Photo by Matthew Cheng on Unsplash

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As is always the case, I'd like to thank Malady for his help editing both the text, and the crazy ideas I come up with.

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Eydie

October 27^th, 2015

It had been a hard night. Eddie had stayed up most of the night, unable to sleep. He’d tossed and turned, and when he finally did fall asleep, he had dreams where he ended up fighting with everyone.

He hurried downstairs, poured a bowl of sugar-encrusted flaked corn, filled it 3/4 full of milk, grabbed a spoon, slopped half of the milk on the floor, brushed a towel off the counter, took a bite of the cereal, pushed the towel over the spilled milk with his foot, took another bite of the cereal, kicked the towel in front of the washing machine sitting in the corner, dropped the still full bowl into the sink, and hurried out the door.

“Eddie!” his mom called as the door slammed shut. She hurried to the door and opened it, knowing the teenager wouldn't respond, but she tried anyway. True to form, he continued running toward the highway.

She watched as a car pulled onto the shoulder. Eddie yanked open the door, jumped in, and the car took off with squealing tires and a thunderous roar from its dual exhaust pipes.

Miranda Staples, Eddie’s lifelong friend, listened as the big Nova disappeared in the distance. It was quite a car, and the owner, Al, had decked it out with everything he could find for customization. She wanted to tell Eddie to avoid Al, but it seemed like Eddie didn't listen to anyone anymore.

Inside the car, Eddie grunted a “hey” to Al, who returned it with a simple nod of his head. Little more was said by the two until Al tried to beat a train to a crossing. He didn’t.

-=#=-

It was a horrible day, made worse by the fact that the rain was shifting back and forth between freezing rain and something half-heartedly trying to be snow. To make matters worse, it was also being blown by a gusting breeze. The canopy above the few people who had come to the graveside service did little to shield anyone from whatever the precipitation was at any given moment.

One of the pallbearers slipped on the slick ground and brought three others to their knees as they transported the casket from the hearse to the grave. As the groundskeeper lowered the casket into the ground, the hand crank jammed from some ice caked onto it by the occasional bouts of freezing rain.

Finally, however, the casket was lowered, and the minister picked up a handful of earth, and tossed it into the open grave.

Dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.

What sat on the polished wood inside the grave was more mud than dirt, and seeing the sight simply made Rachel Grace Millerson, Eddie’s mother, even more despondent. It seemed as if the earth didn’t want Eddie to return to it.

Mud thou art, and unto mud shalt thou return…

The minister hurried through the service, and soon it was only Rachel, Miranda, and Eddie’s father, Clive Millerson, at the graveside.

Very few people had been at the service, but what shocked Rachel the most was that Albert Findley’s family hadn’t been there. Rachel and Clive had gone to Al’s funeral two days before, but while there, they had received murderous stares from his family, as if they, or Eddie, had been responsible for the crash.

Staring at the lonely casket in the ground, Rachel thought about what she had been told about the crash. The souped-up Nova had been speeding. It probably had no chance to stop, even if Al had wanted to. It crashed through the stop arm, and the tires left the ground slightly as it topped the rise where the rails were. Witnesses said the car had sped up when the arms started to drop. Presumably, Al knew he wouldn’t be able to stop in time, so he figured his only choice was to try to beat it.

When the train hit the car, it caught the back right fender. It didn’t do much damage to the train engine, but the car cartwheeled nearly a hundred and fifty feet before it came to rest against a stack of logs at a lumber mill alongside the railroad tracks.

As she thought of the accident, Rachel squeezed her eyes tight, trying to blot out the sight of the ruined car. When she and Clive saw pictures of the wreck, it hardly looked like the same car. But there was no mistaking the body of their son, his long, dark hair matted with blood… She worked even harder to block out the remembrance of him in the morgue. Mercifully, Eddie had died almost immediately. Al, on the other hand, had made it to the operating room. He hadn’t been wearing a seat belt, and without an airbag in the older car, he had slammed into the steering wheel, but not before his forehead removed the rear-view mirror from the windshield.

