It couldn’t get any worse now, could it?

Lisa pulled in to her apartment’s parking lot and nervously noted that Terry’s car was already there. He wasn’t supposed to be home this early. In fact, it was three hours too early for him to be home. Whatever was going on, it couldn’t be good. He could be sick. Or maybe he needed to get away and do some “man” time again. He thought she didn’t know about the times he hid his girl-self away and did his best to look like a dude again, but she knew. She had spotted him twice now outside the apartment once on a Saturday and once on a weekday evening when he thought she was at work.

She made her way up the stairs, carrying her running gear in a canvas bag. She noisily unlocked the door and made her way inside, hoping that if Terry was needing a moment to cover whatever he was doing, that she’d have given him enough time. She tossed her keys into the bowl on the kitchen bar and put her water bottle away before making her way back to the bedrooms. It was then that she caught an escaped sob from “Tammy’s” room. Even though they slept together most every night, he still had his own room.

“Honey?” she carefully opened the partially closed door. “Tammy? Are you okay?” She followed her own rules that she laid down back when this whole thing began. She’d seen enough TV dramas and read enough books to know that a secret’s weakest link was always with those who were originally involved in the secret. As such they did not talk about anything unless they were positive they were in a safe place. They also didn’t break the façade about the whole thing. If you got used to doing that, what would stop you from doing it when you were where you could be overheard?

‘Tammy’ was on his bed crying into a pillow. Because of what they were trying to do, he didn’t have many male clothes on hand. Nearly all of them had been packed away and stored inside Kimberly’s apartment in a spare closet of hers. What he had left were gender neutral items, like the shorts and t-shirt he was wearing now. Absently she noted that with his smooth legs and arms, along with his recently lightened curly hair he still looked fairly girly. As she got closer she saw his toe and finger nails were still polished and he was wearing his earrings and even some rings on his fingers. So he wasn’t trying to be in boy mode.

Laying down on his bed, she pulled him into her arms and tried to comfort him, wishing she had grabbed a box of tissues before she had joined him. When he finally looked at her, his eyes were puffy and his face thankfully makeup free. She had gotten used to him dressed up all the time. Heck, she had even gotten used to kissing him when he was wearing makeup or making love with him when he looked more woman like than man like, but it helped her a lot when she didn’t have to filter out all the changes that had been done to him since that day at Bonnie’s four weeks ago now.

“What’s wrong baby?” Inwardly she grimaced and chastised herself for saying the word ‘baby’ to him. She had gotten so used to him as a girl that she was comfortable about calling him terms she would only call another girlfriend. It wasn’t so much that she called him ‘baby’ in that light, but that Terry might see it as calling him a crying infant. Luckily, he didn’t seem to take it wrong. Still, she needed to watch herself.

“They moved the appointment to today!” he complained.

She waited for him to continue, but he buried his head into her shoulder instead, not wanting to talk for a while.

She rubbed his back, noting that he wasn’t wearing a bra at all. That wasn’t what they had agreed to, but given his feelings right now she wasn’t going to criticize him for that. She felt bad for him in so many different ways. It was really all her fault that all this was happening to him in the first place. If she hadn’t been so greedy, they would have been fine. As it was, they had dug themselves a very deep hole and dealing with it was not easy for either of them.

She urged gently, “What happened sugar? Did everything work out okay? They didn’t … you know …” she wasn’t sure how to phrase that question. After thinking for a moment she kicked herself over it all. Of course they didn’t cut anything off of him. That couldn’t happen. And even if they did, Terry would not have allowed it. Nor would he be here, comfortable after any such procedure. He’d certainly have bandages and other things down there.

“Well,” Terry began, wiping the tears off his cheeks, “I was at work and they called me and they said that they needed to reschedule my appointment to today, so I pretended to be sick and took the rest of the day off. Jack was out sick today, so I didn’t have a chance to even see if he knew anything about it all.”

“Did you go?” Partly she wished he hadn’t. It would be a lot easier if he would do something to stop this. She wanted him to, but she didn’t dare do it herself. There was so much riding on it. If she broke the charade they were living under, she could survive by going to another town and finding work that way. Terry on the other hand, he’d be destroyed from it all. No, if anyone could stop it, it would have to be him. It would have to be his choice. She’d support him all the way. A song fragment popped up in her mind; a very inappropriate verse of “stand by your man”.

