Chapter 2.1

I had sat in the same chair for an untold number of days. I sat facing John, and it was as if my muscles were disconnected throughout the day. I could breath and blink, but that was it. Every joint was locked. When it was time to use the facilities, I seemed to have no control of anything. I would stand up, go into the bathroom and do whatever needed to be done, then go to bed. I would fall asleep immediately, and get up seven hours later, have a meal, have sex with John, then we would sit.

Over and over, day after day. The only break we would get was switching sex, every few weeks. I had no idea how much time I spent as each sex. I couldn’t count. My brain was apparently locked from anything but staring at John. I could see everything around me, but I really couldn’t process anything, except John sitting, facing me.

I longed to put my arms around him, but even when we had sex, there was nothing in it. Just the action, then sitting. I felt empty, emotionally.

Then, one day, after an interminable amount of time, I was able to do something else. I could now remember all that had happened to me, and it was as if I had just come off a time of unbroken sensory deprivation.

Now, we were we were going through times of pain and period. We were able to move around and to think, but the pain was much worse. It was almost completely debilitating. The first two month time I was female and John was a male, and I don’t think I really had any idea of what he was going through as the cramps hit with such ferocity that I felt like I was going to pass out each time. I think if I hadn’t had the nanites keeping me awake and feeling things, I would have. I can’t imagine someone being able to stand that.

When we made love, I felt I was being stretched far enough to have a baby, the moment he penetrated. It was agony! I loved the man beyond reason, but I desperately wanted him to pull out. We both climaxed at the same time, and that was the moment we switched.

I felt like my penis was on fire. I wanted to pull out, but could not. I had climaxed as a woman, and now I had to as a man, before we completed. Again, I loved John as a woman beyond reason, and knew she was in agony, but couldn’t stop. The drive of my libido was controlling me, making me continue until I was emptied.

We got very little done during this time. We visited Marc and Kari twice, but couldn’t get out of our apartment except to get some food, although much of that was lost due to the pain. Neither of us could hold anything down.

At the end of eighteen months, the pain intensified again. As I had thought there was no way to stay awake before, I now thought there was no way I could possibly survive. But we did.

Thankfully, we hardly left the apartment, so we didn’t have to worry about switching if we touched anyone else.

The problem was, I hated John. I couldn’t even stand the sight of him. I couldn’t stand the thought of making his meals, and I certainly didn’t want to sleep with him. Although touching him wouldn’t hurt me, I wanted to throw up at the mere thought of it, and I knew he felt the same. Sharing the same bathroom grossed me out too. I mean, there were times his butt had touched the same toilet mine had to! How disgusting was that! And then, at three months, I could barely stand it, but there was an urge to have sex.

That’s all it was, however. Having sex. There were no sweet nothings whispered, no enjoyment of the act.

It was pure sex. I felt degraded and used, because he had to have me, the same as I had to have him, or we would die. We knew that beyond the shadow of a doubt, so I gritted my teeth and did the act.

Most of the time, I thought of Marc, Carter; even Roman! I fantasized about having them all. I thought maybe I would be good enough in bed without John anywhere around, that I could turn Roman straight.

I knew, however, that Marc was my best friend’s man, and I couldn’t hurt her. I sure wanted him rather than John, though!

Day after day, week after week, month after month.

And then something completely unexpected happened. I woke up one morning, and I knew it was the day for us to have sex and I wasn’t having a period. I couldn’t bear the thought of sex, however. I started to go through my thoughts. I was afraid of John. I didn’t hate him. In fact, I knew that I loved him beyond reason, but I was afraid of him. I thought about Marc, and I was afraid of him. I wasn’t as afraid of Roman, but I couldn’t begin to fantasize about him. Not with John around.

I got up and walked into the main part of the apartment, where John was sitting on the sofa. “Don’t come any closer, Rose” he told me.

“I don’t think I can.”

He nodded. “We got a call from one of the researchers. I don’t know how, but he was working.”

“What?!!?”

“Yeah. He made had made some kind of airborne virus and found out that it… God knows how… reset the nanites. He sent it into the air circulation system, and everyone on board the station is now starting stage one. The only problem is, I can’t get ahold of him now.”

He tossed me a pair of latex gloves like we had always used, called Marc and we headed toward the lab, keeping a respectable distance between ourselves.

When we arrived at the lab, a gruesome sight awaited. For years, the station had avoided a beheading, but now, the researcher had been killed just as Perl was.

