Previously: Amber (later known as Zhou Yu) has been trained at a slave school in the ways of a pleasure slave. Sold into the house of a feudal lord named, Gaius, she has proved useful in enlarging his fortune; but at the cost of enraging the emissaries of the Seven Gods who have promised to chasten her. She disappears suddenly from Gaius' villa in Albion, and awakes in Thamud where she is sold into the royal household. There she meets her Master and learns of his "secret." Discovered by the Qin and accused of being a spy, she is forced to spend three months as a servant girl at Emei in the Flaming Mountains.

Chapter 9 - Homecoming . An Argument

Dear Reader,

I have tried my best to forget every evil thing that was done to me since I arrived on An. Better this than to wallow in despair or the desire for revenge.

If you wonder why I write nothing about being whipped in the slave school or in the house of Gaius, than this is the reason why. Nor have I written about using my mouth to please men to whom I was not attracted in Gaius' villa, though most would have assumed this was the case. I had no problems with the many kind and beautiful guests – both men and women - who attended Gaius' banquets but a slave girl of my standing could not choose. I was trained to an exacting standard in the slave school in Albion and I performed as a passion slave is expected to.

Without the slave urges, it was left to me to fully expose the Submissive who is always at the periphery of my soul. Only because I managed to forget myself and enter fully into the role of a pleasure slave were those times bearable. That and seeing everything as punishment for the men and women I have murdered as a mercenary on Ki.

So it is that write about my return to Thamud and my first night with my beloved. The first time I was reminded what it meant to be a woman in the hands of men in many months and, worse, by the man I loved. For a moment, I knew once again my status in this world and what was expected of me.

Once I finished conversing with my beloved's family, we retired to his bedchamber where I proceeded to tell him of everything that I had done while with the Qin including all the information I had conveyed to them concerning the defenses of Thamud. I, of course, explained that this was all a deception and in service to the defense of the realm. Yet I could sense his growing anger as I gradually revealed all the information I had revealed to the Talosians, clouding his initial joy at seeing me again. He finally reached his limit when I informed him that the Talosians knew about our poor harvest and the Horse Fever which had ravaged the Thamudian calvary. The next moment, he kicked a chair clean across the room furiously.

I fell to my knees instinctively in deference and fear; such is this body I now possess and its reflexes. I fought through my slave instincts which gripped me and spoke.

“I have done everything for the sake of Thamud and you, Master. The Qin have already arranged for us to obtain horses from the nomadic steppe tribes, and have undertaken to send us grain from their own stores.”

“Do you understand that our every weakness has been revealed to the Talosians.” he told me sternly.

“It was necessary so that they would trust me and the information I plan to give them even now as the battle draws near. If you do not trust the Qin, will you not trust me?

“I trust you Shasa but you have gambled with all the lives in Thamud.”

“I would give my life for Thamud – whether they see it or not, they are my people now just as you will always be my Master.

My Master was not quick to anger but once ignited it would take some time for him to regain his composure. I knew it was my duty as his consort to calm him, just as the Queen would calm her own husband in times past. I was the only one who could do this but now I was the object of his displeasure. He glowered and would not speak; and my own irritation grew - as a woman, as his companion, and as a person whose devotion and service had been spurned. Neither of us would repent of our actions.

“And what about this?” I finally said, with an edge in my voice, pointing to my slightly swollen belly. I was at that time three month pregnant but, in all honesty, with my small frame, one would have thought I had merely had too much to eat that day. “Did you intentionally impregnate me?” I asked indignantly. “Were you so concerned that I would open my legs to the first Qin man I saw and bear his child?

“Should a master ask his bitch's permission in matters like this?” he said under his breath with a vicious authority that startled me. He clearly had enough of my slave defiance. I was perhaps the only slave girl in all of Thamud who would dare to speak to him like this. This was not the man I loved but some monstrous male.

His words were as daggers through my heart. I could see the regret on his face within moments of his irritable outburst. He knew that he had hurt me. Tears welled in my eyes and then I felt my anger rising. I had almost forgotten that, all my experiences with my Master notwithstanding, this world was medieval and barely civilized by the standards of Ki.

My love for him seemed to evaporate for a few moments. Could I love this man who could call me – the woman who bore his child - a mere domestic animal to be used as he saw fit? Was this what truly lay in his heart? And what would happen if he struck me in anger? I was prepared to defend myself but I did not know if I could disable him without also killing him. And in spite of everything, I knew I could not kill this man who I still loved.

Suddenly, I felt him reach out to me and his fingers on my arm.

“Don't touch me!” I shouted. I do not think he had ever heard me raise my voice in all my time with him, and he knew then how serious this had become.

A few tears streamed down my face and I spoke shakily but audibly, “I am delighted to bear your child. It is the greatest gift you could have given me, and yet you treat me like a common animal. Have you forgotten everything from your childhood, and will you have the people you love treated like objects, mere things to be used and discarded?”

“I love you, Zhou Yu. Please forgive me,” he said, with a certain tremulousness in his voice.

He was on his knees holding my feet and then my waist from behind. I could feels his tear through my silk dress.

“Please forgive me, I beg you,” he said softly as he wept.

My anger still burned in me. I turned around and we held each other. He kept saying sorry and I wished my anger would abate. I had never seen him so vulnerable as at that time. Time of course heals all things but I knew for certain then that, the difficulties in this world notwithstanding, even a woman who has been taken must maintain her own independent means and security to the best of her ability.

Since then, my beloved has never raised his voice to me again or shown any violence in my direction. Master, if you read this, do not assume that our relationship is irreparable. Just because I am independent in means and mind, does not mean that I cannot love with all my heart.

