Chapter 9

January snow blew hard against the cabin, building a thick blanket over the mountain, covering it in white. Kodiak had left the cabin and was heading to the smokehouse for meat that had been cured late in the fall. It was unmistakable that I was pregnant; there was no way to doubt the fact that our kicking child was growing inside of me.

Kodiak had become quite the caretaker of me. He wouldn't allow me to do anything physical. Though we had been forced to sleep in the same bed, only to stay warm...he never once had done anything to take advantage of our predicament...though, why would it matter now. I waited at the kitchen window for him to return, slowly sipping on my coffee. I too had grown accustomed to the fact that I would be a mother, slowly warming up to the undeniable truth that it would happen whether I liked it or not.

I heard a bang against the door and decided that Kodiak had his arms full and was trying to get me to open it up for him. I opened it to swirling snow...nobody was there. I stuck my head outside, "Kodiak?"

Nothing. I returned into the room and pulled down my thick winter shawl, throwing it around my shoulders. Once again I returned to the door and peered out, "Kodiak?" I shouted over the stiff wind.

Still no one answered. I stepped out and stood on the little porch and again shouted as loud as I could to be heard over the icy blast. "KODIAK?" Slowly I worked my way to the corner of the cabin and began to walk toward the smokehouse where he had said he would be.

I saw him finally pop the door open, "WHAT?" I stopped and smiled. "WHAT'S WRONG?" He shouted over the wind.

"Nothing, I was just worried!" I smiled and slowly started to turn back toward the house.

Suddenly, even before I could face the cabin, I heard a huge cracking sound.

"LAUREN!!!" came the shout from behind me, swallowed in the wind.

As I turned, looking over my shoulder, I saw a great fear in his eyes as he started racing toward me. When I followed his gaze, my heart fell into my feet. A towering pine was slowly twisting toward me in its spiraling fall in the wind, broken by the weight of the snow.

Everything immediately went dark.

Chapter 10

It seemed as if I was out for only a second or two as Kodiak scrambled through the twisted branches to me. "Oh God...oh God!" he cried. I was completely dazed, unable to keep my eyes open for any great length of time.

He stepped over me and grasped the trunk of the pine, pushing branches from his way. "God no...please no!" he gasped through his tears. Even though my eyes were dazed, it seemed as if he had the strength of a dozen men, as he literally lifted the tree off and pushed it almost three full feet with his powerful legs. Then facing away from the pine, shoved it another several feet using only his back and legs. As soon as he had it off of me, he scrambled to my side.

"No...please no!" he cried again as he gathered me up in his arms. "Don't let this happen now, God!"

He carried me as he raced toward the house where he pushed aside the door and carried me to the bed, where he laid me down. He returned to the door and closed it, tossing his coat on a chair as he ran past.

I was in great pain. It felt as though my whole body was on fire. Kodiak removed my shoes and quickly began tearing my clothing from me. "Can you hear me?" he cried.

I nodded, "Wha...what happened?" I asked, but remembered the falling tree. "Are you okay?" I whispered, seeing the concern on his handsome face.

"I'm fine...it's you and the baby that I'm worried about!" He did a quick inspection of my extremities. "Anything broken?"

I concentrated hard, slowly moving each limb and testing them. "No...I don't think anything's broken." He lowered his head and cried as he kissed my hand, then finally he sat up and reached for my belly.

Caressing the swell of my stomach he asked, "Our baby...do you think it's okay?"

I gently placed my hand on his, "I hope so..." But deep down I was afraid that something horrible had just happened. It was something that I was afraid to even think about, let alone speak aloud.

Chapter 11

Within the week, our greatest fears came to pass. While Kodiak was away, I miscarried. I lay on the bed crying as I held our son's lifeless body, perfectly formed, yet so tiny. Slowly, I cleaned up myself. Then I turned to the task of our little boy, bawling for the child who would never come to know his mother or father.

As I wrapped him in a blanket, Kodiak entered. "What you got there?"

I began to cry, falling to my knees beside the bed. Instantly he was beside me. "Our son. I...I miscarried. He...he was stillborn." I tried to fight through my tears, but it became worse when I could see his eyes glass over too.

"I'll take him...bury him a proper grave," he choked out his words.

For the rest of the afternoon he scraped the snow and ice away from the ground. Using a pickaxe he dug our son a small grave. By evening, he was buried...and we were alone.

In tears I stood at the window, staring at the small hand-made cross that marked Ephraim's grave. I cried and I cried and I cried. He had been named for Kodiak's grandfather, and it seemed proper that he should have a name even though he would never really know it. Come spring, Kodiak had promised me that Ephraim would have a proper stone marker, and I could plant flowers in that area...little comfort that would be.

