Chapter one:

“That’s no good you moron, you’re way off balance!”

“Pull your shoulders back, you look like a goddamn slob!”

“You’re wasting my oxygen, fatass!”

I collapsed in a heap against the studio floor, every muscle in my body feeling like it was about to be torn apart. I’d been at the photography studio all afternoon, arriving right after I’d made it out of school. When I’d received Jenny’s invitation to do some modelling, I figured I could get in, take a few photos and get out. Easy money, right?

“What are you talking about?” I protested vehemently. “My posture is just fine. I’m fine!”

“Well just fine isn’t good enough!” Jenny shot back, her voice dripping with caustic acid. “Modelling means that you have to look relaxed and confident at any given time. If you can’t do something as basic as that, how do you expect to be taken seriously?”

“Why am I even doing this? I thought I was going to have someone take a few pictures. Can’t we just skip to that part so I can get out of here?”

Jenny gritted her teeth, as if she was barely controlling the urge to beat the crap out of me. “Dream on, punk-ass: Every model has to build a portfolio before they can even get a shred of work. But we can’t even do that until you know how to carry yourself without looking like fucking hobo!”

I narrowed my eyes, sensing my frustration reach boiling point. “So who put you in charge?”

“Allegra did. She’s going to be your booker.”

I raised an eyebrow “Booker? What the hell does she do, get me hooked on coke?”

Jenny’s expression dropped another several degrees below zero. “No retard, she’s going to be your agent.”

I picked myself up off the floor, shaking my head. “Fine, look…we’ve been at this for two hours already. Can’t we take a break or something?”

Jenny rubbed a palm against her forehead. “Whatever. Fuck, this is what I get for trying to be a good friend.”

“Maybe I don’t need friends like you.” I muttered.

“I didn’t say I was yours.”

I pulled back the neck of my shirt, enough to try and fan myself with a free hand. What the hell had I become involved with? Jenny was like some howling banshee, assaulting me with a relentless tirade of venomous diatribe instead of offering helpful instruction.

I stepped outside to grab some fresh air, resting against the cool red brickwork of the studio’s exterior. This wasn’t a nightmare. At least you get to wake up from a nightmare. But that’s not even what made it so intolerable. It wasn’t Jenny’s venomous bile, or the fact I was clearly unprepared for this physically. It was the fact that this was…I dunno, a betrayal I guess. Not of anyone here of course. It’s a betrayal of Kane. Or his memory, at least.

After all, I can deal with being a girl. I accept it, okay? There, I said it. I accept that I’m stuck as Faye Valentine, and barring the planets aligning during the solar equinox of the hallowed junk (or whatever passes for astrological significance) there isn’t much chance of me ever getting back my gentleman’s luggage. I’m a girly freakin’ girl. Girlapalooza. Girlzilla. You get the idea.

But Kane’s still a part of me, y’know? It’s kinda hard to describe. He’s not like Lust, who I can actually hold a conversation with. We’re intertwined. He speaks with my voice, just as I can look at the world through his eyes. Something about all this seems like an attack on him, like I’m killing someone who does not deserve to die.

He’s not fighting this anymore. He just wants to rest.

When I arrived today, Jenny made her position abundantly clear: I can’t be a runway model. Why? I’m too short, and I’m too curvy (I know, the irony is killing me too). That may make me sound like a dwarf, but you’ve gotta remember that fashion models are freaks of nature. They have be over 5’8” minimum, and generally appear to be statuesque with a waspish frame and Arian heritage. Okay, I made that last one up.

Point is, that strikes me off the list. So what does that make me good for? Not much, actually. But I’m still riding my fifteen minutes of YouTube fame, for whatever that’s worth. I can still do beauty work, which is close ups mainly covering my face and hair. I might have a shot with some catalogue work, if it was an alternative company or something that would go for girls with flame-red hair. Then of course, there’s the coup de gras, which is swimsuit modelling. Jenny tells me this is my best shot, since guys tend to overlook your height when they’re staring at your breasts.

It’s funny how the earth never swallows you up when you want it to.

You’d probably think by this point, I’d be kinda worried about Lust after her appearance at the warehouse. Stealing who I am and all that, right? The truth is, I’m not really focusing on her right now. She hasn’t appeared since, and I’m not feel her presence any longer. Whatever she’s doing, she’s has secluded herself in a part of my mind where I can’t find her. Still, regardless of what she’s planning, Lust will have to reveal herself sooner or later. Better to deal with it then than worry about it now. Besides, I have a pretty good idea of what to do when she decides to stop sulking in the shadows.

What is it? I’d tell you, but then she’d know about it as well.

Even as I pushed the idea aside, I could feel Lust’s fingers slowly picking at my thoughts, like rusty needles slowly leafing through a book. It was faint, but I sensed her quiet frustration, hidden behind a veil of silken promises and wicked desire. She wants to know everything I do, and the knowledge there’s a door within my mind that she can’t pass through infuriates her no end.

I’ve had time to think about what happened at the warehouse, where she’d laid bare all her intentions, daring me to fight back. Taunting me with how helpless I am.

The more I think about it, the more it does not make any sense. Why does she want me to fight her? If she’s going to mind rape me, she could just go ahead and do it. It’s not like she needs my permission, and it sure as hell won’t be easy if I’m fighting her every step of the way. There’s something else at play, something worth risking overplaying her hand like that. She still needs something from me.

At that moment, I felt her fingers slip away, drawing back into the darkness. So I struck a nerve? Good. Go ahead and run away. I’ll chase you down the rabbit hole soon enough.

-------------------------------------------

Nick was already waiting outside by the time Jenny and I had finished. He stood behind the camero, arms folded with a huge-assed grin spread across his face. I wasn’t sure if he was getting a kick out of seeing me work for a change, or if it was some actual sense of pride in how I was handling it.

My muscles burnt, crying with every step as I made my way to the car. This isn’t fair. Aren’t girls supposed to be more flexible than guys? Okay, that’s a lame generalization. I mean, yeah I am more flexible as a girl. But that dosen’t count for squat if I’m still non-athlete of the year. I’d figured all the aches and pains I’d accrued from my snowboard trip were a result of my casual disregard for gravity (and high-velocity impacts). But this was proof positive that my life of the couch-potato was officially over.