What had actually killed Al was the ribs from his left side puncturing his lung after they’d been shattered. It was probably just as well, as the burns he had endured from the fire that enveloped the wreckage would have been excruciating.

Eddie had bore the brunt of Al’s body slamming into him in the first impact from the train. It pushed Eddie into his door at an odd angle, breaking his neck. Somehow the door opened, and during the cart-wheeling of the car, his body was thrown out. Rachel remembered hearing the last events of her son’s life from the police, as she watched the water dripping into the grave, turning all of Eddie’s final resting place into gooey mud.

-=#=-

May 5^th, 2017

Miranda Staples was helping Eddie’s mother, Rachel, as she boxed up the things that had belonged to her son. Miranda and Eddie had been close friends since they were toddlers, and she had always hoped Eddie would see how much she cared. In fact, Miranda had been interested in getting to know her friend much more intimately than just close friends.

Rachel hadn’t entered the bedroom for quite some time, and when they opened the door she just stood in the entranceway and looked around. There were the typical things that a boy Eddie’s age would have decorating the walls, but there were also a few things which seemed wrong. Considering the attitude that Eddie had been displaying once he became friends with Al, the colors displayed in the room didn’t fit.

Eddie had always preferred a different style for his furniture, also. His personality as a child was more ebullient.

Miranda stood just behind Rachel, and looked at the room. She had probably known Eddie better than anyone else, and she saw again the differences in his decor just as Rachel did.

A moment later, Rachel stepped into the room. Miranda saw her shoulders slump as she sat down on the bed, tears starting anew. It was quite some time before the two were able to start working. Rachel started on various decorations, while Miranda began work on Eddie’s dresser drawers.

Partway through the process, Rachel found something shocking, “What in the world!”

Miranda turned and saw that the woman was working on the closet, removing clothes from hangers and folding them neatly, before boxing them for donating to Goodwill. Rachel had been removing shirts and pants from the rod, and found that behind them was another rod. She’d forgotten that the closet had lots of space, and had just begun pulling clothes from the rod when she opened the door.

Now, she remembered that the closet in question, actually had room to step into, and shelves on either side. What had surprised her, however, was what was hanging on the second rod. With a trembling hand, she reached in and pulled out a black dress. What would be called a ‘little black dress’ in popular culture.

Miranda sighed internally. She’d hoped she would be able to reach the closet before Rachel did, if only to spare the mother the explanation she would now have to give. In fact, Miranda had already removed the panties, bras, and other female accessories from the drawers, and was now starting to cover them in the box with male undergarments.

In a daze, Rachel stepped over to Miranda to show her the LBD. She turned her gaze to the young woman, but her eyes glanced into the box first. It took a moment for her to register what her eyes had seen, but when she did, Miranda knew there was no skirting around the issue. She was going to have to explain.

“You knew about this, didn’t you?” Rachel said. It wasn’t said in anger. It was simply a question.

Wordlessly, Miranda nodded.

Rachel took a deep breath, sighed, and sat down on the bed, still holding the dress. “Eddie said this had stopped years ago. He was a transvestite?”

Miranda pulled out the chair at Eddie’s desk and turned it to face her friend’s mother. “No, Mrs. Millerson. He wasn’t.”

“Then...”

“Eddie felt he should have been born a girl.”

Rachel’s tears started again. “Why didn’t he tell us?”

Miranda’s tears started. “She was afraid.”

“She?” Rachel looked at the young woman quizzically. “Did Eddie identify as a woman?”

“Yes,” Miranda said, almost in a whisper.

“He, or rather she told you... She wasn’t afraid of telling you... Why her parents?”

Miranda had known the question would come, and she was rather fearful of telling her best friend’s mother how long she’d known. “Even as children, you knew we played as two little girls. Eydie and I...”

“Her name was Eydie?”

“It was much easier for her to respond to, rather than a completely different name. Eydie Grace.”

