Chapter one:

"So this is what dying is like, huh?" I though to myself as I lay against the bathroom wall. Ceramic tiles glinted in the cool moonlight, providing the only illumination to a room otherwise submerged in darkness. "Hope it's as much fun as it looks."

Shards of glass were spread across the floor, bearing testament to a shattered vanity above the sink. Blood that seeped from my wrists was a black ichor, barely resembling anything crimson in the pale moonlight. It flowed languidly between the jagged glass shards like a river racing toward the ocean, only to be swallowed whole by the steel drain in the centre of the floor.

I had only a few minutes left before I closed my eyes forever, but I didn't waste time thinking about a future without me in it. It's a common misconception that people who are suicidal write notes asking people to look after their cat or make sure plants get watered, but in truth, that rarely ever happens. Depression shrinks your worldview until it barely extends beyond the next five minutes. People don't matter. Your stuff doesn't matter. And you definitely don't matter. Suicide is almost always an act of impulse.

Who's going to lament my disappearance from the world anyway? I could picture a tombstone in some forgotten cemetery, reading "Here lies Nicholas Leto. He was a bad person, we're glad he's dead."

Heh, I can still crack a smile. That's encouraging, if a day late and a buck short.

I didn't perform any rituals when I decided to end my life. I didn't dress up nicely, clean the house or order a dozen McRibs. It was a spur of the moment decision, years of hatred and self-loathing burying me beneath an avalanche of frozen despair. I just couldn't take it any more: Staring into the mirror, my reflection a monument to my failures as a human being. Never fading, challenging me endlessly, reminding me of what I lacked. Of how I was deficient. Defective. Malformed and twisted. A broken human being, who should have never been released to the public.

I've always thought that being transgendered is proof positive that god is a prankster. Why? Because even the most loathsome, sexual deviants in the world are more than capable of fulfilling their twisted desires. Bestiality is just a quick trip to the petting zoo. Necrophiliacs only need a shovel and a jar of lube.

All I ever wanted was to be female. Not because I wanted to wear pretty dresses or makeup, play with dolls or style my hair. I didn't want to be subservient. I wouldn't play loving housewife, the doting mother or sexy secretary. Not to dress up, get naked or get fucked so much I'd get passed around like a cheap whore. Those are just clichés, they're nothing to do with me.

I want to be female because that's who I am.

I never accepted any compromise. I wouldn't crossdress, take hormones or contemplate surgery. What I want can't be satisfied by any of those. I demand perfection, even if it's unattainable. I want the real experience of being a woman at the genetic level, otherwise I'd rather have nothing at all. I'd take oblivion before I abandoned my dream. After all, it's who I am.

And that's why I say god is a prankster: I see beautiful women every day of my life. I can't turn on the television, walk outside or switch on a computer without being confronted by the one thing I can never have. Do you understand? Right there in front of me, day in, day out, the media vomits an endless stream of untainted feminine perfection into my living room.

I can worship it.

I can bask in it.

I can drink it in until I've lost all taste for it.

But it's just a fantasy. Dangling just outside of reach, never something I could partake of.

I've carried this secret around inside of me since I was thirteen years old. But I can't tell anyone about it, can I? Being transgendered has this wonderful social stigma attached to it. It's a stigma that says you don't really want to be a different gender. You're just confused. Twisted. Sick. A pervert. A joke. Deviant. Filth monger. Scum.

Nobody takes you seriously. They think you get a kick out of wearing lipstick and pantyhose. You're a clown in high heels.

So ever since I discovered that about myself, I did my best to hide it from the world. I wore a mask that showed everyone what they wanted to see: Nick, the nice guy. The friendly geek. The buddy you could call on when you were in a jam. He's a little weird, quiet and keeps to himself, but he's still a good person.

And you know what? That mask is all I ever see anymore. It hasn't just protected me from the world, it's cut me off completely. I don't feel like I'm even a part of the human race anymore. Every day I feel less like I'm a participant in the show, and more like I'm just watching it happen from behind a window. That's no way for anyone to live.

People will probably chastise me for saying that, telling me I've bought this on myself. After all, I wanted perfection, right? By it's very nature, perfection is unattainable, even when it's right in front of you. And those people would be dead wrong. I've seen perfection happen, witnessed it with my own eyes. But fate is not without a sense of irony, which leads me to the cruellest twist of all: It happened to someone who never wanted it in the first place.

Faye Valentine, most people know her as a character from that old anime "Cowboy Bebop" but that'd be wrong too. A few would know her as my housemate; an attractive, teenage girl who's half Japanese and works part time as a model. The sassy neo-punk goddess who just showed up in Delacroix one day and decided to make a name for herself, right? Yeah, well I know another side to her, a dirty little secret that nobody would believe even if you told them.

Faye used to be a twenty-three year old man.

How it happened is irrelevant, and judging by the sheer amount of blood coating the floor, I wouldn't have time to tell the whole story anyway. Suffice to say that for one reason or another, the fates conspired to do the impossible. They took a healthy young man and turned him into a teenage girl over a matter of weeks. It was gradual, and he fought it kicking and screaming the whole way. In the end, the one gift I wanted anymore than anything in the world was thrust into the arms of an ungrateful, ignorant jackass. And I had to watch it all unfold.

Y'know, I'd never really thought about it...but I've always hated her for that. Before she even knew what a wonderful gift she had been given, a gift that should have been mine, she denied it with every fibre of her being.

That was over a year ago, and since then she's given up on ever finding a way back to her original gender, even embracing what she is now. However, the fact that she never appreciated it to begin with is enough to make me loathe her. She'd have figured that out by now if I hadn't grown so used to hiding it behind a mask.

I'd searched the house day and night, trying to find the catalyst. I even kept the bunt belongings of the old occupants, hoping they were somehow a link to what had happened to her. But it was no use. Every attempt I made to reproduce what happened to her ended in failure. I should have expected it of course...life isn't a fairytale. there are no second chances.

I realised that tonight as I stood in front of the bathroom vanity, staring at my disfigured doppelganger. It's the reason I smashed the mirror, grabbed the first jagged shard I could find and raked it across my wrists without a single thought of the consequence. This was the only logical conclusion: When something is defective, you get rid of it.

The wet shard slipped from my grasp, shattering on the floor as I stumbled back against the wall. When you slash your wrists, you cut the tendons as well. Fine motor control goes out the window after that, not that I'd be needing it now.

There are no notes I've left behind, no clue as to why I did this. When Faye returns home, she'll have to deal with the sight of my lifeless corpse slumped over the bathroom floor. She'll probably be confused, maybe even upset over what I've done. It could take a while for her to get over the memory of what she sees tonight.

God, I hope so. It's the least she deserves after what she's put me through.

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The world fades, flickers in and out of existence, with nothing to discern my consciousness from oblivion: Everything that I was, everything that I will ever be was being eroded by invisible forces, wiping me from existence. From history. From the heart of my friends. Somehow, a part of me always knew that my life wouldn't amount to anything. Even Ozymandias couldn't leave his mark forever. Time marches on, the world keeps spinning.

Except I wasn't really dead, was I? Something fell with a wet 'plap', striking the bare skin of my arm. I was laying face down, vision not consumed by darkness, but buried in a soft fabric. Was I in heaven or hell? The former seemed a little cliché, the latter too well furnished.

I sat up, my eyes taking a moment to adjust to the low light. I was laying on a gurney, the kind you'd find in a hospital where they wheeled patients in and out of the E.R. The sheets were white, almost pristine if not for the blood that had seeped in. It was all pretty normal, by all accounts.

But that was the only thing "normal" about this. Everything beyond the stretcher where I lay was decrepit beyond measure, ripe and swollen with decay. It was a hospital from what I could tell, but it looked as though it had been abandoned for decades. Everywhere there ways debris spread about, broken tiles, paint peeling from the walls like it was trying to escape it's host. The air was hot and dry, choked with dust. Yet there were veins running along the walls that dripped with black tar, a viscous fluid that flowed like crude oil and smelled worse. For every part of this place that was dead and ruined, another felt alive and pulsating.