I lowered my head and cried into my apron, sinking to the floor. It was the same, just like I've done for the past month and a half. Each and every single day. "When will you take the pain away, God?" I whispered through my tears.

Chapter 12

Spring on the mountain came early. With spring came hope and change. Yet, I still grieved for Ephraim and would go to his grave often; even though the pain never really left...it just became easier to bear. Kodiak had been gone for two days, hunting in the valley with a friend from town named Quin. Apparently, they had arranged it long ago, meeting just after the snows melted away each year thereafter.

I had just finished sweeping out the kitchen, gathered my shawl and moved onto the porch. With Kodiak's handmade broom, I pushed the dust into a pile and transported it to the edge of the field.

As I turned, I caught sight of a tiny yellow flower growing near Ephraim's grave. Slowly walking toward it, I placed the broom against the tree. I had seen flowers like this one before but never had I seen one away from the city. I gently touched its soft petals, taking care to not harm it. Not ten feet away was the grave of our son.

I decided at that moment that this beautiful flower should be moved to Ephraim's grave, where it could grow and hopefully spread cheer to all who should see it. There was also another motive for moving the pretty flower - I had become so afraid that I would lose the location where he had been buried. Kodiak had yet to make a proper marker and for now, the flower would help me locate it if the woods reclaimed this area once again.

I quickly gathered my broom and returned it to the porch, and then I immediately went to Kodiak's tool shed where I found a spade. Once again I stood before the delicate yellow bloom. Carefully, I dug around it to gently remove it from its home, keeping a good size clump of soil so that the roots wouldn't be harmed. Within an hour, I was pressing the soil by its base with my fingers.

I began to think as I pressed down on that soil. This flower was a lot like me, alone, dainty, and beautiful. I realized that I was stuck in this shell I'd been given, left to fend for myself. I had no hope of ever going back to what had once been. I too knew that I was pretty, even though it loathed me to admit it...and just like that beautiful flower, I had my place and for better or worse, it was here. Leaning back I admired its yellow bloom. "You know, someday I'll plant others just like you around this place..."

I realized then, that this flower needed more just like itself, many to become the beautiful blanket for Ephraim that I had imagined...and just like me, I would need others surrounding me, completing the life that I was destined to live...my start was here with Ephraim and Kodiak. I had lost Ephraim to death, and I realized that I cared for Kodiak so much that I would die for him...and without him.

I stood and brushed myself off, turning when I heard a noise coming through the woods. It was Kodiak and another man leading a big bay horse. Upon the horses back, lay a decent-sized deer. Kodiak picked his way toward me, leaving the other man lead the horse toward the smokehouse.

"Hi, Lauren," he said with a smile.

I ran my hand through my hair and pointed toward Ephraim's grave. "I found a plant with pretty yellow blooms; I hope it was okay to move it here."

He smiled, gently brushing dirt from my cheek. "It was some my Samantha brought from out east, I'm sure she'd approve of where you planted it." He pulled his hat down from his head and stared at me for almost a full minute. "How you a'holden up?"

I gave him a short nod. "I'm doing fine...planting that flower felt like one of the most important things I've done in awhile." I looked toward the smokehouse and the man who was waiting patiently there. "Is that your friend from town?"

"Yeah, that's Quin. He's a good kid." As we started to walk in that direction, I picked up the spade from where I had left it. Kodiak promptly took it from me and...I let him.

"I'll introduce you as soon as we get this button buck hung." I slowly headed toward the house, watching Kodiak and Quin untie the deer.

"No sense in watching them!" I said to myself as I returned to the house and began to prepare lunch for the three of us. I pulled Kodiak's heavy iron skillet down from its hook on the wall and set it on the top of the stove. After getting a small fire going inside, I scooped a small amount of bacon grease into the skilled to melt. While that melted, I fixed up a fresh pot of coffee.

I had figured that Kodiak would be home sometime today, so in preparation, I brought a few ham steaks in from the smoke house early that morning. I hadn't planned on Quin coming with him, though, so I had to stretch our meal slightly.

After the ham steaks had been cooked, I cubed potatoes, onions and a couple of eggs into the heavy skillet. With the ham, potatoes and some biscuits I made yesterday...we'd do just fine. When everything was close to being ready, I threw on my shawl and hurried across the yard to where the men were working.

They were cleaning their knives from a bucket, huge chunks of meat hung from hooks suspended from beams. Both men looked up as I opened the door.

"Lunch is on," I said quickly.

