When the sword is above your neck, you hardly see the best solution (memories from a prisoner).
Caution: smoking scenes, moments of drama, depression and hard decisions
Will you go through the pain of complete body transformation when even a visit to the dentist is painful enough?
The professor warned Julia and David - Sandra that they have two options. If they remain as they are, their brains will not support the complex gender transformations they experienced during their past lives. In that case, in only six days, they will both enter a coma. The professor will have to erase all their memories from past lives, to save their brains. If they want to keep the memories and discover more, they will have to cross the gender barrier and become transgender people. But, as they can realize, that will require a lot of painful surgical procedures. Even if the year is 2538 and the technology is far more advanced, such a complex body transformation still is difficult and risky. What should they do?
Day 1
Julia and David - Sandra stop after school in the university park, as always, to talk.
"I made my mind", says Julia. "Even if we were in love since millennia and we've been together through many lives, I think we should not go further revealing our past. We will be together in this life too, as we were so many times".
"You mean, we should erase our brains?"
"Yes, Sandra. Just think at this: When I was little, I fallen from a tree. I had my hand immobilized for a week and it was so painful. Imagine how we would feel to completely transform our body. To add me a penis, to remove yours and make a hole instead, to add breasts for you... and probably remove mine. Do you realize how painful it will be?"
"I know", answers David. "But, I don't know. There is a part of me that wants to continue exploring our past lives".
"And besides, what will people say about us?" asks Julia. "Imagine me as a man as a cross-dresser, as I were in my past life and you as a woman. I could pass as a woman, but you know, women's clothes are elastic, not like in the past. Everybody will see a huge dick! Oh mine! Colleagues will laugh for months, we will be at the news channel".
"If that is your decision, I am with you", says David. "But, let's not take a decision fast. Will you?"
"And even for you", continues Julia. "That bully which used you as a boxing bag, will now probably try to rape you. Who knows what will now happen!"
"Julia, let's wait a few more days and in the 5th day take a decision", says David.
"We already have headaches and amnesia, showing that our brains are in trouble", adds Julia. "But if you insist, I will wait. Whatever you chose. If you want to die, I will die with you".
"Maybe if we don't explore our past lives, our brains will be more relaxed", says David.
"Ok, we will no longer see our past lives today, to see how we will feel".
**********
They went to their rooms and spent the whole evening doing anything else. Well, on Callisto, a day lasts 16 Earth days. People divided the day into 24 hours Earth cycles because the human brain is unable to keep with the long local day. So, what people call 'day', is in fact a cycle of 24 hours. There are 8 cycles of day time and 8 cycles of night time. Despite the day being so long, temperature variations are very low. Jupiter is far from the Sun and its moons are protected by a thick layer of greenhouse gasses. Temperature varies only with 3 degrees C.
Both could not sleep more then an hour. They were both thinking about the many lives they experienced together and felt sorry that all these memories will vanish soon. Very soon, David will no longer remember himself as Sandra, the woman. Julia will no longer remember herself as a cross-dresser and Sandra's husband.
They suffered the whole night and returned to school very tired, with headaches.
Day two
The two met again in the park, after classes.
"How was last night?" asks David - Sandra.
"I cried. I wanted to see our past lives and hardly managed not to. I am missing you as Sandra!"
"Me too".
"Could you sleep?" asks Julia.
"Hardly", answers David. "Less then an hour, I think. I thought this will help, but my head hurts even more. And I feel as dizzy as I never felt".
"What if we open our past lives?" says Julia. "At least only for this night. Soon, we will be unable to do this any more".
**********
That night, each in its own room, they dressed appropriate, to resemble what they were in their last reincarnation. Both remembered their last life, as they were in Ural East. But not only. David went further away in past, to a moment in the 1600's. At that time, they were both born as boys but ended-up as hijras. A hijra is India's third gender, a castrated man. The operation requires both testicles and the penis to be removed. Hijras look completely like women, even if they actually have no genitals. Even their breasts grow. Julia witnesses a much more distant past life, when she was a man. In that life, she wanted to be castrated, to remain more feminine.
Again, they could not sleep more then an hour. Knowing that their memories will not last for many days, they spent many hours, late in night, trying to remember as much as they could.
Day 3
The third day, they decide to go together and sleep together in Julia's room. After all, they've been a family in many lives. Even if they are in a platonic relation, their memories show that they had many sexual relations and even children so many times. David takes his all-in-one costume with him.
It is something common for students to have visitors, even from other genders, even to spend a night with someone. Many families form this way. The university even encourages this, offering better rooms for couples.
