Synopsis: I’m having a bad day, so fuck actually putting anything here.

“Hello, Allison, my name is Doctor. McKee,” The huge white-coated man said to me. At least form my perspective he was huge; I wasn’t really a big person anyway was I? “What can I help you with today?’

You know what? I seriously hate it when doctors ask questions like that. They KNOW why you made the appointment, they KNOW why you’re there. It seemed to silly to make me blurt it all out once again, you know, considering my chart obviously said ‘male’ and here I was dressed as a 95% passable female.

“I’m uh…I’m looking to start hormones,” I said sheepishly. “I was uh…told that there was an informed consent thing where I can get started right away?”

“Well, not quite right away,” He admitted. “First I need to get some history from you and then we’re going to need to draw some blood to check your current hormone levels. So, I’d like to start with….how long have you felt that you were a woman?”

“Well,” I said thoughtfully “When I was a kid I always thought something was wrong, you know? I…felt like I should have been a girl, but I didn’t really grasp the full consequences. I tried on my sister’s clothes when she wasn’t at home, and…my mom had this friend who would come over sometimes; I always liked her stuff and when she would stay the night I would sneak into the living room and borrow her tops. I thought I was weird…later on when I finally got access to the internet I kind of figured out what it was all about and…I guess it took me a while to really accept that I could actually be a woman.”

“And what was it that led you to finally physically transition?” He asked curiously. I thought for a moment.

“I really wasn’t going to,” I explained. “But then I decided to rush every sorority on campus dressed in drag and it pissed enough of them off that Alpha Gamma blackmailed me into joining them, built me up just enough, and then tossed me to the curb like yesterday’s news. So are we doing the hormone thing or what?”

“Oh wait, it’s you!” Doctor McKee exclaimed. “I know you! You’ve been all over the news!”

“Yeah, so I hear,” I shrugged. “My sister’s kind of been hiding me away, has it really been that big?”

“I’d say so,” McKee nodded. “The words blackmail haven’t been thrown around but Alpha Gamma hasn’t said much about it. I really hope that turns out okay for you.”

“I have to speak in front of their board,” I explained. “But no matter what happens, I’m still a girl and that’s not something that they can change.”

“Good for you,” He said. “We’ll start by getting your blood and running some tests. If all comes back well, then we should be able to start you on hormones as early as next week.”

“That would be…awesome,” I really meant it. The idea of actually starting hormones? It was something I could scarcely imagine really.

“I need you to read over this packet then,” He said, handing me an envelope. “This basically goes over everything you need to know about starting cross-sex hormones. The side effects, dangers, you know, usual stuff. Once you read it, sign it, bring it back and you should be ready.”

I looked at the front of the packet and was nearly breathless as I read the words ‘MTF’ on the front of it. Male to Female. Someone acknowledged me. Someone official. This was happening; I was on my way to becoming a woman and not just in looks. I was going to change on the inside and despite all of the horrible things that were happening right in front of me. I finished up the appointment and thanked the doctor. Brianna was waiting for me in the lounge area reading a ‘Better Homes and Gardens’ magazine.

“I was thinking of getting a Venus fly trap,” She said. “Do you think that’s a good idea?”

“Uh, that don’t live very long,” I shrugged. “They can close like five times before they die. A new one sprouts up but it’s kind of depressing, and you’d need a house full of flies to feed them.”

“We could start leaving windows open?” She suggested as she closed the magazine and stood to join me in walking out. “Oh, did you get your hormones?”

“I have to wait for a blood test,” I explained. “It’s complicated.”

“Medical stuff always is,” She sighed. “But I’m proud of you for coming this far. How does it feel?”

“It feels great,” I smiled as we walked through the front doors and toward her car. “Thank you so much for supporting me.”

“You’re absolutely welcome,” She said. “Let’s go to the school and talk to the Dean, alright?”

“Yeah,” I smiled, though I still have no idea what the man wanted. She drive us to the school but instead of parking in the front lot, she parked in a secondary lot that I had no idea existed. “What is this?”

“It’s just a secret entrance,” She explained. “Well sort of. Um, it’s like…it’s a maintenance hatch but they use it to bring in supplies and stuff…like tools, or food for the cafeteria. It keeps the front doors from getting too crowded. We’re going to ride the elevator up to the admin floor, it’ll be quick and easy alright?”

