The night air was warm, and tacky. It was as bearable as it could be while still being notably unpleasant. It was the company I had at the time that made up for it. I had found myself outside with Amber and her band, The Tearaways, to help them pack up. All of the equipment and gear was up to the bands themselves to bring, it seems. King’s didn’t usually host a lot of bands from around the Garden, so it made sense to me. The rhythmic booming occasionally reaching us from the inside of King’s was coming from the band that came on after them. “Is there a reason we’re packing up like this,” I asked, “you guys only just finished, right? I’m sure my friends wouldn’t mind if we all sat together and enjoyed all the other bands.”
Victoria, who was organizing all the equipment in the back just shot me a nervous yet pointed look, then proceeded looking over at Amber, who herself seemed nervous fidgeting and rubbing her arm at what I just said. “Okay, I guess I forgot to mention on the way here earlier; we’ve got some – history – with the band on right now. Tori would rather we just pack up and split than risk running in with the rest of Toxcyn tonight,” Amber explained.
Victoria let out a heavy sigh, and signaled to me with her hands to lift up an amp next to me into the back of the van. She was making sure not to stuff things on top of what looked like a makeshift bed. I had a feeling it was better not to ask. Amber tried her best to maneuver to help me lift things, but she soon looked a bit shocked by how I was lifting the heavier pieces of equipment with ease. I very often surprise people with my strength, given my disarming size and demeanor. Enette is always saying that I must have been an ant at some point in some past life. The two of us are often in the position to carry all the heavy stuff amongst our friend group, so tonight, lifting a few speakers and amps was honestly light work. Tori, taking notice, started to chuckle. It was quickly shattered as her face wrinkled in disgust, as a far away voice echoed from inside the club. I had managed to get the last bit of equipment on the ground inside, and Tori did a double check to make sure everything was in there. “Okay, that’s that. Let’s get the fuck out of here. I don’t want to risk running into any one of them when their set is over,” she said briskly.
Amber hurriedly motioned her to stop, and pointed at me from behind her back, and Tori’s expression softened as her shifting gaze came my direction. She looked back at Amber and let out a soft sigh. “Alright. You know where the van’ll be. Don’t stay out too late with her, alright? See you tomorrow.”
“Them.” Amber said a bit firmly.
“I thought you told me it was both, but okay,” Tori replied, jokingly.
She hopped out and let their drummer, Claire, into the back before closing the door. Nick, a vibrant Flannel Moth, settled into the front seat. He was their lead guitarist, and also sang alongside Tori. That left Amber on bass, she sang too most of the night. And honestly, from what I could hear she did more than Nick, at least tonight. But that wasn’t much of my business. His voice could’ve been stressed for all I know. That, and I figure having the flashy moth, and bombshell spider up front-and-center was part of the appeal they were going for. I’d be lying, however, if I said my focus wasn’t mostly on Amber.
They started to drive away and make their way across the cobbled paths and out of sight. The garden is home to a lot of insects who can’t fly, and they rely on being able to get around at comparable speeds. Even those of us who can fly sometimes need the help to carry heavy stuff across. That being said, it is a bit of hassle to get human things adjusted for our sizes. I try not to think about it too much. Not too long after the van had left, I felt a tapping on my shoulder. “Earth to Darbee, you in there?”
Amber looked at me with a slight smirk. I guess I had zoned out in thought. There’s a reason I don’t try to think about certain things too much. I tend to space out and my eyes glaze over. My friends say it’s endearing, I worry it’s distracting. Case in point, right now. I can feel the switch flick back on in my head, as I blink and my focus is instantly on Amber. “Y-yeah, sorry! I-I didn’t mean to space out there!” I was failing at keeping my stutter at bay.
Amber could only let out a soft laugh. “You’re okay,” she reassured me, resting her hand on my shoulder, “come on, I don’t wanna stick around here too when the next band has to come out back and pack their stuff.”
“But what about my friends? I said I’d be right back after I helped you pack things up,” I muttered.
“Oh? Darn, I was so looking forward to spending more time with you tonight,” she said, walking forward a few steps, then turning around towards me again.
She was giving a soft look my way that shot right through me, “I guess I should have asked earlier. But I’d rather not pull you away if your friends are gonna worry.”
