Rae studied the 3D rendering on her lab computer. The face was hers, but with small alterations. It was younger, more feminine, and subtly vulpine. The hair was the biggest difference. It was the same foxy fiery red that she often dyed her own dark blond hair. It had foxy ears, and no trace of regular human ears.
After sending the prosthesis to the printer, she revisited an older project designed to allow humans to breathe underwater. Or, more accurately, it allowed divers to hold their breath indefinitely.
The project was designed to help divers work deeply by eliminating nitrogen narcosis and the bends. If the diver isn't breathing any gas, then there won't be any dissolved gas that can create bubbles in his bloodstream and tissues when he starts to ascend.
The project was technically successful, but didn't make it commercially because it required bulky implants.
So Rae redesigned the implants as flat prostheses that could be held in place by GLOO. She theorized that the GLOO would allow the diffusion of oxygen and carbon dioxide.
She was rather fond of the project, and disappointed that it never made it. She had learned a lot about chemistry while working with the team that created it.
A human uses maybe a kilogram of oxygen in a day, so finding a chemical that could absorb and re-release a few hours worth wasn't as difficult as it might seem. Similarly, the carbon dioxide was pulled out and diffused away.
She had to modify the design to allow the user to refill the oxygen by breathing instead of swapping canisters.
Minor details...
Carrie snickered as the fifth man with a phallic nose came into the lounge and sat with the group. All five of them looked disgruntled.
"It looks like someone has been going into business," Mary commented.
Rae looked a little consternated.
"I think someone is starting a dickface support group," Marnie snickered.
Carrie was busy fiddling with her phone. "Ah, here it is," she said, showing the web page around.
Mary nodded. "I was perusing the site, and reading some comments about it on Facebook and Reddit. It appears that whoever is running the site is paranoid that his ummm... products might be abused. You wouldn't believe the hoops that someone has to jump through to get them. In fact, he promises dire consequences if they are used on someone who doesn't deserve it. Nobody dares test him."
"There's nothing stopping people from making their own with an ordinary dildo," Rae commented.
"Apparently, if you can get ahold of the real thing, your victim squirts white stuff when he sneezes."
Rae looked even more consternated.
Carrie giggled. "I might need to see if I can order some sneezing powder."
Mary said, "I heard that the cops are trying really hard to catch the person who's making them -- not that he is actually doing anything illegal."
"He's an accessory in the commission of a crime. In fact, he's encouraging and facilitating it. Not to mention profiting from it," Rae pointed out.
"Good point," Mary said
"What's stopping the police from finding him?" Carrie asked.
"Well, first of all, the site is behind a few anonymous servers, and payment is made through Bitcoin. The owner has only transferred the money from his wallet once so far, and it was used to buy Linden Dollars. They lost track of them once they got into the Second Life system."
"What other products does he have?" asked Carrie.
"Mostly silicone prostheses that are designed to humiliate the victim. But there is a custom fitted silicone lined titanium chastity device that is sold along with he nose dildo."
"He isn't selling a female chastity device?"
"No. All of his -- or probably her -- products are designed to humiliate men."
Rae walked out of her changing room, freshly showered and with a bald head. She waited impatiently for the prosthesis to finish printing. She prepped it and took it with her into her changing room.
She walked out with a luxurious head of fox red hair, and a beautifully feminine vulpine face. Her face was a bit stiff, but she knew that it would be better than new in eight hours, and fully sensitive in three days. According to her research, her new fox ears would be more sensitive than her original equipment,
Rae carefully GLOO'd a skin suit to an overweight rat. The elastic skin had to be stretched to fit. The rat looked uncomfortable for the two minutes that it took the GLOO to set, but then relaxed. After eight hours, the rat had visibly shrunk.
"I can't believe it!" grumbled Jelinka. "Fucking glass ceiling! The patriarchy refuses to pay us what we are worth!"
Rae shrugged. "I have no complaints."
"Yeah, you wouldn't! You're making the patriarchy millions of dollars! Of course they're going to keep you placated so that they can use you for as long as they can!"
Rae sighed. "That's how business works. You get paid to do a job, and that job has to help the owners make money, or they are just wasting resources. Besides, a good part of the board of directors is women."
Jelinka walked out, grumbling about the patriarchy running the world, and about quislings betraying their own gender.