“Alright,” I smiled. We walked from the car to a set of steel double doors which she opened for me, and then we crossed through an underground tunnel made of cinderblock with pipes flanking us on both sides. The light inside was kind of a pee yellow and my eyes had trouble adjusting at first. Nevertheless we made it to the end and entered the elevator. Pressing the ‘5’ button, Brianna took us up to the administration level. As the doors opened onto a hallway and a waiting room, I could suddenly feel eyes upon me. I wondered, did they know who I was? Did they have recent pictures? No, that was impossible.

“Hey Cathy,” Brianna said as we approached the reception desk. “This is Allison, she’s here to see the dean, she should have an appointment?”

The receptionist regarded me carefully and then nodded.

“You’re actually right on time, hold on,” She pressed a button on her desk. “Dean Hendrick, Ms. Parsons is here to see you.”

I immediately heard murmuring behind me from the few people that were seated outside the office. They had definitely heard of me.

“Uh yeah, thanks, send her in,” I heard a male voice reply. The lady gestured toward the door and as I walked I could feel Brianna beside me still. She wasn’t going to let me walk in there alone and I didn’t want to fight her on it. I needed her. When I was a guy I was content to do things on my own but as I came into my own, as a woman, I realized I was relying more and more on other women around me. It was a big change and it wasn’t one I minded.

We passed through the wooden door and into a huge office, it kind of looked like a study, really. Books lining the walls and the dean sitting at a huge wooden desk at the front, framed by a huge picture window flanked by curtains.

“Come on, come in,” The dean said, standing up. “I’m Dean Malcom Hendricks and you must be Allison, I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“It’s very nice to meet you,” I smiled as I reached out and shook his hand.

“I have a pretty packed schedule today,” He said. “So we’ll go ahead and get down to business here. You’ve been part of the Alpha Gamma house for the past…month, or so I’m led to believe?”

I nervously looked to Brianna for some support but she simply stared straight ahead. She wanted me to do this myself.

“Yes,” I replied. “Until recently, that is. They revoked my membership.”

“Did they say why?” He asked curiously.

“They said it was a liability,” I watched him think about it for a moment and then he nodded.

“That aside,” He said. “I don’t know for sure if you saw the threats that were made against you, I hear you were rushed out of the Alpha Gamma house pretty quickly and kept in seclusion, at least that’s what I was assured of. Now I want you to know that Bellcrest University does not condone threats of these kind against anyone, for any reason. We’ve combed through every single comment and identified the students that made the threats-“

“What about Stephanie? The girl who mad the post?” Brianna asked. “She causes this, so shouldn’t something be done about her?”

“We considered it,” Dean Hendrick said. “But technically she didn’t make a threat and she does seem remorseful, so we’re going to let that slide for now. What we would like you to know, however, is that you are perfectly safe here at Bellcrest.”

“Is there anything you can do about Alpha Gamma?” I asked curiously. “About…you know…”

“Unfortunately not,” He shook his head. “We don’t dictate how the Greek houses handle their membership but…I did want to say something on that. The world we’re living in right now is a much different one than when I attended Bellcrest University myself. We’re accepting different things and establishing a new normal, so to speak. It can be confusing, and disconcerting, but all change is. There was a time when people of color weren’t allowed to drink from the same fountain as whites or use the same bathrooms. There was a time when homosexuality was viewed as a mental illness. We’ve moved past it, obviously but it wasn’t because the world just evolved on its own. The truth is that people, people like you have to be agents of change. You have the…unfortunate circumstance of being a pioneer in a movement that’s just taking off. You might not want to think of it as a movement but right now it is. It’s the movement of being accepted and understood, to be given the same privileges as others. I may not fully understand what it means to be transgender, but as an educated man I can recognize that you have an opportunity and a responsibility. The question, is what you’re going to do about it.”

“What…are you telling me to do?” My eyes darted around the room. I had no idea what was going on.

“I’m telling you to make a difference,” Dean Hendrick said. “My position here is mostly political, I make decisions but I also have the ear of the board. As the dean I would tell you to avoid making waves. As a human being I’m telling you to stand up and fight. In any case, I have to get to my next appointment, it was very nice meeting you both.”

Brianna and I made our way to the car once again; it had been an incredibly confusing day and as always my head was spinning. What was I supposed to do exactly? What COULD I do? By myself, probably nothing. But then again, maybe, just maybe I wouldn’t have to do it by myself.