“Have fun princess?” He chided playfully.

Death Star lasers have nothing on the glare I delivered. “Die in a fire. Seriously. Fire? Die in it.”

He climbed into the drivers seat while I fell into the passenger side. Immediately, I reached for the air conditioning controls, cranking the little unit up as far as it would go. I was greeted with a jet of cool air, hitting the sweat on my skin like a blast of arctic wind. “Ohhh…okay, yeah…I’m good now.”

“So, you hungry?”

I closed my eyes, responding though a haze of frozen bliss. “Yeah, sure. You buying?”

“Like you have the money.” He shot back.

The trip faded quickly as I sank into my seat, a prisoner of my own languid bliss. By the time we rolled up to the burger joint, I’d almost fallen asleep. I felt the car come to a gentle halt, forcing me from my bleary-eyed state when the engine fell dormant.

“Let’s you and me talk.” Nick said as he opened the door.

I nodded slowly, trying to ignore the pain that flared up with every tiny movement. It actually seemed worse now that I’d cooled down, like my body felt that I was evil and must be punished. Or maybe it was just that last vestige of male ego, reminding me not to get too comfortable in this form.

We took a seat in the outdoor area, which was sparsely populated with other patrons. I practically fell into my chair, muscles no longer having the strength to carry me any further. Nick slid into the opposite chair, taking a moment to let me collect myself while he perused the menu. I buried my head in my forearms, splaying myself across the table as a waitress came to take our order.

“Ice water.” I said, raising my arm into the air.

“Coke, thanks.” Nick said, smiling politely to make up for my lack of charm.

She drifted away from our table, leaving Nick to sigh reluctantly. “Don’t you think you’re overdoing this just a bit?”

“What?” I said, finally drawing back enough to look him in the eyes. “I’m way too trashed to deal with this. Besides, it’s hot.”

“Yeah, I’ll give you that.” He mused, looking out at the fading afternoon sun. “Anyways, I thought we could talk about something other than the weather.”

“I’m all ears.” I muttered.

“You sure?” He said, giving me a look of playful trepidation. “Kinda heavy stuff I wanted to talk about.”

I’m not sure if I was too exhausted to care, or if I really was interested to hear what he had to say. “Let’s hear it.”

Nick leant back in his chair, looking a little more at ease that he wasn’t about to dump his life’s story on an unwilling audience. He paused for a moment, carefully contemplating his choice of words before speaking. “Okay, here’s the thing. I just wanted to, y’know…talk. I mean like actually talk. About stuff.”

I eyed him suspiciously.

“Okay, not quite what I meant.” He said, shifting uneasily in his seat. “Here’s the deal: I’ve been giving you space. Massive amounts of it. And there’s a lot of reasons for this. Most of all, I know I couldn’t do anything to help you directly with what’s happened in your life. Let’s face it: Any attempt on my part would be a token gesture.”

I nodded slowly, unwilling to say anything until he’d finished speaking. Also, it kept me from any premature outbursts of righteous indignation.

“Right, so I figured the best thing I could do was just work in the background. Just keep the place running, pay the bills, drive you around, that kind of thing. But it’s been a few weeks now, and I was just hoping…”

“That I’d kick in for the rent?” I ventured helpfully.

“That we could go back to how things were.” Nick replied evenly.

I shook my head, barely even noticing our drinks arriving before the waitress scuttled off. “I don’t understand.”

Nick took a deep breath. “Look…Kane, I know it’s still you. Underneath everything that’s happened, all that you are now, I know you’re still the same person I’ve been friends with for years.”

I shrugged nonchalantly, unwilling to mention any parasites inside my skull that would beg to differ. “I guess. I’ve been thinking about that lately too.”

“Oh, like how?”

“It’s nothing really.” I said, tracing a finger against the condensation clinging to by glass. “I mean, you’re kinda right. But there’s a lot of new stuff too. Stuff that I would have never believed I was capable of before, stuff that’s…well, girly I guess. It’s not that big a deal.”

Nick nodded solemnly. “I just don’t wanna lose my friend, that’s all. I’ve been an observer until now, watching you come and go. You’re not who you used to be, and I’m worried that if I keep sitting back and doing nothing, the friend I knew will be gone for good.”

I hesitated, trying to understand what he meant. Was I really so different now? I still felt like me, I guess. But that’s a pretty dumb thing to say. People never realize they’re changing until someone beats them over the head with it. That’s what interventions are for. Was this Nick’s idea of an intervention on behalf of Kane?

“I don’t know what to say. “ I muttered softly. “I guess you’re right, but this is the only way I know how to survive. I’ve tried to fight it, really. But I can’t swim against the tide any longer. I’ve accepted this is who I am…I just want to live a normal life and forget what happened.”

“Don’t you see the cost of that?” A pleading edge crept into his voice. “It’s like you’re killing him just to get by.”

“What do you want from me?” I bit my lip, feeling tears stinging my eyes. “I don’t know what else I can do. If I don’t learn to live with this, if I can’t embrace it and accept who I am, I’ll lose everything!”

“And just who are you?”

I closed my eyes. I know what he wanted me to say. I know how much it would hurt him if I said anything otherwise. I’m Kane. I’m your old buddy. I’ still the same guy I used to be, and we can go back to eating pizza and playing video games. Let’s forget about all this, and just be friends like we used to be.

But that would be lying.

“I’m sorry Nick.” I whispered. “I’m not that guy anymore.”

We sat in silence for what felt like hours as I waited for Nick to respond. I didn’t know if he was going to blow up or just walk out on me. Deep down, I know I’ve shunned him. I locked him out, and done everything I could to push him away. I’ve been ungrateful and despicable.

But at the same time, I could never have done anything without his help. He is still my friend, and I’ll always be thankful for that.

I watched as he nodded silently, as if trying to accept this new reality. “Sorry. I guess I knew this was coming. I just didn’t want to believe it.”

Just as I was trying to think of something reassuring I could say, I found myself struck by inspiration. Not just a half baked idea either. This was pure, untainted awesome.

“Hold that thought!” I cried suddenly.

Nick furrowed his brow. “What? This is my big moment of acceptance here.”

“I know, I know.” I said, getting to my feet. “But there’s something I need to do first.”

-------------------------------------------

“You have no idea how stupid this is.” Zoe muttered.

