Ok so this is the way I see it. Every one has a preconceived notion of how boy's and girl's are supposed to act. But what if you cannot be what society expected? My parents raised all us kids in the best way they knew. We were poor and my Dad worked every hour he could! His day started at 4am when Mom made his breakfast and packed his lunch before his two hour drive to work . So after that mom turned into super mom and got eight kids ready for the day. And after breakfast and all kids are off to school she made the beds did dishes and cleaned the house. This was every day on Saturday morning they got to sleep in till we all got up at six to watch the one channel our TV could get. Sunday morning and same routine then off to church.

We were a close family eleven people in six bedroom home. So you can understand how we became so close. We did everything together eat play and even sleep on the cold nights. We were inseparable and would be until I became a teen and started working.
Society had put us in our gender roles and for all my brothers and sister it was just fine with them. They all conformed my self included until I found a new friend at school. Jorge was different and treated me different from the other kids! He always found me on the play ground we played the same as the other kids but he made it better. I found myself missing him when he was not there. I longed for him and didn't know why but when he was there I felt special. And one day we were playing in the Wood's and I found out why. We had a special connection a sexual connection. We explored sex and each other's bodies every time we could get a few minutes alone. This is where my life began to change. I started to question gender and sexual roles. Society and and the Bible says that you are what you are a just tow the line. But I couldn't be that person I liked the feeling I had when I was with Jorge. And as a preteen I really didn't know what a homosexual was or gender for that matter. All I knew was that what I felt was real and unconditional and I was devastated when Jorge had to move.
After Jorge left I fell back in to the society approved role. Not that there was anyone else to do that stuff with all the other boys were going to be the men they were supposed to be. This is the time I started to experiment with girls clothing and anal play! Now don't get me wrong I did and still do love the ladies. But I couldn't stop trying on the girls clothes and wondering what it was like to be one. I let my hair grow a tried to be pretty. And then came high school and I was just a small boy and had to stand up to the society built bullies and jocks.so I remained in the role of normal teen. But I secretly had crushes on two or three boys. Now remember this was the 1980s and homosexuality and cross dressing was a sin in the Bible belt and social suicide. Not to mention the beatings by the other kids and ridicule. So I did not pursue any thing that could embarrass me or more importantly the family.
I would not have another experience in till after I left home. I joined the military at seventeen and left my old world behind. Life in the service was was for me had been use to following orders and living in tight quarters. I actually found myself liking it. A small adjustment to the community shower and the stalls were open so you didn't try anything stupid like suicide. I found myself steeling Peek's at the others and liked what I was seeing. But again I couldn't act on my desires homosexual behavior was grounds for Court marshal. Which would mean discharge and disgrace and everyone at home would know the truth.And I couldn't let that happen. So I kept my desires and hands to myself on base. But when liberty call went I was free from my restrictions.I could be myself . Just another lie I had told myself so I became the good little soldier I was supposed to be. Occasionally I would buy some panties and wear them while on liberty then toss them on the way back to base. This routine wouldn't change for the next two years. Then I was introduced to my wife we were married and living off base. And of course I lied to her about my schedule and liberty times so I could visit the gay bars. The one I liked best was a tranny bar. One night I was driving home and had a few hours on my side. As i pulled up in front of the bar two gurls were leaving drunk they asked me for a ride. And of course I gave them one we chatted and drank on the way to their place. Once we got there one of the gurls kased me to come up with them and I couldn't refuse not that I wanted to. This was a dream come true I might get to have my way with a cross dresser maybe two. My heart was pounding I was so excited I couldn't think straight. When one gurl said she was going to freshen up the other took my hand and led me down the hall to a bedroom. The bedroom was laid out as most teenage girls are. Acute flowered bedspread vanity and pretty dresses hanging in the closet. I was thinking that I would love to try on the dresses. We started kissing playing around a bit checking each other out. I very quickly realized that I would be taking the submissive role. This gurl knew what she wanted but was very delicate in the way she achieved it. She made me feel like I was supposed to be the recipient. Actually the way she went about it she made me want to be the recipient. It felt natural and I I'm so glad that I just went with it. She had me out of my clothes in just a moment. She of course not wanting to show off her Manley figure kept hers on. Once the foreplay was over she lay me on the bed on my back something I didn't really expect. I was thinking more doggy style but she wanted missionary. And I'm glad that I went along with it the other position would have left me looking at the wall. This way I could see her pretty face her green eyes long brown hair. And all the pretty close no closet that I wished I was wearing. I mean how great would it be having sex with a gurl while dressed as a gurl that would be great. I put my fantasy aside for the reality that was happening. I felt her press her penis against my ass she saw the grimace of pain on my face. She reminded me that I needed to relax and enjoy it which I did and it was very enjoyable! It lasted for what seemed like an hour I know it was a few minutes but I got the feeling. When she had finished and I finished I got off while she was doing me it was all over me and all over her nice dress. She she directed me to the bathroom down the hall so I can shower. As I showered I was in a . I didn't know what to do. What would I tell the wife if she found out how could I explain it. Fortunately I've never had to explain it And. that scenario has never happen again but I do wish I could have a repeat.