Chapter 25 (Designer Children by OneShot20XX) Reach me at [email protected]

We walked toward the waiting taxi, Ms. McDavid firmly tugging me toward the two figures that gradually became more than just limbs- no, they were the people who were going to take me away from Greg, Eve and Jessica. Maybe they lived in town? There were a few applicants from California at least.

A man and a woman stood smiling, both happy, but the woman was ecstatic, wearing a wide grin. Both were dressed like they had stepped out of a GAP ad, the woman in khaki shorts, while the man, despite the return to sweltering temperatures, wore a pair of loose fitting khaki pants.

Ms. McDavid said, “Kaylee, I’d like you to meet your new parents, the Pattersons.” The woman placed her hand at the small of my back and gave a little push, sending me forward suddenly, directly into the arms of my new parents. The two of them hugged me firmly, the woman again showing more enthusiasm than her counterpart.

As they did so, I could feel their bodies pressed against me. The woman was curvaceous without being plump, like Eve but toned and wearing clothing that actually fit. I definitely would have given her a second look, but she wasn’t exactly my type. My eyes would have lingered but nothing else would have come from it. She towered over me, but then everyone did, so it was hard to tell who was tall anymore.

My first impression of her husband was that he looked like a grown-up nerd. He wore a pair of fashionable thick black frames (the type nearly everyone wore), but his scrawny frame with a dark green polo shirt hanging off of it, told the story of a man who had last played a sport in his freshman year of high school. Eve, who rarely made it to the gym, had more muscle mass than he did. He looked like the type who spent his days hunched over a desk.

Both were pale, but considering I had barely been outside since leaving the studio, we were a good match. The woman, who was to be my new mother, released the hug and leaned down, placing her hands on my hips. “Kaylee, we’re so, so happy that you’re coming to live with us. I know it’s going to be an adjustment for you, but I think you’ll love Minnesota as much as California.”

I had only met a few people from Minnesota. We got lots of tourists at the Palace, but the accent was distinct. Minnesotans sounded like Canadians, both talked about how nice the weather was in LA. Minnesotans also loved to try and one up each other with how cold it was in their part of the state and if there were any Canadian around- they joined in too.

I fucking hated snow. The bases we were transferred to tended to be either out west or in the south, places like Florida and Arizona. We spent six months in North Dakota, and it was fucking cold, like freeze your nuts off cold. By then, I was in my teens, so I didn’t really see the point in the white, fluffy stuff other than my parents making me shovel the driveway and brush off the car.

Ms. McDavid said, “Oh I’m sure she’ll adjust fine, Kathryn. Just keep in mind what I told you too, Kaylee’s probably picked up some bad habits working in Hollywood. It’s a different lifestyle, so expect some strange behaviour. That’s why it’s important to make sure she has as normal a childhood as possible.”

The man, whose name I recalled was Thomas, said, “What do you mean, Ms. McDavid?”

Ms. McDavid smiled, “Don’t be in a hurry to let her grow up too fast. Kids her age want a lot of independence, but you can’t forget how old she is. She’ll need your help to guide her. She’s also got a very active little imagination. Try and encourage her to use it as much as possible. But most of all, just let her be a kid!”

Kathryn nodded and said excitedly, “Oh don’t worry. Thomas and I have read all the books. We know what to expect.”

Thomas, who looked as always less enthused, said, “What do mean by bad habits?”

The smile never left Ms. McDavid’s face, “Well, she can be a little mouthy, but that’s to be expected. She’ll be testing her boundaries pretty often.” Then, little by little the smile crumbled, and the social worker’s chin sagged slightly, “She also has a little- uh- swearing problem.”

Kathryn looked at Ms. David incredulously. “Unbelievable. This sweet little girl?”

Ms. McDavid nodded and leaned forward, putting her hand on my shoulder, “She probably picked it up from some older children either at the studio or the orphanage. If you’ve read the books, I’m sure I don’t have to tell you, but you are her parents now. It’s up to you to address how she uses language.”

Thomas looked down at me with a sympathetic smile, “That’s something I wanted to ask about too. We understand what happened at the studio. It’s one of the reasons why we wanted so badly for Kaylee to be part of our family. In your experience, when children undergo a traumatic experience, is it better to discuss it with them? Should we encourage her to speak to us, or just let her come to us of her own volition?”

The conversation seemed to go on forever, and while it was about me, I was never asked for my opinion- not even a word of input. The words swirled around me like something just out of my grasp. My imagination decided to fill the void, and in letting it loose, it crafted a wonderful scene- Greg and Eve arriving on black helicopters, Jessica on a military ATV with the President in tow on Air Force One. I don’t know how all of the vehicles fit on the two lane street, but they did. My new parents were surrounded and arrested by Eve, who was suddenly a cop.

Ms. McDavid ran, escaping in a Ferrari that blazed down the street. The President and Jessica gave chase, and just as it looked like the car would escape, it skidded out of control after striking some…ice. Looking down from a building like a superhero was a smiling Elsa-

“…and she’s probably not used to a regular bedtime routine either. The young couple she was staying with gave her a lot of leeway there. Just remember that these are her formative years and getting enough sleep is critical to her physical and mental development.”

As the world of make believe descended on me, it felt like a train, the slow plodding steam engine quickly became a Japanese bullet train. It snatched me, taking me for an impossible ride, and then as it reached its final destination, I threw myself from the vehicle after finally managing to gain control.

Fucking, Elsa? My imagination was fucking shitting me.

I could barely remember anything from the conversation. It probably contained important information about where I was going and what my new parents were planning to do to me, but as they droned on, it became harder and harder to pay attention. My mind wandered and then took a little trip, leaving me at a distinct disadvantage.

Still- fucking, Elsa? It couldn’t have been Batman, Superman, Spider-man- I would have even accepted a pussy like Aquaman or a shitty team like Fantastic Four, but a Disney Princess?

Ms. McDavid said, “I’m sure you two will do fine. You’ve been ready for years. I know she’ll be a challenge, but it’ll all be worth it in the end. Once you iron out some of her little wrinkles, you’ll have a smart, loving, beautiful little daughter. I won’t keep you three, I know it’s a long flight back to Minnesota.”

She leaned down to me, pulled me close and whispered, “Remember what I said, Kaylee. If you tell, then you damn your friends. You’ll force us to wipe everyone who knows anything about the project. This is a win-win. The Pattersons will be wonderful parents, you’ll be a good little girl, and I will get this black mark removed from my career.”

I sneered, “I don’t give a shit about your career.”

Thomas turned, looking worried suddenly, “Uh. What did you say, Kaylee?”

Ms. McDavid smiled, “Oh just that she’s going to miss me. Isn’t that right, Kaylee?”

I wanted to tear Ms. McDavid’s eyes out with rusty hooks, make her crawl through barbed wire and assassinate her mob style all in one instant. She had taken me away from the only people I cared about in the world, but I couldn’t go full-blown American Psycho on her, and while I attempted to picture it, my mind pushed back fiercely. Inklings of fear settled as I played my favourite movie scenes with Ms. McDavid as the hapless victim.

Ms. McDavid gently pat my head, “I’ll miss you too, Kaylee. Bye, sweetie! You be good.” Now, I was a fucking dog. It was obvious she was trying to rattle me.

Kathryn said, “Thank you so much, Ms. McDavid- for everything you did. We’ve been waiting for years to adopt, been on so many different lists. I don’t know what you did exactly, but all I want to say is that we’re eternally grateful. We thought it would never happen. And now we have Kaylee. She’s just-“ Thomas moved over and put his arm on Kathryn’s shoulder as her voice started breaking.

“She’s perfect. She’s everything we could have hoped for.”

Ms. McDavid smiled, “Go on now, you’ll miss your flight.”

