The saying is that there is a thin line between pleasure and pain. I fortunately have a good grasp of where that line is.

I completely understand that some things can hurt sooooooo gooooood! However, when it becomes physically damaging, or leaves permanent marks, that is too far.

I'm glad you have gotten a handle on that side of yourself as that is a dangerous game to play.

My own addiction to pain runs more along the lines of externalizing emotional anguish. When I hurt inside, I hit something - the pain to my hands (or my head - yeah, I've gone there before, banging my head into the wall....) helps me to focus the internal anguish outside of my body. Yes, it's stupid, and yes, I have broken both of my hands before, not to mention numerous cuts, abrasions, and contusions along the way.

I have tried to control it for years, and actually thought that I had succeeded. That was until I started on hormones. It seems that between the hormones, and what has transpired in my life over the past month or so, I have found the need to hit again. Just a few weeks ago, the day that I found out that my nephew was telling the whole world about me, I put my right hand through a 1/2 inch sheet of plywood. The instant I did it I felt better - but for about two weeks afterwards I suffered from the pain, the cuts, and the bruising in my hand. Of course, it's much easier to cope with the inconvenience of the physical pain than it is with the anguish of the hurt to my soul.

Kinky is fine, but please don't do anything to hurt yourself. You would deprive me, and the rest of your friends, of the joy of knowing you. That is something that can not be forgiven.

Dallas