I sat up, swinging my legs over the edge of the gurney as a wave of dizziness struck me. Was it a rush of blood to the head, or the result of it's absence? A quick glance at my wrists confirmed that they were now wrapped in blood-soaked bandages, though it had taken on the copper hue of dried blood, as though it no longer flowed from my hidden wounds. How was that possible?

I didn't know. I didn't care. All that mattered was that every inch of me wanted to get on my feet and as far from here as possible. This wasn't the kind of place that should even exist. I stumbled, my arm striking a cluster of dusty instruments, sending them clattering across the floor. They rung out with the intensity of a church bell, shattering the silence that had been deafening until now. No, no, no...I have to get out of here.

I crashed through the operating theatre doors, stumbling as I fought to maintain my balance against the buzzing in my head. The walls pulsed, the veins swelling as they seemed to draw life from the air itself. The hallway was empty, save for discarded equipment and debris strewn about. Pools of black ichor lined the edges, seeping into the cracks and holes. The lights above flickered once, as if giving out their last, dying breath.

"There's nowhere to run to, Nick. This place is all that exists between life and death."

I spun about, my foot slipping on an unseen object as I fell on my back, flood slamming against me with enough force to drive the air from my lings. Sparks shot out across my vision as I fought to see the figure who had appeared from nowhere. There was barely any light at all, and I couldn't make out anything more than a faint silhouette of the being who now seemed to loom over me. But even without light, I knew who that was. The voice was more than I needed.

"Faye..." I squinted desperately. "...that's you, right?"

Instantly, the darkness retreated back into the walls as the fluorescent tubes above me hummed to life. And low and behold, there she was: The monument to all my sins. She was dressed provocatively, knee-high boots crushing shards of broken glass and dirt with every step she took, pleated black skirt leaving very little to the imagination, doing it's very best to accentuate the violet corset that cradled her overly large breasts. But none of that caught my attention. No, it was her eyes that spoke to me. They were black, featureless, like two pools of flawless obsidian that served as a mirror to my soul. They were beautiful. Breathtaking. But they weren't Faye's eyes.

"No..." I whispered. "...not Faye."

"Score one for the new guy." She chided, finishing her little circle as she stopped before me. "Amazing powers of perception. Y'know in a dog show, you'd definitely take the first place."

My mind raced, desperately trying to make sense of any of what I saw. But every time I ran the numbers, I always came up with the same result: This is impossible, and you're screwed. I sat there with my mouth agape, unable to process what was happening.

She extended her hand toward me, helping me to my feet. "Don't worry, you're not dead. Though I can guess you're starting to wish you were."

"What is this place?" I croaked, fighting to contain the maelstrom of fear and panic that were the latest emotions forcing themselves to the head of the queue. "Who are you?"

"This place is a remnant. A paradox. Something that shouldn't exist but does, and refuses to fade only because it can. You could call it Limbo, I suppose. It's as good a name as any."

A wheelchair, devoid of any passenger, rolled down the hallway before veering sharply into one of the rooms. "Limbo...not Purgatory?"

"Two for two." She said, helping me sit at one of the benches set along the hallway. "That's why you're here. You were saved from death, just like I was. We both have that in common, amongst other things."

I tried to wrap my mind about the concept, but concentrating on any thought in a place like this was like trying to catch a leaf on the wind. "How is that even possible...How could I end up here...?"

"If I'd simply let you die, your soul would have gone to waste. There is no god, no devil. The universe is created and constantly permeated by the single consciousness of existence. It's what you were created from, and having lived your life, you would have returned to it, enriching the whole by your experience."

"Then how did I wind up here?" I stared at the floor, trying to make sense of what I was being told.

She looked at me with those dark, featureless eyes, sending a chill through me. "Before your consciousness faded completely, we intervened and bought you to safety, here in Limbo. It's where I and the others of my kind exist, hiding in the space between the spaces."

"Your kind being...?"

A smile settled on her lips. "We are just like you, in a way: aberrations...manifestations of the life force that created you, but never meant to have a life of our own. An accident, a mistake. A cancer of the universe. Sound familiar?"

I braced my head against the wall, gazing back into those dark, lipid pools. "You still haven't told me who you are."

"I was never given a name." She paused, placing a finger to her plump lips. "So I call myself Lust."

"Lust, huh?" I felt a insolent notion bubble up within me. "That's a stupid name."

"You're one to talk." She replied coolly as smoke and ash began two curl about her form, like an outward manifestation of her indignation. "Nicholas, it's so close to Nikki, isn't it?"

Oh, she's good.

The ash and debris slowly receded as she looked me over, taking her time as she spoke aloud the thought's I'd never shared with anyone. "Your whole life is a joke...when a human is conceived, it's inherently female. While it's sex might have already been decided in it's genes, for a short period of time, it's female before it begins to develop male characteristics. Doesn't it just eat you up inside that you were stolen away from that?"

"No, not stolen." I whisper through clenched teeth. "Ripped. Severed. Torn."

She switched gears effortlessly from insulting to soothing, gentle and nurturing. "All your life, you've had to live with that knowledge that everything you ever wanted, the life you deserved, was stolen from you by a twist of fate. The flip of a coin. Your life was doomed before it had even started."

I spun about, hand curled into fists even as a gout of blood poured from my open wounds. "What do you want from me? To admit that my life wasn't worth living? That I'm a defective human being, and my entire life was an irreparable mistake? What do you want from me?!"

"It's not what I want, it's what I can give you." She smiled impishly, her fingers drifting over my chest. "Perfection isn't unattainable. I can give it to you."

"Is that why you brought me here?" I felt my breath catch in my throat, as if all of a sudden I was afraid to believe any of this was true. What if this is just a dream, bought on by the last few drops of blood draining from my body?

Lust shook her head slowly. "Not quite. You and I aren't so different, you know. We're both victims of chance, fate, and most of all, Faye Valentine."

My eyes widened in horror as the implications of her words began to sink in. "What does this have to do with her?"

"Everything." Her tone was cool, but there was a tangible undercurrent of malevolence. "I made her who she is. Her looks, her body, everything. If it weren't for me, you and Kane would still be best-bromantc-buddies."

I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts once more as I found myself instinctively distrusting anything she said. This sounded like a sales pitch, something to put me on her side. "So what changed? You sound like she's the one who hurt you, not the other way around."

"I gave up everything I had for her." She replied flatly. "I died just trying to make her happy. To make amends for everything I'd done to affect her life."

"So why aren't you dead, huh?" I eyed her cautiously. "Someone "rescue" you as well?"

Lust nodded solemnly. "In a manner of speaking, yes. But more importantly, I was shown that in exchange for my sacrifice, she's been squandering the gifts I lavished upon her. But you already know all about that, don't you?"

"Yeah..." I agreed reluctantly. "...she doesn't appreciate how lucky she is."

Lust was on her feet now, pacing about me. "Exactly! I gave her the perfection you so desperately seek. I gave up my life so that she could achieve her dreams. In an age where a simple video on the internet can turn a bimbo into a fashion icon overnight, she wastes time doing modelling in catalogues. She has a body that could enthral millions across a hundred different mediums, yet she shares it with her girlfriend alone. Let me ask you Nick, is that fair?"

"....no."

"Is it fair that while you suffer in silence, she lives in blissful ignorance?"

"No, it's not."

"That's right." She drew closer now, the passion in her voice slowly beginning to cool. "You deserve more. You deserve revenge, as do I."

"You want...revenge on Faye?"

"Isn't that why you're here?" Her breasts we pressed gently against my chest, hot breath drifting across my neck as she spoke. "You didn't kill yourself just to end the torment. There's a little part of you...dark and malignant that you're too afraid to acknowledge, that wanted to hurt Faye. Hurt her like she's hurt you."

I couldn't argue. No matter how much I wanted to, even though what she'd said was an affront to every decent fibre of my being. None of that stopped her from being absolutely right.

"What do you want me to do?" I whispered.

Her voice was so dark, so thick with self-satisfaction, that it made me weak at the knees. Without even realizing we were playing a game, it only just dawned on me that I'd been utterly defeated.

"That's the best part: You don't have to do anything. I'll take care of it for both of us..."