Kathryn reached down and took my hand, leading me to the taxi. My new wannabe parents sat me in the middle seat, fawning over me like a newly acquired puppy. As the taxi pulled away, I saw Eve running toward the car, looking more like an Olympic athlete than a slightly overweight nurse. The taxi was stuck at a red light. She sprinted with determination, blowing past Ms. McDavid, hefting her thick legs and cutting a path. However, as the light changed and the taxi lurched forward, her run became a shambling jog. As buildings and objects started to whiz by, Eve stopped dead, hunched over, likely sucking in copious amounts of air.

Moments later, the taxi pulled away in earnest, and the last thing I saw was a look of absolute sadness, Eve’s features pained and her body returning to a hunched position- and finally, a simple wave.

***

“Kaylee, are you OK? Do you want something to eat?”

“Kathryn, we might want to give her a bit of space. You remember that article I sent you? Adoption always results in a loss. She obviously cared very deeply about those people she was staying with. After what happened to her and how they took her in, well it’s going to be very hard for her to be separated from them.”

Kathryn nodded, her long legs crossing as she sat in one of the uncomfortable looking chairs at gate 18. “I know. I just I can’t believe it finally happened.”

Thomas smiled, “And now you won’t be the one trying to hog all the kids at the Christmas gatherings every year. Or knocking on doors and asking to hold people’s babies.”

Kathryn grinned, “Sophia was crying in everyone else’s arms and that other thing only happened once.”

Thomas nodded, “I know. And for Kaylee. We’re going to have to ease her into things.”

Wow, these two sounded like a couple of fucking pushovers. They probably believed in letting kids run the place, creating ‘imagination spaces’ or some bullshit like that. If it meant that I could do what I wanted, which included contacting the people I cared about and avoiding more and more of the serum infesting my mind, maybe Thomas and Kathryn Patterson wouldn’t be so terrible.

I knew that the researchers were still working on unlocking Dr. Travers’ code, and Eve mentioned they had cracked a portion of it. While I had mostly disliked science in school and despised it for what it had done to my body, I had to admit that it was my best and likely only chance.

They left me alone while we waited for the flight. I played ‘Nazi Zombies Revenge- the Bloody End’ on my phone, eviscerating, disemboweling, incinerating but mostly headshotting hundreds of blood-soaked, ragged inhumans frothing at the bit for my brains. It wasn’t nearly as enjoyable as I remembered, but it passed the time, and it allowed me to forget momentarily where I was going. Minnesota, land of frozen balls, could very well wipe away Ryan Sullivan, but the non-stop gore and action kept my mind busy and away from my potential fate.

“Now boarding gate 18, flight to Minneapolis-Saint Paul.”

I felt a hand on my shoulder, turning rapidly, I could see Kathryn with a look of surprise, which soon turned to disgust. Her eyes stared straight at the screen of my smart phone, seemingly burned there as blood and viscera exploded from a group of zombies that had stepped into one of my homemade shrapnel traps. The woman blinked slowly, and I could almost see the cogs and wheels turning in her head as she tried to grasp the six year old girl playing one of the most violent games on the planet.

Kathryn cleared her throat lightly. Her lips were firm, while her chin was forced downward, causing it to protrude slightly. Meanwhile, her eyes bugged out of her skull like some sort of praying mantis human hybrid. “I-It’s time to go, Kaylee.” She reached out her hand, but I simply got up, stuffed my phone into my bag and went to stand in line.

Thomas said, “She’ll come around, Kat. Just give her time. She definitely independent. I’d say that’s a good thing.”

We settled into the plane. I’d been on lots of them, usually one every year as we moved to another base. Again, I was sandwiched in between Kathryn and Thomas, both of whom tried too hard to get me to like them, plying me with stories of ‘beautiful’ Minnesota, although again Kathryn more so than her husband.

Three hours into the trip, my phone started to die, so I was forced to end my massive zombie kill streak. I quickly attached the charger and started fiddling with the on-demand videos offered on the plane, moving to the next means to keep my mind from parsing my reality.

Kathryn said, “Sweetie, Kaylee, honey, do you want to hear about your room? I think you’re going to love it.”

I flicked through the TV options as Thomas watched worriedly, his eyes bugging out like his wife’s as my finger stopped on a gritty crime drama.

Kathryn, not waiting for my affirmative, continued, “It’s Frozen themed. Ms. McDavid said it’s your favourite movie. I’m not surprised though, all little girls your age seem to love it.”

I rolled my eyes, wishing I had a pair of thick headphones to block out Kathryn’s constant nattering.

Kathryn said, “Mrs. Feinstein had some wonderful things to say about you. Did you know that she’s your granny now? And Sophia and Emma are your cousins. We’re going to have everyone over for a big Christmas dinner this year to welcome you to the family.”

Fucking, Feinstein. Next time I saw her, I would tell her exactly what I thought of her. I knew that it wasn’t her fault, and that it was some shadow branch of the government trying to erase me, but it didn’t matter. My brain narrowed my enemy- the old woman with the cane.

My finger hovered over the true crime drama and both Kathryn and Thomas shared worried looks, but five minutes in, and they hadn’t done anything to stop me. I was starting to think that I could get away with murder with these two as my supposed guardians- or at least grand larceny. I watched the entire show without a word from either of them. By the time the end credits rolled, my eyes were heavy. The flight was long- almost seven hours, so it was easy to just drift off to sleep.

When I woke up, I saw Kathryn frantically flipping through the pages of some parenting book. Thomas was on his iPad probably doing the same thing. The Palace was actually pretty chic for a burger joint, and it attracted plenty of trendy thirty-something mothers who talked incessantly about the trendiest parenting theories. If I had to sleep in the same bed as these two, I would fucking scream. So far, from what I could tell, they were free-range parents. I didn’t really understand the theory (beyond recalling the name), but it was a let the kid do whatever the fuck they want style.

I yawned lightly and then reached for my phone, quickly rejoining the wonderful world of Nazi zombie slaying. Kathryn and Thomas continued to share worried looks, but neither of them intervened.

Kathryn said, “Maybe I should call my sister.”

Thomas replied, “This is probably what Ms. McDavid was warning us about. We’re ready for this, Kat. We need to do what this article is suggesting. I know you don’t like the idea of becoming like your mother or her sister, but all the experts say that children need clear boundaries. This is a little girl who needs structure as much as she needs love.”

Kathryn sighed lightly while I blew apart the skulls of ten zombies in a single hit, earning a bright shiny achievement. “Agatha and my mother were wonderful teachers, but I’m just not the schoolmarm type, Thomas. You’ve seen how I run my classrooms.”

Thomas nodded, “I think we can find a good balance. You know between her robbing liquor stores and her being seen but not heard.”

Kathryn asked softly, “Like your dad you mean?”

Thomas replied, “I never want her to fear us. Ever.”

Kathryn said, “I know what we need to start doing, but considering what she’s been through…I’m not sure I have it in me.”

Thomas nodded, “I feel the same way. I know that she’s had a very difficult life, but look at it this way, this is our chance to finally be parents. And for her- well she’ll have a family. Adults that care for her and don’t just want to use her.”

Despite the conviction in their voices, I doubted that either of them could pull the trigger when the time came.

“Maybe you should try a different game, Kaylee?” The question came from Thomas.

It was clear that Kathryn and Thomas were going to be like the parents who brought their kids to the Palace. The type who let their kids wreck up the place like three-foot tall natural disasters who smeared ketchup on the tables and benches. If they were anything like that, I would have the run of the place.

“Would you please try a different game, Kaylee?” The question came from Kathryn.

I continued to murder legions of undead Nazis and neither of them said a word. Kathryn flipped through the parenting books, and Thomas looked grimly at his tablet. After two minutes, he spoke up.

“Maybe it would be fun to try a different game or watch something fun on TV. Look, they have some cartoons you might like.”

My eyes never left the screen, “Nope. I like this one.”

Fucking pathetic. These two were worse than the parents from the Palace and my mom combined. It was perfect for me. Would bargaining, followed by begging be next? Greg of all people had more of a backbone than my wannabe parents. I smirked. Would my behaviour be so bad that they just give up, allowing me to go back to Greg and Eve’s?