“I didn’t ask for your opinion.” I hissed.

“Just for our help, right?” Rachael chimed in, using the staple gun as an exclamation point.

“And you both agreed, so just shut up so we can do this.”

“Why do I get to be the one stringing up the lights?” Rachael asked as she stapled another row to the edge of the pagoda.

“Because Zoe’s sorting out the cabling, and I’m trying to figure out how the fuck I’m going to do this without sounding insane or retarded.”

Zoe walked off towards the house with a roll of extension cord draped over her shoulder. “Ten bucks says she doesn’t make it past the first sentence.”

“You do realize you’re betting against Faye, right?”

She shrugged, not looking back “Safest bet.”

Rachael shook her head, stepping off the ladder and taking a seat beside me. The pagoda was at the edge of Zoe’s yard; a palatial homestead with lush gardens that stretched all the way to the river bank. A cool breeze rolled off the water, which was glistening as the moon rose into the night sky. The wind brushed against my clothes, which wouldn’t really be worthy of note except these weren’t my usual clothes. I’d managed, through manipulation of belts rolling of cuffs that laughed in the face of physics and good taste, to put on an old shirt and jeans I’d worn as Kane.

“I have to admit…” Rachael mused “…at least you picked a nice spot to do this. I’m surprised Zoe agreed to let you do this at her place.”

I rolled my eyes, feeling my pulse quicken. “It was her suggestion. I wanted to do this at my place, but she figured this might more special or something.”

Rachael grinned at that little revelation. “Y’know, she talks tough, but deep down she’s actually pretty thoughtful.”

“Ugh, don’t let her hear you say that. She’ll throw us out just to prove you wrong.”

“At least we don’t have to worry about Stacey or her parents. They’ve all gone to watch the big game that’s playing tonight.” She added, firing several staples into thin air.

“Yeah, I guess.” I said, gazing out at the water. “You think this is a good idea?”

Rachael gave me a wry smile. “You want the truth?”

“Lie to me.”

“Alright.” She said calmly. “I think it’s a great idea. There’s no way it could be misinterpreted, Nick definitely won’t get offended, and I’ll always have the upmost respect for you.”

I paused for a moment, mostly for dramatic effect. “I asked for that, didn’t I?”

“Absolutely.”

Zoe returned from the house, carrying one end of the power cord with her. Gravel crunched lightly underfoot with every step until she reached the pagoda. “Here we go. Ready?”

Rachael handed her the last cable, which was connect to a board that fed all the lights. Plugging it in, we found ourselves bathed in a soft light, luminous enough that it cast a reflection off the water.

“Not bad.” Rachael said, admiring her own handy work. “You sure your parents aren’t going to be pissed that you lit this place up like a Christmas tree?”

“Nope.” Zoe waved a hand dismissively. “Besides, it’s nearly Christmas anyway. I’ll probably get brownie points for hooking up the decorations early.”

“I didn’t think you were the kind of girl to worry about brownie points.” Rachael said, clearly with no regard for her personal safety.

“What you don’t know about me could fill a warehouse.”

“Give it a rest, kay?” I glowered, pulling out my phone. “I’m gonna call Nick, and I don’t need you two filling the air with your little snarkathon.”

Fingers dancing across the keypad, I dialled Nick’s cell and waited for him to pick up. Since I’d had him drop me off at Zoe’s place, I assume he’d just gone somewhere to blow off steam. My heart was racing as I heard the phone ringing in my ear. Zoe was right, this was a dumb idea. What the hell was I thinking anyways? I need to think of a different story, another excuse to tell him before he picks up the ph-

The phone clicked in my ear. “Wassup?”

Turns out my heartbeat can double as a drum solo. “Oh! Hey…uhm…can you come pick me up? I’m pretty much done here.”

“Sure. I’ll be there in twenty.”

Just like that, it was over. I closed the phone, slipping it back into my pocket. “I guess he’ll be here soon.”

I fell into the pagoda seating, and waited for the inevitable to arrive. My mind was screaming at me, demanding I find a way to back out of this arrangement before it was too late. But I didn’t. I was paralysed with fear, knowing that if I backed out now, it might cause even more damage than if I stayed.

“C’mon.” Zoe said, gesturing to Rachael. “Let’s make ourselves scarce.”

“What? I wanna see how this plays out. I still don’t even know why I was dragged out to help with this in the first place.” She protested.

Zoe gave her a dubious look. “Look brain donor, this is obviously a pretty big deal. If you leave Faye to do this, I’ll give you the digital camera you lost back at the alpine hotel.”

Rachael narrowed her eyes. “I thought cleaners stole it.”

“As far as you know.”

Rachael leapt to her feet, but it was no good: Zoe was already sprinting along the path, putting as much distance between the two of them as she could. Seconds later both of them were gone, Rachael screaming obscenities as she ran.

I smiled to myself, silently thanking Zoe for her distraction (maybe not so much for her kleptomania) and how it left me alone to deal with what was about to transpire. The solitude gave me time to think, and reflect on what had bought me here.

As I gazed out across the water, I heard footfalls slowly approaching me. Turning about, I found Nick standing at the edge of the structure, marvelling at the lights surrounding us. He smiled, giving me a knowing look “This is an awfully romantic gesture.”

“Yeah, I like to dream too.” I muttered sarcastically.

Nick gave me a wry smile. “Yeah well…I’m guessing you dragged me out here for reasons other than admiring the view.”

I nodded, taking a deep breath. Now or never Faye, time to face the music. “I wanted this to be a special moment for you.”

“Oh?” He remarked playfully. “Sure you aren’t about to profess your love for me?”

“Shut up!” I cried through gritted teeth, trying not to smile. “I’m being serious here.”

“Okay, okay. Serious time begins…now.”

I nodded, trying to regain my composure. I straightened my clothes before taking a measured breath. “Back at the café, I told you something…I said that I couldn’t be the friend that you wanted anymore. At least, not in the way I used to be.”

Nick watched me carefully, remaining silent until I was done.

I tried to keep my voice from wavering as I spoke. “Kane’s always going to be a part of me. And I hope that we can still be friends in the future, even if it’s on different terms. Still, I never realized how much everything that happened to me has affected you. You had your best friend taken away, and replaced by someone who’s neither the same or different.”

