A New Life!

Chapter 2
Two weeks later my new life began. I decided to move to the new house right away. With my looks and the fact that no one knew me there I should be taken as any other new mother with her baby. Well, any teenage mother and child that is. That was the plan. Some of my nervousness was about moving was that I was never away from the old house on my own before. I was just sixteen after all. It scared me to think of all the things that could go wrong at this point. My medical needs would be met because of a referral made by the doctor that delivered Jenny. Jenny and I would have the same doctor (fun). Jenny and I traveled to Seattle to catch a train to our new home. It would be our first train ride (wee). It would have been easier to drive but I did not have a car or a license in my new name. It was a long trip, but a fun one. I was scared, but people seem to see me as I seemed to be and cooed at my baby. I guess people want to see what you show them. Jenny slept most of the way. Trains are a wonderful way to travel.

At the station we took a taxi to our new home. The ride along the coast was nice and I found myself excited to live in this type of place. I felt confident that we would make a great life here. As we neared the house I could see that we had no close neighbors. I thought this was good. The seaside bluff was an amazing sight as we drove up the long driveway. Then I got my first view of the house itself. All I can say is I was in love.

The house was a big old Victorian on the edge of a sleepy little seaside town. I fell in love with it at first sight. The view was spectacular in the extreme. You could really call it a grand palace. It looked like a place right out of a fairy tail. The house was big and bold set on a seaside bluff. Trees lined every path around the place and there were fountains everywhere. This was the type of house you might read about in a romance novel. I could not believe it was all ours. I had to pinch myself to see if it was real.

After I settled Jenny and myself into our gloriously large rooms I decided to explore the house. The house was filled with things from the turn of the century. There were bookshelves everywhere and glass front cabinets displaying all kinds of eye-catching things. I could take years just finding out what all these things were. I loved the décor and decided to keep it the way it was. I would not change this perfection. I decided to spend the day in the house and check out the town the next day. It was a great day.

The next day what I found the town was a small one with few permanent residents. The town’s economy was based on tourism, primarily small hideaways along the coast and the businesses that supported them. It was quiet and the residents liked it that way. This would be a good place to fade into the woodwork, someplace to quietly bring up Jenny and make a good life for her and myself. I guess I was still a small town girl at heart. This place made me feel right at home.

The money I inherited made it so I could stay home with Jenny, but school was a problem. I decided to hire a teacher to home school me. I didn’t know if this was a bright idea or not? This was trickier than I thought. I had to search a lot of places before I found the right person. The person I found was a young pretty lady working on her Masters in Education. She was also a new mother looking for a place to stay to my good luck. We talked about it and decided that she would move in trading her teaching skills in place of rent. This worked out well because I had this big old house with lots of room and just Jenny and I to fill it. Well, at least I would have someone other than jenny to talk to. Babies are not the best conversationalists.

The teacher’s name was Rose. I thought she was as pretty as any rose I have seen. She was a tall willowy, black haired Mid-western gal. She was quite thin, but well shaped. She tended to wear conservative, but stylish outfits that fit her to her best advantage. Her jewelry was never flashy and was always in the best taste. She really knew how to say what she wanted without saying a word. I learned a lot just watching her. I loved her easygoing style that really got her noticed. I think I wanted a role model as well as a teacher. Rose worked out well in both roles.

We got along real well from the first. She helped me catch up in school and I helped her with her baby (a boy named James). This was a quite equable arrangement. I did not bring up my past and she did not ask. It did not take long to be right up there with my schoolwork. I liked the way she taught. Time passed quickly, almost without notice.

She was a great help around the house and we soon became close friends. That is of course when things started to go wrong. I was faltering about what to do with my life and really needed to talk to someone. I had kept silent about my past so long I was reluctant to bring up it up now. It was always on my mind in those days. I knew that I would have to tell all to make her understand what I had been through in just under a year. I hoped she would be able to help. I just hoped she would not freak out too much, at least. Putting myself out there was going to be very hard. I knew it had to be done if we were to continue this way.

I was uncertain how to start when I sat with her in the living room that night after putting the kids to bed. She turned and said, “I see you have something to bring up.” Being on the spot made my thoughts fly apart even faster like at the speed of light. She put in “What could be so troubling to rob you of speech?” She talked like that sometimes, teachers. When she smiled I just turned red and the tale tumbled out. It all came out in a rush. I realized this was the first time I had told anybody the whole story at one time ever!

