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This story is being rewritten.
A new chapter will be published every 2 weeks starting on 19/07/2022.
When I finally reach this chapter again, I'll replace this message.
Comments
Monster Identification
I wonder if there are any beholders or umberhulks around. I hope not!
Dang. That is one merciless school. I don't think I'd last very long. Still, it's fun to read about it.
Please keep up the good work.
Thanks and kudos (number 16).
- Terry
If something seems funny, and
If something seems funny, and they're not protected by copyrights, they'll be in it.
And the school isn't so much about teaching people how to be villains and masterminds, but how to be successful villains and masterminds. If too many of these kids become warlords, evil geniuses, necromancers, etc, all the good dungeons will constantly be under attack, evil kingdoms will have to worry about twenty or thirty villains trying to take them over for every one hero trying to overthrow them, and virgin sacrifices they'll have to wait at least six months to get a virgin sacrifice.
Much better to sort out the wheat from the chaff before they can do some real damage.
And this story is going with rules of funny and audacity. Students being eaten by dragons is not funny unless you make them so bad and deserving that it's just suitable retribution.
I can see why there are not
I can see why there are not too many travel brochures out and about regarding sending your child or children to Doom Valley School. Seems to have all the charm of a box of ex-lax tablets dumped into a wedding party punch bowl. :-(
Actually it's quite popular
with evil overlords who have too many children, or in some cases a single child who is too ambitious, upper middle class couples who are hoping to have their child enter law or politics, and petty thieves trying to ensure their children have more class than they do.
If your child graduates, they're going to be able to handle anything that could happen from revolting peasants, treacherous underlings, overbearing bosses, rampaging dragons, overzealous heroes, and tax audits.
Doom Valley grad to IRS auditor
I graduated Doom Valley prep, are you sure you want to continue on this track?
Auditor: Certainly, I graduated magna cum laud there... You will cooperate won't you!?
Children of evil overlords
I can imagine that they would not only have many brothers and sisters, but even more half brothers and sisters from the result of those evil overlords "Sampling" their subjects.
We the willing, led by the unsure. Have been doing so much with so little for so long,
We are now qualified to do anything with nothing.
I've always wondered. If the
I've always wondered. If the peasants are that revolting, wouldn't it be a good idea to supply them with soap?
I'll get a life when it's proven and substantiated to be better than what I'm currently experiencing.
Great chapter!
I wonder if he's gonna be able to keep from going evil in that environment. Can't wait to see what happens next.
nomad
Thanks, I think I've got the
Thanks, I think I've got the feeling for the characters and the setting a lot quicker than I thought I would. I'll probably do one more chapter and then go back to redo the first chapter.
Getting evil is probably not
Getting evil is probably not the problem. Surviving without going insane is.
I really hope the poor protag will figure out something that will help him/her to protect themselves.
I have a plan
Petra/Peter isn't helpless, this is a funny story not one of my typical let's drive the MC insane and then kill him/her.
I wouldn't be too worried -
I wouldn't be too worried - even if they _did_ graduate everyone, it's just a prep school. There's upper level schooling after that, then Real Life (TM). The upper level schooling would be some sort of specialized refinement - that, and real education in history, religion and politics.
If you're wondering why a muscle bound thug would need to know about those subjects, just consider that if they don't know what they're getting into, they might end up robbing a castle that was abandoned because it was in a poor location (bad water, etc), and it's just a source of building material and a place for bats to rest. Your followers would jeer at you for coming out of the dungeons with just a set of manacles, and no treasure. Politics? Knowing which country you could run to after raiding would be a bonus, right? Religion? Make sure to know which temples are worth pillaging, as well as which ones have an active enough deity to not want to directly risk prying the jewel from the statue's belly button. That's what minions are for.
That's just for the muscle heads. If you're an alchemist, do you really want to find out that the stream you're polluting is feeding the temple pond of an active deity? How about if you just poisoned the wrong concubine of the leader of the city? Magic user - you certainly don't want to try to set up shop in a town that thinks that pincushion practice is a wonderful idea for fakirs.
