Nat probably should have known better than to agree to go to the mall with his friends the day after his date with Gavin. Surprisingly, though, Nat’s mother was actually allowing him to go. She’d even given him one of her old purses to carry his wallet in, since Nat didn’t have a purse of his own. Maybe his mother had finally realized that Nat needed to spend more time with his friends outside of school.

It was Amber who had invited Nat and Emily to the mall. Nat had actually been a little surprised by this—Amber wasn’t exactly the warmest of girls, and Nat had always felt like she didn’t like him that much.

Tamara, the girl from the coffee shop, was also there, along with another girl that Nat didn’t recognize named Rachael. She had a much better purse than Nat—a turquoise satchel that must have just come out and probably cost at least a solid eighty dollars. Sure, Nat was grateful to her mother for letting him use her purse, but it’d be nice to have one that was actually in style at the moment.

“Did he pay?”

“Hm?”

Emily repeated the question: “Did he pay for the meal?”

“Yes,” Nat said, “Yes, he paid! He picked out the restaurant, set the time, and paid for the meal! Is that all?”

“My boyfriend tried to kiss my on our first date,” Tamara interrupted, “I might have let him too, except he ordered the fish.”

Emily rolled her eyes at this and Rachael laughed. Amber just told them all that they really shouldn’t be kissing someone on the first date.

“I… I didn’t kiss him,” Nat protested, hitting Tamara with his purse, “And he didn’t try to kiss me either.”

“Sure he didn’t,” Emily replied, “Because when someone puts that much effort into a date, he hasn’t thought about kissing you even once. I mean, if I were tutoring, say, Will Davis, I can assure you that I wouldn’t be happy if I weren’t being paid in French kisses.”

“Will Davis?” Amber asked, wiping her glasses on her shirt, “That’s your what-if boy?”

“Oh, and who would you choose, miss superior-judgement?”

“Eric Roman.”

“Roman? The football scrub?”

If Nat was being honest, he was more than a little glad to have the topic of conversation move away from him. He loved talking to the girls, but they could be a little prying sometimes.

“Here we are,” Tamara said, stopping them outside the Victoria’s Secret.

“Oh...” Nat muttered. He was beginning to wish he’d asked more questions before agreeing to come along.

The others went in without hesitation, but Nat stepped back.

“Oh come on,” Emily said, grabbing Nat by the arm and pulling him into the store with her.

Nat knew that there was no reason to be uncomfortable. It’s just that he’d never shopped for underwear with anyone before. Well… his mother, but she didn’t count.

The other girls had already started looking through bras when Nat and Emily caught up to them. Some were flowery, some were lacy. They all looked a bit too complicated for Nat’s taste. What was wrong with a simple design?

“What about this?” Tamara asked, holding up a bra with a white mini-leopard-print pattern, “I could wear it with a really low-cut top.”

Nat giggled with the other girls, and glanced down at his chest. The top he was wearing already showed off his breasts. It wasn’t a lot, but everyone could still see. Of course, now that they could all see his breasts, he was kind of wishing that he’d worn a jacket.

It wasn’t that they were too exposed. He would have worn a jacket if that were it. It’s just… they were kind of small. Even for his family. So Nat folded his arms across his chest, trying to push them up just a little bit.

Tamara giggled; she’d spotted Nat pushing up his boobs.

“Maybe Nat should get a push-up bra?” she suggested.

“No, that’s okay,” Nat said, stepping back, “I shouldn’t. I couldn’t afford it.”

“Yeah,” Emily said, eyes lighting up, “It would look great on you. Hold on, let me find one.”

“Really guys…” Nat insisted, but he really didn’t have a good argument to stop them. That, and… he was more than just a little curious.

“Try this one,” Tamara said, holding out a small, blue, lacy bra out for Nat to take. “Changing rooms are over there.”

Nat wandered over into the dressing rooms and slid into an empty one. Once there, he pulled his shirt off, exposing his bare breasts to the mirror inside. They looked so, so small. They still jiggled as he moved though; nobody could say that he was flat-chested, at least.

Getting the bra on was a bit of a struggle for Nat. Finally, though, he had both straps over his shoulders and got the darn thing hooked. It felt like he’d wrapped a towel around his chest. But looking in the mirror, he had to say that it helped. It looked like he had breasts he could actually show people without feeling self-conscious now. And Tamara had been really good at picking out the right size.

Okay, maybe it was a little tight.

Of course, even if it did look good (and it did), there was still his parents to think about Nat’s father hated the idea of him wearing anything except the most modest of outfits. And his mother was only a little more lenient.

With a little bit of effort, Nat managed to pull the bra back off and set it to the side. He turned around to look for… something. He thought there’d been another bra, but there was nothing there. He only remembered Tamara handing him one.