Even if they were together naked so many times in their past lives, David finds difficult to undress. Julia understands him and turns her back. David puts his costume and becomes like a woman. Now, the all-in-one covers his body like an elastic membrane. Even if the whole costume is made as a single piece of material, it resembles a knee-long dress with opaque tights. Julia helps him and uploads to his costume one of her favorite textures. The all-in-one becomes light green, with a white leaf drawn on the chest. The skirt and sleeves are also full with dark green leaves, while the feet are opaque black.
Julia has a light-red blouse-skirt, also made of a single piece. Her skirt is filled with red, white and black flowers, more on the skirt and less on the upper part. Her skirt ends just above her knees. She has no pantyhose and no socks on, just her white sandals, which she wears anywhere. She puts the strap-on, which creates a bulge under her dress.
Then, they both light a cigarette. Soon after, their memories from past lives start to appear.
"I know why you picked this design", says David - Sandra. "This is how we looked in the 2000's. At that time, we lived in the mountains of Northern Caucasus".
"Yes", says Julia. "At that time, you were the woman and I also was a cross-dresser. You loved to wear green".
"We had four children", continues David - Sandra. "I was born in the mountains and you in the civilized World. You came to me".
"Like if I knew you were there", continues Julia. "My parents could not accept it. I was their only son and they could not accept me to be with you".
"Because they thought I were a witch", says David - Sandra.
"And you were... sort of. At least in the eyes of everyone else".
"Remember our smoky kisses?"
"Yes", says Julia. "And I remember when you almost killed me because I didn't want to start smoking. I still wonder if you would really kill me".
"I don't know. I don't know if I would have the courage, in any life".
"I was the cross-dresser, a man always wearing pantyhose on", continues Julia. "Remember when I was massaging your feet? And you were mine?"
"I do", continues David - Sandra. "What still shocks me is how you found me. You went from the civilized Central Europe to the dangerous Northern Caucasus to find me. It was like if we were set to meet there".
"Perhaps we were", answers Julia. "We found each one in almost every epoch we went through. We found each other here, too".
"You were a Geological expert and I graduated the railway university. We used to talk for hours about Astronomy. We had such a wonderful marriage", continues David - Sandra.
Julia takes David's feet on her lap, massaging them and feeling the smooth texture of his all-in-one. It is similar to the tights and pantyhose that existed in the 2000's. Her hands move just as they did 2500 years ago. Then, David touches Julia's feet, uncovered by an elastic membrane, her pink toes and her sandals. It is the first time they ever do this.
"Your feet were so much different with pantyhose on", says David - Sandra. "It is amazing that I can remember the feeling after so much time".
The two get closer and make a smoking kiss, like they did in past. Their lips touch and smoke runs from one's mouths to the other's.
"In that life, we were sfenists", says Julia. "We never had sex and there was no way we could have".
"I remember", says David - Sandra. "It is because we were both sexually abused in that life. But even so, we were such an united couple!"
They stop at a few kisses and don't go further. For hours, they keep exploring their past lives, until finally end-up sleeping. For the first time, they sleep together in the same bed.
Day 4
After school, they meet in the park only for little, then go home, each one to its room. What happened that night, we should ask them.
David's story
I went to my room. It was the fourth day. I knew that only tomorrow we can live with our memories, the next day we have to go to the professor and remove the memories of our past lives. So, I wanted to take advantage of every single second I could. My head was full of pain. It was clear that my synapses are starting get affected.
After I took my all-in-one, I wanted to see how far I could get. How I found Julia? Well, you certainly want to hear this? Because, when I found out, it was a painful shock.
You won't believe it, but, probably our first incarnation was in the stone age. There we were, in the most unexpected situation. It shocked me to death to see that we were two men, gay. Yes, I am right. This is how it started. We were black, so I guess it was in Africa. We were in some sort of a tribe. Time was not counted in years in that era, so I have no idea when it were, but I guess it was in 3000 years before Christ. Is that how old our relation is? Over 5000 years passed and we still are together!
"Wow!" I said to myself. "How could that be possible?"
I tried to see more about that life, but it was very hard. Also, I could not see anything beyond. So, I turned to the next reincarnation that we had. Well, it was so different. We were, I guess in Central America. I was a man at that time and Julia a woman. We were children of a shaman. You might say that it was incest, but even if we were brother and sister, we had a relation. What I do remember, is that our parents were smoking. It was a ritual practice in ancient America. I tried it and got addicted. And from that point on, I became a smoker in all my lives, forcing also Julia into this habit.