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Sweet air poured into my lungs as I convulsed on the bathroom floor, my lifeless heart roaring with renewed vigour as it pumped blood through my cold, empty veins once more. For a moment I didn't know what had happened. Was I asleep? Had it all just been a dream? My body was cold and sticky, but it was impossible to determine anything else as I lay against the ceramic tiles, as the moon had dipped behind a bank of clouds, leaving the room plunged in darkness.

When I began to move, that's when I realized how wrong everything felt. In spite of the cold and numbness that had crept over me, I felt...different. Like a stranger to myself. My mind flashed back to the conversation with Lust and the Faustian bargain she had offered me. But that was just a dream, right? Too many times in my life I'd had such dreams, where the impossible had transpired, only to awake the next morning and contend with the disappointment of reality. Would I dare to hope that this night was any different?

I touched my face, slowly...hesitantly, waiting for the other shoe to drop and dispel the illusion that I'd lulled myself into. But my fingertips were met only with soft, hairless skin. They traced their way about my features, and I felt my heart quicken with every moment that they surveyed the unfamiliar landscape of flesh. They curled about my neck, finding a waterfall of silken hair draped over my shoulders.

Oh god. This is really happening.

In that moment of realization, I felt a spike of fear pierce my consciousness. I'd spent my whole life waiting for a moment like this, hoping against hope that it might somehow be possible. It was the only light in a bottomless well of despair and anguish that encompassed my life. But now that the day had finally come, I wasn't sure if I was ready for it. I didn't know if I could wrap my mind around the idea that all my dreams had come true at once.

My hand began to move with a mind of it's own, no longer content to slowly drink in the sensations my body presented me. It moved downward, picking up speed as it traversed the slope of a full, smooth breast. I nearly doubled over, the sensation so intense, so alien yet infinitely delightful that I could barely stand it. Yet my hand moved onward, determined to plunge forward even when I wasn't sure if I could withstand any further revelations. It followed the curve of my abdomen, over the gentle swell of my hips until it slid between my legs. In that one, perfect moment which stretched out for eternity, it found....nothing.

I didn't know wether to laugh or cry. All I could do was try to maintain my balance as I clambered to my feet as quickly as I could, hands spreading out for purchase on anything they could find. My mind was reeling with the implications of what I now knew to be true: I was a woman...but what did I look like? Lust could make herself look however she wanted, it would seem... was it the same for me? I bet I look incredible. Maybe a model like Faye? Would I be brunette, or maybe a redhead? So many questions, I couldn't wait to answer them. My hand fumbled about in the darkness, eventually finding the switch for the vanity light.

The fluorescent light above me flickered a few times, eventually humming to life as it bathed the room in a harsh, white glow. With the vanity smashed, I had to settle for one of Faye's smaller cosmetic mirrors she used for applying makeup. Holding it up, I gazed at my reflection, my eyes taking a moment to recognize the features I now possessed:

I was ....kinda cute, really: Long blonde hair, blue eyes and lips that were full and pouty. I was younger too, a teenager just like Faye. Everything about my features seemed to be an intoxicating mixture of innocence and a hint of sensuality, designed to tempt any wandering eye with a femineity that was just out of reach, the kind that I'd had to endure every day of my life. But at last, in this perfect moment...I was whole.

I was also covered head to toe, in my own blood.

That sticky sensation I'd felt when I first awoke was created by a pool of blood , one that had spilled from my wrists when I had decided to take my own life. It was...everywhere. All over the floors. Parts of the wall and vanity...anywhere I'd touched before I succumbed to deaths sweet embrace. So when I awoke, I seemed to be in exactly the same place I'd been where I passed away, rubbing it over my naked body as I fumbled about in the darkness.

All that beauty. All that blood. It was a schism. Too harsh a juxtaposition for my fragile mind to take after what it had been subjected to.

I threw up.

Chapter two:

It was a few minutes before I'd managed to convince my stomach to stop rebelling against my mouth, in which time I found myself curled up over the toilet, hand clutching my abdomen as the other propped me against the bowl. Every movement, even the slightest touch felt foreign...alien and unfamiliar in ways I couldn't really describe. I was numb and more alive than I'd ever been all at the same time. A shard of ice engulfed by flame.

I was snapped out of my reverie by the sound of the front door being unlocked, tumblers rolling obediently into place from a keys gentle nudge. My blue eyes were wide with terror as I sat helplessly naked on the floor, listening as the door popped open and a figure made it's way inside. I already knew who it was...after all, there was only one person who it could be.

"Hey Nick, you still awake?" Faye called out loud enough that it wouldn't matter if I was asleep or not. "I'm having a tea party and you're cordially invited, asshole."

Having a tea party meant that she'd bought home fast food. She was probably still high off a dozen Red Bulls and looking to burn it off on video games. Holding a tea party at the same time was just her way of buttering me up if I'd decided to turn in for the night. Sounds emanating from the kitchen indicated she had set paper bags down on the counter top, but I knew it wouldn't be long before she found her way into the bathroom for one reason or another. Even if she didn't, it's not like I could hide in here forever.

"Fuck..." I hissed through clenched teeth. I had two options available to me...if I waited in here, she'd find me eventually. If I confronted her, at least I'd have a little more credibility in the "Not a crack whore who broke into your house" league. But if I was going to take the latter option, I'd have to move fast before she found me.

Moving as quickly as I dared without losing balance, I rose to my feet and began to navigate the minefield of broken glass that was still scattered across the floor. I felt my bare breasts wobbling with every step, but my mind was to preoccupied with more pressing matters to be distracted by it. I grabbed a towel off the rack, wrapping it around me as best I could to cover my nakedness, along with all the blood that was dried against my skin.

"Right, because that should definitely soften the blow." I mused to myself.

I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, sending blood roaring through my veins as I stepped out of the bathroom and slowly made my way toward the living area. I stepped out enough to see Faye lost in her own little world, busy prepping a tray of hamburgers, shakes and cold French fries. I couldn't help but shiver as my eyes wandered over her body, dressed in a light blue halter top, pink pleated skirt that hugged her waist and big, knee-high combat boots. Just a few hours ago I'd been so envious of her that I'd been driven to kill myself. Now I could borrow her clothes.

"Faye...it's me, Nick." My voice was soft, light and tremoring with anxiety. I'd barely been able to keep myself from choking as I spoke.

The unfamiliar voice was enough to make Faye turn around out of curiosity. But when her eyes fell upon me, her expression paled into outright terror. She stumbled backward, hand fumbling for a knife she'd been using to cut up a pack of brownies.

"Holy shit! Who the fuck are you?!" Her hand found the knife, and in a flash it was pointed at me, blade glinting in the light.

There wasn't going to be any easy way to do this. I had to try and convince her of who I was before she did something really stupid. I'd already died once tonight. I didn't feel like doing an encore.

"Faye, it's me, Nick!" I pleaded, unsure of how I could sound any more sincere. "I know what I look like, bu-"

"The fuck you do! I've never seen you before in my life, and you show up naked, covered in blood and trying to tell me you're my roommate? You've got ten seconds to tell me who you are before I start getting stabby!"

Oh shit. I had to think fast. TV rules weren't going to work here: I'd barely get a chance to tell Faye what her favourite food was before she separated my head from my shoulders. Shit. Shit. Shit. Say something!

"Lust!" I blurted out, not sure if was out of instinct or something more sinister that had driven me. "I met Lust...she did this to me!"

Just the mention of Lust's name was enough to give Faye pause. Her Asian features narrowed as she looked at me dubiously, unsure if this was some kind of trick. "What are you talking about? Lust is dead."

I had to keep the momentum going. Keep her off balance before she decided that this was some kind of elaborate ruse set up by a vanquished entity. "She's not dead Faye, I don't understand everything....fuck, I don't understand anything! All I know is...she came to me, and I...I..."

"Keep going..." She said, not lowering the knife as she studied me.

But that was the problem: I couldn't keep going without telling Faye that I'd killed myself. That I'd done this because of her. That everything that had happened tonight was borne out of a spite that had been building in me like a cancer, directed solely at her. But how could I explain all the blood?