He took a step back and his shoe caught on something. Looking down, Nat saw a plain beige bra lying on the floor. It clearly wasn’t a Victoria’s Secret product; it must have fallen when Nat wasn’t looking.

Nat scooped the bra off the floor and slid it on over his shoulders. It still felt a little odd for some reason, and no amount of adjusting would fix it. Finally he gave up and just threw his top on over it. It’s not like anyone could see it anyway.

He grabbed the push-up bra and left, returning to where the others had been standing. They were a little ways away, looking at panties now. Nat put down the bra where Tamara had grabbed it from and ran over to meet them.

“How’d it fit?” Emily asked.

“A little tight,” Nat admitted, picking up a pair of red hiphuggers and checking the size. He might not have the freedom to wear whatever bras he wanted, but his mom was a bit more liberal when it came to his choice of panties. As long as she didn’t think he was showing it off to anyone, Nat could wear just about anything he wanted.

“I bet you-know-who would like that,” Emily whispered, causing Nat to blush. The most embarrassing part of that was how he didn’t know if he’d already been thinking the same thing, or if Emily had planted the idea in his head.

At Emily’s insistence, the group went next to a salon in search of lipstick. Emily said that it was for Nat’s next date with Gavin (“It’s not official yet,” Nat had complained. “Not yet,” Emily had replied). There was all kinds of makeup in the salon, so the rest of the group split up to take care of their own needs. But Emily and Amber stuck to Nat to help him out.

They looked through a few different colors, mostly reds and pinks, but also a few shades of blue and (just for fun) a bit of green too. Maybe it was just the mirror, and maybe it was the fact that he was trying something new, but Nat couldn’t help feeling that his lips were… fuller… than they should have been.

“As long as we’re buying me a new wardrobe,” he joked as they rang up his purchase, gesturing to the Victoria’s secret bag on his other arm, “Why don’t we go look at new purses as well?”

“Do you need a new purse?” Emily asked, examining the purse on Nat’s arm.

“I could always stop to look at new purses,” Tamara said, “My uncle got this purse for me; he saved the life of the manager of a Belk where he lived and now he gets everything half-priced.”

There was a JCPenny in the mall, so the girls too Nat there to look at bags and purses.

“That one looks nice,” Nat lamented, eyeing the absurd price tag.

“There’s a clearance rack over there,” Emily pointed out.

“Yeah, I guess that’s the best I can afford… isn’t that Alexis?”

“Oh yeah. Hey Lexi!” Emily called, waving to her.

Alexis and her boyfriend stopped and waved back. Nat stared at the boy; he seemed familiar. Nat wanted to say that his name was Hunter. He remembered… running into Hunter once, coming out of a stall in the bathroom at school. That didn’t feel right, but Nat couldn’t shake the feeling that it was true.

“Nat?” Tamara asked, trying to get his attention.

“Sorry,” Nat replied, “Just thinking.”

Nat shoved the memory to the side, but couldn’t help take another glance at Hunter as he and Alexis walked away.

Nat poked at his food with his fork. Part of him found it ironic that a Chinese-American family was eating Chinese takeout for dinner, but his mind really wasn’t on the food.

“What’s wrong, honey?” his mother asked.

Tyler, sitting beside Nat, snickered. Nat cast him a dark look.

“I… guess I’m just not very hungry.” It wasn’t a lie. Something about this meal was just so… unappealing.

“He’s thinking about his boyfriend,” Tyler taunted.

“Tyler, leave your brother alone,” their dad warned him.

Tyler grumbled something under his breath.

“And Nat,” their father continued, “You know that I don’t like you fooling around with boys instead of studying. Focus on your schoolwork.”

Nat didn’t reply. Something was off. Something he couldn’t quite put his finger on. He’d never fund Chinese food so unappealing, though.

“May I be excused?” he asked suddenly.

“But you’re not done with your meal,” his mother told him.

“I’m… not feeling well.”

That wasn’t really a lie either.

“Okay. Go ahead and lie down for a bit.”

Nat got up from the table and left through the kitchen. As he did so, he paused and picked up a fortune cookie. He almost opened it right there, but something made him stop. He darted back to his room and quietly shut the door behind him.

Sitting in his chair, Nat turned the fortune cookie over in his hands. He was missing something. That much was obvious. He just couldn’t figure out what. What was wrong? He remembered back to having seen that boy Hunter earlier in the day. And before that, there were other things, weren’t there?

Why’d he never get his ears pierced like everyone else? Why did he put so much focus on shaving his body hair? When did he begin eating lunch with a bunch of girls? Why did he have such long hair? When did he start answering to “Nat” like it was his name? What was the point of wearing such revealing clothes?

When did he stop being a… boy?

He crushed the fortune cookie in his hand and let the pieces fall to the ground.