Terry nodded. “It was like we thought. I got there and answered a few questions and he took some blood samples. He also… oh God it was awful.”

“What?!”

“Well, I had to undress and take off my hose and underwear down there, then put on a gown. He had me lie on the table and place my legs in these leg holder things. He checked me out down there, to make sure that I wasn’t doing anything that could harm anything.”

Lisa couldn’t help it as a laugh escaped as she thought of poor Terry in stirrups. “Oh my God! He didn’t use a speculum, did he?”

“What’s that?”

“It’s like this little duck bill thing used to open you up so they can see inside. They put lubricant on it and then insert it inside you…”

Terry paled and backed away, “Dear Lord NO!”

She laughed harder, “That’s a relief.”

“No, he used his fingers instead.”

She was completely silent for a moment or two, then she started choking. Terry looked on and blushed down to his toes. “He had to check my prostate, which is, you know, down there,” he protested.

Recovering from that bombshell took her a bit and Terry fetched some tissues to blow his nose. He looked very resigned, his eyes cast downward as he continued to sniffle and blow his nose now and then.

Trying to cover herself, she started “I’m so sorry honey, it’s just…”

“You don’t need to say anything okay?”

“But I am sorry,”

“I’m sorry too. I don’t want to talk about it.”

She moved and sat next to him, pulling him back into her arms. “So was that it? I know that was very traumatic for you, but at least it was only a checkup.”

Terry pulled away and sat further down the bed.

(previously…)

“What do you mean, checkup?” Lisa asked.

“Well, Jack said he was arranging a doctor’s appointment for me for a checkup. He said he had done some investigations and was going to do what he could to help me.”

“But what does that mean? Is he trying to push things along?”

Terry tried to explain in a rational way to remove not only his worries, but hers as well. “Look, they can’t do anything to me yet. I’ve only been to the therapist once. So according to the rules and procedures for everything, no one can do anything to me yet. They need my permission first to do anything to me. Plus like I said, the therapist has to have seen me for at least six months to a year before anything can be done medically.”

“But, this is a doctor’s appointment. You know Jack, he’s crazy enough to try and push things the way he thinks they should be done.”

“I know. That’s got me worried too. But really, he can’t do it. Not in this case. They are legally bound to follow the statement of care in this. They can’t ignore the rules, right?”

“They shouldn’t be able to. No, you’re right. He’s probably doing this for some other reason.”

“Exactly. I’m thinking it is one of three things.”

“Yah?” Lisa sat up and him her full focus.

“Yah, like, he’s going to see if I run when faced with something like this.”

“I think you should run.”

“Believe me, if they were really going to do something to me, I would be well out of state by now. No, he’s got to be testing me again. I think he’s been spying on us you know.”

“Yah, I know. You’ve said that you’ve been seeing a car in the parking lot now and then, but honestly that is just bizarre.”

“The car really was there. Some guy is always sitting in it. And sometimes I see that car other places too! On some days, no matter where I go it seems to follow me around.”

“Yes, I know. But I’ve not seen it yet and frankly, the type of car you describe is pretty common.”

Terry pleaded, “I know! But still, I think I’m being watched.”

“What are the other reasons?”

“Oh, well, like I said, number one is that he’s doing this to see if I run. Number two is that he’s really doing something good. Like he’s trying to help by making sure that I am healthy.”

“I can see that partly. We’ve heard a few stories where he takes a personal interest in someone and does his best to tend to their needs.”

“Exactly, so this follows that. And number three? Well, he’ll do something else.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know. I mean, he could be actually trying to do something to me that’s stupid. Or he could be faking it. Or he could be trying to be helpful. It has to be one of those things.”

“So you think he’ll try something stupid?”

“If it was Jack alone, yes.” Terry faked a smile to hide his concerns. “But he can’t do this alone. No doctor is going to break with the rules and do what Jack wants. He can’t have that much power over someone.”

(currently…)

Lisa tried to get close, “Terry, what’s wrong?” But Terry got up and left the room.

She followed quickly afterwards, “What happened? You’re leaving something out!”

“He… well, he did something to me.”

“Like what?” Fearfully she quickly reached down and felt him down below, worried that maybe she was completely wrong and that something had happened. Terry tried to pull away, but the wall was behind him and she laid her hand upon him; stopped, and then felt around again. There wasn’t a bulge down there. The only thing she felt was a maxi-pad with nothing underneath. She screamed, “Oh SHIT!”