“So what’s this about?”

I took a step forward, lowering my head. “I wanted to give you a chance to say goodbye.”

In that moment, time stood still for both of us. The water, the air, even the stars hanging above us wouldn’t move until we pressed times hand forward. There are moments where life itself hangs in the balance: Past, present and future all hinge on the outcome of a single choice. A moment is all it takes to change the world.

I felt Nicks lips press against me, softly kissing my forehead. I inhaled sharply, feeling the river of time about us once again begin to flow.

“Come on.” He said. “Let’s go home.”

Chapter two:

I stood in an abandoned hospital, its empty corridors ringing empty with every footstep. The air was thick, pungent with rot and decay. Shifting my gaze, I could see its walls covered with thick veins of dark, throbbing corruption that churned and pulsed as I stared at them. Wheelchairs and gurneys moved with a life of their own, rolling from one room to another without pause, as if carrying invisible occupants.

As I moved down the hallway, I glimpsed a room at its end: Unlike the other rooms, it had no walls, only steel bars to contain it’s prisoner. With every step I took, the darkness grew, causing paint to flake from every surface before my eyes. When I reached the edge of the cell, a figure sat beneath a single shaft of light, silent, unwavering and watching my approach.

“What is this place?” I whispered.

“This is my home.” Lust replied. “This is where every memory you’ve ever buried comes to rest.”

“Is this my dream or yours?”

“Who knows?” She smiled. “I’m not even sure myself.”

A wheelchair rolled past me, turning sharply as it entered one of the rooms that lined the hallway. The light surrounding us grew and faded, as though we were watching someone breathe then exhale.

“I didn’t expect for you to ever find me here.” She stated calmly. “Part of you sought me out.”

Lust stood up, her face coming into the light. Her eyes were nothing but opaque pools of darkness betraying no feature or emotion, save for the black tears streaming down her cheeks. “There’s a part of you that wants what I can offer you.”

I looked at her dubiously. “And what might that be?”

Lust stared at me through those featureless eyes. “Peace. A return to an ordinary life.”

“How can you offer me that?” I said, leaning my head against the bars. “All you want is to consume me.”

Her lips twisted into a wistful smile “Just because I carry around the joy of destroying your life inside of me, doesn’t mean we can’t be friends.”

I stared at her darkly. “There’s a hole Lust, and you’re digging it deeper.”

“Alright then.” Her voice grew softer. “No more games. I only wanted to tell you that I don’t want you to fight any more.”

I raised an eyebrow. “And just let you take over my life? I don’t think so.”

She smiled, black liquid pooling at the corner of her mouth. “That’s exactly right. I’ll take over everything that you are. All that you are, will become everything that is me. You’ll cease to exist as Faye Valentine.”

I frowned for a moment, sensing as though something just fell into place. “You can’t take over my life without me consenting to it willingly, can you?”

“That’s right.” She nodded. “I’d hoped to make you accept it as something inevitable. In doing so, you would subconsciously give me everything I needed to consume you. But you just had to keep fighting, didn’t you?”

“Can you blame me?”

“I suppose not…” Lust moved closer to the bars, trailing her finger along the corroded steel. “But I think that’s why you’re here. Part of you knows there’s something I can offer.”

“And just what would that be?” I felt my voice wavering as I spoke.

“I can give you back your life, Faye. All that you are will seem like a distant memory. You’ll wake up and find the world is as it should be.”

I narrowed my eyes. Lust has deceived me far too often to start telling the truth now. “Liar.”

“I’m telling the truth. If nothing else, you should know by now it’s within my power to create one thing out of another. Let me have this life of yours, and I’ll give you back your old one. No more tricks or deceptions, I’ll have what I want, and so will you: A fair trade.”

“How?” I spat, temper flaring up. “You told me that everything has to be an equivalent exchange. If you’re going to recreate my life out of nothing, then who’s life do you have to take in order to make that happen?”

She seemed to ponder that for a moment. “I’ve been trying to decide. Zoe or Rachael would be excellent candidates, but I think that Nick should suffice.”

“You can’t be serious!” I grabbed the bars, staring at her incredulously. “How could I possibly live with myself knowing that I’d destroyed his life the same way you did mine?”

Her smile spread wide, black ichor gathering between her teeth. “You’re thinking too small, Faye. I’m not going to take what I need from him today. Time has taught me the rewards of patience.”

“And I’m supposed to feel better knowing that?” I shook my head in disbelief.

“You will know that some day, long after you and Nick have gone your separate ways, I take what is mine from him.”

I drew back, struggling to contemplate what she was saying. “That’s all you do, isn’t it? You take peoples lives, and use them as fuel for a machine that spews out wishes nobody asked for.”

“Why not?” She asked innocently. “Millions of people die every day for no reason. Where’s your bleeding heart for them? I’m taking that energy and give it a purpose. That’s more than most people could ever want for their lives.”

“But why are you asking me to do this? Can’t you just leave me alone?”

Lust shook her head. “I just want to live Faye, the same as you do. In my position, would you rather fade into nothingness?”

“What are you talking about?” I stared at her dubiously.

“There’s no place in heaven or hell for me Faye. I’m not supposed to exist, remember? I’m an aberration; a quirk of fate that shouldn’t be, just like you.”

I shook my head, glancing away from her. “Don’t try to compare us, we’re nothing alike.”

“Aren’t we?” Lust asked, refusing to break her gaze. “We’ve both been forced by fate’s hand into a position where we must weigh one life against our own. You have to choose if you want to continue to be Faye, or if you’d rather live your old life. I have to choose wether to live, or disappear from this world forever.”

“You’re talking about my friend!” I cried. “I love him like a brother, dammit! Stop talking about this like it’s nothing!”

“Really? You know, I’ve existed many times longer than anyone in your entire civilization, and I’ve never in my life seen such delicious irony.”

I narrowed my eyes “Bullshit.”

Lust paced back and forth in front of me, flakes of rust and dirt crackling under foot. “You’re talking about friends and family, brothers and sisters. Do you want to know the great altruism I’ve discovered after all these years?” It’s that nothing lasts forever.”

“Don’t try to distract me.” I said through gritted teeth. “That’s not what I meant.”