"I had an accident!" I cringed inwardly, realizing that this was going to be half-assed at best. "I tripped in the bathroom as I got out of the shower. I broke the mirror and...of fuck...my wrists, there was so much blood and...and...she told me she could save me, but there had to be a price!"

The fear that lingered in Faye's eyes quickly began to fade as realization set in. "Oh god....Nick, you mean...that's really you?"

I nodded slowly, swallowing as I tried to force down the bile that was rising to the tip of my throat. "I was scared, okay? I didn't know what to do. Everything happened so fast...so I just said yes. Anything she wanted, just not to let me die."

The knife fell from her hand, punctuating the silence as it clattered against the tiles. In a second she was on me, pinning me against the wall with enough force to knock the wind out of me. Was she really this strong, or was I suddenly so weak? "Are you crazy? Do you have any idea of what you've done?!"

I was speechless as I looked into her eyes, which were only inches away from mine, roaring with a terrible fire that consumed her logic and reasoning. "Lust doesn't want to help you. She'll take everything you have, everything about you until there's nothing left! Your friends, your family, me! Everything is just another meal to keep herself alive!"

A gaping maw opened up in the pit of my stomach. Was she right?

I struggled to think, to say anything that might calm her down. "How was I to know? You never told me about her...you always shut me out, never told me anything about how this happened or why. If you'd just let me in, just once..."

She cringed, eyes shutting tightly as my words struck her. For a moment I was worried they may only stoke the flames of her indignant rage. But instead I felt her hands slide away from my shoulders, and she took a deep breath to calm herself as she withdrew. "You mean...she told you?"

I nodded solemnly. Perhaps not everything, but I knew more than enough to realize why my attempts to recreated the transformation that had afflicted her never worked. There was no spell, no lingering magic that had transformed Kane into the buxom, exotic beauty before me. Therefore there was nothing to recreate. It had all been Lust's doing.

"Fuck." She bit her lip, hesitating as she looked away. "I didn't want to keep the truth from you Nick. I just figured there are some things you're better off not knowing. I wish I'd never met her, that's for sure."

"You think I shouldn't have had the right to make that decision for myself?"

"Maybe..."

I said nothing, simply letting silence hang in the air between us.

"Okay...." She nodded solemnly, the last embers of her anger slowly fading. "If I'd known something like...whatever the fuck it is that's happened...would happen, I'd have told you. But it's not your fault that I didn't."

"So you believe me now?" I asked, looking at her hopefully.

"Yeah..." She took a step back, unable to look at me for some reason. "...I do. C'mon Nick, let's get you cleaned up. While we do I'll tell you everything."

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While I stood in the shower, hot water coursing over the unfamiliar roadmap of my body, Faye told me everything as she had promised. It was the same story that Lust had given me, only from a completely different perspective. Lust had painted Faye as a selfish, conceited girl who'd never had my best interests at heart. That she's used my friendship to help her come to terms with her newfound femininity, and now that she no longer needed me, I'd been cast to the wayside.

The picture Faye painted was a little less flattering. She told me of a dark presence clawing at the edges of her mind, feeding off her emotion and defiance to make itself stronger. That when she finally revealed herself in Faye's dreams, she'd offered to give Faye her old life back, in exchange for taking mine. Faye thought she was going to kill me, using my own life force to feed her own.

Even with her old life...everything she'd ever wanted being there for the taking, so close that she could touch it...Faye couldn't bring herself to accept it. She couldn't trade my life for her old one, so she refused Lust's offer.

"Oh god." I said quietly, voice almost drowned out by the shower. "You did that for me?"

Faye was sitting on the toilet, slowly collecting the broken shards into a dust tray. "Sure. How could I live with myself if I'd done anything else?"

I rested my head against the cool glass of the stall. I was exhausted right through to the marrow of my bones, the nights ordeal leaving me completely drained. "Yeah, but...you never even thought about it?"

"Well, yeah." She shrugged, tipping the glass into a small trashcan. "But it's not like I ever considered it seriously. It's just not who I am."

Yet I'd been given the same proposal, and not even given it a second though.

"So what did she ask of you?"

I blinked, mind still trying to grasp threads of the conversation. "What did she ask of me?"

"Yeah." She sat on the vanity now, close enough to the shower that I could see her clearly through the steam. "That's her deal: She never does anything for free. She'll only trade one favour for another of equal value."

I nodded, my recollection seeming to verify that. "Yeah, that was the impression a got but...I...I...oh shit."

"What is it? What did she want in return?" An edge of panic grew in her voice.

"That's just it. I can't remember!" It was probably the first thing I'd said to Faye all night that wasn't an outright lie: I really couldn't remember. Everything she'd said and done, right up to the point where I'd accepted her offer was crystal clear. But what she wanted in return? Poof. Gone. File not found.

"Crap..." There was an edge of fear and uncertainty in her voice, but she was trying to remain calm. "Okay, maybe you just need some time to remember. Dealing with Lust can be a pretty harrowing experience, and after everything you've been through, your brain is probably pretty scrambled."

"Tell me about it." I muttered softly.

"Are you done in there?" She asked, obviously trying to change subjects in case I might be worried about my sudden memory lapse. "It's nearly 3am. I've got a reputation, but even I'm starting to hit my limits."

Turning off the faucets, I stepped carefully out of the shower, still unfamiliar with my new centre of balance. I stood infront of Faye, naked body glistening with beads of water as she did her own silent appraisal of her new roommate. "You look good, Nick."

"Really?" I was surprised by what a relief it was to hear her say that.

"Well...yeah." She shrugged, trying to look innocent as she made no attempt to hide her still wandering eyes. "I mean, you know I'm into girls anyway...but yeah, you're kinda hot. I've always had a thing for the cheerleader type, even when I was a guy."

"Cheerleader type?"

She bit her lip, suddenly realizing that my emotions would be pretty raw after everything that had happened. "Oh, shit. Sorry. It was meant as a compliment. I mean...I don't know if you've had a good look at yourself, especially without all the blood...but you're a hottie: Pretty face, blue eyes, blonde hair. Body pretty slender, not as curvy as mine. Your boobs are kinda small though...but you're probably thankful for that. Still, you have nice legs and a cute ass. Whatever Lust asked you in return for all this, it must be pretty valuable to her."

My heart leapt as every word left her mouth. I wanted to kiss her, hold her tight and tell her I was the happiest girl in the world right now. But I couldn't. I had to keep the charade up, or she'd find out everything. I nodded solemnly, trying to look as if I was one step away from crying.

"Thanks, I guess that's a little consolation."

"Sure it is." A smile crept across her face. "If you want I could put in a word for you down at the modelling agency. Allegra is looking for some new girls, you'd fit right in."

Goddammitsomuch...stop trying to cheer me up. "I think I'd rather just go to bed right now."

Faye kept smiling, but her expression shifted slightly, looking more curious. "Sure, but what's with the ring?"

"Ring?" I had no clue what she was talking about.

Faye pointed to my left hand, and my gaze wandered down to my slender fingers. Wrapped around the third one, was a small, elegant pink ring. I must have been oblivious to it with everything that had been happening, along with the blood that had covered most of my body.

"I...I don't know. I've never seen it before." I help my hand up to the light, examining the object closely. It looked as if it was carved from a single piece of pink topaz, no metal band or crown. In the centre was a symbol I didn't recognize: An elaborate rune like something you might see in an ancient codex.

Faye placed a hand on my shoulder. "Don't worry about it now. We can sort that out in the morning."

I couldn't tell you how long I lay in bed the next morning, eyes closed, body perfectly still beneath the bed sheets. My breath was shallow and short, trying to minimize even the slightest movement of my lungs. I wanted to savour this. To take my time and drink my fill of every little sensation. To revel in the simple act of being a girl. Last night everything had happened so fast, draining me so quickly that I was almost numb to it. But now? Refreshed and awake, I was ready to take my time unwrapping this prese-

---------------------------------------------

"Nick, are you awake?" A voice called tentatively from the other side of the door.

Shitballs.

Any other day I'd stay perfectly quiet and hope that she left me alone. I knew from experience that was an easy way to get rid of her. The only reason I even contemplated answering was the fact I'd already lied to Faye so much about what had happened, the thought of adding any more red to that ledger made me sick to my stomach.