Jelinka was, no doubt, unaware that Rae's fox ears were more than decoration; that she could hear her even as she was about to enter her inner sanctum.
"Damn traitor! Even supporting that wannabe who thinks that some surgery and a few hormone shots is going to turn her into a real woman!"
Jelinka closed the server room door, still grumbling.
Rae scowled and went back to work.
The gaggle of Yoyodyne employees watched passively as the members of the dickface support group, as they called it, started wandering in one at a time.
As one of them entered, Lori started to snicker. She looked like she was having a hard containing herself.
"What's got you practically rolling on the floor?" Rae asked.
"You see that guy with the purple dick on his nose? That's Professor Alan E. Wood!"
"They guy that used you and threw you away?"
"Now everyone can call him Professor Woody!" Kelli giggled, perhaps a bit too loudly.
He turned around and scowled at them, his purple phallic nose smacking his cheek due to the sudden movement.
Lori smiled and gave him a finger wave.
He scowled. "I'll get you for this, Bill!"
"My name is Lori," she informed him with more calmness than she felt. "And I didn't do it, though I definitely approve."
"Fools!" Rae cackled. "You couldn't find your ass with both hands!"
Jelinka came out of the the server room and attempted to look over Rae's shoulder, but she had already closed her laptop and gone to check on her rats.
"What was that all about?" asked Jelinka.
"I'm sorry, but that information will only be divulged on a need to know basis."
Jelinka scowled. "Messing around on social media during work hours?"
Rae chuckled. "What does it matter if I am? I'm allowed."
"We'll just see about that," she grumbled.
Rae shrugged and petted her two tailed rat.
Once Jelinka went back into her hole, Rae opened her laptop, tunneled into the server, and checked the firewall settings. Sure enough, all of the major social media IP addresses were blocked.
Rae grinned and pulled up Facebook. Then, she went to another browser and continued to do her sleuthing. She checked the archive of the printer queue. Sure enough, several prostheses were printed that she had not authorized. She cross checked them against the 'dicknose' data that she had mined.
She managed to track the shipping of the prostheses and chastity devices. "Idiot shipped from inside the company," Rae grumbled.
She saved the data for possible use with the board. She hoped to get it taken care of without involving the company, though. She also didn't want to involve the customers who had purchased the prostheses. Some of them did, no doubt, have legitimate gripes. She would have to do some checking on the victims to make sure that nobody was unjustly victimized.
Rae decided to go in the other direction. She sifted through the Bitcoin blockchain and traced the transactions to the Linden Labs servers. So far, so good.
She tunneled into the servers and traced the trail to the other end, where the Linden Dollars were turned to Litecoin, and finally deposited into a normal bank account.
Rae documented the trail. Once documented, it could be tracked and verified without actually hacking the Linden Labs servers. Hopefully, that information would be sufficient for the police to track the money trail.
She sent the file off to the police, sent a summary of her findings to management and the board, covered her tracks, and left Facebook up on her screen.
Jelinka quietly walked to the desk where Rae had left the notebook. She thought she was being quiet, anyhow.
As she was scrutinizing the screen, Rae walked up behind her. "What are you doing with my machine?" she demanded loudly.
"I thought I told you to stay off social media!"
"And I informed you that I am authorized. Now go away and stop interfering with my work!"
"This isn't over!"
Rae chuckled softly. "It pretty much is," she said to herself.
Rae pulled a small patch out of the 3D printer and attached it to the rat. After setting it back, pulled out the rat that she had GLOO'd into a weight loss suit and weighed it. It was shrinking just as expected.
She put that one back and pulled out one that had an underwater life support patch installed three days ago. She attached some vital sign sensors, tied a weight to its tail, and tossed it into a fish tank.
It struggled briefly, but settled down. Its oxygen saturation stayed steady. She left it in until the sats started to drop, then pulled it out.
The rat started panting, and continued to breathe hard until her sensors showed that the life support patch was recharged.
The talking head read the news report. "Police, following an anonymous tip, have found the person who has been selling the ummm... devices that were being GLOO'd to men who have a history of victimizing women. No more details are being released."
Lori and Kelli looked at Rae, who was smiling faintly.
"Yes, I was the anonymous tipster," she admitted. That's all I can tell you. Hopefully, the board can keep it from blowing up into a media circus. And the perpetrator has already been let go.
