Love Requiem
By: Jane Barker
I couldn't help overhearing Zack Jameson, Carlson Sanford, and Anne Crawfords conversation. There was nothing I could do that wouldn't draw their attention to me. I was scared that if they saw me they would immediately know who I was. I knew that coming to my high school reunion would be a nightmare.
"I wonder if that Barker kid is here." Said Anne disdainfully, her voice just as shrill as it was twenty years ago. "Remember? Jake Barker?" She laughed heartlessly, as if I were the joke of the day. "Remember when I tricked him into going into the girls bathroom? He flipped out when he realized where he was." She was laughing even harder, attracting the attention of some of the other guests. "And all of those pictures. It's a good thing he didn't press charges on us."
"I don't know what that kids problem was." Zack answered. " But when Chase broke the kids leg in middle school, Chase ended up in juvy for a long time. What was it, three years because of an early release? We used to pick fun at the kid all the time."Zack pointed to Carl. "I don't know why he took it so seriously. It's not like we were trying to kill him or anything." Silence fell on the three of them like a ten ton weight falling from the sky. "We were only kidding?" Zack didn't need confirmation. For the first time in these peoples lives, the intensity of how horrible they were to me became evident. I tried to slink away, but apparently i have to have that fixed too.
Anne's shrill voice rang out "Hey, isn't that his sister? He did have a sister right?" I had been caught. Well, not quite caught. I walked over towards Anne.
"Hello, you probably don't remember me.," Anne stared at me in horror, not because she recognized me as Jake, but because I had just confirmed that I had been listening in on their conversation. "My name is Jane Barker."
Anne cleared her throat before speaking. " Are- are you Jake Barkers sister? ?
"No, but we are related." I said cooly.
"Is he here?"
"No, no. He couldn't make it."
"I see." She replied with a hint of arrogance or smugness in her voice. I gave a polite goodbye and headed for the upstairs bathroom. The empty, upstairs bathroom in which I could have my privacy. I opened the bathroom door. I was suddenly overcome by a wave of emotion and memory.
"Come on Jake, I'll show you what a real woman is like,: Whispered Annie Crawford in my ear. I felt the testosterone in me surge. Part of me was telling me "No! It's a trap!" while the rest of me screeched, "Oh, My God! A girl is speaking to you." Naturally I was enslaved to hormones. There wasn't anything I could do. I blindly followed Anne up a set of stairs. We turned a corner and passed through a door. I didn't see the room number, but still part of me wanted to do this. I smelled the perfume usually attributed to cleaning supplies. Maybe I was in a supply closet?
Anne pulled my jeans down and off. My eyes began to grow accustomed to the darkness of the room. Suddenly, the lights in the room flash on. Cameras flashed all around me. I could hear the giggling of many girls in the room.
"Wha-" I began. Realization poured into me. Everything in the room was pink or white. I was in the upstairs girls bathroom. I panicked and tried to run away. I got to the door of the bathroom, i had no pants on, my shirt was ripped. I put my hand on the door handle to open it when I felt a hand grab my hair.
"Annie!, Let go of me!" But she didn't. Instead, she pulled back, my body following the attached head. I began to fall. "Annie!" I shrieked as loud as I could, But nobody would help me. I continued to fall. My head hit the bathroom's tile floor, and I blacked out.
Comments
Read Out Loud
Try reading your story out loud. Your ears will often help you more than your eyes when you try to edit.
If you aren't eighteen yet, please leave this site, and come back when you're an adult. There are writing sites that will welcome you and help you.
I appreciate your desire to write TG fiction. . .but I can't offer support for someone your age. I've edited for dozens of writers. You have a raw talent that could be nurtured, but I won't knowingly support an underaged person frequenting this site.
My stories aren't meant for anyone who isn't an adult; and I'm sure many other authors here feel the same way.
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
Thanks
Thanks for the tip.
Also, don't worry, I'm not underaged.
I don't understand this
I don't understand this snobbishness with regarding to age. Age isn't = maturity. I can't stand the "I know better than you" attitude some have towards younger people. Please don't think that I'm accusing you of being a terrible person (I'm sure your not). You just ticked me of. Sorry for that ^^'
Love Requiem
J.T. quite a good first chapter. You need an editor or proofreader to help you to improve your story.
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine
Great Start To Your Story!
I think you have a great start to your story and I believe your skill will improve as time goes on. I identify with many of the feelings in your story. I was picked on by other kids when I was in school too. At the time, I didn't dare tell them about me being Trans. They were spending enough time calling me other names for wearing glasses and being in Learning Disabled classes for Math. I survived and my true self has finally had a chance to shine. I look forward to reading more of your story. Good luck!
Hugs,
Jenn
Requiem
Hey Jane,
Good start. You've got a confident and competent way with words.
Interesting to see where this goes, if that's not a hopelessly
self-evident thing to say about a story. You should-
Nah. My advice would probably just screw you up.
~~~hugs, LAIKA
What borders on stupidity?
Canada and Mexico.
.
Jane, A good story start as
Jane,
A good story start as you put the characters involved right out front. I do wonder if Jane's comment that she and Jake are related, but sister and brother will make the others wonder just who she is and try to find out. Other than a wife, I can't see another relation, ie, cousin, coming to a high school reunion unless they also went to the same school and was in the same year class. Please continue with your story, I am looking forward to reading more. Hugs, Janice Lynn
Tracking review
Just adding a public review so this story gets on my tracking list. Private review sent.
UnSub
That sounded like the start
That sounded like the start of a nightmare.
What kind of school create this behavior?
It was a very good start although somewhat horrific.
Breaking someones legs?
Don't stop writing
But please don't go for stunt effects only.
I found you doing well without them.
Cheers
Yoron.
I can see
a bit of both ends of the comments even though I saw nothing here to say or hint of you age so???
I liked it even though it was short and you did post it as a serial, I'd like to see more of the story.
Bailey Summers