It was hard to believe that Kathryn was actually a Feinstein. Apparently, she’d been neutered.

The plane landed without incident, and I continued playing my game while Kathryn and Thomas waited for their luggage. They were muttering to themselves, something about Ivy League schools and failure. I didn’t give a shit, especially since I was on level 91, a mere three levels away from the end. There was always the downloadable content with extra levels, which I could probably convince either hapless parent to buy using their credit card.

The luggage came, and we exited the airport through a large set of double automatic doors. As we neared the road to cross into the parking lot, Kathryn took my hand. “It’s busy here, Kaylee. Stay close and hold my hand.”

I pulled out of her grip and met her with a glare, “I know how to cross the street. And keep in mind, I lived in LA. There’s more cars than people.”

Thomas said, “Well just stay close then.” The muttering resumed as we crossed the street. I couldn’t understand the cause for concern, especially since it was a one-way street with a stop sign.

We eventually stopped in front of a nice V8 BMW SUV. The fucking thing was sleek. I expected a mini-van or a shitty sedan, but the silver SUV was fucking sick looking. I knew right off that it was a V8 because of the dual exhausts. Thomas hit an automatic starter and the V8 roared to life. I walked around the beast, checking out the double-spoke alloy wheels and the BMW plating on the front with a gleeful smile. If only I could drive the fucking thing. Goddamn, the car even seemed to change colours depending on the angle, sometimes a shiny metallic silver, other almost a bullet grey sheen. Why the fuck did I have to be six years old?

Kathryn said, “Wow, she lit up like a Christmas tree. I guess she likes cars?”

Thomas replied, “I guess so. Anything wrong with that?”

Kathryn walked over to the rear passenger side door and opened it with a gentle click, “No. Um. Not at all. It’s nice to see her excited over something other than that game.”

I knew I wouldn’t be driving it, but I couldn’t wait to get inside. With the door opened, I could see the illuminated dashboard, the plush red leather seats- the cockpit with real wood and chrome matte finishing and a massive eyesore.

I expected this, especially considering Kathryn and Thomas had seemingly done their homework on the whole parenting thing, but I didn’t expect something so…humiliating.

“No fucking way am I sitting in that thing.”

Thomas said matter-of-factly, “Kaylee, it’s the law.”

I shook my head fiercely causing my long hair to swish into my eyes, which only caused me to grow angrier. “I’m not sitting in that. It’s for babies.”

Kathryn said softly, “It’s actually for big kids, honey. And it’s the safest, best reviewed and thoroughly tested seat on the market.”

“And that’s supposed to impress me? I don’t fucking care! Why do you have to be psycho helicopter parents? Why can’t I just sit in a normal booster seat?”

Thomas frowned, “It’s very important to us that you are safe.”

I replied with a quick stomp of my feet, “Well it’s important to me that I don’t look and feel like a fucking baby. I’m not getting in there.” My men marched onto the hill for their last stand, guns drawn, pointing at the enemy, Kathryn and Thomas Patterson, who were attempting to assault the position. I dug my heels in for effect, going completely dead weight while crossing my arms underneath my slim chest. Nothing mattered except winning at this point. Lost was all adult thought, worries about how ridiculous I must have looked- I was going to beat these fuckers.

I was not sitting in that seat. The stupid thing looked like it was made for an overgrown toddler with a harness and safety straps that buckled between my legs. Brianna’s booster seat would have been preferable on so many levels.

Thomas groaned, “OK, now I know what Ms. McDavid was talking about. She’s- spirited- to say the least. Kat, are you listening to me?”

“Young lady, we’ve had quite enough of this behaviour. You march into that car this instant and sit in your seat. And as for this,” she plucked my smart phone out of my hands, after a moment of fiddling with it, she placed it back into my hands. I stared down at my screen in disbelief as a smiling cartoon alligator surrounded by a group of equally gleeful zoo animals danced joyfully. At the top of the screen, written in what looked like crayon were the words: KIDS MODE.

“That game you were playing is completely inappropriate for young girls. It’s questionable if anyone should even be playing it given its graphic content. Now I don’t want to hear another word from you until we’re buckling your harness.” Kathryn emphasized her words with an intense stare and slight stomping of her foot. It was enough to cause me to jump slightly.

My men had been decimated by a voice that cut through them like laser fire. As I clambered into the car seat, allowing myself to be buckled and safely harnessed, my men fled the hill, ceding it to the enemy.

Thomas and Kathryn entered the car themselves, and Thomas slowly pulled away. The car seat itself wasn’t uncomfortable, and to be honest, it was better than being half strangled by the shoulder belt, but I was still pissed and the smiling dancing animals weren’t helping.

“Wow. That was impressive. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you like that. Like this fury, but controlled. That’s the Feinstein in you.”

Kathryn replied, “Only a couple times. Once with a student who thought he could plagiarize his final essay. I felt terrible because he was practically crying by the end of it. I’m thankful it was in my office. And another time with Janet Plinkett. I’d had enough of her gossiping about our issues. I told her so. She didn’t open her mouth to me for a month after that.”

Thomas laughed, “I was wondering why she had stopped asking if you were pregnant yet. Just be glad you aren’t her daughter and unmarried, you’d never hear the end of it. I feel sorry for Bethany.”

It was Kathryn’s turn to laugh now, “You know she’s gay right? She’d never tell her mother, but she’s been seeing a girl from Saint Paul. She’ll probably move there soon enough.”

While the two in the front blathered on and on, I attempted to circumvent KIDS MODE on my phone. However, there were two problems with this. Kathryn had smartly set a password, blocking access to any other part of the phone, and I actually really wanted to play “Jungle Rescue 123” and “Word Fun”. The little icons bounced and moved to some oddly catchy music, seemingly screaming “Pick me!” My little finger hovered over both games, but I managed to fight the urge, until I mistakenly flicked the screen to the next page, which had at least ten different games, whose colourful moving icons beckoned my finger.

While KIDS MODE should have been harmless, and safer than regular mode which gave little girls access to violent and scary games, I quickly realized that the pull of their manic joyful gyrations was powerful. My thoughts immediately went to getting the phone the fuck away from me. A quick look to the window and door revealed child safety locks next to my car seat.

Even if I could have opened the window, I soon found my eyes glued to the screen, but one game in particular caught my attention. Slippin’ Sally featured a cartoon elephant slipping on banana peels. From what I could gather of the title screen, a group of naughty monkeys were running from an angry elephant, and the constant replay of the slipping elephant caused me to break into a grin. I shouldn’t have found it funny, a stupid elephant falling down, but it was- hilarious even.

I tried to stifle the giggles, but the laughter broke through, causing me to burst into a high-pitched giggle multiple times. Even shutting my mouth firmly only funnelled the laughter into my nose, which resulted in subtle snorts. Belted and harnessed as I was, I couldn’t reach my backpack, which contained my dad’s pin.

Kathryn looked back at me with a smile, “What’s so funny, Kaylee?”

Thomas said, “Kat, I know you put her phone on a different mode, but don’t you think she’s had enough screen time today? I’m not sure if we’re establishing the rules in a way that’s consistent. Especially if tomorrow we tell her she can only have an hour or two. We could see World War Three tomorrow. The end of life itself as we know it.”

Kathryn snickered, “We could see it in the car. But I get you. Hey, maybe we could play a game together. Would you like that, Kaylee? Here, honey, give me your phone and we’ll play the animal game.”

I held out the phone, relief pouring over me instantly as Kathryn took it from me. The animal game sounded fucking stupid, but it was better than being lobotomized by a clumsy elephant. Kathryn’s face showed shock as she easily pulled the phone away, and then happy surprise as her features quickly brightened.

Thomas, who drove directly on the speed limit, making what should have been a fast-paced ride akin to a driver’s test, said with clear surprise, “Wow. That was easy. You’ve got the touch.”