Rae looked at her colony of sea rats.
It took some fiddling, but she finally got the life support patches to work just right.
One problem was that the breathing reflex is triggered by excessive carbon dioxide, not insufficient oxygen. She nearly lost some of her rats when they ran out of oxygen, but didn't know enough to surface and start breathing.
Now, though, they all swim around comfortably and grab food from the special underwater feeders.
They are also smart enough to only drink from the fresh water tank. But they like to go into the salt water tank and get the food there. Rae intentionally swaps the better food back and forth between the tanks to encourage the rats to use both.
"You have done well, my little pets!" she cackled.
Satisfied with her work, Rae sent her next prosthesis to the printer.
Michael Miller frowned at his reflection. The addition to his nose was bad enough, but the frustration due to the chastity device was only getting worse. He was doing his best to not let his wife suffer, but that only made him more frustrated. He again cursed the woman that he had briefly dated a year before he met his wife, and who somehow thought she owned him.
The other victims he had met were no help. From their attitudes, it was plain that they actually deserved what they got.
His phone dinged, indicating that he had email.
He was dubious about the sender being on the level, but Yoyodyne is a company that is well known for its integrity.
Rae pulled the prosthesis off of the printer, prepped it, and carried it into her dressing room.
It looked like a crotchless set of biking shorts. It was difficult to pull on because it was extremely tight. It was padded in the rear, hips, and outer thighs, but tight all over to get rid of the fat that was already there.
The 'padding' was the actual life support system, and also contained the oxygen storage chemical.
The prosthesis was especially tight in the inner thighs so that she could get that much coveted 'thigh gap' that she had earlier tried to convince herself that she didn't really want.
When it was done, and had set the requisite two minutes, she looked quite bottom heavy. She sighed a bit, but was confident that she would be sporting a sleek feminine shape in three days.
"Thanks for helping us out," Rae said to doctor Roberts.
"Not a problem! Always happy to help my favorite foxy girl." He smirked. "Besides, you guys don't skimp on the pay."
"Mister Miller should be here in a few minutes for the final part. Apparently, he and his wife decided that it wouldn't hurt to go a bit bigger than his original equipment."
"He wants a bigger nose?"
There was a knock on the door. Mike and Sara Miller entered, looking nervous.
"Welcome to my lab-OR-a-tory!" Rae cackled, dry washing her hands.
They cringed.
Doctor Roberts, with impeccable bedside manner, waved them to the seats by the examination table. "Don't mind her. Sometimes, her sense of humor is a little... uh... inappropriate."
They nodded.
"Go ahead and get a good shower, mister Miller. The sooner we get started, the sooner you'll be good as new. Better than new, actually." Rae said.
Rae and the doctor helped Mike up on the table. The Valium IV was already starting to kick in. The doc numbed the two affected areas and waited for the lidocaine to take affect.
Rae carefully compared the affected parts to the prostheses, measured, and drew lines indicating precisely where the doctor should cut. She also painted GLOO activator on to the two prostheses.
Sara stood by Mike's head, holding his hand, but staying out of the way of the three people who were working on her husband.
The doctor rapidly cut the phony penis off of his nose with a laser scalpel. The fact that it was self cauterizing made it easier for Rae to put the GLOO adhesive base onto the cut surface before it had time to bleed. She pressed the nose prosthesis to the stump and held it for two minutes.
They repeated the process with the titanium stump that stuck out where his penis used to be. The doctor cringed as he cut it off. Rae quickly spread the GLOO and installed the prosthesis. Not long after the GLOO's two minute setting time, the urethra was reconnected.
The nurse monitored everything while the Valium wore off.
Eight hours later, Mike was happy that sensation was returning. After three days, Mike and Sara were ecstatic, and celebrated well into the night.
Rae walked into the locker room at the company gym. She admired her new shape, then took a quick shower. Once she was done, she put on a sleek one piece, grabbed her special goggles and flippers, and headed to the pool.
With the goggles on, she looked like she had bigger eyes like one might expect to see on a mermaid. But there was more to them than that.
Divers use a mask instead of goggles because they need to equalize the pressure. Rae's special goggles do that automatically.