“Oh, but it is.” She smirked. “At your age, you think that friendship is an immutable bond. That love conquers all, and the good guys always win. The truth is, there is no one in the world you can depend on but yourself. Life never stands still. People change, they grow, they alter their beliefs and standards as often as it suits them. Yesterdays enemies could be tomorrow’s allies. As long as you have yourself to rely on, there’s no point in believing in anyone else.”

I winced even as I felt my resolve crumbling. Living inside my head, she knew my weaknesses better than anyone. She knew how isolated and alone I felt, no matter how many people I had to help me. I knew there wasn’t anyone else, not even Amy, who felt the way I did. Amy was so much stronger than me, she survived without any help.

Even with my friends, I still felt alone inside.

“No, I can’t do it.” I whispered. “I can’t destroy someone’s life just to save my own.”

“Why do you even care?” She narrowed her eyes, venom creeping into her voice. “These people aren’t your friends. They’re oblivious to the world you’ve glimpsed that exists behind the curtain.”

“I can’t…don’t ask me to do this.”

“You think you’re helping them? Can’t you see the destruction you’ve already caused? You’ve bought humiliation to Zoe’s family in front of a worldwide audience. You’re teasing poor Rachael. Letting her believe that at the end of the road, you can have a fairytale romance. That’s not helping anyone. You’re trampling the lives of people you attest to care about for a fleeting moment of happiness.”

“I can’t do it.” I choked. “Nick’s all I have left…he’s all that connects me to who I used to be.”

She rushed up to the bars, holding her face before mine. “Then why do you do it Faye? What makes you care about them so much? Is it because you love them? Because they define who you are? What is worth forsaking your only chance to return to the life you desire more than anything in the world? Why do you do it Faye? Why do you persist?!”

I fell to my knees, tears streaming down my cheeks. Everything I’d ever felt since I became a girl suddenly came rushing to the surface. All the anguish, resentment, hatred, loathing, sadness, pity….I couldn’t hold them in any more.

“Because they’re all I have! They’re all that’s kept me going…because I’m not even worth the dust on their feet.”

Lust’s personality flowed from seething rage to gentle empathy with the grace of a leaf dancing on the wind. I felt her hand gently caress my cheek, comforting me as she spoke. “Shhhh. It’s going to be okay, Faye. Everything is going to be alright.”

I looked at her through tear stained eyes, too exhausted emotionally to care if this was just an act or genuine sentiment. “Will it be okay…?”

She nodded, staring at me through those lipid pools. “Everything you ever wanted is right here. All the horrible things in your life…the pain, the humiliation….knowing that your future was taken away from you. I can make all that go away.”

I didn’t want to keep running. I was tired of searching, and never finding what I was looking for. I didn't want to be afraid or alone anymore.

“Just tell me what I need to do.”

-------------------------------------------

I’ve always wondered what I would do if I had only one more day. One more day to live, like I’d somehow ingested a deadly poison and had twenty four hours to do everything I’d ever wanted before the last grains of sand fell though an hourglass. I’m pretty sure Disney made a movie about something like that.

Yet I sat on the edge of my bed, wondering if the experience matched up to my expectations. How can I reconcile everything in just one day? It’s not like I’m going to die or anything, but one day from now, I’ll be back to my old self, and Lust will be wearing my face instead. Sure, Zoe and Rachael probably won’t even know the difference. Maybe she’ll even make a better model than I could be. Who knows?

Nick and I will wake up tomorrow like none of this ever happened. We’ll be moving into our new place, except it won’t be here. It’ll be that other apartment we were looking at down on Paper street, where they turned us down because we couldn’t come up with a security deposit. We can go to college just like we’d planned, just being a couple of normal guys who don’t have to worry about mystical gender realignments or ill-aimed magical spells.

The only difference is, I’ll do it knowing that one day Lust will return to take payment for her services.

Can I live with that, knowing that I sold out the one person who stuck by me through this from beginning to end?

I shook my head, trying to clear away the errant thoughts. This was as much my choice as it was Nicks. He was the one who wanted to see Kane again. He was the one who couldn’t let go of the past. If letting him say goodbye wasn’t closure enough, then this is the price he’ll have to pay, even if he doesn’t know it yet.

It turns out destroying one life to create another is deceptively simple. All I need to do is go to sleep tonight, where I’ll meet with Lust for the last time. In a dream, the lines between reality and imagination can be blurred if you exert enough conscious effort. I guess that’s why we all wake up sometimes wondering how a dream could feel so real.

In that dream Lust will cast the spell that will alter reality irrevocably, and I’ll provide the juice to make it real. Makes sense when you think about it. She’s the brains and I’m the muscle.

I stood up, my shoulders slumping under an invisible weight. I just have to make it through today. If I can do that, then everything else will be sugar and rainbows. That’s how these things always turn out, right? Still, I guess if I’m going to go through with this, I should at least find a way to say goodbye to Zoe and Rachael. Even if they don’t know I’m going, I suppose I owe them that much.

I reached over to the vanity unit where my phone was charging, tugging it hard enough that the cable popped free. Flicking it open, I scrolled through the numbers I had listed, trying to find Zoe’s details (Hey, if I had them memorized I wouldn’t have to store them away).

I’d almost made my way to the bottom of the list, when I stopped at a number I’d completely forgotten about. I stared at the screen long enough to count the pixels, unable to move any further down the list.

Travis.

So this was where the Flame Road had led me, huh? Funny, when we talked about it, I’d always thought that those flames represented passion and spirit. I’d never stopped to consider that left unchecked, a flame could be a destructive force as well. Without something to guide and channel it, a fire runs rampant, reducing everything it touches to smoking embers.

And sometimes, if the wind is strong enough, the flame can be turned back until it burns itself.

I closed the phone up, tossing it aside. I couldn’t bring myself to do this over the phone. If I’m going to take a cowards way out, if I can really abandon everyone I love to save my own skin, I need to say it to their faces. It’s the only way I’ll be able to live with myself. Zoe and Rachael have to know the truth.

I picked up a loose grey t-shit, slipping it on as I clambered over the refuse scattered about my bedroom floor. I grabbed a hold of the doorknob, twisting it open just enough that I could slip out into the hallway. As I strode toward the door, I stopped by the kitchen where Nick was preparing breakfast. In today’s case, breakfast constituted half a carton of milk poured directly into the box of Fruit Loops.