Once we left the airport and the city limits, the scenery changed dramatically. Where tall towers graced the sky marking the Twin Cities of Minneapolis and Saint Paul, we were left with row upon row of cornfields. The inklings of boredom started to creep into my skull, and the animal game, or any game for that matter was sounding better and better.

Kathryn said, “OK, Kaylee. You come up with an animal. Then we’ll try and guess it by asking you questions.”

I shrugged lightly, which was difficult considering how tightly I was buckled in the car seat. It was a dumb game, but if it kept me from being bored and needing to rely on my imagination then it was a necessary evil.

I said, “OK, I’ve got one.”

Thomas asked, “Does it live in North America?”

Kathryn said, “She probably doesn’t know the different continents.”

I replied, “Yes I do. And yeah, it lives there.”

Thomas said, “And you doubted her. OK, it’s still my turn. Is it bigger than a dog?”

I replied, “Definitely.”

Thomas, who was clearly enjoying the game said excitedly, “Does it live in the forest?”

I nodded, “Yes.”

Thomas said, “OK, this one might be a little hard. Do you know what a predator is, Kaylee?”

I replied, “Yes, it’s an animal that hunts other animals- prey. No, it’s not a predator.”

Kathryn piped in happily, “Wow. Did Mrs. Feinstein teach you all that, Kaylee? Still, that’s really impressive that you understand that and can apply it like that.”

Thomas added, “We should get our act in gear and open up a college fund for her. Something tells me we’ve got a smarty on our hands.”

Kathryn said excitedly, “Agatha mentioned that she can read. Can you believe that? And she was reading a very advanced book too. I think that Twin Falls Collegiate is the right place for her.”

I was hoping that by demonstrating my intelligence that I could avoid school altogether, but apparently my new home had some sort of uppity private school.

Kathryn said, “OK, it’s my turn. So it’s not a predator and it lives in the forest. Larger than a dog. That definitely narrows it down. Is it a deer?”

I shook my head, “Not exactly.”

Thomas asked, “Is it a moose?”

Again, I shook my head, “No.”

Kathryn paused, while I started to see that the animal game was actually quite fun. Here I was stumping two more than likely highly educated people. Of course, I had an advantage in having a father who hunted, so I knew every single forest animal from a hare to a grizzly bear, including their tracks and mating calls.

Thomas spoke, but he lacked his earlier confidence, “Is it larger than a deer?”

I replied, “Yup.”

Thomas said, “Well I don’t know. It’s not a made up animal is it? Ms. McDavid said you’ve got a wonderful imagination.”

I said through clenched teeth, “No, it’s not. And that counts as your turn.”

Kathryn laughed lightly, “She’s got you there. Well I have no idea. What is it, Kaylee?”

I said, “An elk.”

Thomas said, “But that’s a moose!”

I shook my head, “Not even close. A moose has a long snout. Elk are smaller than moose and they have smaller antlers.” In most areas, moose hunting was outlawed, but elk and deer could be shot. Every hunter had to know the difference or face a fine, possibly even losing their licence.

Thomas said, “Well done, Kaylee. Since you stumped us, you can go again.”

I was surprised by how much I enjoyed the game, and how well it worked to pass the time in the car. The drive was long, but the game at least made it at least somewhat passable. The day itself felt like many days, or even a whole week, and the constant travel combined with my anxiety and my tantrum over the seat proved tiring. Even as we started another round, my eyes grew heavy.

“Kaylee? It’s your turn, honey.”

“Kaylee?”

***

I felt the car turn slowly, but instead of accelerating through the curve, the car maintained a constant speed. Either Thomas had become the world’s most cautious driver, or we were off the highway. As much as I wanted to see what was happening, I found I couldn’t open my eyes more than a sliver. Within that sliver of sight, I only saw darkness, so apparently I had sleeping for a little while.

As I drifted in and out, I could feel the car turn a few more times, until finally the car stopped completely. The world around me was a quasi-dream, sounds seemingly softened by a massive fluffy pillow. It was a little like being underwater and hearing voices above.

“Aww, she fell asleep. Here we can put this on Facebook.”

My eyes crested slightly, again just a sliver, but they immediately slammed shut with the invasion of bright light.

“Thomas, you blinded her.”

I felt myself being lifted out the car seat and carried. My mind, still within a dream-like state, had forgotten about who was actually carrying me or where they were taking me- no, instead I nestled my head and body into the embrace. The person carrying me had some difficulty as my head bobbed up and down, especially as we climbed a set of creaky steps. Moments later, I was carefully laid down, my head making contact with something soft.

“Shouldn’t we brush her teeth? Get her pajamas on?”

“Look at her, she looks so sweet. Do you really want to wake her up? She’ll probably be really, really grumpy.”

“You’re right. Here you go, sweetie.”

I felt something shift underneath my body, and then instant warmth as that same something was draped across me. It was pulled tight, but I didn’t feel claustrophobic. On the contrary, I was comfortable, nestled underneath softness that seemed to hug my little body and only pushed my mind closer toward deep sleep.

“Thomas, I-I just can’t believe this has finally happened. Our little girl- our baby, she’s finally home.”

I heard what sounded like gentle crying and then creaking footsteps leaving toward the door.

***

My eyes flashed open, but instead of darkness, light spilled within, impossibly bright sunshine. Birds chirped outside, and my body felt primed for the day. Before my change, I had to guzzle coffee to feel less like a member of the walking dead. It was the problem with shift work and then partying afterward- getting in at 3 AM, hair of the dog with some Jack and then waking up at ten or even eight sometimes for the morning rush at the Palace.

Now, however, I felt alert, like I had already had three cups of coffee and full of an intense energy. I rolled over without a groan or anything resembling a complaint and came face to face with…Elsa.

I had been sleeping on Elsa’s face.

As I turned over, I realized that Kathryn wasn’t kidding about the Frozen theme. But how was it even possible if I had never seen the movie? Could my mind have somehow filled in the visual gaps from just the audio? I knew that the four poster bed was the same one, or a reasonable facsimile, that Elsa slept in every night. It even had the kind of curtains thing, but they were sheer, which made them useless against the sun, but I guess-

My attention was captured by a vanity looking like it belonged in a fairy tale. Around the sides of the mirror were pretty wooden flowers, each one was intricately carved and painted in different shades of pink, purple and yellow. On the vanity was a collection of hair accessories and a purple Frozen-themed hair brush.

Kathryn and Thomas must have fucking robbed the Disney store because even my covers were emblazoned with the characters from the studio’s most recent cash cow. Wow, and if you lined it up properly, the covers actually matched with the Elsa head pillow. It was like wearing the pretty dress while you slept.

The sunlight illuminated what seemed like hundreds of plastic snowflakes hanging from the ceiling. Incredibly, each one was shaped differently. The sunlight danced along the surface causing the flakes to glow bright whitish-blue. One wall was painted bright blue and along the edge, just before the ceiling were a series of shimmering icicles. On the opposite wall before the bed was a mural featuring the characters from the movie with the words KAYLEE’S ROOM painted in bright pink letters above it.

On the bed itself amongst the Elsa pillow were three stuffed animals, or rather humans- I didn’t know the word. Either way, they were soft, plushy-like dolls of the characters.

The room itself was massive, probably bigger than my bachelor apartment or at least similar in size. Next to the door was a stacked bookcase and on the other side, a toy chest, filled to the brim. In the far corner of the room, immediately next to the vanity was a wardrobe closet. Unable to contain my curiosity, I flung open the doors and found all manner of gowns, dresses, skirts, but what caught my eye was the shimmering blue and white gown with sleeves that looked like they were made from fairy wings.

Beneath the gowns were a collection of slippers and even a pair of heeled (not high) shoes. In a small basket just above the shoes, I grinned as I saw a selection of plastic crowns.

My mind was completely overwhelmed. It was like I was a convict being executed in the gas chamber, the gas seeping into my pores and filling my lungs. I couldn’t escape it, and when I managed to tear myself away from the dresses, I found myself standing in front of the toy chest.