Tentatively, I pulled off a glove and very gently, touched John’s face. Sure enough, nothing happened. I grabbed him, and hugged him as tight as I could. “I’m so sorry!” I cried.

“Why?”

“All the hate. The things I said!”

“It’s not your fault, Rose,” he told me.

“I said them with the intent to hurt you even more than you already were. I knew that the emotional hurt would make you ten times more miserable than you were with the physical.”

“I did the same thing to you, but it wasn’t either of our faults. We were being controlled by the nanites. All I can figure is that the areas of our brain that linked us was somehow inverted. No one is sure how the nanites did it, but that was what happened.”

Marc and Kari entered the lab about that time. One look at John and I, and they removed their gloves. The looked at each other, and John took Kari’s hand.

I looked at them and all of the sudden I thought of something. “Oh no. John!” I exclaimed as I backed out of his embrace.

He cocked his head at me, as if asking for an explanation. “I just realized what I did! By touching you, I restarted the bonding.”

“Your point?”

“We had no time to explore how we felt about each other without the bond.”

He took my hands and asked, “How did you feel about me when you came out of the bedroom this morning?”

“I loved you more than I can ever explain.”

“Rose, I felt exactly the same about you.”

I thought about it, then told him, “We’ve been friends for so long. I never wanted our friendship to die, and then when I became a woman, you went out of your way to help me, even when you were afraid of every woman on the station.”

“Do you know why?” I shook my head as I observed Marc and Kari backing out of the lab. I guess they wanted to give us some time to ourselves.”

“As you said, we have been friends since we were kids. Remember how your mom said if one of us was a woman, we would get married?” I nodded, blushing. “I didn’t want our friendship to die either. I tried to keep it a friendship. I helped you because I didn’t want it to end by us being afraid of each other.”

“John, that doesn’t sound like a ‘bromance’ thing,” I said laughing.

“No, it doesn’t. Now that one of us was a woman, I found that what your mom said was true. We had so much in common that I couldn’t let you go. I was scared shitless of you, but I was determined that if we could beat this stuff, and you were still a woman, I was going to make sure we were together always. I wanted to marry you.”

“Wanted?” I asked.

“Okay, I want to marry you.”

“And that was all before we were bondmates?”

He pulled me close. “You damn well better believe it.”

Suddenly, Marc entered the lab. “I’ve got an idea. Hopefully, we’re not too late.”

“What,” I asked, suddenly excited.

Marc didn’t answer at first, but went to the researcher’s body. “I’m really sorry,” he said to the head, and then took a scalpel and cut a rather large section out of the man’s leg. It dripped blood as he put it on a tray. “The airborne virus gave me the idea.

He hurried to the same input the researcher had used to the air ducts, and we followed. “I found during my last pain cycle in stage five, that the nanites have an organic ‘battery’ as well. It uses the same type of energy as a sperm. The difference is, rather than spin a tail, it keeps them ‘alive’ for an extended amount of time, but it only seems to happen if the person has died in this way.”

He opened the grate and slipped the gory nanite supply inside the duct.

“So you’re going to try to cause stage two.”

“I know that is hurrying along stage three, but we’ve got to get rid of the fear.”

“We’ll have a year of normal time after stage three,” Kari pointed out.

“We need to try to stagger entering stage three so we always have someone awake to research,” I said.

“Agreed,” John said. He looked at me. “Think we can hold out a year?”

I gazed at him for a few moments. “No,” I said honestly. “I doubt I can wait a day.”

“I don’t think we should anyway,” Marc told us. “If one of us changes, we’re going to die. You know that.”

“It’s a chance we have to take,” John argued.

“It’s a chance we can’t take,” Kari said. “We’re the commanders of the station. We’re all needed.”

“I seem to remember you wishing you could commit suicide,” I told her.

“Yes, but I had time to think in the last few years. I realized that we couldn’t do that. It would be against the best interest of the population. Even if I’m not needed, Marc is.”

“John and I aren’t,” I argued, then I looked at John. “I’m sorry, Dear.”

“You’re right,” he said, smiling.

“No she isn’t. You three are needed as well. People look up to you and derive strength from your determination. I’m a glorified mechanic, but you three and Roman are all leaders. Don’t sell yourselves short.”

We were standing in the upstairs circle, and as we talked, I noticed that several people were making their way out of their homes, many holding hands.

“Looks like it’s working,” I told Marc.

John slapped Marc on the back. “Good job, my friend,” he told him.

“I’m glad. We really didn’t need the fear again.”