“Mornin’ sunshine.”

I was about to give him a dismissive greeting, when my curiosity (or conscience) got the better of me. I paused, trying to find the right way to articulate what I wanted to say.

Nick must have spotted my hesitation, and rushed to try diffuse the awkward situation. “Look Faye, if this is about last night, relax. I appreciate what you were trying to do.”

My heart sank as his words confirmed my suspicions. “Appreciate it, but it wasn’t enough, right?”

Nick pursed his lips. “It’s not that. I know it was a big deal for you, and you really had your heart on your sleeve. That kind of honesty really shows a lot of character.”

“But…” The words nearly died on my tongue as I searched for what to say. “What if there was a way to undo this, hypothetically? Would you take it?”

Nick shrugged innocently. “Sure. What, did you find a magic wand or something?”

“Of course not.”

“Then relax.” He reached over the counter and tapped my forehead with his index finger. “Better not to lose time lamenting time lost.”

I gave him a curious look. “Where did you get that from, Sun Tsu?”

He grinned proudly. “I dunno, some random anime. Chicks dig the intellectual types.”

I bit my lip, opting to slink out to the back door than offer any kind of witty retort. How could I answer him anyway? Nick wouldn’t understand if I tried to explain it to him, no matter which way I sliced it. How do you tell someone you’re selling out just to save your own ass? He might understand one day, when he’s seen how much better our lives are without them being at the centre of some twisted spell that was forced upon me. But not today.

What would I do if I had one more day? Fuck over everyone who ever cared about me.

Chapter three:

“Sorry, I just can’t do this.” I hissed through clenched teeth.

“I didn’t come this far to let you quit on me now.”

I shrugged my shoulders. “Why not? It’s my decision, isn’t it?”

“It’s over when I say it’s over.” She replied calmly.

“Gimme a break, like you’re the boss of me.” I quipped.

“I am the boss of you.” Jenny said, thrusting the swimsuit into my arms. “And if you try to wuss out on me after all the energy I’ve wasted on you, I’ll carve my name into your fucking spine!”

I took the garment from her, reluctantly closing the dressing room door. Just my luck that on the last day of rocking the XX chromosomes, I’d get dragged along to an impromptu photo shoot. Not that it was anything important. Apparently it was supposed to be for my portfolio, so the agency would have something to shop around to clients when they requested a particular look for a shoot. So there’s no pressure or anything, aside from Bitchasuarus Rex stalking the hallways.

Of course, being a portfolio shoot, I have to try and show off my versatility. So that means I get to try on a bunch of different outfits, and show off just how great I look in any situation. That’s the theory, anyway. In practice it was a lot of Jenny yelling at me, while the photographer did his best to organize the ensuing chaos. It was already late in the afternoon, and I was supposed to be hooking up with Zoe and Rachael once I’d finished. So suffice it to say, I already wanted to get this over with.

As far as Lust goes, she’s been pretty quiet since our little arrangement last night. You’d think she’d be talking my ear off about all the plans she had for my life, but instead I barely felt her presence at all, just little disturbances as she moved between my thoughts, like a shark’s fin breaking through the waters surface.

I let out a long sigh, setting the bikini down as I began to remove my clothes. God, why do I have to put up with this crap on my last day? Geez…still, I suppose I should make the most of it. After all, the next time I try to look at a girl like myself naked, it’s liable to land me in jail. I don’t think the “It’s nothing I haven’t seen before.” defence would fly. It’ll probably add another 10-15 years.

Soon enough I stood naked in front of the dressing room mirror, staring at the dispassionate girl looking back at me. For some reason I was reminded of the first time I’d tried on Rachael’s clothes. I shook my head, sending strands of blue hair falling into my eyes. Why is this so hard all of a sudden…am I having second thoughts?

I placed my hands on the curve of my hips, pausing for a moment as it served to remind me of what was about to be lost. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath as I felt my pulse begin to steady itself. I’ve been over this a million times already, I’m not about to do it again: Tonight is set in stone. It’s immutable, and there’s nothing anyone can do to change it.

I snatched the bikini from where I’d placed it, hastily stepping into the bottoms before putting on the top. Putting on a bikini top isn’t all that different to a bra, there’s just a little more adjustment required once everything is in place. They may be mine for only a few more hours, but I like to limit my girls to private appearances.

Taking one final moment to steel my nerves, I opened the dressing room door and strode into the corridor, resolved not to let Jenny push me around for another moment. If I was going to do this, the least she could do was shut her damn mouth an–

“Lookin’ good babe!” Rachael said, grinning enthusiastically.

I stopped dead in my tracks, like a deer caught in headlights as I stared aghast at Rachael and Zoe. Rachael looked like she couldn’t decide wether to kiss me or burst out laughing, whereas Zoe was lounging against the wall, snapping off pictures with her cell phone.

“The hell are you guys doing here?” I cringed, trying to cover myself like it would actually do some good.

“Jenny let us in.” Zoe smiled, inclining her head toward the studio area. “Only after we promised we weren’t here to be your cheerleaders.”

“Sweet angry Jesus.” I muttered, letting my hands fall to my sides. “Now she’s just trying to piss me off.”

“What was your first clue?” Rachael smirked. “The fact she despises you with every fibre of her being?”

I shot Rachael a wry smile. “You’re not helping.”

She shrugged innocently. “What can I say? You should have known this was way too fun for me to pass up.”

I hung my head meekly. “When it rains, it pours.”

“How would you like to see that rain turn into your own fucking blood?” Jenny spat as she strode into the room. “I didn’t invite you losers in here to make Faye drag her ass. Some of us actually have places we’d rather be.”

“Fine, fine.” Rachael muttered. “We’ll shut up, kay? Be quiet like ninjas and stuff.”

Rachael let out a petulant sigh before walking back to the studio area. Zoe and Jenny on the other hand, stared at each other silently, as though they were measuring each other up. Finally Zoe smiled, putting her phone away as she followed Rachael’s footsteps.

-------------------------------------------

Ever have one of those dreams where you’re in a room of people, completely naked and you’re not even sure why? You want to run, search for something to cover yourself, but in the end you’re helpless to do anything but tremble in fear while everyone gawks at you?

Yeah, you can see where I’m going with this.