I could feel my heart skipping, like I’d miss something important if I didn’t follow through at this exact moment. “I mean… I can always tell them where I am later. I wouldn’t mind spending more time with you, if that’s alright?”
After giving a knowing wink, accompanied by a smirk that once again shot through me, she started walking off in the opposite direction to the Tearaways’ van. I quickly hopped forward to walk alongside her. Once the music started to slow down, she picked up the pace. I let curiosity get the better of me. “So is there a reason you don’t want to run into anyone?”
Slowing down a bit once it seemed enough distance was reached, she began rubbing the back of her neck. “We’ve got a bit of bad blood with a few members of Toxcyn – namely their drummer,” she explained, “see, he used to date Tori. He also used to be our drummer. But he started getting into the habit of beating on – more than just the drums – when Tori and I started getting close. He was a real jealous type.”
“Oh –” I let out, softly.
“Nick promised to kill him next time they saw each other, he was really pissed seeing him getting ready after us earlier. I hope that wasn’t too obvious to anyone in the audience.”
It was. I wasn’t quite sure what to say at that moment, I felt like it’d be better to listen. “And I promised I’d rip his wings off,” she sighed, “But I know Tori would rather we try to ignore him and we’d be able to just – Be. Not having to deal with him directly.”
“Gosh,” I started, “that sounds like a real mess. I’m sorry.”
“Hmm? Why? You couldn’t have known,” Amber said, as we kept walking.
The cobble path we were walking along was right alongside the massive pond at the edge of the garden. Many of the businesses on the path had plenty of advertisements and fliers for the upcoming Pyre Lantern festival. And across the pond, you could see the temporary dock set up where you could get an up close view of the lanterns and fireflies who danced with them.
“Say, I know a decent spot to grab a bite down the pond, if you’re hungry? I could go for some grilled aphid,” she continued, clearly trying to shift the conversation away.
“O-Oh! Y-yeah, I could eat!” I wasn’t expecting to get pulled into a dinner with Amber tonight, or more time with her at all if I’m being honest.
I could tell that she could tell that I was really nervous. She slowed down just a bit to match the speed I was going at for that reason. “It’s really good to see you again, and dry this time too!” she started to laugh.
“Tell me about it,” I said, letting out a soft chuckle in response to her. “ I don’t think I’ve told you thank you quite enough for not letting me drown. So, thank you,”
“Oh, so when you said thank you like, a million times, while holding onto me tight wasn’t enough?” she said, continuing to laugh.
I started locking up and blushing, unsure what to say in response. We had met just a few weeks prior during a really bad late-spring storm. I was late getting home from my pollination duties, and ended up getting caught in the freak downpour. I’m a terrible swimmer, and I ended up getting stuck in a flooded flowerbed. I was very lucky that she was nearby and heard me screaming. She managed to pluck me out and we sat under the cover of some leaves until the sun came out again, talking the whole time. The way the light hit her face then at that moment lit something in me I didn’t know existed. I could feel it raging right now.
Letting out a sigh, and regaining her composure, she looked over at me again. “Sorry,” she started, “I guess I shouldn’t laugh about it? That probably was a very traumatic moment for you.”
“No, it’s fine. It would’ve been so much worse if you weren’t there. You made that whole experience so much better,” I said, darting my eyes up at her, “I don’t think I could’ve asked for anyone else to make me feel as safe as you did in that moment.”
She started blushing, trying to turn her head away as if to hope I didn’t notice.
“Hmm? Are you okay?” I prodded, as she kept trying to hide her smiling face.
“I’m fine. I’m just – really glad I was able to help when I could, is all,” she said, trying even harder to keep composure.
“Oh, wow. Are you blushing right now?” I teased.
“Maybe a little,” she shied away a bit more, scratching her chin with her index finger, “what’s it to you?”
“Nothing, except maybe a bit of disappointment that I don’t get to see that pretty pretty smile of yours I like so much,” I continued with my teasing.
She started coughing erratically after choking on a nervous laugh. “Ohmigosh, are you okay?” I said, finding myself rushing towards her in a small panic.
“Y-yeah,” she said, catching her breath again, “wow I am bad at this,” she groaned.
“Oh good, we have that in common!” I chimed as she started glancing over to me, her face still flushed.