"Quin, this here's my misses, Lauren." Kodiak indicated with a nod of his head, "Lauren, this is my good friend, Quin."

"Please to meet you, ma'am," Quin said smiling, "I'd shake your hand but..." He glanced down at the blood on them from the deer.

"I understand." I smiled, "I'm glad you can stay and have lunch with us!"

"So am I," Kodiak said as he laid his clean knives on the table, "Lauren here is a pretty good cook."

I laughed with embarrassment and rolled my eyes as I closed the door, returning to the house. Once inside, I re-hung my shawl and pulled down three plates. I quickly pushed a thick steak onto each of their plates, the smaller one on mine. Beside it, I placed a generous portion of potatoes.

I tossed a few biscuits into a bowl and placed silverware beside each plate. The door opened and both men walked in. Each was quite tall in his own right, and quite handsome, but Kodiak was a mountain compared to Quin. I glanced up from pouring the coffee, "Kodiak, I need a ball of butter from the shed."

He never even spoke as he gathered a teacup from a hook on the shelf. He held up a finger and pointed toward the door, quickly following it out in a very boyish way that caused Quin and me to laugh.

"That husband of yours is sure a goof," he laughed, hanging his hat on one of our hooks."

"That he is, Quin," I said, still laughing.

"So...uh...where does everyone sit?" I pointed for Quin to sit at my usual place, opposite Kodiak. Today, I would sit beside my husband, for that was who he was. I felt pride in finally admitting it to myself.

Not more than a minute passed, when Kodiak came back inside. He handed the cup full of butter to me, and then came around to assist me in my chair. "Smells really good," he commented as he pushed me toward the table, and then took his seat.

"Sure does," piped in Quin. "It's been quite awhile since I had a real good meal inside this cabin." He then mouthed the words to me, He isn't very good; and then jokingly placing his hand beside his mouth on the wrong side, which enabled Kodiak see him.

Kodiak frowned, and then smiled, as he was cutting the thick slice of ham. "Just what did you call the meal I cooked yesterday when we were hunting?"

Quin smiled, and gave me a quick wink. "I'm not sure what you could call it...but I'm pretty sure it wasn't food."

Kodiak looked at me, and pointed his fork at Quin, "Ya see what I have to put up with?"

I laughed at his comment, knowing full well that the two were very good friends and would lay their own life down for the other in an instant. You could see that friendship, I was very thankful he had a good friend like Quin.

The two of them kept at each other through most of the meal, trading barbs back and forth the whole time. By the end, my face and stomach hurt from laughing.

After supper, I began to busy myself cleaning up the dishes, while Kodiak and Quin moved to the porch and sat down. Quin quietly snapped a twig into smaller pieces, throwing each tiny piece off the porch as he talked. "Kodiak?"

"Yeah." The big man as he propped his feet on a small stack of wood.

"You been down near my Grandfather's old homestead lately?" He made the motion of tossing, but through the kitchen curtains, I could see nothing leave his hand.

"Not since just before winter...why?" Kodiak looked across, because his friend seemed troubled.

He glanced down at the twig he just broke. "There was this scrawny kid that came into Grandpa's store awhile back, he was buying supplies." Again he tossed the small portion. "He implied that he was living with his mother outside of town. Funny thing is...I dragged a girl out of my granddad's pond just a few days ago, she had almost drowned. The girl and boy are the same."

"You trying to say that the girl became the boy?" he asked, and then looked directly toward the window that I was working behind. I touched my lips, wondering if whatever happened to me, happened to her.

Quin laughed. "No, I don't think so...but, for whatever reason she was just dressing as a boy. She's been calling herself, Sam."

Kodiak began laughing, "Sam...Samantha! Ha! She's the little gal I took down from my mountain just last spring! So, she's the one who's been hiding out at your grandpa's homestead? I wonder how she stayed hidden from you since then?"

"I'm not sure. She probably been living off the land for the most part, but to stay out there alone, must have sure been hell for her!" Quin brushed his hands, "That old home of Grandpa's is pretty sound, it should have stayed warm providing a person had enough to burn on those early cool April and May evenings."

"It sure can get downright cold even in the early spring!" Kodiak agreed. "Seen it snow a time or two in early May- below the mountain, even as low as the valley. We had a March thaw up here, when I took her down to the bottom of the mountain. I even pointed out the direction of the town and figured she'd be heading that way when I left her." He laughed, "Apparently, she didn't go there and headed toward your Grandfather's old homestead instead."

"Question is, was she cutting firewood, or just finding limbs and such lying around?" Kodiak wondered aloud.