Terry pulled away from her and ran back into his room, slamming the door.

(previously…)

“Jack, look, I’m telling you that I don’t know anything about this sort of thing.”

Jack sat and continued his appeal to the man wearing a white coat on the other side of the desk at the doctor’s office. “I realize that. I didn’t think this was something you’d know about. After all, it isn’t all that common. But listen. Hear me out. I’ve lined up another physician who is going to handle the main work on this. He’s on the other side of the state, but he’s covered on this. He’s an expert. You only have to be his local person who does the physical things he can’t do over the phone.”

“I don’t know. It seems bizarre. I mean, I heard about this in school and all. It’s on the talk shows now, so I have even heard some collogues mention it at a symposium. But here in our town? I don’t know Jack. If something goes wrong, we’ll have to have your friend be on retainer through all the proceedings and available for emergencies. The last thing I want is something to go to hell with the whole thing and have someone die on me because I didn’t know what I was doing.”

Jack nodded, glancing at the doctor’s name on the desk plaque. It was a gift that he had given the good doctor a few years ago in appreciation for some work he had done for him. Discretion was always appropriate in medical situations, which is one of the main reasons he liked good old Dr. Willingham, a man close in age to himself who understood the things that he was going through as his body aged. There’s one thing he didn’t appreciate. When a young doctor tried to tell you how you should be feeling and dismisses what you’re going through, because they themselves have never experienced it. It was all textbook to them. With the good doctor here though, it was experience and definitely competence that made him Jack’s favorite.

He paused before stating, “He’s going to be on retainer. I want you to talk to him. You’ve got questions, he’ll have answers. I don’t want you to do anything you aren’t comfortable with. I want this to be on the up and up.”

Dr. Willingham accused, “You’ve got a habit of pushing people to do whatever you desire.”

“I like to think that they recognize the right thing to do. Most people are held back because of doubt, but remove that doubt and they can move forward.”

“Well I have doubt.”

“I can tell.”

“And you know me well enough to know that …”

“… no one pushes you around. Not even me.”

“Damn right!” the good doctor exclaimed.

“And you know that I bow to your expertise on things. Hell, I’ve even started to exercise more and you know I don’t like it.”

“You mean you started to exercise some. Playing golf isn’t exercise. Especially the way you play.”

Jack held up his hands, “Guilty. So are you in or out?”

“I’m in. I’ll do what is needed. I’ll get with your expert and we’ll hash out the details of what needs to be done. Who is paying for all this? Insurance sure the hell won’t and I doubt your little cookie has the cash to do this on hand.”

“No, she’s young and fresh out of school. I’m covering things. I’m billing her a portion, so that she feels like she’s contributing, but I’m going to carry the lion’s share on this.”

“Special project?”

Jack nodded.

“You know, these special projects of yours are always a pain in the ass.”

“Yes, I know. Still, I can’t sit on the sidelines when someone needs help. I don’t advertise what I do, you know that. I figure that someone in this world has to be there for those that need something.”

“Yes, I know. Jack, you’ve done some amazing charitable work and…”

“Shut up Bill. You know that I’m not in it for the praises. And if you have a critique about it, you’ve already told me.”

(currently…)

“Terry? Terry!” Lisa hammered on the door again. She’d been at it for awhile now and was very worried. She could hear him inside now and then; crying, moving around, telling her to fuck off. She was getting more worried now because he was so quiet. She’d welcome something, anything!

“Look, if you don’t open this door I’m going to call the fire department and we’ll break this door down. Listen, I’m worried about you. I need to know you’re okay?” She had started crying herself. She nearly jumped out of her skin when the door clicked and Terry opened it, looking at her with such despair.

“What’s going on? What happened?”

He yelled at her, “Fine!” Then he dropped his shorts, panties and all, stepping out of them.

At first she looked at him confused at what it was she was looking at. “Where’s…” There wasn’t any blood that she could see, or any stitches. He had a very flat front though.

“He shoved my goddamn balls into my body and made it look like I’m a girl down there!”

“How in the world?” She got down on her knees and close enough to see what had happened. Sure enough, she could see it now. Everything was still there, but it was hidden. No, not hidden, arranged so that it looked more like a woman’s. It was the most bizarre thing she had ever seen.
“How in the world did he do that?”