“Grace?” Rachel exclaimed, then she sighed. “Why don’t you tell me about my daughter that I never knew?”

-=#=-

Years before: Clive Millerson’s family had owned the house Eddie grew up in for years. It was one of three owned by the family, and by far the least likely a person would expect to be on the cover of Better Homes and Gardens. The other two were occupied by Clive's sisters, and one had indeed had her living room pictured on the cover of said magazine.

The house next door had been occupied by a couple in their late 60s while Clive was a child, and whenever his family visited the least of their homes, Clive remembered the pair working on their gardens, caring for the flowers, and keeping the home up.

Then, one summer, the gardens weren’t kept up anymore, and Clive remembered his parents telling him that the woman was sick, and her husband was determined to nurse her back to health, but it wasn’t to be. The next summer, the grounds outside the house were deteriorating, and Clive heard that the woman had died during the winter.

From then on, the house and yard lost all the beauty it had, and the owner became a recluse. Whenever he came out of the house, he looked worse and worse, and when Clive and his new wife, Rachel, moved into the home owned by Clive’s family, Rachel felt compassion for the old man.

She resolutely knocked on the door and introduced herself. Hal Clifford, as the man’s name was, remembered the little boy that Clive had been, but he hadn’t really paid attention to the boy as he became a teenager, then a young man.

Rachel tried to help the old man, but he seemed to only exist, not live. She persistently worked at it until she convinced Hal to come over to the family's house for dinner.

Hal seemed very reclusive at first, but he opened up a bit as the meal went on. He told how he and his wife had been unable to have children, but his sister had a son. He hadn't seen the boy for many years as he lived in Cathedral City, California.

He was an IT, and worked from home. The company he worked for had many different locations, and he was able to do his work through a VPN. Hal wasn't sure of the terminology, but he was able to describe things well.

After that meal, Hal enjoyed every Sunday at the Millersons, and they, in turn, had a midweek meal with him. It turned out that he had been a chef during his working days, and would make delicious meals, oftentimes experimenting, with wondrous results.

One day, after Rachel announced that she was pregnant with their first, and eventually found to be, only, child, they were at a Wednesday night meal with Hal, and he told them that he would be happy to cook Sunday meals for them for the foreseeable future. It was nice to make meals for others, as he didn't do much fancy cooking for himself.

Hal’s health had been declining, and a couple of months after Eddie was born, the octogenarian had a heart attack in the produce aisle of the local Albertsons. He was rushed to the ER, and made it another week, but he ultimately lost the battle.

Before his eyes closed their final time, he made sure his attorney registered a new will for him. The Millersons were present as well, and were willing to witness the new will, but they refused until he made a few alterations. He had been prepared to leave his house to them, but rather than accept that outright, Clive requested that it be left to his nephew but if, for some reason, he didn’t want the house, the Millersons would then accept it.

Hal laughed and said, “There seems to be no reason he wouldn’t accept the house, even if only to sell it.”

Clive smiled. “That’s true, Hal, but we will accept it if he doesn’t want it.”

“That sounds fine,” Hal said, and his will was made with the stipulation that if his nephew, George Staples, refused the house, the inheritances would reverse, leaving George the contents of his safe deposit box and Clive the house.

-=#=-

When the will was read, George Staples accepted the house and prepared to move his family north. Hal’s attorney turned the key to the safe deposit box over to Clive and Rachel, then it was over.

The next day, Clive went to the bank and opened the box. He looked at the contents and was surprised to find several stocks and bonds that Hal had built up during his lifetime. They totalled a substantial amount of money, impressive because of the six zeros following the initial number. In the safe deposit box were two letters. One labeled house, and one labeled, safe.

In the letter, it was explained that the house had a safe that held an identical set of stocks and bonds. Half of the amount in the safe was to be left in a trust for Miranda, George and Sophia’s daughter, and the other half to be used by George and Sophia. With the amount left to Clive and Rachel, half was to be left in trust for Eddie, and half to be used by them. The attorney told Clive and Rachel that the only difference between the letters was that the one given to George and Sophia had the combination to the safe.

