She had lost everything but her teddy bear and an old blanket.

I crawled into the dumpster behind my apartment complex hugging my teddy bear. Persey tried to cheer me up, saying, “Mommy, it will be all right, we have got through worse.” But we both knew it had never been this bad.

I had managed to grab an old blanket and Persey as I was forcibly being removed from my apartment. They came at midnight, just as the eviction notice had warned. They were prompt. I had to give them that.

I wrapped that blanket around us as I huddled in the back corner of the dumpster. It was supposed to get down into the 20's tonight, and I knew that the blanket would not be enough to keep us warm, but I had to try. Persey deserved it.

If we could get though the night, then maybe I could get to the city to find a shelter. It was unlikely though. Most shelters here do not take in pre-op trans-women. It was the only option I had left.

So we lay back and watched the beautiful night sky. I so loved the stars. I kept telling myself I should learn their names, and still had not put aside the time to do it. I was thinking that maybe get through this night I would make the time. I remembered as a Boy Scout it had been a luxury to lay and watch the stars. I never imagined I would end up here.

It did not start out that way.

He was a well paid professional working for one of the top online retailers. He had a family with two beautiful and intelligent children and his life was going well. Only, it was all an illusion, based on the idea that he was actually male.

Then his parents died an he fell into a horrible depression. His father had been his rock and without him, he could no longer fend off those demons inside. He did try and cope, and even increased his psychological medications, but it just was not enough to keep him stable.

He lost him job shortly after that; for cause. They said too many late days and absences. It was all too easy for his new boss to discard his years of devotion. His boss could not be patient knowing he was having troubles, but would eventually be okay. The boss wanted results now! And even though he had saved the company millions of dollars and was one of their top architects, that was all in the past and unimportant. He was just a statistic and now he was gone.

After his insurance ran out, he had to go off of the drugs that held him together. They say, “Never quit taking your psych meds unless approved by your Dr.” Ironic that rule assumes you can afford to see your Doctor and purchase the medications. Only without the medications, he could not maintain a semblance of a normal life. Eventually, it became impossible for him to get through an interview without a panic attack, effectively making him unemployable.

The voices started then. They told him that society had made it's choice. He was not deemed worth saving. They only wanted responsible, contributing members. Not sick people pretending to be normal. They told him that they would be better off without him. Even his wife began telling him the same things. And he believed all of it.

The suicide attempts began shortly after that. She ended up being kept mostly sedated in order to stabilize her mood swings. So much so that he qualified for disability because he was no longer able to leave the house on his own. The disability checks were not much, but they allowed him to survive and be responsible for his children.

After the last suicide attempt, something finally clicked and she awoke. After almost two years of intense therapy, she began her journey to be her true self and started Hormone therapy. Two months after HRT began, she was asked to move out by her wife, so she found a roommate and left.

Now even that had fallen through, and and here she was, all alone.

I tried to fight them, but still those voices kept coming back. “You are worthless. You need to be responsible provide for yourself. You are a waste of my tax money. It is too bad that you did not just die.” Looking at where I was, I began thinking maybe I don't belong in this world, and that perhaps it is better this way.

I cried until there were no more tears left. Only now I was colder than I was before.

My shivering got really bad. I had to bite down on a corner of the blanket to keep my teeth from shattering together. I realized I was not going to make it though the night, but that was okay now. I had not given up. That was the important thing.

When I thought I could not stand the cold any longer, a feeling of warmth enveloped me, and I felt at peace. I whispered, “Good night Persey,” and closed my eyes and dreamed of the warmth of my father's arms around me. Of my father telling me, “It is okay now, just rest my wonderful daughter.” Oh I had longed for that, and now he was here. And then I slept in peace.