Printer-friendly version
Author:
Blog About:
Just sitting here in the very early morning wondering?
When did you first suspect that you had a girl in you too?
Just wondering actually. Nothing more.
Blessings
Gwen
When Boys First Know There Is A Girl In Them Too
A word from our sponsor:
Comments
good question
Probably @ 12/13. Up until then, being a child of the sixties/seventies longer hair and androgenous clothes were just normal, I got to wear tights, girls shoes and a tunic dress for a school play (I was the Page) and until I went to nursery, well all babies/toddlers wore dresses for practical reasons.
So yeah, early teens would be it not that at that time I knew it was really a thing. On the TV cross-dressing appearred on the Two Ronnies (The Worm that turned) and Danny la Rue in sparkly frocks camped it up on Saturday nights. By the laws of averages there must have been 'gays' at school but it was a time here of hiding such things so I didn't meet any openly gay people until I was in my twenties!
Different times.
Mads
Madeline Anafrid Bell
Five
So 1956
Love, Andrea Lena
Hm...
About 55 in a counselling session. But that is not too surprising. There were clues since pre-teens but I am emotionally stupid.
First became aware
Probably around 5.
5 or 6 IIRC.
5 or 6 IIRC.
Kris
{I leave a trail of Kudos as I browse the site. Be careful where you step!}
Early Inkling, Long Time to Register
I know for a fact the feelings first consciously hit me when I was 6, but at the time I had no idea what it was really or any really understanding of gender. All I knew was I REALLY wanted one of those nightgowns I saw the young girls wearing in the JC Penney or Sears catalogs that my mom and grandmother used to have around their houses. I hated boy pajamas after that and used to make them into makeshift bikinis instead.
Hey Gwen, Love Ya
Around my 4th b'day.
New next door neighbors had a daughter, maybe a few months younger than me. We played together; can't remember much except once (?) having lunch with her at her house and eating vegetable soup. I next remember being out in her backyard, playing on a blanket while her mother hung clothes to dry. Then were were swapping clothes. Next I saw the shadow of her mother. memory ends. I can't remember anything for a while. I guess my parents were scolding me and saying boys don't wear girls clothes. I remember saying "but I'm a girl!". Also, I was forbidden to play with any girls. Very few memories till 3rd grade.
Hugs and Bright Blessings,
Renee
Memory Blocked
An experience so traumatic that you blocked it out of your memory?
-- Daphne Xu (a page of contents)
Misread
I first misread the title as something like, "When the boys first know there's a girl in among them." It changes the meaning and connotation.
People sometimes misread things.
-- Daphne Xu (a page of contents)
When did I know?
Jeeze!! That's a hell of a question. From aged four to six, I 'borrowed' my older sisters underwear (knickers mostly) but it was sparodic. Sometimes I couldn't do without them then at other times I detested them. Then when I was 'put away' I craved them all the time and refusal caused me much distress.
Finally, when I escaped borstal, I went on a desperate indulgence during my brief interlude on the streets. I lived rough and dressed full time as a prostitute. Finally when I joined the ship, I was free to wear whatever underwear I wanted (as a cabin boy) and througout those eight to nine years until aged twenty two or three, I managed to live with the 'flip-flop' lifestyle driven by my presumed transvestism. It was only when I was in my mid to late twenties that I finally realised that I was probably transgendered but the need to live as a female was not great. Provided my underwear was female, I could rub along presenting externally as a male and my new wife could accept that. Later on we arrived at an arrangement where I would go away for one or two weekends every month to Manchester. Later on when the kids had left school, she sometimes accompanied me on these outings and I think she actually enjoyed them. It gave her a chance to let her hair down.
Finally, we both recognised that I was a transgendered and eventually, after she died of brain Cancer, I transitioned at aged 68.
Maybe always felt her?
It's confusing; difficult to know. Lately I wonder if she was always there. Late in life I learned that I am Intersex. I wonder if just lots of us were twins at conception but then blended together somewhat like a Chimera?
The males in my life were right basterds. I refused to identify with them. At times, people thought I was gay because why ??? I looked sort of between male and female, though people decided that since I had a "thing", I must be male? I think that Teddie's Two Spirit person in "The Trials and Tribulations of a Girl", could be the best fit. I've lived as a woman since 2004.
I should have known
I should have known much sooner. Growing up in the fifties, there wasn't much available to put it into my mind. I discovered the joys of girl's clothes at 8 or 9 I never really quit indulging after that. There were times of forced hiatus but never by my choice. I never really had much in the way of women's clothes that I could call my own. Even after my sister got married and moved out, there were some of her things still around the house. All that I had that wasn't hers was a bra, slip and some panties and an old shirtwaist dress that would have been in style for an over fifty woman and a pair of sparklely pair of to small flats that I could squeeze my feet into.
So the nearest thing to a purge I went through was to leave that behind when I got married. I never really thought about it as being something more than an attraction to the clothes and always assumed that I'd get over it.
It wasn't until I had been married 5 years that I was forced into dealing with it. My wife walked in on me dressed in her clothes. At that point I was still convinced it was just all about the clothes, but had to admit that I couldn't not dress in them; that it wasn't going away.
It wasn't until years later, after the internet, that I could learn about trans and what it was and meant in my life. It was couple of decades later that I finally determined that it was about who I was, not what I was wearing. I can't really put a date or even a year on it when I realized it, but I was at least 30 probably more like 35. Figuring out what to do about it took a couple of decades more. All the while, dressing as who I was became more and more prevalent. I was somewhere in my late sixties before I began to seek out any kind of professional help and I was 72 before I managed to really put myself on the track that firmly established me as transgender.
Hugs
Patricia
Happiness is being all dressed up and HAVING some place to go.
Semper in femineo gerunt
Ich bin eine Mann