I raised the lid slightly and then slammed it shut, quickly returning to the safety of my bed. The pillow and covers, however, threw my mind back into Frozen mode, and I remembered the beautiful dress that looked like it was just my size.

Fuck. Where was that backpack with my dad’s pin inside?

I looked around the room frantically, desperately trying to spot the Hello Kitty backpack. Was it still in the car?

As my eyes scanned the room, I noticed a gentle scratching at the door, followed by a slight meow. Oh fuck. When I failed to immediately open the door, the scratching grew in intensity. I continued to ignore it, but then I heard a distinct banging. Was the fucking cat actually trying to break into my room? Even Hannah’s cat didn’t do that.

The white door to my new bedroom, which had a Frozen-themed growth chart tacked to it, shook and then popped open. I quickly realized how the cat managed to force open the door. While the door itself didn’t seem perfectly aligned, which did not allow the latch to catch properly, the cat was massive. Maybe I was small, but it seemed like it was half my size.

It bounded into the room like a cheetah and proceeded to launch itself on the bed. The black cat, looking like it would suit any witch or cat lady, immediately began rubbing itself on me. It didn’t so much as purr but rumble, its entire frame seeming to reverberate.

“Gah! Go away!” I backpedaled, my butt soon reaching the headboard of my bed. The cat, however, persisted. Like Hannah’s cat, it seemed to just love torturing the people who hated cats by trying to sit in their lap- the enormous black cat did just that, quickly stalking toward me.

Footsteps in the hallway caused the cat’s head to swivel, and thankfully, it was enough of a distraction to stop the cat’s approach.

Kathryn peeked his head in the door. “Good morning, Kaylee! I see you met Midnight. It looks he really likes you.”

I shook my head, “I don’t really like cats.”

Kathryn looked disappointed, “But how could you even know what it’s like to have a kitty cat, Kaylee? They didn’t allow them in the orphanage or at the studio I’m sure. And you’ll love Midnight, he’s like a big happy puffball. He’s very affectionate. I’m sure you’ll be friends.”

I crossed my arms underneath my chest in a pose that was becoming quite common, “I just don’t like them. I had a bad experience with one OK?” With cats, you just couldn’t trust them. Hannah’s cat would be sitting in your lap one moment and biting you the next. I swear, the fucking thing would bite you sometimes while you were petting it. Thing was psycho.

Kathryn frowned gently, “OK, Kaylee. If you feel that way, we’ll keep Midnight out of your room.”

I nodded, “Well you’ll need to fix that door first. The thing just busted in here.” Kathryn walked over and scooped Midnight into her arms. She deposited him outside the door and then made a subtle shooing motion. After this, she turned her attention to the door, opening and closing it.

“I see what you mean. I’ll call the repairman, and we’ll get it fixed right away.” A smile grew on her face, “Do you like your new room though?” There was expectation in her voice mixed with hope.

“It’s OK. I don’t really like Frozen though.”

The smile fell off of Kathryn’s face as if it had never been there in first place, hard lines formed into a disappointed frown. “Oh.”

I asked, “Why do you need to call someone to fix the door? Just take it off the hinges and realign it to line it up with the latch.”

Kathryn raised a brow, “Uh. Well, Thomas and I- we aren’t, we aren’t very good with our hands. And Mr. Milner is great. This is an old house. It needs a lot of upkeep. Oh he even made your vanity. Isn’t it pretty?”

I shook my head, “So you guys don’t even try?”

Kathryn frowned again. It was clear that something within was churning, but she wasn’t saying anything like a car revving but sitting in neutral at a light. Finally, she spoke, “Um. No I-I guess we don’t.” Kathryn looked like she wanted to be a million miles away at that moment.

She cleared her throat gently, “I-I bet you’re excited for school in a week. Later we can go shopping for some clothes and things you’ll need. And the first grade! That’s a big deal, right?”

My eyes widened, and my face, if judging Kathryn’s sudden concern, must have looked like the typical horror movie victim seconds before the machete, axe or chainsaw strikes. A fucking week? A week? How had the entire summer past? It seemed so long, but then I had lost almost complete track of time. The days all melded together, weekdays and weekends were non-existent to a little girl who had nowhere to go anyway. Still, what was happening to me? It was the same thing in the car and on the trip from California. Everything seemed interminably long, and yet in a flash, here I was starting school in a week.

“Oh sweetie, I know it can be scary starting at a new school, but it’ll be a lot of fun too. You’ll love Twin Falls Collegiate. And it’s the perfect place for a smart girl like you. I’m sure you’ll make lots of friends too.”

I sighed lightly, “Yeah.” My mind flew to the constant bombardment I would face. Recess- surrounded by children and the temptation to join them. I was going to be so bored too, and that seemed worse than fighting the compulsion to play. How could I sit in a first grade classroom and not be bored out of my fucking mind? First graders probably weren’t allowed to bring their phones to class, plus KIDS MODE was just as dangerous as recess.

Kathryn said, “I’ve got something special to show you, Kaylee. I’m sorry you don’t like Frozen, but I’m sure you’ll love this.” Kathryn entered my bedroom and slid open the closet doors. I hadn’t peeked in there, but I saw her brush aside a number of colourful dresses and skirts. The memory of the old lady in the elevator, the one who called me pretty, came to the forefront of my mind, including the memory of how it made me feel. There was very little that I was happy about, especially after being torn away from Greg and Eve, but wearing a dress, having my new wannabe mother do my hair and tell me those all-important words. It would be a buzz, a tingle- a moment of pure joy. It would, however, reinforce that desire, dragging it deeper within me, like a fish nibbling at a hook, until it finally devours it, feeling the metal pierce its flesh as its momentum stopped and it was jerked toward the surface. All for a pretty little worm.

Maybe the Pattersons had an Xbox 360. Not fucking likely. They probably didn’t even have a TV.

Kathryn fished around, giving me a lovely view of her firm yet round bottom clad in a pair of yoga pants, until she removed a small wooden box. It looked like a jewellery box.

Kathryn smiled and held out the box to me. On its surface was a smiling ballerina, hair perfectly coiffed in a tight bun against her head, tutu, tights and soft ballet shoes, all pink and yet slightly faded. There was a small nick on the side where a part of the wood had chipped. “My mommy gave this to me when I was your age, Kaylee. But I want you to have it now. You’re a very smart girl. You know that I’m not your real mom, but I’m going to do everything I can to make you feel like you’re my daughter. I don’t expect you are going to call Thomas and myself ‘mommy’ and ‘daddy’ right away. Don’t feel like you have to. I mean if you-“

Kathryn cleared her throat gently, “Please take good care of it, sweetie.”

She deposited the box in my hands, and then opened it with a smile. The melody it played was both beautiful and haunting, as I felt an immediate attachment to the object. A tiny ballerina twirled, and I was immediately captivated by her outfit, which was a perfect likeness of the girl’s clothing on the top of the box. Inside, Kathryn had placed various hair accessories and a small collection of earrings, both clip-on and the type that required puncturing the ear.

“I know you don’t have your ears pierced yet, but I’ve been saving these. You can try on the clip-on ones, and we could get them pierced if you like it.” It was too much for me to take. I wanted to take the earrings and the dress and twirl in the mirror. It was maximum girly overload and something I hadn’t had to deal with when living at the apartment.

Thankfully, my stomach grumbled. Kathryn smiled, “Come on, breakfast is ready.”

If there was one thing I didn’t really mind about the whole being a six year old- I never had to cook. Eve and my mom did about 99% of the cooking (except for barbequing which my dad tended to do), often leaving multitudes of leftovers in the fridge, but I was surprised to see Thomas standing over the stove, cooking up some delicious smelling omelets. The moment Thomas slid it onto my plate, I dug into it with gusto.

