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Why am I so weak? I read stories of people who went through stuff that makes my life look like a Sunday picnic and I wonder why is it that I feel like I am hanging on by my fingernails? Why can't I be stronger?
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Comments
You aren't though.
Dorothy I promise you one thing... You are not weak, to prove my point...You are still here and breathing. Every single one of us has our own challenges we face, some worse in some ways and some better in others. I guarantee though that there is someone else looking at what you faced and wish they could be as strong as you.
Most of the time I wonder how I keep it all together. Through my divorce, ex outing me, family disowning me, then the court battle for my kids, I think its a miracle that I'm still standing from the juggling act I do. The whole time though most of my friends tell me how much they admire me for how strong I am. I cant see it though, because I feel like I'm just barely hanging in there. We can't see in ourselves what others see in us, maybe because we are our own worst critic.
I promise you though, you are much stronger than you believe.
Much peace and love
Rebecca
I know I’m weird. The fact that I’m trans is probably one of the more normal things about me.
Weak? Not at all.
You're still here, still fighting; even if your battles seem to be small ones, you're still going, you haven't given up.
The way I see it, the weak ones are the ones that give up, make no effort at all and in some cases, commit suicide.
I have a feeling that my recent blog is one of the reasons why you posted this. I could be wrong, but I don't think so. Yeah, I've gone through a lot, some of it pretty nasty, but I know damn well there are people out there much worse off than I am or have been.
It's a struggle sometimes to cope, but you know that you have friends here who will give you whatever support they can.
I'll be happy enough to chat with you in PMs if you need it, just send a message if you want to do that.
Weak? Never!
Mom always told me that God never gives us more than we can handle.
1) Perhaps He knows that you are at your limit, or
2) It could just be that you're such an amazing person, that you don't have too much left to learn, or,
3) It could just be that you already possess such inner strength that trials and tribulations are unnecessary to further build your character.
Anywho, you are you, and that's pretty damn AWESOME in my book.
*Kisses*
Haylee V
*Kisses Always*
Haylee V
No oppression olympics, please
The things that make the same overt experience bearable or unbearable aren't easily visible from the outside. I've been reading and rereading The Body Keeps the Score, by Bessel van der Kolk, which is AFAIK the most complete summary of what is known about trauma, especially childhood trauma.
One thing that makes a huge difference is whether as a small child you had someone in your life you felt safe with. But that's only one factor.
Also, keep in mind that it is depressingly common for traumatized people to minimize what was done to them -- sometimes because their abusers gaslit them, sometimes because they minimized it themselves so they could survive. You've written a little about what happened to (though I'm sure there's other stuff you haven't told us), and to me it's amazing that you can function at all.
Ultimately, we all do the best we can with what we have. Whether we have an easier or harder time getting past the horrors of our past is not evidence of whether we're good or bad or lazy or diligent or what. In other discussion areas, they use the phrase "oppression olympics" to describe when people compare who supposedly has it worse, and it's considered a Bad Thing(tm).
And one thing that really helps with healing is to simply tell your story and admit and say and declaim how bad it was as often as you need to and to as many people as you need to and in as much detail as you need to until it ceases to feel like something shameful or something you're not supposed to say out loud. Because the silencing ("Silence = Death") and gaslighting are half of the trauma.
Coping
My grandfather taught me how to handle adversity. It takes a bit of effort to train yourself to do it but it does work. I've had both knees replaced culminating 11 surgeries. I've had back surgery, and last may a sextuple bypass. I nursed my bedridden wife for nine years before her death. That's on top of being trans.
Grandpa said that absolutely Everything that happens has a good side. The secret is to train yourself to look for the good FIRST, then hold onto it while you deal with the bad. The good you're clutching prevents the bad from becoming overwhelming. Believe me, it does work.
Boys will be girls... if they're lucky!
Jennifer Sue
You are not weak!
If you were weak, you would have given up long ago. Weakness isn't struggling against adversity, it's giving up. As long you keep going you are not weak.
Asking for help and support isn't weakness, it's a sign that you are smart.
Huggles.