"Yeah." I muttered, eyes open as a groan of frustration slid by my lips.

The bedroom door opened slowly as Faye gingerly made her way in. She was carrying a couple of coffee mugs, one in each hand that threatened to spill their contents over the carpet with every step. Setting one mug on the desk beside my bed, she carefully sat on the edge of my bed and smiled, cradling the other cup in her hands. She was dressed in a small pink t-shirt and blue cotton shorts, though given the bleary look on her face and state of her normally styled hair, it was safe to say she'd only woken up several minutes ago.

"How are you feeling?"

I smiled sheepishly, forcing down the urge to tell her I'd rather be left alone. Besides, part of me was actually grateful for her showing such concern. It was a side of her I was rarely shown. "Probably about as well as you'd expect."

Faye's smile widened a little more. "You think so? You're doing a lot better than I did when it happened to me."

That cast my mind back to when Faye was first transformed from a grungy, out-of-shape college student into the teen goddess that sat before me. Her transformation had taken place over weeks, every day stripped a little more of her manhood away until there was nothing left. She definitely didn't take it well, that was for sure. I was pretty sure she'd even tried to kill herself at one point. Great minds think alike, but fools seldom differ, huh?

"That was different." I said. "We didn't know what was happening to you, or why. I guess now at least we know who's responsible and why they did it."

Faye's eyes narrowed, enhancing her Asian ethnicity. "Yeah...but you still seem a lot calmer than I expected."

I tried to give her a reassuring look. "Trust me, I'm freaking out on the inside. I just don't think it's really sunk in yet."

Faye nodded, taking another sip of her coffee. "Yeah, I guess that makes sense. At least I had a chance to figure out what was happening. You didn't get hit with the girl-stick, Lust smashed you with the whole tree at once."

I lifted the second coffee cup to my lips. After everything that had happened, even Faye's instant-coffee-paint-stripper-special tasted pretty good. "Tell me about it. One minute I'm dying on the bathroom floor, next minute I wake up a bare-assed naked girl."

Faye let out a low whistle. "Yeah, what a mind-job."

I smiled warmly, nodding in agreement. "Yeah, but at least I've got you, right? Nobody was really able to sympathize with what was happening to at first."

Her almond eyes widened in surprise. "Are you kidding me? You were always there for me! I mean...I don't think I could have made it without you."

My turn to be surprised. "Are you serious?"

"Fuck yes!" She exclaimed. "What didn't you do for me? You helped me with fake ID. You kept money coming in when I was broke. You kept us in house and home. And you were always ready to listen if I needed to talk about my problems...which I had craploads of."

I shrugged innocently, instantly regretting it as I felt the bed sheets rubbing against my chest. "Just trying to do the right thing, I guess."

"Give yourself a little more credit! You were totally the big brother that I never had."

I smiled sheepishly, unused to Faye lavishing me with this much attention. "So much for that, right? More like your sister now."

Faye raised an eyebrow dubiously "Blonde all American girl and her half-Asian sister? Not likely."

"Good point." I muttered.

Faye noticed the disappointment creep into my voice and quickly switched gears "But hey, that's why I'm here. I'm gonna give you all the support that you gave me. So you will be my sister, in spirit at least."

I blinked in surprise, slightly taken aback. Last night she was about to stab me with a knife, today she's my new sister? "Oh...wow, thanks. I don't know what to say."

"Don't say anything." She shook her head lightly. "Like I said, you gave me all the help I could ever ask for. The least I can do is return the favour."

"I really appreciate it. I don't know the first thing about being a girl anyway." Which was oddly true. As much as I'd lived my entire life wanting to be a girl, I didn't actually know much about being one now that I'd been granted that wish.

"It's a pretty steep learning curve, trust me." She chided. "But I managed to adapt, slowly anyway. So I'll help as much as I can."

"So where do we start?"

She gave me a surprised look. "Eager beaver, huh?"

I gave her bored-looking pout. "I'm awake now. So I can either start figuring this stuff out, or I can lay in bed all day feeling sorry for myself. Which would you prefer?"

She shot back a dirty look "Look who's as smart as smart pants wearing super-smart pants?"

"Hey, you asked. You had your way of coping, but I'm not gonna sulk." I paused, realizing what a broad statement that was. "Not yet, anyway."

"Alright, so lets get a better look at you." She said, gesturing to the bed sheets.

"Wait, what?" I balked. "I'm still naked under these!"

"Okay, three things." She said, holding up the same number of digits. "First: I already saw you naked last night. Second: I see girls undressed all the time when I'm at a modelling shoot. Third: I'm bi, remember?"

I narrowed my eyes. "Not helping your case with number three."

She gave me a wry smile. "What do you want me to do, strip naked as well to make you feel better?"

"Yes." I stated flatly.

Well that sure knocked the wind out of her sails. Faye stared at me, speechless for a moment. "You can't be serious."

"Why not?" I asked, doing my best to look as indignant as I could. "I've never seen you naked since you became a girl. Why do I have to act like a stripper now that it's my turn?"

She contemplated my argument for a moment, and she seemed to visibly resist the urge to simply walk out in a temper tantrum. Eventually she bit her lip, looking me straight in the eye. "You want to see me naked? Fine."

I felt a familiar pang of guilt as she stood up, moving her hands down to the hemline of her t-shirt. Lying to her about all this was one thing, but this was being downright manipulative. The truth was I couldn't wait to see how my new body looked, wether Faye was in the room or not. When I'd seen myself last night, I was either covered in blood or so exhausted I could barely keep my eyes open. Everything had been a blur. Honestly, I'd been waiting for her to leave so I could throw back the covers.

But I couldn't pass up an opportunity like this. Part of the reason I'd been so envious of Faye was how hot she looked after she became a girl. It would have been creepy if I'd ever tried to spy on her, and if I was caught I didn't want to risk damaging our friendship, so I kept my distance. But come on...she looked like a mix of Keeley Hazell and Hiromi Oshima: An exotic bombshell with killer curves and a face to match. How could I say no?

She tugged at the hemline gently, pulling her shirt upward with practiced grace. It seemed to meet a little resistance as the fabric slid away from her breasts, but a moment later they popped free, bouncing and tugging at her chest as she finished pulling the garment over her head, tossing it aside. She knew I was staring, but she didn't seem to care as she hooked her thumbs around the waistline of her shorts and tugged them down, letting go as they slid down her silken legs. They pooled about her feet before she kicked them away, leaving her to focus for a moment as she struck a provocative pose.

"Happy now?" She smiled impishly.

My eyes roamed about the shape of her body, drawn in by it's seductive curves and intoxicating femininity. There wasn't a single mark or imperfection...it was as if when Lust created her body, she wanted Faye to exude sexuality and intimate desire. She was completely hairless below the neck, even the crotch nestled between her luscious hips was baby smooth, her vagina nothing but a cute fold of flesh disappearing between her thighs.

My eyes moved up over the soft curve of her abdomen and pinch of her waist, settling on her breasts. They were...huge, especially for her tiny frame. I'd seen her bras in the wash before, but I'd never actually seen her boobs bare, jutting out proudly from her chest as if proclaiming her womanhood to the world. Perfect spheres of lightly tan flesh, boldly defiant of gravity that were topped off with thick, brown nipples.

Deciding that the silence was growing a little too uncomfortable, she finally spoke up. "Nick, you're staring."

I blinked a couple of times, finding myself blushing. "I...sorry, I mean...your tits are huge!"

She gave me a deadpan look. "My tits? You've got boobs now too, y'know."

As dumb as it sounds, I guess I walked into that one. "Yeah, but mine are...umm..."

"Are what?" She asked curiously.

I'd really been hoping to check myself out in detail when I had some privacy. No chance for that now I guess. Besides, I still owed Faye a little quid-pro-quo. With a laboured sigh, I tugged the sheets away from my chest, exposing my own breasts to her. Her eyes wandered down, as did mine to settle on the small, creamy orbs that protruded from my chest.. It felt so weird to be staring at my body, finally seeing something that I'd wanted my whole life before today. It felt wonderfully surreal.