“Oh! Look, we’re here,” she said pointing to my right.
There sat a small unassuming restaurant with maybe two or three other bugs, including the staff there had to be maybe six people altogether inside. I’d never been there before, but I could smell from outside that it was going to be delicious. It was a fusion place, a bit of local cuisine crossed with something Asian I wasn’t too familiar with. We walked in and the man behind the register waved to Amber. I guess she was a regular here? She then began gesturing to the corner booth for me to sit down there. I looked around at the faded decor and then at her, she started to look really nervous. Part of me was worried, and a little sad that I couldn’t disarm her as well as she disarmed me. I don’t remember the last time anyone made me feel so safe. Our attention was diverted to a waitress coming by with water, a salad for the both of us, and some fresh spring rolls. She also gave a single menu to me, and Amber just gave a quick thumbs up. I guess she’d been there plenty enough times to know what her favorite was and the staff knew as well.
“This is mine and Tori’s favorite place, we usually come here after every gig if we can” she started, “if it’s your first time I’d avoid anything you can’t pronounce, okay?”
I shook my head and started to read through, and thought I’d get something safe. Veggie-flower stir-fry seemed easiest. I rarely, if ever, eat meat, I prefer more sugar than anything. But pillbug wasn’t bad on occasion. But I wasn’t in the mood to be too adventurous tonight. I pointed to it on the menu, and the waitress nodded and walked off. After processing the last few moments, I caught a glimpse at her again. She seemed to have calmed down after eating a bit of comfort food. “So,” I began to ask, “you and Tori come here a lot? I wouldn’t have minded if she came with us.”
“Uh,” Amber chuckled nervously, “she and I are on a bit of a break right now.”
“Oh, I – Uh. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to –”
“Nonono, it’s nothing bad,” she interrupted me, “she’s just struggling with a very bad breakup right now, and doesn’t want me to get wrapped up in her broken heart right now. This isn’t the first time it’s happened. In fact, she’s asked for a break with all her other partners for the same reason. But we’re still together.”
“Wow, that… Sounds really messy. I’m still sorry,” I said assuringly, even if my heart started sinking deep into my stomach when hearing that “together.”
I guess it was a little foolish of me to think this was a spur-of-the-moment date. Of course a girl like her would be taken. Of course I’d gotten my hopes up, and gotten a little too into the moment to even try and flirt with her. I don’t think I can remember the last time I felt this embarrassed with myself. But the way she held my chin up and looked into my eyes earlier today? What was that? Did it mean anything at all? Why am I letting myself get so worked up over this?
I’m guessing Amber noticed my sinking, and broke the silence I let myself fall into; “she’s a tough girl, she’ll pull through. But the next time you see her, you might wanna thank her. She’s the one who encouraged me to try and take you on a quick date tonight,” Amber said, taking another bite from her spring roll.
Wait. What? Now I was feeling my heart tumble in confusion. “She encouraged you? S-s-she doesn’t mind you being out on a date with another girl?”
Amber just started laughing, “well, yeah. What? Did you miss when I said “partners” – plural? She’s dating two other people right now, even if all of us are on a bit of a break to let her heal.”
“I guess I did – And you’re okay with that?” I asked, a bit confused.
“Well, it took a bit of adjusting at first, but that’s polyamory for you. We made it work, a lot better than some of her other exes,” she replied, “I’m guessing this is all new to you?”
“I remember my friend Enette’s six sisters, all tried to date the same guy once. That didn’t end pretty. I think that’s when she decided she was actually aromantic and didn’t wanna deal with any romantic relationship,” I said.
“Oh. My. God. Yeah, that was Nick. He thought he’d get back at Tori not wanting to date him big time doing that. All he got were six very angry princess ants who wanted him to go off to their own colony with them,” Amber said, her hands over her face trying to hide her frustration.
“Wow. Small garden, I guess,” I began nervously laughing.
We both laughed for a while, and we got a bit silent for a few moments as our food arrived. She had gotten some noodle dish, it looked very good, even if aphid wasn’t really something I liked eating. My stir-fry was still sizzling a bit, I bet if I looked at it just wrong enough I’d burn myself. I did my best not to directly touch the plate.
