Chapter Three: Girl Talk

She awoke the next morning, exhausted from her experiences the night before and the dreams that followed. It was already eight o’clock, more than an hour after her usual time for getting up. The house seemed cold, and Karen snuggled into a fetal position as she pondered how long she could lay there before rising and shivering as she got dressed.

Soon the memories of her love-making with Angela filled her mind, followed by concern that she hadn’t heard from Mark for nearly two days. Not even a text message or a cryptic email that might have at least ended with the words: “Love, Mark.” She knew he was busy practicing for the New Years’ Day bowl game, and that the practices had been intense and wearing. Certainly, he could have at least written a couple of words, like “miss you” or “love you” or even just “hi.”

Karen surrendered herself deeply under the covers, smelling the floral scents of Estee Lauder’s “Beautiful” scent, rising among the slightly sour smells of the bed clothes. She imagined Mark next to her; he always smelled of clean soap and a musky male deodorant, and she remembered how she thought his odor had scented her own bed clothes after only one night of sleeping together. It had been nearly a week since they were together, and yet she was convinced she could still find traces of his scent remaining.

How strong and protective he was! How safe and happy she felt in his arms, her weak, dainty body so soft and feminine nestled so sweetly into his muscular frame! Was it not heaven? Oh, Mark, my love, my sweetheart, my darling. Where oh where are you? Why don’t you let me know where you are?

A melancholy overtook her, weakening her and forcing her into a ball under the bedclothes, pondering that she may be doomed to a life of loneliness. Karen held that position for another 15 minutes, until she heard Sonny’s heavy footsteps bound down the hall outside her door. The sound of life beginning in the Hansson household finally awakened Karen from her depressed stupor, and she began chastising herself for her laziness of the morning. She had to be at work by 11 a.m., she knew, and it being New Years Eve it was expected to be a hectic busy day at the Olympus.

Her thoughts about Mark suddenly turned to anger. How dare he not message her? Well, she thought, the heck with him. Didn’t she have a date coming with Aaron? And maybe soon again with Angela? Why not enjoy life?

It was in that frame of mind that she showered, shaved the light fuzz under her arms and a little bit forming on her upper lip. Her chest, mercifully, was smooth and devoid of hair. Soft mounds of flesh formed her tiny breasts, and her slender shoulders and arms gave her the look of a young girl just emerging into womanhood. “My, I could pass for a 14-year-old,” she mused.

Putting on a bra, panties and a light pink sweat pants and top, she tied her hair into a hurried ponytail and put on white ankle socks with ballet flats. She hurried into the kitchen, hoping that her mother had prepared breakfast, like she always did on her days off. Only Sonny was in the kitchen, having helped himself to cereal and milk and seated at the table with the morning paper’s sport section spread out in front of him.

“Mom’s not up yet,” Sonny announced, clearly annoyed that he had to get his own breakfast. “Guess she had too much loving last night to care about us.”

“Now, Sonny, enough of that,” Karen scolded. “Mom works hard and she deserves a day off.”

“I think she cares more about that Harold than us,” he pouted.

Karen gave him a light slap on the head with the brushing of her hand, causing him to look up. “What’s that for?”

“For being an inconsiderate jerk,” she said.

For some reason, her little brother did not respond, and merely returned his attention to the sports page.

“I’ll make us something, Sonny,” Karen said, happy to assume the role as the “woman of the house,” at least for the morning. “How about bacon and eggs?”

“Will you, sis?”

“Sure, whaddya want?”

“Pancakes and sausage?”

“Sure, why not?” Karen said.

She went over and kissed her brother, pleased to be serving him. Sonny, however, in typical teen boy fashion, just brushed her away with a comment: “You’re always so mushy, Karen.”

“That’s the way we girls are, honey.”

She began preparing breakfast as Sonny finished his cereal and read his sports page.

“I see Mark’s team, Iowa State, is 13 point underdogs in that bowl game,” he said.

“Oh my.”

