they come on for no reason except that it is also carrying a definate element of fear.

Since I automatically disassociate and reassociate things the cause could have started very early in the day and only hit me now.

I am contiplating putting on some leather gloves and actually breaking things. Old tvs, some walls in house, fence outside.

Long day today cut down and tree at a friends place. Piled the logs and cut up all the brush.. by myself. Then took a number of parts off some cars.

Tommorow is a rest day for me so I can kick back relax and maybe get that darn chapter of The mysterious case out and maybe another chapter of some other stories im working on.

I was just looking through my list of stories and its like wow who wrote those. Can't be me I am not even a talented amateur. Still is quite a few. I blame the muse that keeps filling my head with story after story and my hand that itch to type away.

I have updated but with a bit more words its not even close to being finished yet but since i got some flu im going back to sleep and will work on it again later.

I enjoy comments on my stories way more than kudos. Please thank you all for the comments and keep them comming.

More comments = more stories.

Note: I dont really wanna write continuations of Mother's wish or The Island as they are complete stand alone stories that have all the answers to what will happen in them. Read them as many times as you wish.

Meh today I feel like crap. Having cramps that come and go and pretty much exhaust me. No its not the runs/trots/diarrhea. Id take that its not as painful and exhausting. Nor would I be swollen like a frigging balloon either. Wanted to work on my stories but im just so out of it half the time ill skip for today.

I can't beleive I am still going strong on this story, nor that the words just seem to flow filling the page fast, I haven;t even gotten to the first date yet and Im probably already at 6k words.

Although I have sparks for stories every 5 mins and a story develops from a spark to full lenght one by the time I reach the bottom of stairs usually, missing some details among other stuff.

I am writing a new one based in part with my love of cars. I am not going to post it here till I'm satisfied with it. I write in notepad which is on just about any computer.

I have alot of stories already in production here which I can work on when the mood swings inline with the area of that story.

mistaken girl chapter 4 is up it took awhile to get to moms appearance. never made it to store yet even though its 6 am the next day.

Enjoy