Clive and Rachel discussed it, then asked to meet with the attorney. They told him that the inheritance wasn’t necessary, it was explained that Hal foresaw their response and he had left another letter in that case.

The attorney excused himself and Rachel read the letter out loud.

Dear Clive and Rachel,

Your friendship has meant so much to me. I want to thank you for that. You gave my life meaning, and made it fun again. I’ve missed Elsie so much. Clive, you saw the deterioration of my home, and the deterioration of me.

I know that the amount of your inheritance seems excessive to you, and I know that you hardly need it. But I want you to know how much you helped. I would have given you everything but for my nephew.

Give of your goodwill to other people now. So many people in this world need good people like you. Please don’t leave them without.

With love,

Hal

-=#=-

Miranda Staples was several months older than Eddie but they got along well. For the first five years of Eddie’s life they were constant companions, and in fact they remained so for many more years, but something happened when they were five. They were playing in Miranda’s room one day. Their play consisted of being the Mommy and Daddy to Miranda’s dolls. On the particular day, however, Eddie demanded that he get to be the Mommy and Miranda could be the Daddy.

Miranda had no objection, and so they traded clothes and roles for the day with Eddie becoming Eydie. Both of them were happy with the play, so they continued in the same way most of the time. Eddie preferred the play where he was the Mommy, but Miranda usually didn’t have a preference. Some days, however, she wanted to play the Mommy. Eddie didn’t like those days, but he allowed them because his best friend wanted it.

As they got older, Eddie almost always dressed in girl clothes. Rachel got him some play clothes, and he wore them almost exclusively during those years. But by the time he was in the third grade, he had been teased enough that he stopped. His parents took his stopping to mean that he had been going through a phase. A tenacious one, considering it had lasted a few years, but a phase nonetheless.

Eddie and Miranda remained best friends and he confided in her that he felt that he should have been a girl, but the teasing hurt too much to let the other kids know. Miranda wanted to tell their parents, but Eddie didn’t want to. They had decided it was just a phase, so he wanted to let them think that. They wanted it to be a phase and letting them believe it, was better. Miranda wasn’t convinced at all that they felt that way, but she decided to defer to Eddie.

As the years went by Miranda smuggled clothing to him, but Eddie wasn’t able to be Eydie except in the privacy of his room, or when their parents were gone for some reason.

Then, they started dating. At first, they were chaperoned by one or the other’s parents, but as they got older, that was no longer necessary, and they would go somewhere where Eydie could surface, and then they would continue their date, but as two girls.

Miranda didn’t care if she dated Eydie or Eddie, but Eydie only wanted only Miranda, not a male equivalent.

Then Al came into the picture.

-=#=-

Al wasn’t wealthy at all. In fact, he was quite poor, but he had saved all of his money to buy his Nova. When he bought it, it wasn’t much, but he rebuilt the engine and customized the car as much as he could afford.

He wasn’t interested in Eydie as a girlfriend. At least not in the traditional sense. He was also trans, but he went far enough to hide the fact under a rough exterior. Miranda hadn’t known at first, but she followed them when they left in the Nova one day, and saw that they both disappeared into Al’s empty house. They came out, both dressed as girls, and went somewhere. Miranda was too stunned to follow. That had been her place, and now Al was filling it.

The next day, Miranda confronted Eddie about it. They argued horribly, and in the end, Eddie stormed off.

He called Al and explained everything to him and Al told him that Miranda would tell his parents even though she had promised not to. Eddie believed him and broke his friendship with his lifelong friend.

After that, Al went out of his way to get Eydie to believe that everyone would betray her if they found out about her. He said that even though his parents hadn’t minded when Eydie was little, they would turn on her, just as Al’s parents had turned on him. They had told Al that if Allie continued to exist, they would throw him out on the street, never allowed to return home.

