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There is noise, there is light,
By Kat
there is heat of a closed place.
My mind shrinks from others.
They don’t know, can not know.
To be so far from home at a place not my own.
I do what I think is best but the fact still remains.
I am so far from home.
The road has led far and fast with many turns.
I can not remember the way back.
I left home to reach for something.
Something I could not name.
The people I meet are nice or cruel or strange.
Still I wait and my road goes on.
I stand alone so far from home.
I touch people briefly then move on.
The road goes on.
I live, but for a chance to find
What I can not name.
Some say I need to find a lover.
Some say I need to find myself.
I tell them I am fine.
I say I will wait.
They ask what I am waiting for?
I say for something I can not name.
They shake their heads and walk away.
I look at the stars and wait.
I am so far from home and wait for someday.
For the day I can put a name to
something I can not name.
what I was waiting for was me accepting female self
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Home?
Do you ever make it back home? Or do you create a new home? Are you ever nostalgic for the golden years when you were home?
-- Daphne Xu
Where is home
Sometime I do ask myself back do I know what I really want in my life. Is a question that will never end. Hesitation never end and leads to feeling of suicidal. :( I know I want to follow a trial path yet the risk is too high and I dont have the courage. Courage, the one thing I dont have enough. I envied those who dare themselve facing all risk and even humiliation society throw at them just to be themselves. Wish I have magic to change. :¨¨¨¨(
Time is a waiting game itself and space to ponder. Yet with time ticking, I feel it as a slow killer to my soul. Few time I feel like why dont I just put a stop to it myself. Maybe I should.