It appears that we've been to every part of the world in ancient times: Africa, America, China, Siberia, you name it. It hurts me to say it now, but until I started to have memories from past lives, I was discriminating people. I had something with Muslims... until I found out I was a Muslim. At some point, I had something against black people... but the first incarnation I remember, was as a black male. Not the last, I was against gay people... and it was such a shock for me to find out that once I was one of them.
Never, I really mean never discriminate people, because there is a high chance you WERE in exactly what you don't like now. The reincarnation process takes you to all places and all human races possible. You won't believe it until you see it yourself.
Another thing that shocked me, is that in all lives I was a convinced smoker, no matter what I were. And I wanted to know why this addiction passed to me for so many lives. Did I ever died from smoking? I was examining this and I found the answer. Yes! This addiction killed me more times then I could imagine.
It was in the 1200's. We lived in ancient America. I was the man and Julia the woman. With the medical knowledge I have now, I am sure that smoking killed me. In my last days, I could not breath. What comes, scared me. Do you want to listen? I think so. I wouldn't like to tell you, but so be it. I remember I died in Julia's hands. When you see these memories, you don't remember the feelings you had, the pain mainly. You remember it was painful, the sensation itself is absent. It is just like when you have memories from this life. If you suffered something, like if you broke a leg or an arm, you remember how painful it was, but without feeling the pain itself.
I've seen myself rising above my body. Julia was crying. then, I continue to rise. I've seen my angel, taking me to the world of souls, which we call home. He was accusing me for destroying my body, showing me that I made myself a bad karma. I knew that I will have to pay for this in the next life. Destroying your own body is a sin just like killing someone else.
What I also remember, is that, when we were at home, me and Julia were planning our next life. We wanted to go back to Earth. So, we chosen to go to Persia. I remember how we carefully chosen the lives we wanted to live and the bodies to wear. In this new life, I were to be the woman and she the man. We were a family again. What happened, is that my strong smoking addiction forced me to try various things. You won't believe it, but it was me who invented hashish smoking. That was before Columbus sailed to America. Believe me, my angel was very upset for what I've done.
At that point, I realized that at each reincarnation, we plan what to do. Each one is a lesson for us to learn. There must be a reason why souls return to this world from time to time, but at that time I could not figure out what that reason was.
I could not sleep the whole night. In the morning, I realized that my present life must have a reason and if the reason is to remember all my past lives, I have to go through.
Julia's story
What I did that night? I tried to see something else, something that was in my mind for a long time. Memories from the soul world, from home as it should be named, are harder to remember. I wanted to see if me and Sandra actually planned to meet each time. How was it that in almost every life we found each other?
So, I tried to remember what happened before we came to our present life.
We were home. Please, let me call that place this way. As we were thinking to come, there was the soul of a woman, planning her next life. She was memorizing something. She was talking to someone, to another soul:
"When you see me, don't hesitate to hit me!"
She was planning to be hit by a hovering car, to have broken legs. This way, she wanted to burn some of her negative karma from past life, where she killed someone. Well, we didn't have much negative karma to burn.
We spent maybe days, selecting the best location and what bodies to have. Sandra told me:
"When I will see you, you have to wear white sandals, so that I will recognize you. And make a bubble of gum".
"And when I will see you", I said, "you have to play with your hair. And give me a cigarette".
We uploaded these details in our sub-consciousness. And this is exactly how it happened. Our lives are not at random. there, in home, we seen it all and planned everything. We came to this life for a reason. There is a lesson that we want to learn here. All these reincarnations are like a multitude of school classes. Each one requires learning and then passing an exam, but the life itself is an exam.
There was not much time left. We only had one more day, then we had to decide if we will cross gender barrier or not. So, I wanted to see what I could remember from home. If I could see my life there, then I could see what choice to take.
Then, I realized. We've been women, men, cross-dressers, castrated, hijras, but we never were transgender people. This is the barrier we never passed over. We never changed completely from one gender to another. Maybe this is the lesson that we must pass.
When the morning came, I was feeling so dizzy, that I hardly managed to get out of room.
Day 5
David and Julia felt very bad at school, but managed to stay until the last class ended. Even if it is Saturday, some students still come to school. Teachers come for free, as Saturday is the day when the best students are coming.
It was David and Julia's their last day. Tomorrow, they had to take a decision. David invites Julia to his room. They both change, so that their past lives can be revealed.
"Sandra", says Julia, "do you remember the moment before coming to this life? When we were home?"
"Before coming here?" asks David. "I do, when we met back home. I waited you. We were very happy to be together again".