She dove into the pool and swam underwater from one end to the other, then back. To keep from scaring the lifeguard, she surfaced frequently. She didn't breathe, though. She kept it up for two hours, getting the exercise that she needs to stay sleek and healthy.
The whole time, it felt about like it feels after holding her breath for a couple seconds.
When she came up and started breathing, she noticed that she was breathing a little more quickly. After she detected that her oxygen stores were full, her breathing settled back to normal.
Willy Lowman grumbled to himself as he walked from the bus stop to his small studio apartment.
His attempt to turn Michele Hillman into his own submissive pet had backfired badly. But part of him was excited about the fact that his submissive nature had gone from being hidden to being on display to the world. At least, to his mind, it seemed that way.
The embarrassment of wearing a dick on his nose turned him on, and the knowledge that he would never be able to do anything about it -- that he would never be able to satisfy that urge turned him on even more.
It was almost as if the whole world could see the two inch titanium nub that sat where his useless penis used to sit.
Not that he would ever admit that. Not even to himself.
He walked through his apartment door, and felt the familiar sting of Mistress Helga's riding crop.
He quickly, and quite automatically, got to his knees and bowed his head.
"You have caused me considerable inconvenience, worm," she said in a sultry voice. "What should I do?"
"You must punish me, mistress," he mumbled.
"I can't hear you, worm," she said with a voice that contained some steel.
"You must punish me, mistress," he said more loudly.
"This is a travesty, a crime against nature," she said, "A sub, a bottom, a lowly worm presumes to try to dominate another!"
Her crop cracked across his nose.
Willy simpered, but dared not cover himself or even touch the red marks.
"Strip, worm!"
Willy hastened to do so.
Mistress Helga laughed when he wriggled out of his tighty whities. She flicked the short titanium stub. "One good thing came out of this travesty," she said. "You will never use that pathetic thing again. It is right and just that your only purpose in life will be to service me, your rightful mistress.
The Yoyodyne gaggle, along with Carrie and Marnie, sat in their usual spot and watched with amusement as the dicknose mutual support and commiseration club members started to filter in.
Rae picked up her phone and read the incoming text. She smiled brightly, replied, then dropped the phone back into her purse.
After a few minutes, she looked up expectantly whenever the door opened.
"What's the story, Rae," Lori asked.
Rae put a look of innocence upon her face. "I'm sure I have no idea what you are talking about."
Lori rolled her eyes. "You're waiting for someone to walk through that door."
Rae gave a bright smile. "Cathy just texted me. She finally managed to drag herself away from that project. All's over but the shouting, and she convinced them that she doesn't need to be there for the wrap-up."
"It's been hard being away from your lady love for so long, hasn't it?"
Rae nodded.
Rae turned her head to the opening door. She smiled brightly and jumped up.
"Kitteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"
"Foxieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"
They met in the middle of the floor and hugged each other tightly, their tails intertwined, and shared an intimate kiss.
"Go get a room, you two," Lori grumbled; but she had a dreamy smile on her face.
"We intend to, believe me!"
Willy, after a long day at work, took the bus to his new home.
There was a small smile on his face as he anticipated seeing his mistress. In the back of his mind, he wondered what he would have to do to get her to punish him. He hoped that he would get to service her, since seeing her in ecstasy really drove home the humiliating fact that he would never again feel that pleasure.
He would never service anyone again as a man, not that his mistress had ever allowed it. Maybe she would let him use his nose. She would probably love grabbing his hair and pulling his head between her thighs until he almost suffocated.
He went in the servant's entrance, down to the basement, stripped, showered, and put on his restraints. He awaited his mistress's pleasure.
He had forgotten that today was payday. With no more car or apartment, he had no other expenses. All of his pay went into his mistress's account. She used only a small portion of it to feed him.
She walked into his cell and placed a bowl of Alpo on the concrete floor.
"Thank you, mistress," he said as he waited for permission to eat.
She waited several minutes, then nodded. "You may feed, worm."
Rae and Cathy finally fell into an exhausted slumber at about three in the morning.
Rae woke up at around noon and looked fondly at her sleeping girlfriend. She had removed her ears and taken out her tail during their love making.
Cathy opened her eyes, stretched, and yawned, "Good morning, beautiful! I'm so glad we have the day off."
A few hours later, they discussed Rae's new prostheses.