"...mine aren't in the same league as yours." I said, finishing my earlier remark. And it was true. My breasts were definitely perky and cute in their own way, with pink nipples standing firmly at attention, but they weren't even half as large as Faye's.

"Trust me, that's a good thing." She hefted her breasts, which didn't even fit in her hands, to emphasizing the point. "Between all the undue attention I get and the trouble in finding a bra that fits, my girls are more trouble than they're worth. You should be thankful Lust gave you a more average size."

I poked my own chest experimentally, marvelling at the sensations emanating from my newly acquired mammaries: They were soft, but firm. Wobbly, but also still. A living contradiction, just like a woman. "Huh?"

Faye rolled her eyes, a smile twisting the corner of her lips as she caught me lost in my own little world. "You're still going to need a bra though, so we'll have to get you measured up. Obviously nothing I have is going to fit you."

My cheeks flushed red.. "Oh, yeah? Then what size is your bra, smartass?"

Her eyes moved back down to her breasts as she spoke. "Since I became a girl? My boobs kinda fluctuated in size...I guess that's just hormones and junk, but that happens to a lot of women from what I've been told. The last few months they seem to have settled on a 32F."

"Holy shit." I said, already gawking without realizing it.

Her breath hissed between her teeth as she seemed to contemplate my reaction. "Yeah, well I'd totally prefer to have boobs your size. Aside from the stuff I mentioned, Allegra's only been booking me for swimsuit modelling stuff since my last growth spurt. And half the guys who shoot that stuff are pervs, I swear."

Ugh. She still doesn't appreciate the gifts she's been given. Not one bit.

Suddenly she gave me a friendly smile, realizing we were getting off topic. "Anyways, we're here to talk about you, not me. Stand up, I want to see the rest of your cute little bod."

I hesitated for a moment, suddenly unsure of myself. Sure, Faye had already seen me naked...heck, I had already seen myself naked last night when I was in the shower. But everything was such a blur, I was totally numb to it. The whole experience was so surreal that I felt like I'd been looking at someone else's body instead of my own. But now? I was well rested, my senses were sharp, and my body was on fire with a softness and sensuality that I'd never dreamt possible.

"Uh...sure, no problem." I stammered.

I pulled the covers back enough to swing my legs out. Instantly I winced, feeling muscles I didn't possess only hours ago twitch between my thighs, highlighting the seemingly vast emptiness that now resonated from my crotch. It's funny how you don't miss what you've got till it's gone...all my life, I'd seen my "gentleman's luggage" as an abomination.

But now that it was gone, and I was staring at a cute, pink vagina covered by a small strip of blonde hair? I found myself kinda missing it.

My vagina...pussy...whatever you wanted to call it. Just felt...weird. Just put aside the disconcerting sense of having a limb hacked off for a moment, and try to picture being given a whole new organ that you've no idea how to use. Every little movement seemed to cause unfamiliar muscles to flex and twitch, the kind of stuff any girl would probably never notice. After all, you never think about the muscles involved when you wiggle your toes, do you?

I tried to steady my resolve as I stood up, telling myself that I would have to get used to this. After all, being a girl was what I'd always wanted, right? Sure, I wasn't as curvy as Faye, but given the situation it's not like I was going to look a gift horse in the mouth.

"Oh geez...this is weird."

Faye couldn't help herself, grinning impishly as I finally managed to compose myself. "Weird, isn't it?"

I frowned, taking a few experimental steps as I slowly remembered the balance I'd discovered for myself last night. "Ah...yeah, it's definitely going to take some getting used to."

Faye looked as calm as a Hindu cow, despite the fact that she wasn't covered in a stitch of clothing. Obviously all those hours she'd spent modelling had given her a hot-and-I-know-it sense of confidence. "I can probably count myself lucky. My change was a lot more gradual, so at least I had time to adjust."

I nodded slowly, feeling blonde strands of hair tickling my shoulders. "Yeah, just gimme a few minutes...not much different to wearing a backpack, right?"

"That's an...awkward metaphor."

"Shut up." I scowled. "I'm doing the best I can here."

After several more experimental steps, I quickly found I had little difficulty compensating for balance. Faye nodded lightly with approval, her eyes seeming to critique every last bit of flesh as she watch me move about the bedroom. "Well, you don't have any wings growing out of your back or anything like that. You seem pretty normal, so welcome to the girls club I guess."

"Uh, tha-" I was cut off by her arms sliding around my waist, pulling me into a warm hug. The her enormous tits dwarfed my own as they squashed together, the sensation was so intense and unexpected I swear I almost passed out.

As she drew away, I felt my cheeks flush as my head swam with a myriad of emotions: Shock, lust, surprise, embarrassment and several others, eventually settling on disbelief. "Oh come on! You can not tell me girls get naked and hug each other all the time."

Faye's smile put a Cheshire cat to shame "No, but like I said, you're a hottie and I'm bi, remember? Besides, the look on your face was priceless."

I felt my jaw clench tightly. "So you're just fucking with me?"

"A little." She conceded, smile still playing on her lips. "I used to be a guy too, remember? I get as big a kick out of this as you do."

Great. Only been a girl for twelve hours and she's already taking me to school. "Isn't there a fire somewhere you should be dying in right now?"

"Probably." She gave me a playful shove. "But the peep show's over for now. C'mon, let's see about hiding your shame."

Chapter three:

Faye led me to her bedroom, which was located right next to mine. It was a hallowed sanctum, a place I was never allowed to catch a glimpse of, let alone enter. She had joked a few times that it was her "Fortress of Solitude". Like the one that Superman has in the North Pole. Faye was always careful to never make any geek references to anyone but me...even her friends who knew that she used to be a guy rarely saw that side of her. I guess when you create a new persona to match your body, you need to be careful that it won't come crashing down around what's left of your ego. Kinda like me and the masks I always wore....shit, the longer this morning wore on, the more I was starting to realize that Lust had played me for a fool. Faye was never the enemy, I was just too blind to see it.

Of course I had seen Faye's room before, so walking in wasn't a complete surprise: The place looked like a bomb had hit it: Garments all over the floor, clean and dirty. Stickers and posters covered just about everything, and if you could get around the laundry, there was still other random debris mixed in with guitars, skateboard parts and a curiously empty box labelled "Silly Monkey".

"Take a seat." Faye said, gesturing to her bed. "I should be able to find something you can wear."

I sat down slowly, wincing lightly as I felt the sheets brush against my bare crotch. "Ahh!"

"Something wrong?" She glanced back at me curiously.

"N-no...just getting used to this."

"Oh, right." She set about rummaging through the wardrobe, tossing out further items of clothing onto the floor as she went. "Sorry, I guess this is still a lot for you to take in."

"I'm coping. Sorta." I muttered.

"Well don't get your hopes up." She said, examining a pair of jeans. "I might be able to find some panties that fit, but you're way too small for any of my bras. Best we can hope for is something lose and comfortable."

"No garters and stockings?" I asked, only joking....mostly, anyway.

"Let's crawl before we can walk." She started to separate the clothes into piles. "Right now you're on training wheels. Lingerie is like...black-belt girlness."

"That's an awkward metaphor."

"Shut the fuck up." She shot back, tossing a bundle of clothes at me much harder than necessary. "See how those fit."

"Do I really have to? Wearing your clothes is gonna be kinda...weird." I honestly didn't mind the idea of wearing her clothes, but I had an illusion of reluctance to maintain.

"Do you want to walk around naked all day?"

"Obviously not." I grimaced. "But what's wrong with my stuff?"

Faye shrugged her shoulders, causing her oversized breasts to wobble comically. "Nothing really. But you're like, almost the same height as me now. Yesterday you were over a foot taller. So your shirts will probably fit like tents, and your pants are gonna fall off the second you put them on."

"Good point." I felt lightheaded as I began to sort through the clothes she'd given me: A pair of blue cotton panties, black Adidas track pants and a red halter top. "You sure this stuff will fit?"

