“Ole Bing” was singing about a “White Christmas” and the whole Martinez family had gathered together to celebrate as they did every year. Joey sat on the floor surrounded by his presents. Gifts from his Mom and Dad, and gifts from his brothers and sisters too. Having older brothers and sisters sure was nice when it came to Christmas! This was a great Christmas for Joey at 17 and his sister Leigh who was one year younger! Joey got the clothes that he had asked for. Clothes that would accentuate his good looks and increase his popularity in school as he returned after break "styling and profiling"!! He would return from Christmas break “Looking good” at school! The smile on his face showed that he was pleased with his many gifts. The whole family was talking and laughing and enjoying this special Christmas together. So no one noticed the absence of a sparkle in Joey’s eye. Today he was a happy boy but a boy that would not feel the joy that Christmas brings.

It would have taken a trained eye to see the despair that Joey always carried with him. On this Christmas no one would see the pain and turmoil that lived inside of him just under the surface. No one would know that he was miserable and desperate and in great need of help. He screamed for help, she screamed for help! She screamed “tell someone, tell anyone”!!!

Joey always struggled to be happy and to show it. He was good at making things look nice and never gave anyone any indication of war that raged within him. For sharing the same corner that he sat in was her a teenage girl named Lana! She sat with eyes focused on every one and every thing! She was very observant, although Joey opened gifts of sweaters and shirts, pants and even a pair of shoes, she scrutinized with great intensity every gift her sister had gotten! Joey held the sweater up and announced “Thanks Mom and Dad I love my letter sweater”!! As he did she was locked in on the skirt that Leigh took out of the gift box and stood to check the length. Out of the corner of his eye, Lana noticed his Mom embarrassedly lifted a blue satin night gown from a gift wrapped box thanking his Dad as she did. She felt her pulse race when Leigh opened a gift from her sister of an angora sweater in white. Oh my god it was just what she wanted and Leigh siad she liked it too! It would look so cute with her blue mini skirt.

Joey ran around to every brother and sister thanking them for the presents they had given him and announced after hugging his Mom and Dad “this has been the best Christmas ever”!!

Everyone had moved into the dinning room and kitchen and no one noticed that she lagged behind. She ran to Leigh’s pile of gifts. Looking around to make sure that no one saw her, she lifted the sweater to her chest, as if to try in on!! She took the sleeve and touched it to her face marveling at how good it felt! She fought back the urge to cry! She suppressed the desire to scream, “how come I didn’t get anything for Christmas”!?! She never did get anything that she had not bought on her own! She had for two years now bought a special gift for her self because she knew that none of the presents under the tree had her name on them. She hated Christmas! Never a gift, she never felt the anticipation that other girls felt when opening a gift on Christmas day! She always knew what she was getting for Christmas, because she was the one that bought the gift, for herself! Returning everything to its place she sat down for a minute because she was so sad! She wanted to cry, she wanted to die, she wanted so much. She wanted to say to her family, “hey, what about me”? But she sat in silence. She sat in sadness. She stayed inside of Joey wishing to her self for a better day. Wishing for her own Angora sweater!

Taking a deep breath Lana gathers herself and puts her away stuffing her back inside. Joey ran into the dinning room and continued the illusion that he was who they all thought he was and not who he wanted to be!