“I think they’re better than that, sis,” Sonny said. “They haven’t seen what Mark can do. He’s hot, sis.”

She smiled at his description of Mark being “hot.” Little did her brother know just how “hot.” But, why hadn’t Mark contacted her? Where was his message? Will he ever again contact her? Is he gone from her life? Was he hurt, or something?

After the two Hanssons finished their breakfast, Sonny looked at his sister and asked: “It looked like you and Angela had a hot time too last night.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Just the way you looked last night. You must have made love to her or something.”

Karen reddened, and merely answered: “No and it’s none of business anyway.”

Sonny looked at her and let out a sarcastic laugh. “You lie. You did, I know it, and you’re supposed to be a girl. Did your boy side take over?”

“Shut up Sonny,” she said angrily. “You don’t know anything about it.”

“Oh yeah? You’re a girl and she’s a girl. Having sex together. How sick is that?”

“None of your business.”

She ran from the room, beginning to cry, leaving the dirty dishes on the table.

*****
Karen lay on her bed, flat on her back, and looked upward. Her eyes were unseeing, as thoughts whirled about in her head. Sonny’s taunting words, “How sick is that?” bothered her; how “sick” indeed were her sexual encounters with Angela, she wondered. Intellectually she knew that lesbians existed — and that her friend Angela was among their number — but perhaps the puritan nature of her experiences in her short life made them seem perverse.

The fact was that she enjoyed her time with Angela, times of pure passion, yet mixed with a feeling of affection for the other. She found Angela to be strong, honest and outspoken, compared to her own hesitancies, equivocations and weaknesses. Karen loved being treated as a fragile person, in need of protection.

Was her renewed affection for Angela not just a substitution for Mark Hamilton, her absent boyfriend and supposed lover? Karen frankly was confused.

Her musings were interrupted by a gentle rap on her door. It was Sonny: “May I come in sis?”

“Yes,” she said, softly at first, and perhaps too soft for Sonny to hear.

“Can I sis? I’m sorry.”

“Yes, come in Sonny,” she said more loudly this time.

Sonny came in, and hesitantly walked over to his sister’s bed. He leaned down and kissed her tenderly on her lips. Instinctively, Karen grabbed her brother, forcing him to keep his head lowered and their lips together. After a brief moment of brotherly-sisterly kisses, she released him.

“I’m not mad at you, Sonny,” she said, as the boy sat down next to her on the bed. Karen took his hand, which had grown to be bigger than hers, despite their age differences.

“I shouldn’t have said those things,” he said.

“Maybe you should have, Sonny, even though, you should know, there’s nothing wrong for two girls — or even two boys — to love each other and to kiss and cuddle each other.”

“I know about gays and lesbians, sis,” the boy said, defensively.

“And you know Angela is a good friend, too, and has always supported your sister and helped her so much these days,” Karen continued.

“I know you have been friends with her for a long time, sis.”

“She’s a lesbian, but I think you suspected that.”

“Yes, I guessed that.”

“Well, I have made love with her, several times, and she’s treated me only like another girl, not a boy, and I enjoyed it, too,” Karen said.

“But what about your love with Mark?” Sonny said. “Aren’t you betraying him?”

Karen reddened. Her brother had hit the issue squarely. Her concerns with her relationships with Angela arose not because of lesbianism, but because of sharing her body with another person, thus betraying Mark Hamilton. Sonny must have recognized her troubled thinking, and he began affectionately brushing her hair; his touches were light and gentle, hardly in character with the brutish football player that he was developing into.

“Yes, Sonny,” she said, finally. “I am betraying him. I love him, dear.”

“I know you do, sis,” he said, leaning down and giving her another affectionate kiss, before getting up and leaving the room.

“I love you, little brother,” she yelled after him.

In a moment, she got herself up and into the shower, feeling better and eager to begin the day, realizing that she faced eight or more hours of work at the restaurant, a prospect that she actually welcomed, since she fit in so well at the Olympus, where she had become just one of the girls.