Allie continued, but buried beneath the hurt that Al felt. Allie made the assumption that everyone would respond the same way her parents had.

When she was out one day, in the next town to the west, she saw Eydie and Miranda. Perhaps she saw something in Eydie that reminded her of herself, or maybe it was the fact that Miranda and Eddie were inseparable at school, but Allie recognized that Eydie and Eddie were one andin the same.

That Monday, Al confronted Eddie in private and explained that he was, in fact, a transgirl himself. Eydie found it wonderful to meet someone like herself, and they became fast friends. The fact was, however, Allie had become jaded, and that rubbed off on Eydie. The belief that people were all the same slowly spread. As Eydie saw that people could be horrible to those like her, she retreated farther and farther away from everyone.

Finally, one night in late fall, when Eydie was seventeen, she spoke to Miranda again. They hadn’t talked for quite some time, and she entered into the conversation with a preconceived notion that Miranda would be deceptive and betray her.

-=#=-

Present day

Neither Miranda nor Rachel felt like continuing the packing of the room that day, and agreed to see how they felt in the morning, so Miranda went home. Later, that evening, Rachel entered her daughter’s room and looked around considering it from the point of view of a female. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t a girl’s room, at least not entirely. She picked up the dress where it had lain on the bed for the rest of the day, after Miranda explained things. Carefully, she hung it back up in the closet, but pulled the rest of the male clothes out and boxed them. As well, she boxed up the male shoes.

She went over to the dresser and put the female undergarments back, and looked in the other drawers. In each was a mix of male and female clothing, and she removed the male clothes from each, arranging her daughter’s things where they filled the drawers as if the male clothing had never been there.

In the desk, she found several things that filled her eyes with tears again. The large, bottom drawer had a jewelry case as well as a bag filled with makeup, brushes, a mirror, and a small book that said “Diary” on the front.

She set everything on the desk, as if it was a vanity. Looking around the room, she saw the posters on the wall, and in a fit of frustration, yanked them from the walls. Crumbling them up, she placed them in the boxes of male things. This is garbage, she thought. It’s not my daughter’s!

Looking around the room, she saw that it wasn’t perfect, but she had removed everything male that she could.

She called downstairs to Clive and he came up. She had told him what Miranda had said, and he had responded in the same way she had. Why didn’t she trust us?

“Can you take this stuff to the garbage, Clive?”

He looked around the room and choked out, “This… this is so much better.”

He stacked the boxes she had filled one on the other and carried them downstairs.

Rachel sat down on the bed and cried. She still didn’t understand and wept for a time. Finally, she stood and headed for the door, then she saw the diary. She picked it up and sat back down.

She opened the book and began to read. It started just before Eydie met Allie, and she read her daughter’s thoughts on what Allie had told her.

Eydie had been enamored with the other girl – a girl so much like her. She wanted the friendship so much that she tried to mold herself to what Allie wanted. The depression just deepened, and Rachel could see how toxic the friendship with Allie had been.

Then, she came to the day before the accident.

I saw Miranda tonight. It’s been so long. I expected her to be like Allie said, but she wasn’t. I was rude, and mean to her, but now that I think about it, I realize what I gave up.

I love Miranda!

I’m gonna tell Allie that I don’t agree with her. People aren’t that way. Miranda sure isn’t, and I don’t think Mom and Dad are either.

That was it. There wasn’t anything else.

Rachel looked at the time, and was shocked to see that it was 4AM.

-=#=-

The day after the final entry:

Eydie, disguised as Eddie, got into the Nova. The two grunted at each other, then she shook off the disguise and told Allie, “I talked to Miranda last night. I’m gonna get back together with her. Well – I’m gonna try, anyway.”

Allie didn’t say anything, but her foot pushed down on the gas pedal, hard. She had it to the floor as she slid around the last turn before the railroad tracks. There wasn’t time to stop, so she wondered if they could beat the train.

“Come on!” she shouted as they went airborne at the last second.