I was halfway through my breakfast by the time I came up for air. Kathryn and Thomas were staring at me wide-eyed. I watched Kathryn take dainty bites, carefully as if sampling the meal like some kind of food critic. Thomas took bigger bites, but he wasn’t inhaling it like it was his last meal.

I could tell that Kathryn was fighting the urge to correct my eating, but she successfully rebuked it. Thomas said, “I’m guessing you like my omelets.”

I asked, “So do you guys have a computer? I want to check my e-mail.”

Kathryn swallowed a bite awkwardly, forced to take a sip of water to help it down, “Um. E-mail? Who would be sending you e-mail, honey?” Thomas and Kathryn shared worried glances, and I quickly realized my mistake. No one sent six year old girls e-mails, except maybe grandparents. Oh nana loves you, here’s a gif of two hearts hugging each other. I’d forgotten that I only really started using e-mail when I was about eleven or twelve.

I wanted to see if Eve and Greg had gotten back to me, and whether they were going to go along with my warning. Drop the appeal process or face the consequences. It was a little dramatic in places and probably made Eve teary eyed, but the crux of it was give up for your own good. Depending on if Eve and Jessica had made up, easily managing to convince Greg, I might have more work to do. I told them to just let the hospital researchers do their job, and in the meantime, I’d be fine.

I said, “A friend.”

Kathryn pointed to the corner of the kitchen. An ancient desktop computer was perched on a small desk. It had to be about six or seven years old. Who even bought Dell anymore? It didn’t even have a flat screen monitor. No, the clunky CRT monstrosity took up more than half the desk.

Kathryn said, “This is really just for you to do homework assignments, Kaylee. Thomas and I have laptops, but they are university property. You aren’t to touch them.”

Kathryn and Thomas again exchanged worried looks and then both looked down at their phones. Thomas then went over to the computer and switched it on. It hummed to life, the fan whirring and then struggling to push the air, sounding like it was clogged with dust. I sighed heavily, realizing that I didn’t even have a computer in my room.

It booted up, showing the screen for Windows XP, and Thomas opened the browser for me. As I leaned down to start typing, I realized that the Pattersons were watching my screen intently. “Uh. Can I have some privacy?”

Kathryn shook her head, “Kaylee, you’re a little young to be on a computer by yourself without any supervision. You can write a little e-mail to your friend, but that’s it. And it’s going to count as some of your screen time.”

I turned away from the computer and narrowed my eyes at my ‘parents’, “My what?”

Thomas said gently, “Your phone, computer and TV. One hour a day on weekdays and two hours on the weekend. I know this might be a bit hard for you at first, but these are the rules.”

I said, “Fine, then give me my phone. And take that stupid KIDS MODE off so I can check my messages.” My language was being carefully filtered, considering these fuckers would probably take away my phone and ‘screen time’ privileges. If they really pissed me off though, I doubt I’d be able to restrain myself.

Kathryn looked worriedly at Thomas, “Messages? Are these people from Hollywood contacting her? I don’t like this, Thomas. Ms. McDavid said that we should do our absolute best to ensure she has as normal an upbringing as possible. I don’t like the idea that she’s talking to adults, especially in Hollywood. It’s such a nasty business.”

I interjected, although it was hard to ignore the whiney lilt of my voice, “I don’t want to act anymore. These are people important to me. I ne-ed to talk to them.”

Thomas shook his head and removed his glasses, all the while squinting his eyes as if sunlight were blinding him. “I think it’s obvious who they are. The people she was staying with.”

I nodded, “Yeah, OK Sherlock, you got it. So can I have the phone or what?”

Kathryn looked at Thomas sadly. Thomas set his glasses on the kitchen counter and then took his wife’s hand. Thomas then said firmly, “Kaylee, your phone can be part of your screen time. But we aren’t going to remove the password. These are features that little girls don’t need to access. If you want to write those people an e-mail, you can, but only from the kitchen computer under supervision.”

What the fuck was going on? At first, I thought the Pattersons were going to be pushovers, some kind of hippy kids make the rules type parents. Now, they were really starting to piss me off. They were so inconsistent, and it made me feel- uneasy. I didn’t know what to expect.

I could feel myself begin to shake. My shoulders tensed as I replied with a sneer, “Can’t take the fact that I want to talk to them? That they are more important to me than you’ll ever be? Whatever. I’m out of here.”

I stomped across the floor, my little feet causing the contents of a slightly unbalanced china cabinet to rattle. Neither parent followed me, which was the right choice. I decided to explore my new prison, and I came to the rapid realization that compared to any place I’d ever lived- this place was a mansion. Not only that but it would mean stability- a rare stability.

It was only after the war in Iraq and Afghanistan started that I actually had some semblance of stability, my dad was put in active combat overseas, so that meant no more yearly moves. It meant a common roof over our head, even if it was just a shitty townhouse. Things at home got worse with my dad overseas, my mom was a wreck (worst military wife ever) and constantly pissed me off. Then, there was the German private school experiment- it sucked hard, harder than Monique with three shots of tequila in her, bobbling her massive fake tits in my face. After Germany, it was back to the shitty townhouse where I spent the rest of my teenage years.

This house represented stability. The Pattersons would raise me as their daughter, and I would live here with them until Ryan Sullivan was a distant memory. But that meant I would have to be the daughter of a grown-up nerd and junior Feinstein. I was starting to miss my actual mom. Plus all this bullshit about screen time. Fuck they were annoying. Didn’t they understand that I just wanted my way?

I explored the expansive house. It was old, but newly renovated with massive windows that practically bathed every room in sunlight, which wasn’t great for hangovers. Kathryn and Thomas struck me as the type of people who went on wine tours but only sampled the alcohol for its fine body, flavour and texture. They probably ate really snooty sounding cheeses too.

I found an office with double bookcases. On the wall were various diplomas:

Kathryn Patterson- Summa Cum Laude- Masters in English Literature

Thomas Patterson- Magna Cum Laude- Masters in Anthropology

I had only glossed over their application, and once I saw the word Feinstein, there might as well not have been another word written on the page. With the talk of university and classes, I assumed the Pattersons were professors. There would be an unbelievable amount of pressure put on Kaylee Patterson to match those accomplishments. I felt my heartbeat quicken at the thought.

I was still seething over having my phone password protected. There was a real possibility that Eve and Greg stupidly decided to mount their appeal, despite the warning I gave them. I couldn’t exactly login on Ryan Sullivan’s e-mail on the kitchen computer either.

“Kaylee!”

“Kaylee!”

I rolled my eyes as I heard soft slippered feet padding toward me. The floorboards of the old house creaked like Mrs. Feinstein’s knees when she sat up.

Kathryn put her hand on my shoulder, “I know that this is all new to you, Kaylee. But we aren’t trying to be mean to you. We are just trying to set out the rules so you can understand them. I know you miss the people you were staying with. Would you like to tell me about them? And I’m not going to say that the judge’s decision was right or wrong. But we, Thomas and myself, we feel very lucky to have you.”

She added, “You can write an e-mail to them too if you want.”

I shook my head, knowing that it would raise some very difficult questions, especially about the e-mail account I was using.

Kathryn, who was more persistent than I expected, said firmly yet pleasantly, “OK. Well up you go to get dressed then. Ms. McDavid said you love dresses, and there’s some very pretty summer ones I got for you last week. You can play in your room a bit and then we’ll go shopping for school.”

I trudged up the stairs, feeling like my whole body was made of lead. My shoulders sagged toward the floor, pulling my arms down until I was brushing the tips of the stairs. I looked back to see if Kathryn was watching me, but the woman was gone. Without an audience, I stopped dragging my arms like a monkey and climbed the stairs normally.

The staircase was long and winding, a requirement for the high ceilings of my new home. Pictures lined the walls. Graduation pictures, a wedding and what looked like a family reunion, where I spotted Mrs. Feinstein and her granddaughters. My eye stayed fixed to the beautiful gown worn by Kathryn, but instead of noticing how it hugged her curves, I admired the lines, the flow of the satiny material- the pretty pink flowers in her hair. Then, my mind turned to the dresses I knew were waiting for me, and I increased my pace.