She did not freak out, but her face took on a gray cast at times. I could not tell if it was fright or repulsion at first. I just let the whole thing slide out like a flood. That was it, I had laid myself open and waited for her to take it in and respond. I was totally blown away by the effort it took. I was totally drained. Every thought and felling was put out there for her to see. This could be the end of a friendship or the beginning of a closer one. Which one it would be I didn’t know. She took a long time to say anything and that really made me nervous and jumpy.

Finally she got up and came over to me. The look on her face was saying it all. She hugged me and said “How did you survive all that without help?” I shrugged and shook my head. It was not in me to answer at that time. After a little while we talked for a long time about everything and how to go on from here. She had a good grasp on my life and pointed out several things I did not consider. This helped me get it worked out in my mind. I really was happy I had found her to help me. We were closer at that moment than I had been with anybody for a long, long time. Perhaps we were even closer than even than I was with my sister.

After a while our topic turned to her life and family. She was one of five kids who grew up in a big house in Oklahoma City. She was still close to her folks, but had not seen them for over a year. Her two sisters lived back east somewhere last she heard. She had not heard what became of two of her brothers. The one remaining brother she had moved out to California to see. She said that his name was Roger. He lived in Santa Cruse right on the beach. They were really close as kids. She still liked him a lot even though his coming out as gay pushed him away from their folks. She really wanted to be near him but he kept pushing her away. This made her very sad. Family was very important to her. I envied her.

I just sighed and nodded as she told me all this. Oh, to have a life so simple. I guess I was jealous of her in many ways. My mother had tried to find me after she got out of the hospital, but with my uncles help and my moving when I did had kept her two steps behind. I figured she would find me sometime this year. I was not sure if I wanted that or not. We had not talked since she went into the hospital. The break was clean and I thought it would be good to leave it that way. At least Rose still had family to turn to. Rose and I got along well as the year moved on. We were quite close because of our talk that night. I now had a friend I could tell anything to without restraint. This made me very happy indeed.

Christmas was a troubling time for me. I had no family but Jenny to spend it with. At three months old jenny was not much into parties. Rose knew I was having a hard time with the season and surprised me by asking me to go with her to her folk’s place. This was unexpected because of what she had told me of their treatment of her brother. I knew I passed OK, but I also knew that if they spent a couple of days with me they would know something’s funny. This did not make my decision any easier. I guess the thought of being around a real family again, even if it was not mine, was what made me say yes in the end.

We planned to drive out spend a few days with them then come back for new years. I was not sure how it would go but then I wanted to see if I could do this. I tried to put it out of my mind and do what was needed till it was time to leave.

There was the Pre-Holiday shopping to do and presents to buy. This kept us quite busy till it was time to leave for Oklahoma. My spirits were confused the day we left. I was up because we were going to have a good holiday, but down missing my family. June was on my mind a lot. It was a roller coaster of emotion that threatened to tear my mind apart. If it was not for taking care of Jenny and Rose being there I would have gone mad.

The ride itself was uneventful, but it was a long drive. We switched off driving to keep ourselves fresh. Rose had found a way to get me a license in my new look and name. We took her car because I still did not have one. The kids it seemed to love car rides, don’t kids that age always. We took three days to drive to her folk’s house. We stopped at two quaint little inns along the way for the two nights. Amazing how these little places looked alike. This was a great way to travel. The babies just loved it. Rose and I got even closer by chatting to make the miles go by faster. We went into subjects out of boredom that we normally would not even have thought to bring up. I liked knowing that we thought a lot alike. Our opinions were in line on most things.

It was a fine day that we pulled into her folk’s driveway. The sun was out and the sky clear, but I did not see any of that. I was looking at the person standing next to a woman standing on the porch. I had not seen him since I was thirteen, but I was dead sure who this person was. She said, “There’s my mom and step-dad waiting for us on the porch!” Well, I was in shock. The person she called her step-dad was none other than my runaway father. Well I guess you never know.

I was sure that he would never recognize me. My hair was longer and styled, my shape was quite different as well, and the fact that I was now a girl with a baby would help some too. So with some trepidation I got out and walked to the house. My mind spilled out a lot of possibilities on what would happen next, but nothing popped in saying he would understand. Her mother ran over and gave her a big hug. Rose introduced me and to my surprise I got a hug too. I liked the thought and it calmed me a bit.

Her step-dad walked down the steps to greet us. This was the moment I dreaded. Would he, could he know that this was his “son” turned daughter coming to visit? I guess I was a little scared my mind screamed RUN you fool! I just stood and watched him come on. I knew if he recognized me I would be ruined. I looked in his face and did not see any recognition at all. I guess I was safe for the present. We introduced the babies and went inside.