*****
Her cell phone sounded just as she was about to put on the skirt to her waitress uniform; she had showered, washed her hair, applied lotion to her body and put on her panties and bra. Struggling to the phone, as she pulled the skirt up to her waist, she got to it just before it hit the fourth ring and would go to voice mail.

“’lo,” she said breathlessly.

“Karen?” asked a hesitant voice.

“Yes, it’s me. Oh my God, it’s you, Mark.”

“Yes, it’s me. In the flesh.”

The words excited her, picturing him standing before her “in the flesh,” perhaps only in his boxer shorts while she stood in her bra, panties and skirt.

“Oh, darling,” she said in a rush. “I thought you forgot all about me.”

Immediately, she wished she could take the words back; she didn’t want to sound like a nagging girlfriend.

“I don’t blame you, Karen,” Mark reassured her.

“Couldn’t you call?”

“Not for two days. Coach took away all our cell phones and iPads and stuff. He said no outside communications for two days. He really drilled us, but he’s given us all six hours of freetime now, hoping we can relax before the big game tomorrow.”

“Oh Mark, I thought it might be something like that. I missed hearing from you.”

“I missed you, too, Karen, but coach really kept us busy. I couldn’t even see my family, and they’re here for the game. I’m so excited about the game tomorrow.”

“I’ll pray for you, Mark, but don’t get hurt, honey, please don’t get hurt.”

“Don’t worry,” he laughed. “I got a big, strong offensive line to protect me.”

“But you guys play so rough.”

“I’ll be all right, dear. Just pray for a win.”

“My brother and I’ll watch the game together, Mark,” she continued. “You’re his hero and he thinks you’ll surprise everyone there.”

“Give him a hug for me. I can see he’s a real gamer, just like his sister.”

The two conversed for nearly half an hour, when Karen had to break off, since she had to continue getting ready for work. She was all smiles as she dressed, fixed her hair and put on her makeup. She promised she’d call him during her break.

*****
Cecelia Hansson looked up as Karen entered the kitchen.

“That waitress outfit looks just so cute on you, dear,” she said.

Karen did a bit of a twirl, and replied: “Thanks, mom. I love it, too. I’m so happy they selected this style.”

“It makes you look so delightfully feminine.”

“It makes me feel that way, too, mom.”

Her mother reached out to grab Karen’s hand. “I know you’re on your way to work, dear, but can you spare a couple of minutes?”

“Sure, mom. In fact I got time for a cup of coffee with you.”

“Oh darling, I just love having a daughter to share girl talk with,” Cecelia said.

Karen kissed her mom and then got herself a cup of coffee, and brought the carafe over to fill her mother’s cup.

“I love being your daughter, mom,” Karen said as she sat at the corner of the table.

“Oh it’s not that I didn’t love Kenny, either, but I kinda like having mother-daughter closeness.”

Karen took a sip of her coffee; despite her mother’s apparent pleasure of the moment, Karen sensed there was something bothering her.

“Mom, what’s this all about? Are you really pleased with me, or has all this change bothered you?”

“Oh no, honey, not at all,” her mother said, patting her hand affectionately. “I can’t even look at you and ever think you were anything but my daughter now. It was a bit strange at first, but I love you so much, dear. Just so pretty a girl, too.”

“Thanks, mom, but I have a pretty mom that’s responsible for me.”

“Don’t lie to me, Karen. I’ll never be as pretty as you are. I’m just too fat.”

Karen giggled. “Mom, don’t be silly. I bet Michael likes you just as you are.”

Cecelia blushed. “As a matter of fact, he does.”

“See.”

“Oh honey,” her mother began, her voice getting a bit soft. “That’s just it. He seems to adore me, and he’s already talking about marrying me.”

Karen was shocked. Her mother and Michael had only been dating about a month, but they had known each other for years. Michael was a lawyer by occupation and a specialist in navigating federal Medicaid rules. Cecelia met him during their fairly frequent meetings, and soon developed a close working relationship. She found Michael to be a fierce negotiator for the hospital, but reasonable and honest in his efforts, rarely trying to use legal niceties to avoid the rulings of the government.