"I love the new look, and how much I can make you scream," Cathy said, "But I kinda miss that one part."
"I know. I didn't think I would, but I kinda miss it, too. No matter. I'll just print up a new one. You want one, too?"
Rae looked at Lori's order. "I think she'll want a few enhancements," she said to herself. It didn't occur to her that Lori might object to a few pleasant surprises.
She made a few changes, then closed the browser window. Then, she arranged to have the appropriate items shipped to Wuppertal, Germany.
Cathy looked on as Rae pulled the last prosthesis off of the printer and prepared it.
They showered together in Rae's changing room.
Rae carefully installed Cathy's prostheses, then her own. She had warned her that her tail would be limp at first, and her ears would not be mobile.
"We'll have to wear loose clothes for three days. But after the GLOO sets properly, our new organs will be fully retractable. Wouldn't want to ruin our bikini lines!"
"How long before I can control my tail again?"
"You should get some decent mobility and sensation in eight hours. In three days, it'll be as much of an erogenous zone as your neck or breasts, and will have even better mobility than your old FurTech tail."
"But didn't the rats take a while to get used to their new tails?"
"My theory is that we already have the neural pathways in our motor cortex because of the Fur-Tech tails we used to wear. The rats didn't have that head start, so it took them longer to become coordinated."
Rae floofed Cathy's nose with the tip of her tail. Cathy tried to reciprocate, then sighed when she couldn't. She looked at her cell phone. "Seventy-one hours and fifty-three minutes," she said with a sigh.
"And you won't be quite so bottom heavy, either," added Rae. "Then we can go scuba diving without the scuba gear."
Rae was in major hack mode. She felt that it was her responsibility to make sure that no one was victimized unjustly by the prostheses that she had, admittedly, designed. Getting rid of Jelinka had stopped the flow of unauthorized prostheses, but it didn't stop copycatters from making their own nasty little surprises.
She didn't expect to be able to police the world, but she could at least point the cops to the perpetrators, and even point the innocent victims to a couple trusted doctors that could help them.
She found it necessary to point some vigilante types to some of the nastier perpetrators, then document the entire sordid affair on social media.
She looked at the results of one such bit of human assisted karma and cackled, "That'll make certain people think twice before trying that stunt again!"
She looked up as her gaggle of friends came down to her office area. She had had to do a little finagling to get them access to what is usually a very secure area.
"Whatcha doin?" asked Lori in a sing-song voice.
"Oh, just taking care of some external business," she said with an innocent look on her face.
Kelli looked at the pictures posted on FaceBook. "You didn't!" she gasped.
"No, of course I didn't," Rae replied. "I just uncovered the location of yon reprehensible reprobate and passed the info to a group who might want to do something about it."
Everyone had a good laugh. There might be some areas where Rae tends to go just a bit too far, but she is seldom vicious. She tends to be very measured and pragmatic in her responses.
"By the way, how are you covering your tracks? What kind of system are you using?
Rae closed all of the windows and went to the desktop. "I'm using Tails Linux, of course."
Rae waited by the door, looking at her watch.
She walked through the door and sat down. Her butt hit her seat at precisely 13:00.
"Good of you to show up this time, Rae."
"I love you too, big brother," Rae replied.
David, Steve, and Mark rolled their eyes.
Rae stood up. "I see we have some new faces here," she said. She waved. "Hi new faces! Let me introduce myself. My name is Rae, and I'm the brains of this organization. I am your semi domesticated mad scientist. I get to play in my lab and make all kinds of cool stuff, and you all get to figure out how to turn it into money."
David stood up. "What Rae is saying is that she is the designated eccentric genius that does crazy things, and that we let her get away with it because she brings us so much profit."
"And because I exercise my stock options, I own part of the company. Not that I vote very often. I go with Dave, Steve, and Mark if they vote the same. If they disagree, I have to settle it like a good big sister."
"Little sister," Mark interjected.
"Details, details," Rae said.
"Get on with it, little sis. You have to have something to tell us all, or you wouldn't bother showing up."
"I'm glad you asked!" she said brightly.
She walked up to the whiteboard, grabbed a pink marker, and wrote GLOO!, underlining it twice.
"I've been doing some experimenting with that stuff. In fact, I managed to reverse engineer it and can produce it, along with a couple variations. Unfortunately, I can't make it cheap enough to make it worth our while."
