"I forgot next weekend’s my dads birthday. I’m supposed to be there as Alex… the real Alex."
I picked up my cigarettes and pulled one from the pack and lit it.
"But your hair, nails, and all that… you would need to get them cut!"
"Yeah I know."
 

 
I left Debbie’s in the early afternoon and went home. Thankfully, Amanda had cleared out as well, by the time that I had gotten back. Melissa had exhausted herself tearing around Debbie’s yard all morning, so I had the opportunity for some thinking space in the bright afternoon sunlight. I poured myself a cool beer from the fridge and sat outside. Lighting a cigarette, I pondered the events of the last 24 hours. The engagement had taken us all by surprise - no one had seen that one coming. I wondered also, just how much pushing Amanda had done to make George go down that route.

It was obvious that he likes her and has feelings for Amanda, but during all our chats over the last couple of months, at no point did he given any indication that engagement was close. I suppose that the next move will be for her to try and move in. How long it would take her to crack that one was anyone’s guess. But knowing her, I figured it would not be too far away. So for me, the end would be in sight, because there was no way I could stay here once she moved in.

Last night’s incident with Debbie also got me to thinking that you never completely know someone, no matter how much time you spend with them. On the surface and to the public eye, Gavin and Debbie’s relationship was the perfect marriage. But underneath it, all of this swinging had been going on. As Debbie had said, though they were still so much in love with each other, and that their activities posed no threat to the stability of their relationship, who was I to judge if it worked for them? If it did, then so be it. "Each to their own" my mum would say. And after all, here was I sitting dressed as a female Alex, so who was I to judge?

I got up and poured myself another beer. I lit up another cigarette and took in a long drag. In all this commotion, I had not really thought too much about me in all of this. What did I feel? What did I want? Debbie had hinted that she knew, but I was still confused. The change in Alex over the last couple of month’s had been dramatic and somewhat of a roller coaster ride. My relationship with George had been an unstable one, while with Melissa, we were now unseparable. There was a direct hatred between Amanda and myself. With Debbie, I felt that I had a friend for life - someone that I could always have fun with, talk to, and who would always listen.

I was not sure what I wanted. I knew what I didn’t want, and that was for Amanda to marry George and become mother to Melissa. For me, that was just a recipe from hell and would not be in Melissa’s best interest. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that Amanda would be bad to Melissa, just that she was not her number one priority. Her real goal was George and the wealth and status that went with it. Melissa would just be a minor inconvenience in achieving her objective. Melissa would be packed off to boarding school or private school and be home for holidays only… if at all! "That was not what Grace would have wanted" I thought to myself. Every mother wants the best for her children, but separation from the family unit was not in the best interests of Melissa.

"So what do I do?" I thought to myself. I was not about to charge in like a bull in a china shop and interfere in George’s relationship. He knew well enough about how I felt towards Amanda. We had had a few chats about it. I’d been told to mind my own business and he was right - he was a grown man. He was big enough to make his own mistakes. I could only make my thoughts known and leave it to him to decide. So I would leave it be. Let the dice roll and see how it worked out. I just hoped that somewhere along the line, his blinders would come off and he would see what Amanda’s true plans were. Sure, she wasn’t a bad person, but she certainly would never make a good mother.

Life pretty much went on as normal after my night at Debbie’s. There was a little tension at first, but within a couple of days, we were back in the old familiar routine. Friday arrived, and with it, the height of our British summer. The sun blazed across the sky with the temperature in the low eighties. Melissa was fast asleep on a lie-low under a shaded canopy after having run herself ragged all morning. Debbie and I sat at the garden table with an iced wine cooler, enjoying a cigarette and a glass of wine in the afternoon heat.

"You got a party this weekend?" I asked,

"Yeah, Saturday night in Stirling." Debbie replied.

"How do you both cope with it?"

"Ok, It’s not a threat to us. Neither of us goes looking for anyone else, just for fun with other people." she defended.

"Yeah but have you ever… you know?"

"Ever what?"

"Well have you ever say been with anyone who maybe… satisfies you better then Gavin?"

She laughed. "Well I suppose so, but it’s false you know. It’s only sex. Gavin satisfies my mind , my emotions, and my body - the whole package, really. You never know that about someone else. I remember this guy in Glasgow once; fantastic in bed, but a real arrogant swine. It takes more than just sex."

"I suppose."

The sound of the phone ringing in the background cut our conversation short. I got up and walked back into the house.

"Hello? Oh Mum, is that you?" It had been about two weeks since I’d last spoken to my mum.

"How’s everyone there?" she asked.

"Great. Couldn’t be better. Melissa’s flat out in the heat and Debbie’s here. Great weather eh?"

"Yes it is. Look, I’m just ringing about next weekend."

"Next weekend?"

"Yes next weekend. You’ve forgotten haven’t you?" I momentarily stalled. "Your dad’s fiftieth birthday party!"

"Oh yeah, that." I sighed.

"Well you’re both coming aren’t you?"

"I don’t know you know what’s going on down here. I’ve changed so much; my hair and all that. It would be difficult to just get back to looking like Alex again overnight."

"Alex you can’t do this! It’s your dad’s birthday, you need to be there! And anyway you’ve only got about four weeks before you start your job. You need to start thinking like the old you again."

"I get the message mum. I’ll speak to George this week. You know he got engaged to Amanda?"

"No. When did that happen?"

"This past weekend." I said

"So your time will be over soon anyways."

"Yeah, I suppose. But it’s the wrong move for Melissa." I let out.

"Well, you will just need to get used to it, is all."

"Mum, believe me, it will end in tears. And I’m not sure either him or Melissa are strong enough for that again."

"Well, we’ll deal with that when it happens, OK? You just make sure you’re here next weekend."

"Ok Mum."

I hung up the phone.

"Fuck!" I exclaimed as I walked back towards Debbie.

"What is it babes?" she pursued as I sat down.

"I forgot next weekend’s my dads birthday. I’m supposed to be there as Alex… the real Alex."

I picked up my cigarettes and pulled one from the pack and lit it.

"But your hair, nails, and all that… you would need to get them cut!"

"Yeah I know." I depressedly moped.

"So what are you going to do?"

"Guess I’ll just have to turn back into boring male Alex."

I blew out a cloud of smoke

"Maybe not," she said.

"How?"

"I’ve an idea."

And for the next half hour or so, she told me what she was thinking.