The upstairs was equally spacious. There were at least five bedrooms, including a massive bay window that allowed the sun to drape itself over a small beige sofa which was adjacent to another bookcase. Fuck, these people liked to read.

At the foot of the stairs was the Hello Kitty backpack, I had spent most of the morning looking for, immediately next to it, however, was Midnight, who was busy rubbing himself all over it. I made a shooing gesture similar to Kathryn, but the cat, as all cats apparently, wouldn’t fucking listen. After rubbing its stink all over my bag, it proceeded to nuzzle against my leg, the whiskers causing a tinkling giggle as they tickled my soft skin.

Moments later, however, I stomped toward the bag, sending the cat running for the beige sofa, which it used as a launching pad to reach the sill of the bay window. I rummaged through the mostly empty bag and pulled out the small jewellery box. Pressing my dad’s pin into my hand, I re-entered my bedroom, managing to completely ignore the closet.

Still, I had to get dressed, so I went over to the dresser next to the vanity and surveyed the damage. What I saw was a mix of preppy as fuck and Disney. It reminded me of the German prep school I went to, where everyone was dressed like they were going yachting or having high-tea with the fucking Queen of England.

I never had a particularly distinct style as a guy. Growing up my mom bought most of my clothes from Wal-Mart, mostly skater/surfer style with long baggy shorts and tight graphic tees. When I got older, I still tended to go for a similar look but the focus was on accentuating what I had. Tees were replaced with tank tops at the gym to show off my ripped chest and well-defined (but not rippling) biceps.

What was staring back at me in all three drawers was alien. Baby blue, light pink, yellow and, like other shades of pink made up most of the shirts, many of which were collared. Shorts and skirts in stripes and floral patterns. These were the clothes you wore to class picture day. While the clothing was relatively plain, it was distinctly feminine. For instance, the polo shirts actually flared into dresses with pleated skirts. Some of the skirts were even slightly ruffled. My shoes ranged from ballet flats (again with either solid colours or floral prints, flip flops, a pair of pink and white Nike running shoes and a collection of sandals, ones with a small wedged heels and slim ankle straps.

As I dug through the drawers, I found many smiling Disney princesses, however, I felt practically magnetized as my hands firmly gripped a graphic t-shirt, which I quickly realized was actually attached to a skirt. The short t-shirt dress featured a smiling, confident and beautiful Elsa conjuring a glimmering shard of ice in her hand.

Fuck, I really wanted to wear it with that those strappy wedge sandal things. In fact, I wanted to put on a veritable fashion show in the waiting embrace of the vanity’s mirror. Firmly digging my dad’s pin into my hand, I focused on both the pain and who I actually was and gradually, the desire faded.

Despite my small victory, I still needed to get dressed.

In the three drawers, I couldn’t find even one pair of jeans. Maybe they were hanging in the closet, but I wasn’t sure, and I knew that frilly floral temptation lay beyond the thin wooden doors. Thankfully, I managed to find a pair of shorts and a t-shirt similar to those Eve had bought me. The shorts were white with grey stripes. They fit snugly, reaching just above my knee. It was difficult to find any t-shirts that weren’t sleeveless, ruffled or flared out into dresses, so I opted for a navy blue polo, the only distinctly feminine feature being a small pink heart over my left breast. For my discriminating taste, a pair of light blue flip flops were the least offensive to my masculine sensibilities. I still felt like I was going on a fucking boat.

“Kaylee! It’s time to go, sweetie.”

In walked my adoptive mother, and I looked at her, as if seeing her for the first time. She was undeniably out of Thomas’ league, in fact, they weren’t even playing the same game in the same stratosphere. She glided into the room, balanced atop slight wedge heels, the straps neatly pressed against slim ankles. A floral patterned dress flowed downward, highlighting her curves but not in an extreme or trashy manner. It cinched at her slim waist travelling up to her tits, but my eyes didn’t linger there. No, I took in the entire outfit, from the pearls around her neck to the bracelets gently jangling around slender wrists.

I stared at Kathryn’s outfit the same way that I had a massive pair of tits in a bikini or a tight ass with a little jiggle- with my eyes bugging out, my mouth slightly open, but it wasn’t lust- it was fascination and longing.

The woman’s face was tastefully made up, kind of how you see people on TV, not a blemish or wrinkle showing. Her full lips were painted with a light pink lipstick. Her blonde hair, meanwhile, swooped down, gently tickling her shoulders as it curved slightly in front of her neck. In her hands was a sun hat and a slung across her shoulder an expensive looking tote bag (if that were even possible.) I was really starting to think we were going on a boat.

“Did you look in your closet too, honey? There’s pretty dresses in there like mine.”

Pretty like Mommy’s.

I took a deep breath. Was my staring that obvious? What was wrong with me?

My legs wouldn’t budge, and my brain felt scrambled, like my internal wires were crossed. Without saying a word, Kathryn began to gently run a brush through my hair. The action caused me to relax. My hair was longer now, tumbling down over my shoulders. I still couldn’t bring myself to cut it. Kathryn parted my hair and then pulled my bangs back, using a headband to keep the hair out of my eyes.

Kathryn scooted me in front of the vanity mirror, and my eyes widened as I saw the outfit as a whole. The headband had a large red bow on top, dotted with white polka dots. A little smile crept onto my face as I saw the pretty little girl staring back at me, looking every inch the Pattersons’ new daughter, but I felt a tinge of regret. Not fear, not disgust. I regretted not looking in the closet. I could have been pretty like Mommy.

Still in somewhat of a daze, Kathryn took my hand and led me down the stairs toward the car. My stupor was broken as I saw something that I had always made fun of- sticker families. On the rear window of what was probably a one-hundred thousand dollar car were three stickers: one male and two female, one much smaller than the other. The male stick figure was gardening, building sandcastles? He had a small shovel and a bucket. I didn’t see anything beyond a few potted plants outside, so apparently Thomas sucked at gardening. The taller female looked like the ballerina in the jewellery box Kathryn gave me, doing some kind of pirouette bullshit.

And the smallest female? She was dressed like a princess- puffy gown, weird triangle hat, wand and smiling face.

Was that thing really supposed to represent me?

The Pattersons didn’t have a fucking clue who I was.

I decided to play along with the car seat, since I couldn’t afford to lose my screen time privileges. I had to check if there was a message from Eve, Greg or Jessica. I wasn’t sure how to check if the appeal was dropped, and I assumed that it wouldn’t get much press. After strapping me in, Kathryn backed carefully out of the driveway, giving me my first full view of my new house.

It was massive. From the inside, it was impressively large, but now- I could see that it was a veritable mansion compared to the places I had lived before. I wasn’t sure how to describe it, other than it looked like the kind of house you would see on a Nick at Nick sitcom from the 90s. The porch stretched from the front door all the way to a screen door at the side of the house. It was three stories with an arched roof and a portion that even looked like a castle turret. The Pattersons lived on a lane, so there weren’t many houses. Across from us, I could see a farm house and a barn with row upon row of corn stalks.

As we drove into town, I quickly realized that Twin Falls was small as fuck. The main road was actually called Main Street. This wasn’t exactly going to be LA. The town was surrounded by hills, which gave it a claustrophobic feel. I hadn’t been in many towns like it, but it looked well-maintained with a distinct lack of pot holes (unless the BMW SUV really drove THAT smoothly). The buildings on the main stretch were brick, many of them advertising things that Wal-Mart, Costco or some other big box store could do for cheaper.

Old-timey lamp posts lined the sidewalks, the bulbs topped with little crystalline crowns. It was a mix of new and old, butcher shops and bakeries mingling with cellphone accessory and electronic stores. In the distance, I spotted what was likely the town’s only church, the steeple stretching, but failing to reach the apex of the hills.