Faye was already stepping into a pair of cotton panties, sliding them up and giving her butt a little wiggle as she adjusted them over her hips. "Probably not, but that's the best I can do. If I'd known you were going to be turned into a girl by a malevolent spirit of desire, I would have stolen a few more outfits from work."

I decided not to waste any more time, stepping into the panties like I would any pair of jockeys. So far, so good. Though even the brush of fabric against my hairless legs was eerily seductive. Why were my legs hairless anyway? I began to wonder if my legs had been created to be permanently hairless. The natural progression of that thought was considering if the same thing applied to Faye and her crotch...

"I was wondering how you bankrolled your ever-expanding wardrobe." I said rather nervously, trying to redirect my thoughts.

"I'm a hedonist. Sue me." She replied nonchalantly, slipping on a pair of pink shorts. Dammit, trying not to stare was becoming a full time job.

"Pretty sure they'll do more than that." The fabric dug into my crotch a little too snugly as I pulled the panties up, causing a girlish squeak to force it's way past my lips. Faye paused for a moment, staring at me and the look of shocked confusion that was now etched into my face.

To her credit, she tried to hold it in, but a moment later she bust into a fit of laughter. "Oh my god! Holy shit...sorry...I, oh man, you should see the look on your face!"

"Shut up!" I spat, finding myself embarrassed not by the sound I'd made but by how...weird that felt. I'd barely even had a chance to look at my new sex, let alone sample the sensations it offered. I'd expected it to be a sublimely delicious and feminine experience putting on a pair of panties for the first time. But the reality was...somewhat more mundane. Just fabric pulling up against a soft swell of unfamiliar flesh, eliciting an odd but intense sensation that caught me off guard.

She immediately slapped a hand over her mouth, realizing that I was still feeling raw emotionally. "Shit! Sorry, I didn't mean anything negative. I just didn't think..."

"You're damn right you didn't think!" I glared at her, still trying to force down the surge of sensation and raw emotion. "After everything I've been through, do you think you could cut me a little slack?"

Faye held up her hands defensively. "You're right. I'm sorry. My bad and all that. I guess this is just one of those situations where you can either laugh or cry, right?"

I took a deep breath, nodding slowly as I began to calm down. "Okay...you're right."

Faye quickly plucked a t-shirt out of her wardrobe and slipped it on. "You're on of the most important people in my life Nick. I would never do anything to hurt you, especially now. Okay? I just want you to understand that. "

"What about the time you waited until I was sleeping, then glued my eyelids shut?"

She gave me a dirty look "Don't be a dick."

"Trust me, I wish that was still possible."

---------------------------------------------

Simply being a girl wasn't the reason I envied Faye so much. After all, the internet is full of teenage girls who are miserable. They don't believe they're pretty enough, or sexy. Their teeth aren't straight, they're too fat, too thin, too ugly, too dumb. Those are the labels they give themselves, and they'll scream to anyone who will listen how they're not perfect. They might be telling the truth, I suppose. Who knows? I figured they shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth.

Everyone wants what they can't have. It's the oldest story in the book.

Faye's perfection didn't just stem from her flawless body or impossible curves. That's only a part of the puzzle. What she created was born from being fearless. When she began her journey, she was terrified of everything...like the world was out to get her. It had already taken so much, what would happen if it decided to finish the job?

But as time progressed, I watched her slowly change. Rather than resenting what had been thrust upon her, she began to embrace it. She took a weakness and made it her strength. She didn't care about fate, or magic. She decided that rather than try and hide from what life might do to her, she demanded it to do it's worst, and she'd see who was still standing when the dust settled. To her, the only way she could fail was to stop fighting.

Wether I believed she enjoyed what had been given to her, or if she had truly squandered her potential, there was no question that Faye embraced life as a girl wholeheartedly. Kane was just a memory to us both, and while I saw flashes of him when we played video games, or argued who would win in a fight between Optimus Prime and Batman (clearly Batman, duh), Faye was his evolution. And I think deep down inside, even Faye knew that she was better for it.

"So have you figured out what the ring is about?" Faye asked, pouring herself a glass of iced coffee.

I glanced up from where I was sitting across the counter, blinking a few times as I realized I'd been caught in my own little world. "No, outside the fact it won't come off."

She sighed before taking a sip from the tall glass. "I'm worried about that thing. Lust never gave me anything like that, which means it's definitely going to be used for something."

"You're worried about that?" I asked, a touch of incredulity creeping into my voice. "I thought that would be pretty low on the list."

"Aside from the sudden lack of a male role model in the house."

I ran a hand through my hair, still finding it's length more irritating than anything else. "What am I gonna do? I've got no life, no job, no fucking....anything!"

She gave me a wounded look "What about me?"

"Aside from the newfound sisterhood in the house." I said ruefully.

"I thought you and your family were kinda....estranged." Her words were carefully spoken, leaving no room for interpretation.

"We are. Sorta." I muttered. "We had a falling out last year, I said some things, they said some things....now I'm the bad guy and they're waiting on an apology."

"Okay, so at least they're not expecting to hear from you for a while. I had to cut ties with my family....we just talk via email now. I don't answer any phone calls."

"At least there's still that, I guess."

"Wonders of modern communication. It's so impersonal nobody knows what gender you are." She took another sip of her coffee. "You can stop pretending you're a girl in all the message boards you visit."

"Not helping."

She held her hands up defensively. "My bad. Couldn't help myself...just a little levity."

I shook my head. "What about my job then? There's no way I show up and try to act like nothings happened."

Faye nodded thoughtfully. "Same deal? Just send them a text or something saying you quit. I've got enough money in my savings to keep up with the rent for a little while, and I can always take a few more jobs from Elise if we come up short."

"Isn't she your modelling agent?"

"Yeah, she's the one hooking me up with all the swimsuit shoots lately. I stopped doing them a while ago because...I dunno, just seems creepy to think there's probably a hundred guys whacking off to your picture in a bikini at any given moment."

I felt a little better knowing that we weren't suddenly going to be evicted next week. "Is that the only reason?"

She shrugged. "I guess. That, and it just leads to more risqué stuff. I even got invited to a Playboy party that's being thrown in a fancy hotel downtown. I was gonna check it out, but Elise thinks they might just be scouting for talent."

"You should check it out." I smirked impishly. "Playmate of the month pays pretty well."

"Maybe I could send you instead?" She shot back, her acrid words ending the conversation without chance of rebuttal.

"Okay..." I paused, trying to collect my thoughts. "...I think I can do this. I mean...I can cook up another fake ID like I did for you. That's the easy part."

She finished her coffee, setting the empty glass down on the bench. "Right. And I can help you with the family stuff. I'm sure Rach and Zoe can help out any way they can too. As soon as I break the news anyway..."

I let out a deep breath, trying to relax. "Okay, you're the expert when it comes to this sort of thing...what's the best way to go now? What did you do after you lost your gentleman's luggage?"

"Throw myself off a pier?"

I narrowed my eyes. "Still not helping."

"Fuck, okay." She sighed. "I dunno...I mean, it was really hard because I had no idea what the hell was going on. At least you get the benefit of knowing there's a deranged entity stalking us."

"How exactly is that a benefit?"

"Shut up."

"You still haven't answered my question."

"I know!" She glared at me. "Geez...you know the answer to that anyway. You told me to suck it up and deal, so I did. We bought some clothes and girly junk, enrolled me at Delacroix High, and got on with our lives."

I groaned softly. Suddenly the thought of being back at high school wasn't nearly as attractive as I'd imagined it. "So I should take my own advice?"

"Unless you want everyone to think you're a high school dropout. That should look good on your resume when you're applying for a job."

"Craaaaap." I muttered helplessly.

"Relax." She chided, slipping an arm around my shoulder. "It's much worse than you think."

---------------------------------------------

To be fair, Faye actually did ask me several times if I wanted to go through with this. But how could I say no? Every story I've ever read talks about lavish shopping trips, visits to the salon, and generally making being a girl the most self-indulgent, luxurious experience imaginable. Of course, I'm not an idiot...I didn't expect reality to match the fantasy of a thousand barely literate internet authors, but still...I wanted to make the most of it. A girl can dream, right?