I was laying on a sofa, feeling the soft leather clinging to my skin as I proudly thrust my breasts outward, which suddenly felt like they were covered with two pieces of dental floss. I could feel everyone’s eyes upon me; Zoe, Rachael and Jenny, all drinking in the sight of me suddenly so vulnerable and exposed.

“Okay, we should be done for now.” The photographer said, adjusting his camera before detaching it from the tripod.

I collapsed against the sofa, a wonderful sense of relief washing over me. “Thank god.”

“God had nothing to do with it.” Jenny muttered, picking up a designer handbag. “I’m out of here.”

Rachael waited for Jenny to look away before pumping her fist in the air. Zoe turned to our parting mistress, folding her arms as she walked by. “Say hello to Stacey when you see her.”

“Tell her yourself.” She replied tartly. “Oh, that’s right. You weren’t invited to the party, were you?”

Zoe rolled her eyes. “Oh, I’m just dying to get in to a Frat party. You’re always so classy when it comes to the company you keep.”

Stacey narrowed her eyes. “Fuck, at least people want to see me. A piece of shit like you wouldn’t get past the front door.”

“I’d point out it’s because you’re an enormous slut.” She smirked. “But you seem to do a good enough job of that on your own.”

“Fuck you twice.” She growled, flipping Zoe off before storming out the door.

Rachael and I simply stared at Zoe for a moment, until she finally blurted out “What?”

“What was that about?” I said, running a hand through my hair.

“The girl just bugs me.”

“I can tell.” I said, hopping off the couch. “I’m gonna get dressed.”

“Fine. I’ll go bring the car around front.” Zoe began digging through her pockets for the keys. “We’re gonna have to get there early if we want to find a decent park.”

“Where are we going again?” I asked, having kinda glossed over the details when Rachael first explained them to me.

“First a movie, then the clubs, remember?” Rachael replied very matter-of-factly.

I waved a hand dismissively “I don’t hang on your every word.”

“I hadn’t noticed.” She groaned.

Shaking my head, I walked back to the dressing room. My clothes were stuffed into a duffel bag, which I picked before slipping into a stall. Given that the pace was practically empty, I didn’t feel the need to lock the door as I began to remove the bikini I’d been forced to wear.

After fidgeting for a moment (You’d think removing this kinda stuff would get easier after a while) I let out a quiet sigh of relief as I felt it slip off my frame. Several of the garments I’d been given today I’d been told I could keep, on the condition that I paid them off once I started bringing in paying work. I suppose I should be thankful, but somehow the idea of free clothes just didn’t excite me as much as they figured it would.

My heart stopped as I sensed the door opening behind me. Spinning around, I saw Rachael slip in, this time making sure she locked the door behind her. I let out a squeak of embarrassment as I became acutely aware of the state of undress she’d caught me in, quickly trying to produce a garment from the bag I could cover myself with. “Rach, the hell are you doing in here?”

Without a word she embraced me, kissing me with a fire and intensity that could melt even Jenny’s frozen heart. I faltered for a moment, my mind torn between the sweet taste of her lips and the need to…well, y’know, not be naked. Finally I drew back, breaking the kiss and taking a moment to try and clear my head.

“Sorry.” She purred. “Been wanting to do that for a while.”

I blinked, still struggling to find the right words. “What was…okay, hold on….I mean, not that I didn’t enjoy that. I mean, reeeally enjoy that, but I thought we were keeping this whole thing strictly business?”

“I know, I know.” She began to pout, frustrated that I hadn’t taken the ball and run with it. “It’s just…I dunno, I’ve been thinking and I kinda miss all the messing around we did.”

Even as a girl who used to be a guy, I can remain oblivious only so long. “You’re saying you like me?”

“And the title of Captain Obvious is awarded to…” Rachael rolled her eyes. “Of course I like you, stupid!”

I could feel her hands slipping around my waist as she gently pulled me into an embrace, her fingers gliding against the curve of my back. “Wait, hold on a sec…not that I’m one to look a gift horse in the mouth-“

“Are you calling me a horse?”

I poked my tongue out. “Stop that, you know what I mean…I’m just saying this is kind of sudden.”

She smiled innocently. “I guess I’ve been thinking about it a lot recently. There’s just been something about you lately...you used to act so butch and stuff, which makes sense since you were a guy at heart. But I dunno, it just seems like since we fooled around, you’ve been more girly, and that’s a real turn on for me.”

I looked at her dubiously. “I can’t be *that* girly.”

Rachael smiled slyly. “No, but just enough. You’re not really a guy anymore, but you’re also not super-femme either. Knowing that I’m part of the reason you’re caving to your girly side is pushing my buttons.”

“Great.” I smiled wryly. “My girlfriend is a sociopath.”

“Ohhh, you said girlfriend.” She leant forward, giving me another kiss. I could feel her breasts squishing against mine. “I like the sound of that.”

I let her lips linger, my resolve to fight her advances crumbling in a pattern that was quickly becoming a habit. “Okay, can we work out the specifics later? Zoe’s probably waiting for us as we speak, and I would like to be dressed before she drags us out for making her wait.”

I felt her grip on my waist fade as a smile touched her lips. “Alright. But in return, when we’re done tonight, stop by my place before you go home.”

On the night I’m supposed to give myself to Lust? This has to be a joke.

“Can I take a raincheck? There’s this program on Discovery channel-“

Her smile broadened. “Dad’s on a business trip and mom is at a pottery auction three states over.”

God dammit.

“You twisted my arm.” I hissed through gritted teeth.

“Can’t wait!” She chirped, before skipping out of the cubicle.

-------------------------------------------

When I opened my eyes, I could scarcely believe the world that greeted me. Lust’s home within my mind had seemed decrepit before, but what I saw now defied description. Every surface, every wall and floor had been eaten away, leaving behind a twisted metal skeleton that was ripe with decay. The wheelchairs and gurney’s I’d seen before now lay scattered about, broken and rusted beyond repair. The wind howled, hot and dry as it pounded relentlessly against the structure, shaking what was left to its foundations.

Shadows seemed to move at the corner of my eyes. Everywhere I looked, I caught whispers of motion, black shapes twisting themselves, contorting into forms that seemed barely human. They groaned and shuffled towards me, vanishing when I tried to focus on them. I spun about frantically, desperate to catch a glimpse of what was bearing down on me. Closer and closer they drew, until…

“So, you finally came?”