A brownstone post office with a massive flapping American flag stood next to McDaniels Grocer. It was incredible actually seeing a post office that wasn’t in a pharmacy or part of some strip mall. Kathryn pulled the SUV into the parking lot. She hadn’t said much in the car, other than pointing out what was right in front of me. Had she forgotten I could read?

“After we do some shopping, I’ll bring you to the lake, and you can see why the town is called Twin Falls. It’s so pretty, Kaylee. I’m sure you’ll love it. I brought your phone too if you want to take some pictures.”

***

“Hmm. No, I don’t think so.”

I wanted to hit my head against the side of the shopping cart. Kathryn had to be the most annoying shopper in the world. She checked the ingredients and nutritional information like she was some kind of starving supermodel, and then she would murmur something, check her phone and then put the item back. I stood next to the shopping cart becoming increasingly bored.

“Oh! Is this your little girl, Kathryn? She’s adorable. And she looks just like you!”

“Thank you, Mrs. Kline, yes this is Kaylee.”

“She’s gorgeous! Such a pretty little girl. Are you going to put her in any pageants?”

Kathryn shook her head, and then seemed to reconsider. She pursed her lips gently and replied, “Well, if she wants to. But I’m not going to push her into anything.”

Mrs. Kline, who was a stout woman in her fifties, said, “Oh it would be a shame if you didn’t. She’s really perfect for them. You just talk to me, and I’ll get her registered in time for the fall pageant.”

I had admit that each time Mrs. Kline spewed a compliment, I felt a little tingle in my brain. The tingle, like a small burst of electricity, told me that if I continued to dress this way, I would continue to receive kind words, and as I looked at Kathryn in her dress, I thought maybe I would have received a lot more if I had explored my closet.

We turned down the cereal aisle, and I swear the whole store had stopped to talk to Kathryn. Fucking small down bullshit. Not all the people heaped compliments on me like Mrs. Kline, but they smiled introduced themselves and were gone.

“She’s so darling with that bow. I could never get my daughter to wear that when she was Kaylee’s age.”

“What a cutie! Love the outfit!”

“You’re so lucky, Kathryn, she’s beautiful!”

It didn’t help that we had apparently entered McDaniels Grocer on middle-aged woman shop for ½ off day. I looked over at Kathryn, and she looked visibly annoyed, trying her best to maintain her smile with each fresh round of compliments. I was eating them up the same way Ashley had devoured her first peanut butter and jam sandwich, but Kathryn was clearly upset.

Kathryn continued her shopping, pushing the cart toward a long shelf of cereal boxes, some of which had bright colours and smiling cartoon characters. Birds, dogs, monkeys, and- elephants, pink elephants. They all attempted to get me to demand that Kathryn purchase them. Kathryn asked, “What would you like for breakfast, honey?”

I pointed to a box of Honey Nut Cheerios, but instead of simply dumping them into the cart, Kathryn slid the box off the shelf and turned it sideways. “Maybe something else would be better.”

I sighed lightly and pointed to Captain Crunch cereal. No marshmallows, no toy inside. It seemed a safe bet, and it wasn’t a cartoon elephant that turned the milk pink. Greg ate both cereals, and he was a grown man. Kind of. Again, Kathryn picked the box off the shelf and checked the ingredients. She slowly shook her head. “I can’t believe how much sugar is in these.”

Finally, I pointed to Honeycomb. No cartoon animals or bees, tasted mostly like cardboard if I remembered correctly, but again she placed the box back on the shelf with a slight shake of her head. “Sorry, Kaylee. These aren’t good for you. Hmm, this might be better.” She took a box of corn flakes and tossed them in the cart.

I grit my teeth, practically hissing the words through the slight gap in my teeth, “What was the point in asking me if you were just going to do that?”

Kathryn said, “Sorry, sweetie. It’s just that too much sugar isn’t good for you. You can put some nice raspberries on your cereal and it’ll be delicious.”

I was about to open my mouth, when I looked back at the shelf of cereals. Each and every cereal I wanted had a little mascot on it or it was in a colourful box. Considering I usually had black coffee for breakfast, was it really such a big deal that I couldn’t have cereal that was clearly being marketed for kids, and Greg? Kathryn had actually done me a favour, stamping out the temptation.

I nodded, “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

I stood patiently next to the cart, waiting for Kathryn to move on to the next aisle. The woman looked down at me with a surprised smile and then pushed the cart into the dairy section. Soon enough, we were entering the check-out line and the impulse or last-minute shopping section. It was the kind of place where I picked up batteries for controllers or cheap earbuds I didn’t care about breaking or losing. Archie Comics Digest #99888 and celebrities crying over broken marriages and or being left pregnant at the altar shared the space. Each check-out counter had a magazine rack, utilities rack, but something else too.

“I want that.”

“Kaylee, that’s not how you ask for something. Here, why don’t you help me put the groceries on here?”

Directly at my eye level stood the candy rack, but more importantly, a Frozen Chocobuster Bar. I didn’t care that I wasn’t really fond of nougat or peanut butter in a chocolate bar. No, I needed to have that chocolate bar with the Frozen characters colourfully displayed on it more than blood to my brain and heart or air in my lungs. I snatched it and put it on the slow moving conveyer belt that inched the groceries toward the waiting cashier.

Kathryn said sharply, “Kaylee, I didn’t say you could have this.”

“But I want it.”

“I thought you didn’t even like Frozen?”

“Okay, maybe I lied. It’s my favourite. I want it.”

Kathryn sighed and then looked at the impatient cashier, and then at the growing lineup of people behind her.

“I want it now.”

Kathryn smiled apologetically at the cashier, a young girl who looked like she wanted to be anywhere else but here. “Sorry, Alexis. Just give me a second please.”

I couldn’t understand why I wanted the chocolate bar, but the Frozen characters on the front were practically singing to me. Elsa in her wonderful operatic, even Sven the Reindeer in a rumbling baritone, braying the words: BUY ME! BUY ME! BUY ME!

Something was happening to me. It crept from my toes into my brain and removed all logical thought. I wasn’t struck with simply tunnel vision, a car speeding toward an end goal, ignoring the world around it for a singular purpose. No, I saw in my hands the chocolate bar. The immediate aftermath. There was no getting there- no linear process. It simply was.

Because I wanted it.

Kathryn said, “Honey, I know you want it, but I don’t like how you are asking for it. If you’d asked me nicely, politely I would have thought about it. But you don’t ask for things that way.”

Seriously? What the fuck was with all the talking? It wasn’t getting me the chocolate bar any sooner. While this went on, I kept pushing my dad’s pin into my hand, but nothing happened.

Kathryn added, “So, no- you can’t have it, Kaylee. Put it back.” The middle-aged women and other shoppers approved, some with a gentle nodding of their heads. To them, the situation was diffused, but I still didn’t have my chocolate bar.

When I heard the word ‘no’, a switch went off in my brain, and what little control I had left was swept away in an instant. The pin was forgotten like it never existed.

A shriek escaped from my mouth and down went my sandaled foot with a firm stomp, “I-want-it-now!!!” I could no longer even think or plan my next move. Having been denied my prize, I became the bane of every grocery shopping parent, a child throwing a tantrum.

Kathryn stood her ground with another firm ‘no’, but she might as well have been trying to trap a tornado in a glass bottle. The ferocious winds and uncontrollable pressure would pop the top, leaving the funnel to scoop up additional victims, and with another ear-piercing shriek the natural disaster of a tantrum was loosed again.

Alexis said, “Mrs. Patterson, can I just ring you through? Just buy the kid the candy. My ears are bleeding.”

A middle-aged woman with steel grey hair said, “She’ll never learn that way. Tough love is the only way to go.”

Kathryn looked down at me pleadingly, “Kaylee, please you’re embarrassing me. W-We can make chocolate chip cookies when we get home.”

Even this attempt at placation failed, because I lacked any ability to understand or even hear reason.

The entire adult part of brain was seemingly gone, but I didn’t care.

I just wanted the chocolate bar.