But as we pulled up outside the Delacroix mall, I felt my chest flutter as the reality of the situation began to set in. Could I really do this? Faye said we were just going to pick up a few essentials, enough to get me through the week so I could look for a job and enrol at Delacroix High (that is, if they'd even take a new student this late in the semester). But the mall just seemed so...daunting all of a sudden. My diminished stature meant everything seemed just a little bigger than it used to be. Maybe it was starting to get to me?

Walking towards the towering monument to capitalism, I felt like...I had some kind of unspoken bond with Faye all of a sudden. Like we were girls, but only to the rest of the world. We'd been through something that barely anyone on earth even knew about, let alone could have experienced for themselves. It was empowering in a way, like we were in a secret club together.

Of course, that didn't change the fact that pretty much every guy in the mall with two legs and a heartbeat was staring at us like a piece of meat. Well, maybe Faye more than me...she'd decided to try and fly the "Super-Ultra-Mega-Secret-Special-Awesome" girl flag as a show of solidarity with me. Maybe she thought that if she looked really feminine, I might feel more masculine by comparison? Regardless, her outfit was certainly attracting attention: Leather halter top with purple stitching, black pleated skirt with not one, but two belts, silk stockings, and matching knee high boots. And just to reeeeeally twist the knife, you could see the top of her thong peeking out from the skirts hemline. In short? She was punk-goth-eye-candy.

"Seriously, did you have to dress like that?" I muttered, noticing all the wandering eyes moving in our direction. "I feel...weird with all the attention."

"Don't hate me because I'm beautiful." She said, smiling tightly. "Besides, after you get used to it, the attention is kinda nice."

"How do you figure that?"

She gave me a knowing look. "That's kind of the cool thing about having been a guy: You know what it's like when you see a hot chick strutting around like she owns the place. You know she's just doing it to be a tease. She definitely knows it's because she's being a tease. But all the guys play the game anyway, because they know it's the only way they'll ever have a chance of getting into her pants."

I narrowed my eyes. "It's disturbing how you use knowledge of being a guy against your own kind."

She smiled, like an enlightened sage might to a new student. "You'll enjoy doing it too, once you get the hang of it."

Somehow, it didn't feel like my envy for Faye and her command of femininity had abated despite my own crossing of the gender lines.

We moved through the crowds, nimbly slipping between clusters of patrons as we approached the fashion wing of the mall. I tried to switch subjects, lest I give myself away with the current line of conversation. "Ooookay, so what else have you learned about being a girl that you can tell me works on guys?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "I dunno....don't ever tell a guy what you really do when he asks how you spend your free time."

"Why not?"

Faye rolled her eyes. "Well, I can't tell some guy I've just met that I like to choreograph naked cheerleading routines, search the web for hentai, then Google all my old girlfriends, masturbate and don't wash my hands, before playing video games and screaming at some fourteen year old basement virgin that he just lost to a girl at Street Fighter."

I stared at her blankly. "So...what do you tell them?"

"That I like hiking."

I was so caught up trying to picture that chestnut of advice that I almost forgot to respond. "Uh-huh...sure explains why you keep locking your bedroom door when it sounds like you're moving the furniture."

A smile tugged at the corner of her lips. "Explains the cheerleading or masturbation?"

"You tell me."

"I'd rather maintain a certain air of mystique."

"A little late for that, isn't it?"

She gave me a playful shove with her elbow. "Ugh, even as a girl you're still a perv."

Delacroix mall was laid out with very distinct areas. You had one area for the food court, another for department stores like Walmart and Target. There was the obligatory food court, but as we strode into the fashion row, I was struck by an odd thought: I've walked through this area a hundred times (largely because it was the quickest route from the south entrance to Gamestop) and never really stopped to look at any of the boutiques and stores. Why would I? Yeah, there were a couple of men's stores, but they were mostly for suits or hipsters. My fashion shopping consisted strictly of ordering ironic t-shirts online.

The rest of the stores were all women's apparel. It's funny, but I guess I just kinda tuned them all out like white noise. Why would I care? Better still, why would I even want to look? Checking them out would just be teasing myself, and I had no interest in that. But now, walking by store after store of luscious garments that were suddenly no longer off limits, I felt free....like I'd had a restraint lifted from my heart.

Someone once told me that guilt is like a bag of bricks. All you have to do is set it down.

"So what's first on the agenda?" I asked hopefully, trying not to explode with pure, untainted joy.

Faye paused, standing beside a planter with a palm tree rooted in it, stretching all the way up to the glass ceiling above us. "We don't have a whole ton of money...most we can afford to spend is a couple of hundred."

"No trips to Victoria's Secret, huh?"

"Not unless you want to be wearing a bra, panties and not much else." She scoffed.

I felt my shoulders slump a little "Okay, that's not an option."

A rueful tone crept into her voice. "At least you can buy something that fits. I'm a little outside their target audience when it comes to bra sizes."

"And you're upset about that?" I asked thoughtfully.

"Fuck yes!" She exclaimed. "I went from being a guy who was too tall to buy anything normal to a girl with tits too big for anything normal. I can't win."

"How can you model clothes if nothing fits your chest?"

Faye shrugged. "It's not that nothing fits. Jesus, I'm not Juggasuarus-Fucking-Rex. It's just that the assholes who run the company decide to cater to a very select market of girls like you, and it pisses me off."

"Noted." I muttered, suddenly wishing I'd never asked. "So what's the plan?"

A sigh hissed out between her teeth, indicating she was still frustrated. "We can pick you up some underwear, since that stuff needs to be fitted properly or it'll make your spine explode. We grab anything else we can, then swing by the studio and see if Elise has any product lying around that nobody's picked up for a while."

"So..." I gave her a hesitant look. "...I'm getting hand-me-downs?"

"Designer hand-me-downs, so quit complaining."

I unconsciously slipped my thumb against the ring on my left index finger. The pink gemstone it was carved from seemed to tingle lightly, as if appreciating my curious touch. "Okay, point taken. So underwear first, huh?"

"Yeah, but don't make it weird." Faye said, pointing towards a discount fashion outlet. "We don't need a shop assistant to help or anything. We just go in, buy your stuff and get out."

I groaned, rolling my eyes. "I'm not gonna make it weird!"

She shot me a deadpan look. "This morning you wouldn't let me see your naked body until you saw mine."

"......" I held her gaze, contemplating what she said. ".....good point."

We stepped into the store, and I could feel my body positively ripple in delight at the sight of all the feminine garments that were suddenly no longer off limits. I could wear them. Hell, I could probably wear them and look good. It's such a simple idea, but until now I had dismissed it as impossible before I'd even given it any consideration.

Faye strode towards the back of the store, where my eyes lit up upon seeing row after row of satin bras and silken panties. Without so much as a word, she picked a tape measure off a stand, turned to me and said "Lift up your arms."

"Uh, shouldn't we wait till I get into the change rooms before you take my top off?"

"Moron..." She muttered, slipping the tape measure over the top of my chest. "...I'm measuring your bra size. You're pretty small, so we shouldn't have much trouble finding one."

I shivered lightly as the tape rubbed my newfound cleavage through the flimsy fabric of my shirt. "Oh...I knew that."

"It's simple, listen..." She held the tape around my chest, just above the bust. "...this is your band size."

I didn't even have time to make comment before she expertly adjusted the tape so it was pressed across my nipples. A squeak slipped out of my lips as she drew it tight. "...and this is your bust size."

"Lessee..." She said, studying the tape measure for a moment. "...subtract the band size from the measurement, and we get your cup size."

"Can I lower my arms yet?" I asked impatiently.

"Sure." She studied the tape measure, doing basic arithmetic in her head. "Okay, looks like you're a 30B, granting you the title of Perky Princess, and a membership to the itty-bitty-titty-committee."

"Fuck you." I hissed petulantly.

"What?" She asked innocently, putting down the tape measure. "I thought you'd be happy. You might be a girl, but at least you're kind of a tomboy."

"Maybe..." I hesitated for a moment, wondering if I should hint at my true intentions. "...what if I want to be a girl like you?"

Rather than catching on to what I was alluding, she gave me a playful shove. "If that's the case, then we've got a big day ahead of us."