“Ice. And pushing. He showed me how to do it all too. Made sure I could do it myself. He said he got this whole thing from another doctor working with him on my case. He applied some glue type stuff down there. It will come free in about a day. He doesn’t want me to do this all the time, but he is showing me how to do it so that in case I need to hide myself better, I have the ability too.”

“Dear God. Does it hurt?”

“It’s very uncomfortable. But I have to wait until tomorrow night to undo it all. By then I probably won’t notice it.”

“Holy crap!”

“Yah.”

“You know, this isn’t so bad. With this, you could wear something tighter and it wouldn’t show. Like jeans. Or even a swim suit! We could go swimming!”

“You know Lisa? Sometimes you say the must stupid things.”

“What? I like swimming!”

Terry held back and finally relented, “I know. I’m sorry. It’s just… well, that’s not all he did.”

“He did more?” She quickly looked for something else. No, he hadn’t grown boobies or anything like that. What was it that the doctor could have done? She had Terry spin around while she looked him over, finally spotting two small band-aids on his rear. “Wait, did he give you a shot?”

Terry slumped and nodded, finally saying, “Yes he gave me some shots.”

“What kind of shots?”

“I’m not sure. He said it would help me settle down some.”

“Why didn’t you ask him?”

Terry started crying again, “Because I didn’t know what else to do! I don’t know what he did, okay? He could have given me a shot for something else. Or it could have been nothing, like some sort of joke. It has to be a joke. He can’t have possibly given me the kind of shot that turns me into a girl!” He found himself unable to hold still, though he tried. He felt like he was throwing some sort of childish fit.

“Oh God, Jack is one sick … !” Lisa stood up again and angrily paced around.

“What?”

“Obviously, it’s what you said last week. Either he’s doing something good for you or he’s testing you. He can’t give you female shots yet, right? So he’s obviously trying to make you run. He’s testing you just like you said he would.”

“Yah, but why would he give me these shots?”

“It’s got to be something that’s harmless. He is testing you. He has to be. God, he is one sick mother …”

(across town the night before …)

Jack went over the reports while the ball game played on the TV. His team was way behind and it was the bottom of the eighth, so it wasn’t like he was missing much there.

“So what do we have here?” He marked items in the margin, trying to figure things out. That Tammy was all girl at work was no doubt and even though her therapist was completely on her side, he still kept coming back and questioning the whole thing. He frowned at himself. Normally he was a cut and dried type of man. It was either this or that. But he knew that nothing ever really fit that way. There was always something in between. There was always room for doubt or something that didn’t quite fit the mold.

Thankfully no one ever saw him like this. He was very careful to hide the fact that he wasn’t always the calm, decisive leader everyone thought he was.

Fact’s remained. Tammy looked and acted like a woman. She did everything a woman was expected to do. But there were times where she didn’t seem to be a woman. At her home, she would go without makeup. What woman goes without makeup? Okay, that wasn’t right of him to think that way. A woman wasn’t always in makeup. His own wife, God rest her soul, didn’t always dress up. She had her down times too. Maybe that’s what this was, Tammy’s down times?

But if Tammy was a woman, even if she took downtimes, she would wear things that made her look like a woman. And here was some photos of Tammy with a very male like chest. Times when Tammy wasn’t wearing women’s clothing, but what looked to be things from when she was a man. There were times where she could be seen being quite manly, her hair covered in a cap, no padding, no bumps, nothing. It was like sometimes on Saturday when her roommate wasn’t at home, she’d spend time being as manly and as male as possible.

So, what was going on here? Was Tammy real? Was Tammy having doubts? Or was Tammy only shedding her clothes for a short while to relax when it wouldn’t bother that stylist girl she roomed with? It couldn’t be comfortable under all that padding she wears and the other stuff that women wear. But if Tammy was a girl, and wanted to be all girl, all the way, all the time …. Wouldn’t she be a girl every single moment?

He pulled up the phone over, pulling the cord to give him some extra room, and made a call to the specialist. Maybe they shouldn’t move forward. He had gotten the specialist to agree to all of this by subterfuge. He had even gotten a letter of transitioning sent to the specialist well before it was time. Something made a little easier by the therapist being so decisive early on. It shouldn’t be hard to direct him to take it a little more cautiously. Maybe instead of giving Tammy hormones, they could give her something harmless instead. Like a placebo. That would work. This way, if Tammy committed herself without a problem to the treatment, then it was the real deal. And if she balked, then something else was going on.