Cecelia realized after nearly a year that she was growing fond of her associate, even fantasizing to herself that she might like to go to bed with him. Apparently, the feeling was mutual, for after a year of awkwardness — in which both were secretly worried over a conflict of interest that might be developing due to their fondness for each other — Michael called her at home one night and announced he would no longer be representing the hospital.

“I suggested that the hospital should accept another lawyer from our firm, and they protested at first, but they finally did and I’ll no longer be representing them, Cecelia,” he announced.

Cecelia remembers how shocked she was at the call. “Oh, Michael, I’m sorry to hear that. I’ve always liked dealing with you,” she responded.

Michael told her the name of the new attorney and promised Cecelia that she (the new attorney was a woman) would be honest and fair in representing the hospital. “I think you two will be able to work together,” he said.

“I thought we had a pretty smooth relationship, even though you could be so pig-headed,” she told him with a slight chuckle.

“You, too,” he said. And they both laughed.

He suggested the two might have dinner some night together to celebrate their work together. Karen remembers how giddy and nervous her mother had been in preparing for that “first date,” having not been out with a man for more than 20 years. Cecelia called Karen at school to ask about what clothes to wear, whether to put on perfume and whether she should invite him in for a drink when they got home.

That first date occurred a week after Thanksgiving and the two dated at least once a week since; it became obvious by the time Karen got home for the Christmas holidays that her mother was in love. Karen met him only once, briefly, when he picked up her mother for a date on the Saturday night before Christmas and found him to be pleasant. He seemed to be such a quiet, respectful man that Karen could not picture him as being a tough legal advocate.

“He’s talking about marriage so soon, mom?” Karen asked.

“Oh, he doesn’t want to do it immediately, Karen. He just raised the issue last night, and just said he wondered what I thought about marrying again.”

“What did you say, mom? I knew you weren’t interested in the past.”

Cecelia smiled. “I didn’t give him an answer, if you’re worried about that, Karen. I told him I wasn’t sure, yet, and that a lot stood on what you kids thought. I love you both so much.”

Karen smiled. She figured that would be her mother’s major concern.

“Mom, I want you to be happy,” Karen said without hesitation. “Michael seems to be great and I’d like to spend more time with him. But if you are in love with him, I’d say go for it. And, Sonny should feel the same.”

“That’s just it, Karen,” Cecelia began. “I don’t think Sonny is happy with the idea of another man in our life.”

Karen nodded her head. “Yes, Sonny seems to have his nose a bit out of joint over your dating,” she said.

“I’ll love him just as much, married or not married, Karen.”

“I know mom, and Sonny should realize, too, that if you’re happy, then we’ll all be happier,” Karen said. “Sonny sounds just a bit jealous and probably not comfortable with his mother being in bed with another man and having sex together.”

Cecelia blushed.

“Look, mom, Sonny will come around, I’m sure. And I’m sure he’ll come to like Michael, too.”

“Would you talk to him, darling? I know Sonny really listens to you.”

Karen kissed her mother, and left for work. She and her mother had always been closer; yet Karen felt a more intense intimacy between the two of them as she began to live as a girl.

*****
The lunchtime at the Olympus was a bit less busy than usual, due likely to the fact that it was Dec. 31 and most companies were closed. After lunch, the day grew busier with larger groups of families coming, along with casual stops for late lunches or early dinners.

“Thanks, Karen,” Beatrice said as the two met at the computer to enter bills for customers.

“What for?”

“For taking me along to the nursing home. That was sweet of you.”

This was the second time that Beatrice had thanked her for including her on the trip to the nursing home. Karen felt, too, that Beatrice was totally sincere in her expressions of gratitude, and it got Karen to wonder. What happened to Beatrice’s single-minded interest in seeming to push her version of God’s word, particularly with the thought that Karen’s gender issues were sinful and blasphemy?

