Perhaps this isn't worth reading... It may not be encouraging. It reflects my personal beliefs based on personal experience and a LOT of reading...

First, who we are (our minds) is not directly related to the "shell" (our bodies) - except that one contains the other. There is evidence that our brains develop in the first trimester, while our genitalia and effectively our bodies develop in the second. Therefore, it IS possible to have a brain that is measurably female, while having a body that is measurably male. Then things start to get a little murkier. There appears to be genetic markers relating to trans... (Someone without the markers is far less likely to be trans than someone with them, but someone with them is not guaranteed to be trans.) My understanding is that this is like many other conditions. We may have a genetic predilection to having a condition but not develop it without some OTHER triggering factor. Ever notice that some folks seem to NEVER get depressed, no matter how much stress they're under, while others become depressed with a much lower stress threshold (almost, in some cases as if it happens when someone looks cross-eyed at them). My daughter's Psychiatrist said this is due to those genetic factors plus environmental triggers.

We are who we are. Part is innate, part seems learned. Have you noticed that some people from very bad neighborhoods turn out to be wonderful and loving while others don't? And, how some people who are brought up with advantage can still be loving and caring while others seem to not care in the least about others... Another example - have you known maternal twins... Sometimes they are very similar, but not always. And, even if they have virtually the same life experience/environment they can have very different personalities? I have. I've also known a few people from vastly different backgrounds the turn out to be VERY similar in many ways. This all combines to tell me that neither nature nor nurture are the sole contributing factors.

I've seen outstanding examples of male or female - young adults. Both of which may have grown up without positive role models (think back to those environments I mentioned... A great leader - who grew up in the gheto... etc.).

Another factor is understanding that it IS possible to have a discrepancy between the "who you are" in the brain vs. "who you are" in your body. I was brought up to believe that there were guys and there were girls... And those few strange people like Christine Jorgenson and Renee Richards were just that strange. In fact, there were people around me that claimed that Renee transitioned because she couldn't hack it on the male tennis circuit. *sighs* So, yes, I hid and also believed I was a bit crazy... for quite a long time...

I had very positive male role models - in my dad, my uncles, my grand fathers, etc... I lived in a loving environment. So, in my case your suggestion that lack of positive role models doesn't work.

On the other hand, LACK of such role models and experiencing abuse? Not something I experienced so this is pure speculation... COULD that induce a person who was aware of the possibility of trans to believe they were - without the medical condition? Maybe. I honestly don't know. The mind (& subconscious) is a powerful thing. I can see a mind "deciding" that this would "protect" it from future problems... But, I dunno. If you're concerned that this might be a contributing issue for you, it's something you really should spend a LOT of time working through with your therapist. You need to come to understand where such thoughts come from... Do they come from being depressed? Do they come from lack of confidence in who you are? Do they come from feelings of inadequacy? So many possibilities. My personal opinion (and it's just that and in no way represents a suggestion for anyone else!!!!!) is that if we question who we are, or FEAR our transition, we shouldn't be transitioning "yet"... Why? One part is that it could be our subconscious telling us - just what you're asking - that maybe we aren't trans and/or don't need to transition. Or, it could be a rational fear that we can't pass and will hurt worse if we try, or any number of other issues. But, I feel if we have such issues, we need to resolve them before transition, if possible, in order that they not get in the way of our transition (It'd suck to sabotage ourselves).

To your first point... The international intersex association (I can't recall their acronym right now) considers transsexuality an intersex condition...) based on the brain/body development discussion above. From the way your worded your first point, though, you seem to be letting yourself fall into the trap (that's apparent in a significant body of fiction here on BCTS and elsewhere) that being intersex or having ambiguous genitalia etc. is somehow "superior" or "more acceptable" than not. (Some of my favorite stories here use "intersex" to get their characters out of trouble and explain away why they transition.) Are there people with non-TS intersex conditions that are happy with their assigned gender? I believe that many if not most probably do... But, either way, my belief is that more obvious intersex conditions are not inherently superior to someone without them.

And, again, it's worth taking time to think about when you feel least adequate... Are they when you're feeling lowest? Could it be when you're hormone levels drop? I know, for me, I'm more likely to feel dark thoughts or be convinced that something will go wrong, occurs in the days leading up to my next shot. (My hormones are injected - every two weeks.)

Good luck in working through your issues.

Annette

It is a common misconception that transsexualism
stands by itself. Instead it comes with a great amount of
baggage the most common is obsessive compulsive disorder
in some cases it is severe enough to interfer with our
Ability to function

Knowing most tses have this allows us to cope with if not overcome

We have to realise we are obsessing and do what we do to break
The cycle

Dayna