So, don't worry about it - even if they graduated all of them from the prep school - most will fail real life.
I'll get a life when it's proven and substantiated to be better than what I'm currently experiencing.
Exactly
Wheat from the chaff.
The ones who pass this school are good for a lot of things, but they're mostly B list villains, mid level bureaucrats and ambulance chasing lawyers. Then they have to through college or get internships with the big shots to see who is the cream of the crop.
If you can't graduate, at best you're decent hired help who can hope to get promoted through a lot of butt kissing and elbow grease.
It helps keep things nice and stable for the villains and heroes of the world, and lets new blood enter the system if they're good enough.
And if you think they're harsh, you should see the rules the Hero school has.
Hero, Sidekick, Loyal
Hero, Sidekick, Loyal Servants, Cannon Fodder.
I'll get a life when it's proven and substantiated to be better than what I'm currently experiencing.
Don't forget
distressed love interest, tragic love interest. Originally only women could fill these positions but they've been opened up in recent years.
I'm picturing some gay lad
I'm picturing some gay lad who gets into the love interest track only to wind up "stuck" with someone like Red Sonja. :-)
Brooke brooke at shadowgard dot com
http://brooke.shadowgard.com/
Girls will be boys, and boys will be girls
It's a mixed up, muddled up, shook up world
"Lola", the Kinks
Yes, but I don't see those
Yes, but I don't see those being taught at a hero or villain school. Those would be taught at a finishing school for young ladies. "Our House Of The Delightful Nun, Saint Vicious of Martyrdom"
I'll get a life when it's proven and substantiated to be better than what I'm currently experiencing.
So
Petra isn't a dolt, but she does seem to have her moments of holding the idiot ball. She's a very promising character, cunning and fairly intelligent, so I'm hoping to see good things from her.
-Tas
I honestly wasn't sure how
I honestly wasn't sure how stupid and naive I wanted him to be at first. He's going to learn a lot, but the main thing was how much did he need to learn. As I wrote this chapter I decided that it was primarily his naivete that needed work and not his brain. Although when he's surprised he does tend to grab the idiot ball.
Just how cunning he can be will be shown in probably 15 or so chapters when he learns something very important and exploits it as much as he can.
First day of school
Petra isn't the only one to learn a lesson on their first school day. But perhaps the lesson escaped Michael.
Will be waiting for the next chapters.
Others have feelings too.
Well Michael has never had to
Well Michael has never had to worry about someone coming after him. He's led a bit of a sheltered childhood. He will learn that not everyone is grateful just to survive after one of his experiments.
“I like Petra already,”
giggles. So do I!
Side effects
Since the chocolate seems to be experimental, I wonder if they'll be interesting side effects, maybe wings, retractable claws?
Pheromones?
They apparently have
They apparently have predictable results.
1) Sex change (40%)
2) Bug (<60%)
3) Fungus (<60%)
I'll get a life when it's proven and substantiated to be better than what I'm currently experiencing.
Side affects, yes
There are side affects, but nothing that gives him superpowers. He stayed human, he'll stay 100% human.
side efects
well now that poor peter has become petra she is gonna be more emotional as micheal has just found out by the rage induced fury she just inflicted upon him lol there could be others usely in most stories a gender change will usely give a caster better control of magic or take it away
That was just regular pissed off
If it had been real fury, she'd have ripped off something valuable to Michael.
About the only thing that has changed for Peter/Petra, is that she now sits to pee, and is further along in puberty comparatively.
Refund
the school doesn't give a refund unless a teacher accidentally permanently transforms, disables, or kills a student.” guess poor petra's parents wont be getting a refund because it was a student and not a teacher that permanently transformed him to her or will they ???
She's still human, that isn't
She's still human, that isn't even considered a transformation for this school. Now if Peter had turned into a goblin, monstrous, ugly, and hunted by all civilized countries, but with a human brain quite capable of doing everything a human can, they'd get a small refund.