“So,” she said, breaking the silence again, “I’m guessing that means you’re probably not open to something like that? I mean, it’s okay if you’re not. We can just call this a friend’s night out and go from there.”
I was taken a bit by surprise by her boldness, but I also really appreciated it. “I’m – Not really sure,” I said softly.
I looked down at my food, then I looked back at her. She was giving me the softest eyes, a look that I wasn’t expecting at all. I could feel something in me wanting to scream yes to her. “I’ve never felt – this – before. With anyone. It’s new, and it’s scary.”
After taking a bite from her food, she began adjusting her posture so as to listen better, clearly waiting for me to finish what I was about to say. “And I know since that day we first met, I’ve thought about you a lot. So much so my friends have been teasing me about it, because I’ve never – ever – felt like this about anyone.”
I took a second to take a few bites of my stir-fry, and to put together more of my thoughts. “I know I feel something, and I really do want to see where that something goes,” her eyes lit up as I said that, “but I don’t know where I’d fit into that all if you’re already seeing someone, you know?”
“I guess I can understand that,” she started, “I’m not going to try and pull you into anything you might not be comfortable or ready for.”
A few more minutes passed and our eyes locked again, I could feel myself breaking a bit. I felt like I could cry, it was like I was about to miss out on something, and regret it. “So, why don’t we take some time, together, to work and figure things out. It doesn’t have to just be tonight. But however it all shakes out,” she paused for a second and extended her hand out to me, “I’d really, really like to keep seeing you.”
Taking a deep breath, I reached out and grabbed her hand gently. “I’d really like that too,” I said.
Both of our wings started fluttering, and I smiled in a new way that I haven’t before. She went back to her noodles, and started humming happily to herself. I couldn’t help but sway a little side to side. I felt happy. This was a new happiness, and I very much welcomed it. “So, first day on hormones, yeah?” she asked, once again breaking the silence.
“Oh, right! Yes!” I giggled, “my doctor is starting me pretty low, but he’s already written a few letters for surgeries if I want them. He’s really on top of this stuff, and I wasn’t expecting it. All he has to do is sign them.”
“Don’t they usually do that for most bees cuz their uh – bits – explode,” she jokingly asked.
“Oh, please, that’s just a myth,” I snarked, laughing at how ridiculous of a question that was, “I think it happened to one poor guy before either of us were born and now every honeybee spreads it just to scare all the little boys around the hive.”
“I see, I see,” she said, gently nodding.
“Of course it scared me too, so much so that I started taking estrogen,” I sarcastically quipped, causing her to spit out her water she was attempting to drink at that moment.
We both spent the next while laughing, and the rest of the night talking well until the restaurant closed, and we were the only two left inside. We both paid for our meals, and happily flew back to my home. “Do you wanna sit and talk a bit, still?” I asked, pointing to the bench I had just on my porch.
“I’d love to, but I really should call Tori and see if she got home safe,” she said with a hint of regret in her voice, “hey, unlock your phone and let me see it real quick.”
I nodded, and handed her my phone. I saw her fiddle with it for a bit, before pulling me closely in for a duo selfie, “now, let me see your pretty pretty smile, yeah?”
I did my best to oblige before my face finished flushing with what felt like a neon red heat. She went back to fiddling with my phone for a second. “There,” she said while handing it back to me, “call me or text me whenever. I’ll answer as soon as I can, always.”
Gently grabbing my hand and pulling it up, she kissed it before picking up off the ground. “See you around, Darbee.” she said with a wink before flying off.
It was almost like she took my heart with her. Taking a deep breath, I turned around and headed inside. In what felt like an instant, I found myself face first on my bed. My feet kicked while I squealed happily into my pillow. That’s when I started getting messages from mine and my friend’s group chat.
I opened it up to find a bunch of messages asking if I was okay, followed by the selfie that Amber had just taken of the two of us, attached to it saying “don’t worry, I got them home safe - A.”
What followed was about fifteen or more messages of Bea gushing and sending every heart emoji possible because we apparently looked “soooooooooo cuuuuuute!”
To avoid accidentally calling everyone I switched open to my picture app and took a good look at the selfie. I could feel my heartbeat through all of my body, as I pulled the phone close to me and once again gleefully kicked.
I think today was the best day I’ve ever had so far, and something told me I’d have many more just like this.