Let me speak to you in the poetry of the world from which the Seven Gods brought me to you.

“Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth!
For your love is better than wine;
your anointing oils are fragrant;
your name is oil poured out;
therefore virgins love you.
Draw me after you; let us run.
The king has brought me into his chambers.

Come, my beloved,
let us go out into the fields
and lodge in the villages;
let us go out early to the vineyards
and see whether the vines have budded,
whether the grape blossoms have opened
and the pomegranates are in bloom.
There I will give you my love.”

[Scribe's Note: A redaction occurs here.]

I was clear that my master feared thatl our love had forever been tarnished, so I gave him varied assurances that I would always be by his side.

I had taken to wearing simple silk underwear when a guest of the Qin in the inner courts of the Third Princess. I continued with this even when I returned home so that when next I disrobed for my master, removing my sirwal, he saw my nether regions enclosed in tight silken fabric. I had also used a translucent silk cloth to bind and lift up my breasts as if they were gifts. He was enraptured when he saw this - my labia were outlined by the silk as was my nub, my posterior seemed even more inviting when enclosed in that tight material. I saw that he was hard with desire and pressed my breasts to his face, then sat lightly in his lap rubbing his member through his loin cloth with my thighs.

By now the silk which I wore was stained with moisture from within me. He pushed his fingers into me and made me gush even more. Then as I playfully shook my head in protestation, he tore my silken loin cloth off and placed it gently in my mouth to stifle my screams. Then he placed me on my back and took me.

He played with my breasts with one hand, and with the other held my chin lightly. I was now whining through my silken gag and my eyes pled with him to take me harder; which he did. When he knew that I had lost all reason, he pulled the gag from my mouth and allowed me to grunt even more obscenely – our eyes fixed ever on each other until I could do nothing but close them as an intense spasm cascaded through my body.

I have no idea whether this was his idea of an apology but in lieu of conversation, he licked and fingered me to even more ecstasies until I could take no more; so exhausted was I by his ministrations. He held me, and stroked and kissed my hair and my face until I fell asleep contented in his arms.

[Scribe's Note: The journal continues again.]

I return now to a time adjacent to when I began this journal.

Our scouts had informed us of the encroaching armies of Talos who would cross our border in a matter of weeks.

When they had finally made an incursion, I used the Talosian networks to convey the exact placement of the Thamudian armies and their composition. Further, I gave them information as to where we planned to ambush the invading armies enroute to our border, and how we intended to do so. The mounted attack on their column occurred just as I predicted giving the Talosians even more confidence in my material – all of which was entirely fabricated to our advantage. We would hit them with force where they least expected, poison their supply trains, then retire to our border fortresses to wait and defend against their cloud towers and earthworks.

Our only concern were the emissaries of the Seven Gods and whether the use of gas, oil, and “fire medicine” in warfare would violate the restrictions that they had placed on this pre-industrial civilization. As I have written previously, it was never entirely clear whether the scale of the violence or methods by which this was accomplished moved their hearts one way or another.

In the capital city, I had set out on my own light armor so that I could accompany my master, at the very least, to a walled town in the rear which harbored supplies. When he saw me so dressed, he immediately made to unbuckle my armor starting with my breast plate.

“There is absolutely no reason for you to join me. You have done more than enough for me and Thamud. Please desist from your irresponsible behavior and remain in the city,” he said. He was clearly harried and exasperated.

“It is unbecoming for a master to request things of his slave. Can I assume this is your command?” I asked sweetly.

“It is a request,” he grumbled under his breath. “Will you be more obedient if I asked this as your husband?”

“In case my Master has forgotten, when we first met, you branded me in lieu of a ring.”

“You will be risking two lives instead of one,” he said. I was of course now fully showing.

As you already know dear reader, I obeyed. I accompanied him no further than the walled town before returning to the capital to while away the summer and autumn in worry and writing.

My Master's sisters kept me distracted as did Eumelia, dissuading me from my studies with the bow and sword once I had reached my fifth month. Instead they encouraged me to return to my lessons with the guzheng which I had not touched since returning to Thamud from Qin; and when that failed to distract, engaged me in lessons in embroidery. I do not know if that suited my frame of mind any better.

It is a strange thing to carry a life within your belly and I certainly had no expectations of doing so as a young boy. My nausea had thankfully ceased by the time I returned from Emei but I had begun to notice some swelling in my feet on prolonged standing. I would watch as my sisters instructed the maids on the preparations for the baby's room. They had even engaged a wet nurse for me. My breasts were already growing and I was looking forward to breastfeeding my child since I experienced my foremilk, but they were ever cautious.

There were a number of things I knew to expect from my body once I became a woman on An; if only from the experiences of others. I expected my moon cycles to be painful, and they were at least some of the time. I also knew that I would have to start examining my breasts more regularly in years to come because my mother had developed lesions there. What I did not expect was to feel an intense desire for my Master even halfway through my pregnancy. I had expected the opposite though I presume at least some men find a pregnant woman desirable. I do not know if it is simply this body or something quite natural - no one was quite prepared to discuss this with me, save one.

I asked Eumelia about this since she was clearly the most shameless woman in the court and the most experienced sexually speaking. As expected, she had not only heard of these urges but seen them occur in a slave who had been bred at Gaius' house. The women of the harem would service each other in these instances; especially when no men cared to take them later in their pregnancies. She described absurd tales of women fornicating and sharing their breast milk with each other which I thought...[...]...

[Scribe's Note: This next section has been lost.]