“I think the folks out there enjoyed having you visit, Beatrice,” Karen said. “You can go on your own now, if you wish.”

“Too bad you’re going back to school soon. We could have gone together.”

“That would be nice, Beatrice.”

Beatrice began to redden and Karen sensed the girl wanted to say something.

“What is it, Beatrice? What do you want to tell me?”

Just then, Lucy, the hostess came by, and said softly to Beatrice, “The folks at table six want their check, Beatrice.”

Karen put out her hand to hold Beatrice and asked again: “What is it, Beatrice?”

“Oh, nothing, Karen,” she said hurriedly, and ran off to table six.

Seeking later in the day to probe Beatrice, Karen asked during their afternoon break about whether she was going back to the nursing home to visit Mr. Freeman, the elderly African-American gentleman she had befriended.

“Oh yes, he was so sweet,” Beatrice said.

“Maybe his grandson will be there, too,” Karen said.

“Oh, I don’t know,” Beatrice said, faking badly at being nonchalant.

“He really seemed nice, and so good-looking, too.”

“I guess so but I didn’t notice that.” With that Beatrice charged into the restroom, leaving Karen alone at the break table, where she was soon joined by Sharon, the restaurant’s senior waitress who had become Karen’s closest friend on the job.

“That girl seems to have loosened up the last few days, Karen,” Sharon offered.

“She has, hasn’t she?”

“I wonder what caused it. She even seems friendly with you, now.”

“She is, Sharon, and I think she accepts me for who I am now, too. It all seemed to change when I asked her to join several of us girls for a visit to the nursing home where she grew especially fond of a black man who was a patient. It may have opened up her mind a bit.”

“I think so and really Beatrice is a good soul underneath her stern exterior, Sharon,” Karen said. “I think she’s finally accepting me as a girl.”

Sharon smiled, placing her hand on Karen’s arm. “It’s hard not to accept you as a girl, dear.”

Later, fixing up her makeup in the restroom, Karen smiled as she looked at her image in the mirror. She loved how totally feminine she looked in the Olympus waitress outfit, the peasant blouse with its ruffled, scooped bodice and short puffed sleeves that exposed her slender, pretty arms and white slim neck. She just wished she had larger breasts to fill out her figure, thinking again that she looked like she had a body of the 14-year-old girl.

During the day, Karen realized she had attracted the attention of numerous young men, several of whom practiced some corny lines in attempting to flirt with her. “What time you get off tonight, dear?” asked one cocky, swarthy looking man with slicked back hair and a bushy mustache.

“Do you really want to know, sir?” she responded.

The man was momentarily stunned by a response that seemed to accept his potential invitation. “Oh yes, I’d love to see you then,” he said.

“Well about 10 o’clock,” she said in a teasing tone.

“Wow, I’ll be here then.”

“So will my boyfriend and he’s six feet, four inches tall. I know he’d like to meet you,” she said, putting the check down. “You may pay the cashier, sir.”

She walked away to hear the young man’s friends laughing out loud at the man’s obvious embarrassment.

“You’re getting good at heading off those advances, Karen,” Sharon whispered. “I thought Mark is not here, but down in Florida for a bowl game. It’s OK to lie in these situations.”

Karen smiled: “It was only a tiny lie. I am meeting this guy, Aaron, after work. Aaron is not a real boyfriend, and while he is tall, I’m sure he’s not much of a fighter. He’s pretty skinny, but he’s sweet.”

“I wondered, Karen, about this Aaron, since you’ve expressed real love for Mark.”

“Yes, Mark is number one in my heart and I’m so worried he’ll get hurt, Sharon. I wished he didn’t play football. I’ll probably not look at the screen tomorrow when he’s back to pass, worried about how hard he might get hit. My date with Aaron really isn’t a boy-girl thing; he just wants to be my friend, I guess.”

“You’re certainly a popular girl,” Sharon said, heading off to take an order.