OK, I freely admit to the duality of my nature. On one hand, I am devout. On the other hand, were I married, things could go way over the top within the confines of our bedroom. It is probably a shock to some of you. In the time when I wished to kill my self, perhaps some will think I should have. Frankly I have an attachment to pain that I did not understand and felt considerable guilt over most of my life. I think only one or two of you actually do understand. I never acted on it they way I wished to.
The point is that knowing myself better now, I no longer wish to be beaten, branded with a red hot coat hangar, pierced or shackled in any way at all.
Sorry this was a shock to some of you.
Gwendolyn
Comments
So you are or were a masochist
Gwen -
What someone and their significant other does in the privacy of their own home and bedroom is their business (or should be).
My Amigdala works fine!
Well, this stems from a past blog where I inexpertly tried to get people into a discussion of the writing techniques used in 50 Shades, not because it is such a good teaching aid on how to live life, but I think the Author (a paid one) used some very clever ways of putting the story together. I am not condoning what the characters did but admiring the way the author hooked the reader into the story. I can name on the fingers of my hands the writers here who have demonstrated as much expertise.
I know very well, and hate, the idea of being beaten into obedience, but did not bring the story up for that reason. In reality, that sort of thing does not happen in the story.
In saying "My Amigdala Works Fine", that area of our brains is what regulates impulses, and mine is choked down so much that I can barely get away with anything. :)
G
A thin line
The saying is that there is a thin line between pleasure and pain. I fortunately have a good grasp of where that line is.
I completely understand that some things can hurt sooooooo gooooood! However, when it becomes physically damaging, or leaves permanent marks, that is too far.
I'm glad you have gotten a handle on that side of yourself as that is a dangerous game to play.
My own addiction to pain runs more along the lines of externalizing emotional anguish. When I hurt inside, I hit something - the pain to my hands (or my head - yeah, I've gone there before, banging my head into the wall....) helps me to focus the internal anguish outside of my body. Yes, it's stupid, and yes, I have broken both of my hands before, not to mention numerous cuts, abrasions, and contusions along the way.
I have tried to control it for years, and actually thought that I had succeeded. That was until I started on hormones. It seems that between the hormones, and what has transpired in my life over the past month or so, I have found the need to hit again. Just a few weeks ago, the day that I found out that my nephew was telling the whole world about me, I put my right hand through a 1/2 inch sheet of plywood. The instant I did it I felt better - but for about two weeks afterwards I suffered from the pain, the cuts, and the bruising in my hand. Of course, it's much easier to cope with the inconvenience of the physical pain than it is with the anguish of the hurt to my soul.
Kinky is fine, but please don't do anything to hurt yourself. You would deprive me, and the rest of your friends, of the joy of knowing you. That is something that can not be forgiven.
Dallas
D. Eden
Dum Vivimus, Vivamus
When you do SRS ...
Your temper will disappear, believe me, it will. Mine did.
Gwen, you are neither perverted nor weird.
Well, okay, weird maybe, but that just makes you more lovable as far as I'm concerned. I've never been accused of being sane and I appreciate the same in my friends. LOL! Trust me Gwen, when I say that you are no stranger than most of the rest of humankind... well, except for me. I'm nuttier than a bloody fruitcake myself.
What? No! I'm in the middle of talking to... but... but... okay, okay! Sorry Gwen, the voices are telling me to shut up. Hang in there hon. We all love ya.
Hugs and love,
Cathy
As a T-woman, I do have a Y chromosome... it's just in cursive, pink script.
I Hate to Tell You This, But...
You're normal
love
shalimar
I'm just glad that I can say
I'm just glad that I can say I am most certainly not normal...
Samirah M. Johnstone