It was an enjoyable afternoon. We had a good dinner and headed to the room they gave us for the night. That is when I decided to tell Rose about the little surprise I got. She was very shocked to learn her step-dad was my father. I told her how he had left my mother two and a half years ago. She told me that was about three months before he came to live here. Could he have met his new wife while still married to my mother? I wondered what he would say if he knew who I was?

Late that night I got up to get a drink. I went into the kitchen and found him there. He still did not recognize me I was sure. So I played the shy friend and chatted. I asked how he had met his wife? He actually blushed and said he met her while on a business trip. I knew that he had traveled a lot before he broke up with my mother. This gave me a little insight into what happened.

At that point he told me that I reminded him of somebody he once knew. I asked whom he meant? He blushed and said I reminded him of his first wife. I almost fainted when he said that. At that point I decided that he needed to know who I was. I wondered if there were any smelling salts handy? I tried not to laugh at him as I told him I knew his first wife quite well. He looked hard at me and asked how I could? I looked him in the eye and said, “I should know her, She is my mother!” He nearly fainted at that. I told him “My name was not always Belle.” He asked after a moment what my old name was. “You should know FATHER after all, you named me.” That nearly flattened him. He stammered, “Who are you?” I laughed and said, “Don’t you recognize your own SON? Really father I have not changed that much have I?” I turned slowly so he could get a close look at how I had changed. I almost giggled at how he watched very closely with wonder in his eyes. “Really, I have only changed a little.” I taunted. “But you have a baby!” He gasped. “I took over her care when June died. You do remember her don’t you?” That hit him real hard. “When” was all he got out? “Last October was when she was buried. Your daughter placed Jenny in my arms right after her birth. Then she died, I am her mother now.” I knew I hurt him with that. I wanted very badly to hurt him at that point. “Why did you change?” he whispered. “You never noticed this in me? I have always been this way. If you had looked you would have seen this! I was always told that is why you left.” I said in a cool almost icy voice. His look told me all I needed. I had hurt him all right maybe too much. “Well good night father.” I said while walking out the door.

I walked slowly till I turned the corner then I practically flew to our room and closed the door as quietly as I could. Rose sat up in bed and asked, “What was all that noise about down there? You look like you just went though the wringer? Are you all right you are quite pale.” I grinned and told her what happened. She giggled and said “Oh, you really stepped in it now. What are you going to say to him tomorrow?” “I guess hello Daddy would not go over too well.” I laughed. What this would lead to I did not know, but I was having fun with it at that moment even though it scared me. Rose found the whole thing quite profoundly funny. “Well, I guess that Daddy Dearest can just stew for awhile!” I quipped. “I am going to not worry about it tonight”. We laughed for a while then went back to bed.

In the morning we got up early, dressed the kids and ourselves then went into the living room. Rose’s mother was sitting there looking out the window. I said “HI” and she turned to look at me. The look on her face said it all. I thought here it comes. My father had told her about what I said last night. She got up not saying a word and crossed over to stand before me. She looked real close and then pulled back to repeat the examination. This made me real edgy, but I just stood there and let her decide for herself. I knew I should not rush her. I only watched as she tried to make up her mind and that took a long time. At last she said, “Nope, I don’t see it. You look all woman to me.” I laughed and replied, “Thanks, that is what I always thought.” She smiled and I knew she was “ok” with this. “I was sorry to hear of your sisters passing. I met her once; she was a lovely girl.” She said. “You must take after her.” She put in with a smile. Sometimes life surprises you.

After that we had a lovely visit and promised to visit as often as we could. My father was strangely silent for most of the visit (I just let him stew). They loved the gifts we brought and tried to spoil the kids rotten. Grandparents are always spoiling babies. I was happy as we drove away from that house. It was just too weird to be near him the way I was now.

The trouble was, I think, I was falling in love with Rose. Could this be true love or am I just fooling myself? Could she love a person like me strangeness and all? Would this love last? Did we have what it takes to make it? Would the 5 year difference in our ages spell doom? These thoughts put me in a funk all the way back to our house. She did not seem to notice. I really did not know what to think or feel. I guess I will just have to wait and see. I seem to do that a lot.

New Year’s Eve was nice and we started the year off right. I put myself into my studies to graduate as soon as possible. I wanted to get that out of the way so I could get on with living. By the end of January I passed all the classes I needed to graduate (a year and a half early). I was wondering if I should ask to graduate with that year’s high school class or just get the diploma sent to me. It would be nice to take that walk for the memories, but it would mean waiting till June. I really did not know what to do. Were the memory’s I would get from the graduation ceremony be worth the wait? Even Rose did not know what to do.