"Later", insists Julia. "When we decided to go. Do you remember what you said to me?"
"When?"
"When we were planning our bodies. You told me to wear white sandals and to make a bubble of gum when I will see you. These were our signs, so that we can meet each other".
"I do!" answers David, almost shouting. "I remember. Yes, we planned to meet here".
"And do you remember what signs I asked from you?"
"Yes, I do", he says, surprised. "To play with my hair and to give you a cigarette. We agreed upon this. And that's just how it went!"
Julia tries to smile, which is hard, over all the pain she feels from her head. Then, she says:
"We left to this world for a reason. We planned our lives here for a purpose. What I don't know, is what that purpose is. Are we here to go through tomorrow, forget everything or go on? What do you think? Cause right now, I cannot judge anything more. I spent all night thinking about that. Is our purpose to cross gender barriers?"
David looks carefully at Julia, then takes her feet on his lap. He kisses her, then gently massages her toes. Then, he touches her strap-on. Suddenly, both have memories from past life. When David was Sandra and Julia was a cross-dresser, sometimes they practiced mutual masturbation. David moves his hand beneath Julia's skirt, then stops, saying:
"Sometimes, these memories are so real, that I feel like I did it last night".
"It's ok", says Julia. "No problem, perhaps we will be doing this again one day".
"I was thinking about something", says David. "Do you remember in the 2000's, there was a movie, Matrix. You remember it?"
"Yes, I do", says Julia. "With all people being prisoners of the machines and having their brains connected to a virtual world. Somehow, it is similar to the reality. People could not see anything beyond their virtual reality. Just like people today cannot see anything beyond their current life".
"The main character, Neo, if I remember his name correctly", continues David. "He was offered a choice".
"The scene with the pills!" exclaims Julia. "Take the red pill and get out of the matrix, take the blue pill forget everything".
"You see, Julia, we are just like Neo. We have right now two pills in front of us. Until that moment, Neo did not see what the Matrix is, but he wanted to. We've seen already enough. We have to chose. The red pill or the blue pill. Explore or resign".
"Yes. But, what pill would you take?" asks Julia. "Are we ready to take the red pill, or we should wait another life for this?"
"Julia, think about this. What if Neo takes the blue pill? Wouldn't he regret the whole of his life this decision? The story ends, you wake-up in your room and believe whatever you want. I think that I don't want to waste my entire life, thinking why didn't I take the red pill. I advise that we go to the professor tomorrow morning and cross gender barriers".
"I will come with you. This must be the reason of our current life".
Day 6
Unlike any day, Julia and David spent their time waiting for morning to come. They kissed, touched, cuddled and remembered more of their past lives.
Even if it is Sunday morning, the professor always come to his lab, at least for an hour. He does this, to work with his favorite students.
In the morning, they took men's clothes over their women's elastic clothing, so that nobody would know what is going on. David kept his all-in-one beneath his clothes, while Julia kept her strap-on beneath her clothes. Their heads were full of pain and ready to explode. It was very hard for them to even move. some colleagues laughed at them, saying that they are both drunk. It was still very early in the morning when they arrived to the Psychology sector. Very tired, they managed to reach the door. It was still locked. Nobody arrived.
They light a cigarette. It is very hard even to smoke.
Two men, employed for cleanup, find the two sitting at the door.
"Are you ok?" asks one of them.
"Is the professor coming?" asks David. "It is an emergency".
"Yes, but later. Are you waiting for him?"
"We must talk with him", says Julia.
"I have his phone number", says the other man. "If it is who he told me will come, I'll dial and you speak".
David takes the phone. With a sleepy voice, the professor answers:
"Who is it?"
"It's Sandra", says David. "And Julia. We are at the lab. We made our mind. We are ready to be transformed".
"Come, we feel very bad", says Julia, almost crying of pain. "Please, transform us!"
"As far as I can, my children. Don't move from there. I will come with a medical team. Everything is prepared for you. Now, give me the guy you took the phone from".
The worker takes the phone and says:
"Sir, they came in time, just as you said they will".
"Tom, thank you for watching" says the professor." Keep an eye on them. Don't let anyone take those two children. You understand? Don't let anyone take them to a hospital! I will come with the medical team. Their lives are in great danger if anyone else gets to them before me".
The professor comes as fast as he can, together with a an emergency medical team he prepared for the moment. Both Julia and David are starting to lose contact with the real world. Every second is critical if the professor wants to save their precious connection to their past lives. The medical team takes them in a hurry, while the professor comes with them.
"Hold on, my children", he says. "Hold on, this is the beginning of a wonderful journey".