"Then what's the point?" scoffed one of the new faces.
"I'm getting to that..." she paused for effect. "Now, where was I before I was so rudely interrupted?" She paused again. "Oh, yes, now I remember!"
The person who interrupted turned red, but held his peace.
"I have found a number of medical uses for GLOO." She waved her tail and twitched her ears. "The fact that I have full control of my tail and ears, and that they are as sensitive as if I were born with them is just the beginning. Any properly made prosthesis, whether it be a replacement body part or an additional one, will attain full sensitivity and mobility seventy-two hours after being attached."
She looked around the room to see if everyone realized the implications of what she was saying.
"It took a considerable amount of trial and error to find the optimum mix. GLOO'd items will generally achieve some sensitivity without using our special formula, but I have managed to optimize it, as well as provide full mobility." She waved her tail. "I can personally attest to its effectiveness. And better still, since we are only providing a slight alteration of our standard medical grade silicone, we don't have to jump through hoops for the FDA. If anyone has to do that, it's the manufacturers of GLOO."
"But if our formula depends on GLOO to work, we are dependent on one supplier. That's a sure recipe for disaster."
Rae smiled. "That's why I went through the trouble of reverse engineering the stuff. They might raise prices, but not enough to make it worth our while to make it ourselves. And if they withdraw it, we'll have the market to ourselves."
"There has been talk of banning GLOO," one of the new faces objected.
"Talk that has gone nowhere," David replied. "Some suspect that GLOO has the ear of a number of government officials, and they may be right. But, more to the point, We The People don't want the stuff taken away from us."
"I think we're all convinced," Steve said. "How about giving us a summary of your research."
Rae told them about her experimentation with laboratory rats -- the fins, the extra tails, amputated and reattached limbs, amputated limbs replaced with silicone and titanium prostheses, and the rat body suits. The last caused some excitement, especially among the older board members.
She also told them about the prosthetic vulva, though she didn't mention who had it attached. She demonstrated her tail and ears, and let them see before and after pictures of her new face, ears, and hair.
"And some other miscreant tried a rather nasty unauthorized experiment. It would have landed him in jail if anyone could have proven that he did it."
Rae told them about the GLOO'd dildo, butt plug, and vulva and nipple shields.
"What was interesting was the fact that the GLOO somehow knew that the victim would need to drain waste products, so it created a hole in butt plug for feces, and two holes in the dildo to drain urine and menses."
"I printed prostheses for a new vulva, anus, and nipples for the victim. I passed them to a friend of the victim. I received a report that everything is working great, though I haven't tested it myself." She made a face.
Like I said, it's all Laika's fault. Read all about Rae's buddy Lori here:
https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/74835/72-hours-merman...
And don't forget to read part two and three and...
Comments
The GLOO thickens
And meanwhile in my story Lori is having her own inexplicable experiences with GLOO...
I think before this is all over the stuff might turn out to be an alien life form. It would explain a lot...
This is a complex little world you've built for your fun + brilliant mad scientist. A whole novel's worth of plot threads and characters. Jelinka is a real piece of work, but it seems like every workplace has a Jelinka. She's a doovenile jelin-quent (sorry)
It's nice to meet Cathy, and to know Rae's found a kindred spirit. The cheesy Domme and her sub might be having their own kind of fun but give me love that's sweet and fluffy over that any day!
We now return to our regular programming:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qTl00248Z48
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Sweet and Fluffy love
That's Rae and Cathy, all right! Particularly the fluffy part.
But to prevent diabetic shock, I had to counteract some of it. Willy with the titanium willie and his cast iron domme were just the ticket.
But hey, to each their own. We don't have to understand the attraction. We just need to let them to their own thing without interference.
Does being amused constitute intolerance?
Im glad
I'm glad someone took my idea and really ran with it. :)
Hugs,
Erin
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
So am I.
I believe I have read all of the GLOOD stories. I especially like this multi chapter one.
Me too
It's been truly fun to read so far :)
We the willing, led by the unsure. Have been doing so much with so little for so long,
We are now qualified to do anything with nothing.
"I received a report that everything is working great"
that's good.
Awe!
I want to read more about Rae's adventures... Please?
Cool!
Not only does this story make a great and funny read, it makes a great and funny reread too.