Being turned into an armless Naga would be considered a partial disability and would receive half of their money back.
Turning physically into an animal, or an animated plant or object, with human intelligence, 75% back.
An animal with limited intelligence, unthinking plant, or an object with no thoughts, or no ability to move would be a full refund.
If the child is turned into a demon, dragon, golem, war machine, school fee's automatically double, payment due immediately, as their potential has just increased by at least a hundred fold. Failure to pay will see them used by the school as labour, defense, magical parts, or evil quests until they pay off the fees.
The doubling of the fees
The doubling of the fees would only be if they continue at the school. If they leave the school (are withdrawn), then current fees would be non-refundable, the subject of future fees null and void.
I'll get a life when it's proven and substantiated to be better than what I'm currently experiencing.
Only if
you have the force to deal with a school full of retired evil overlords, mad wizards, alchemists and scientists, dark knights looking at the upcoming competition, and bored evil people who want a new challenge.
Some people can handle it, most pay.
Ah, but the _parents_ won't
Ah, but the _parents_ won't be the ones being targeted. For the kid in question, it's a 'pulled from the frying pan, and dropped into the cacky'.
I'll get a life when it's proven and substantiated to be better than what I'm currently experiencing.
Fresh Heir
Or, someplace to send the heir apparent when he becomes fresh.
So much fun.
I normally avoid serials like the plague, and I really, really try to avoid the plague. This was mis-categorized as a solo. I may never read another chapter, but enjoyed the heck out of this one.
You have a great sense of humor and are a fantastic writer.
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
Sorry about that
I have started categorizing them properly but this one was finished before I realized the problem.
Glad you like it, and once it's done I hope you come and give it a read.
It's a Date
Send me a PM when you post the final chapter. This is so like Harry Potter in innovation, and much more believable. With Harry JK coaxes you into suspended disbelief. You invite the reader in with exquisite humor.
"Hey. Over here. Want to try a taste of whimsy? Perhaps a shot of dainty nastiness? It's all good!"
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
Will do
The hardest part will be keeping the humour while I'm having young and old teens injured, tortured and possibly killed. Definitely going to have to go all out for the humour.
As long as the deaths aren't
As long as the deaths aren't gruesomely described, and you don't spend a lot of time fleshing out the 'to be killed' characters, it's not really a problem.
Look at the book Jason Cosmo for an example. (Author Dan McGirt) Pure whimsical humour, with lots of death and satire.
I'll get a life when it's proven and substantiated to be better than what I'm currently experiencing.
Never heard of that book, I
Never heard of that book, I'll have to check it out.
And yeah most deaths will be the extras and from a little ways away. Or amusingly done. Freaking sharks with laser beams on their heads.
Jason Cosmo
Jason Cosmo is good.
And has an excellent example of realizing you've allowed the MC to become way too OP and taking steps to scale him back down pronto.
Yours,
John Robert Mead
Boys
I wonder if that switch will flip eventually.
hugs :)
Michelle SidheElf Amaianna
Only when it's funny,
Only when it's funny, embarrassing or both.
"my new punching bag"
Evidently survival instincts have finally kicked in.
She's a quick learner.
She's a quick learner.
Some thought was involved
To me it appeared that she immediately realized she had to establish that she would get back at those who did her dirt.
No one gets a free shot at her.
If she hadn't...the level of misery she would experience would skyrocket.
Yours,
John Robert Mead
Mostly shes just pissed. The
Mostly shes just pissed. The fact that she seems like a violent student who will make you hurt for screwing with her is a useful side benefit that actually comes up later.
Won't be that bad?
Petra's parents said the school wouldn't be that bad, really? Given what the students were told, Petra's parents never attended that school.
No murder project without prior approval by a teacher? Really? Guess that would mean Petra can't throw Michael out a window on the spur of the moment, though the shot she gave him should emphasize how pissed she is.
Others have feelings too.