He rubbed his head as he waited on the call to be answered. This whole thing was giving him a headache. He wasn’t feeling well at all.

(two days later…)

“Mr. Corwin, it is good to see you again sir. How are you today?” Alice asked as she rose from her desk.

“Fine. Whatever it was, it was temporary.”

“It must be going around, Tammy was out as well yesterday.”

“Well if I remember right, she has today off today?”

“Yes sir. Some medical appointment or something that she needed. Honestly I don’t understand why she has the whole day off because of a doctor’s appointment.”

“That’s alright. Come with me Alice, I need to talk privately with you about something.”

Alice made a quick call to Florence and routed Jack’s calls to her office temporarily, then followed Jack into his office.

Jack directed her not to sit in her usual chair across the desk from him, but to the sitting area where she sat in the chair next to the couch. “What is it Mr. Corwin? What can I help you with?”

“Well, it’s all about Tammy I’m afraid.”

“Oh? Has there been problems with her work? She seems to be doing quite well.”

“How well is she doing?”

“Well, she’s still fairly new, but she’s picked up a lot in her first month here. I’d say she’s done very well for herself.”

“Good, good.” Jack thumped his hand on the sofa’s arm rest. He had to be careful in what he said, mindful of what the therapist had told him about Tammy’s views on what was happening at the office. The comment about how Tammy was sleeping around to get the job was ludicrous, but sometimes people were that stupid. “Tammy is causing me some problems.”

“Yes?”

“Well, it is nothing work wise mind you. I haven’t had any complaints about her work. And you and Florence have done a fantastic job of filling in any deficiencies that might have arisen while Tammy is getting up to speed. I’m very proud of all the work everyone has done. I’m also very pleased with your performance in Nancy’s place.”

Alice felt her mind go into shock. Jack never ever complimented any of the secretaries that she had heard of in her entire time of working at W, G, & D. She found her voice at last, “Thank you sir. I … well, I’m glad we’ve been able to do a good job for you.”

“Quite. I do appreciate it. But, Tammy’s time with us as a temporary is coming to a close. In two or four weeks from now, depending on when Nancy wants to return, Tammy is going to find her temporary status completed. I don’t know what to do with her at that point. She’s good enough, you’ve said, that she’ll be a benefit to the company. Still, we don’t have an executive secretary position open for her to fill. I’m not sure how she will do if we move her down to the secretary pool, or if the other ladies will be as accepting of her as you and the rest of the staff have been.”

Feeling only a slight bit of guilt at his statement, she tried to make him feel better for it. “Well, there will be friction, that’s for certain. But I think she’ll do find with the adjustment. The problem is, sir, there isn’t an available desk for her. We are at full staff. The economy, being what it is, has certainly given us a very stable workforce.”

“Indeed. Good ol’ Reagonomics has not pulled us out of the slump we’re in currently. That is what has me worried. We don’t really have a place for her at this time. I don’t want to release her, because she’s not likely to get a job out there. And I desire that she is taken care of in this regard.”

“Mr. Corwin, I’m sorry, but while I appreciate your concern for her, do you feel it is wise to upset the company for one temporary employee?”

“At times, yes. And this goes no further than this room here. Are you able to keep a secret?”

“Of course, sir. You can count on my confidence in all matters.”

“Well, you see, Tammy has a situation. She’s got … medical issues. I want to keep her employed so that she’s able to have these issues attended to. How do I put this? She’s … “

(currently…)

Terry stared up at the ceiling as he laid in bed. Lisa had been quite clear about the whole thing. Take time to relax today, but not to do any “boy time”.

So he laid there in bed, wearing a very silky nightgown from Lisa’s drawers. Glancing down, he was very aware that beyond not having much of a waist or hips, he looked every inch a girl with his flat front and his glued on prosthetics on his chest. He felt very fresh and soft today, after all the pampering Lisa had done on him the night before to calm him down. And even though he was still very much tucked into place down below, she had given him a very enjoyable and relaxing time.

He looked at the ceiling again, and repeated himself, “It has to be a joke. It has to be. He couldn’t have done …. It has to be a joke.”