I found myself face to face with Lust, my whole body trembling when I saw how much she had changed. It was as though the corruption and blight that had overtaken this place had focused itself upon her. When I’d seen her last, Lust was my dark reflection; a twin who’s eyes had turned to black pools, crying tears of ink that rolled languidly down her cheeks.

Now it seemed as though that darkness had consumed her. Her whole body was covered…no, it exuded that black tar, coating everything about her with a thick, glistening ichor that pooled around her feet. When she opened her mouth, I watched it pour out, cascading over her lips and coating her skin. This wasn’t something human. Somehwere in my mind, a terrible presence had made its home, but only now, when it was far too late was I starting to see her true form.

I struggled to keep myself from retching, shaking my head. “I…had a little trouble getting to sleep, but I’m fine.”

“You know, I really want to thank you Faye.” Lust smiled behind a curtain of sickly fluids. “After all, it was your life that taught me the purpose of all life.”

I took a deep breath, focusing on regaining my composure. “And just what is that?”

“That we all need a road.” She said, with a certain satisfaction. “At first, I thought your philosophy was just idle rhetoric. After all, people make up ideologies all the time. They tell themselves that they’re winners, that their special, but it doesn’t make it true. But your road isn’t as simple as that, you use it as a guiding principal: Something that shapes you as you grow, but evolves constantly to drive you onward. If you can’t see the end of your road, it means you always have something else to strive for.”

I gazed at her dubiously. “Oh yeah? Then what’s the road you’ve chosen?”

“Fear.”

I blinked, confused by her statement. “How is that a road?”

Lust took a step forward, causing me to recoil from her. “Oh, I think you already know. Fear is what motivates every person walking the earth. Fear of being alone. Fear of dying. Fear of the unknown…it’s such a powerful force. It’s a sensation that can shape the world. People will do anything to avoid it. Just look at you now, Faye: You’re terrified. You don’t know where you are, you don’t know what’s happening, and you don’t know how to stop it. You want to escape, run away and shield yourself from what you can’t comprehend. I have to tell you, just the knowledge of that is so decadent it’s enough to make me tingle.”

A gust of wind roared through the structures desiccated corpse. “You want to use fear to manipulate people?”

“Isn’t that how the world works?” She chided. “You live in a place where the weak are always lead by the strong. Where the strong see purpose and act, the weak follow. All I’m doing is making sure that I put your considerable talents to good use, as they’re just going to waste at the moment.”

I closed my eyes, feeling bile rise to the tip of my throat. “I just want this nightmare to be over.”

“Then let’s not waste any more time. You and Nick have a big day ahead of you, right?” She held out her hands, offering her palms to me. “Place your hands in mine.”

I hesitated for a moment, filled with a sense of revulsion as I watched black droplets fall from her fingertips. Steeling myself, I slowly rested my hands atop of hers and awaited what she would do next.

“Good.” She murmured, closing her eyes. “Now leave the rest to me.”

For a moment, nothing seemed to happen. Then, just as the first time I had come here, I watched as the darkness began to encroach upon us. Shadows seemed to choke out the light as they spread, growing longer as they engulfed everything in sight until there was barely illumination enough to see Lust’s face.

“That’s it.” She spoke, her voice barely a whisper. “It’ll be over soon.”

I felt the darkness wash over me, devouring me until there was nothing left. I could no longer sense anything at all, save for Lust’s hands gently holding mine. I could feel myself drifting away, slowly fading awa–

Lust gasped lightly “What the..?”

A plume of light erupted between us, a flame that shone brighter than any torch. The darkness that had enclosed upon us shrieked and faltered as luminescence pierced the veil of shadow. Lust narrowed her eyes, shielding herself from the light as she fought to maintain a link between us.

“What the hell is this?” She cried, her voice unsteady as the flame’s heat swelled and billowed outward.

“This is *my* road, remember?” I said evenly. “Once you strip away fear of the unknown, you’ve disarmed the only weapon the dark has.”

I felt her grasp slip away from mine as tongues of flame threatened to lash out at her. “This is a place that I created. This is impossible…!”

I watched as the fire grew in size, spreading to anything it touched with frightening speed. The darkness retreated, shrivelling until there was nothing left but a firestorm that encircled us both, the howling gale feeding its insatiable hunger.

Desperation gripped Lust as she spoke. “You can’t do this. It’s my only chance!”

“It’s still my dream, Lust.” I said softly. “But you’re the one who made everything here real.”

Lust’s eyes widened as the realization started to dawn on her. “You let me do this…you waited until I blurred the lines between reality and dreams?”

Embers flew about us as the flame behemoth I had created grew in strength and intensity. “My road has evolved, you were right about that. But you were the one who showed me that I needed something more to strive for. You were the one who reminded me that I needed my friends more than anything else, and that they’re always by my side. This is my Inferno Road.”

Even as her clothes caught alight, and the black morass that covered her skin began to blister from the heat, she smiled. It wasn’t out of animosity or spite, or some dark perversion she was drawing a thrill from. It was genuine compassion that came from her heart.

“You’ve grown so much, little Faye. I should have known a flame will always chase away the darkness.”

With the building engulfed by the inferno, it began to collapse upon itself. Girders came crashing to the ground, as debris rained down from the ceiling. I could no longer see Lust, her figure disappearing into the flames as the floor begin to give way. I felt myself falling, tumbling through the air as the building came crashing down around me.

Until suddenly, I opened my eyes.

I found myself lying in bed, Rachael’s arm gently draped over my waist. I could feel the soft breeze gently kissing my skin as the ceiling fan spun above us, just enough to stir the cool morning air that rolled gently through an open window.

Rachael stirred against me, slowly rousing from a dream of her own. She stretched lazily beneath the sheets, before planting a gentle kiss on my neck. “Sleep well, babe?”

I couldn’t help but smile to myself, in spite of everything that had transpired. “It was a little rough.”

She sat up, just enough to let her hand come to rest beneath the slope of my breasts. “Still think stopping by my place was a bad idea?”

I rolled over, letting my lips brush against hers before kissing them. “Maybe so, but I’ve gotta say, I’ve never been happier to see you.”