"There had been a good pile that was already there, but I doubt it if there was enough to last all that time, she'd have to burn just about whatever she could find to stay warm." He yawned and stretched, "Most likely is why we're missing rails on our corral and other pens. She was using them as firewood! Sam must have used Grandpa's old cross-cut saw to cut it into length."

"What you going to do with her? Ask her to leave?" He laughed as he knew that Quin didn't have it in him to tell a girl to go. "As I recall, she was pretty easy on the eyes...but a bit loopy for my taste. I didn't really get into sparking young gals until Lauren came, now...well, she wasn't that keen on me at first...but I've grown on her." His comment caused me to smile, I laughed as I began to dry our dishes and put them carefully away as I eavesdropped.

Quin gave him an uneasy glance, as if he had a question that he wanted to ask but couldn't figure out how to word it. Finally, from his body language, I decided that he had given up asking it all together. I pulled down two of Kodiak's best cups and filled them with coffee that had just finished.

I took their lull in conversation, at that moment to step out onto the porch; both men looked up at me. In my hands I held the two steaming cups of coffee. "Brought you something, figured with as much talking as you two are doing...you'd be a might thirsty."

From that point on, the conversation turned to weather, hunting, trapping, Quin's grandfather and the town. How I wished they would have continued to talk about the girl, I'd have loved to know more about her...but it wasn't meant to be. So, as evening slowly arrived on our mountain, Quin had said his goodbyes and left for home.

Chapter 13

We were settling down for the night and I was returning from the privy with the lantern. Kodiak was sitting in his rocker softly humming to himself when I walked in.

"Lauren...thanks," he said.

I paused, setting the lantern on the table. "Thanks? For what?" I asked, unsure of what I was being thanked for.

"Thanks for just being you..." he said, glancing up at me. "...and thanks for treating my friend Quin so nice."

"He thinks a lot of you," I said as I hung up my shawl.

"He thinks a lot of you too!" he said softly, as if something was troubling him.

"Why the concern?" I asked as I returned to the rocker. "Is there something you're not telling me?"

"Well...I got to thinking. You and Quin are about the same age and all, maybe you should have married someone closer to your own age...like Quin."

I pointed my finger at him and scolded, "Now just a minute, mister! First of all, he already knows that we are married, you told him that! Secondly, it sounded to me like he already has designs on the girl staying at his grandfather's and besides, Kodiak, you aren't going to push me away just to get rid of me!"

He looked up at me quickly. "Is that what you think? I'm trying to be rid of you?" He was confused and looked away. "That's the last thing I want to do...I was just saying if you wanted..."

I sat down on the arm of the chair, put my hands on his cheeks and turned his face to mine. "There's a small part of both of us on this little patch of earth, and when he passed, that part was buried out there in the ground...and I'm never leaving him. Ever!" Kodiak remained quiet and gently took my hands into his own. "His father and mother didn't choose to be thrown together on this mountain...it just happened." I looked down at his hand as he held mine. "It happened, and at the time I was confused, but I'm okay with it now...should it ever happen again."

I really wasn't looking directly at Kodiak, but rather felt his gaze settle on me. "Do you realize what you're saying?" He asked.

I smiled. "I know exactly what I'm saying...and I'm okay with it now." Turning toward him I laid my head upon his big shoulder, and then he pulled me into his lap and held me. "Somewhere along the way, I found that I love you, Kodiak...and I would be lost without you!" I gave him a great hug and sat with my head cradled near his neck.

I felt his chest quiver, I knew he was crying. He couldn't say anything at the moment, but returned his love with a tender hug.

After an hour of our cuddling, I eased myself from his lap and took him by the hand. "Let's go on to bed."

He rose to his feet and plodded to the bed where he removed his shoes. I crawled in behind him and slipped under the covers. Kodiak slid down his suspender straps and removed his shirt. Standing up, he let his pants drop to the floor. As he was about to climb under the covers he realized that I was completely naked. "Lauren? You sure about this?"

I smiled and laid my head on his pillow, gently smoothing the sheet where I wanted him to lay. "I'm ready now...it's been almost five months."

Kodiak began to remove his long underwear, "I ain't trying to force you into anything..."

"I know what I'm doing," I stated as he crawled under the cover, completely naked.

He laid his head down and I leaned upon his thick chest, my smooth thigh laying over his. "I want to do this the right way, Kodiak," I said as I gently began to caress him.

"So...you don't want a repeat of the last time?" He held my face and smiled, "Well, what you're doing seems to be working."

I kissed his chest as he ran his huge hand from my shoulder to the small of my back. After a moment of hesitation, he continued until his hand was resting on my smooth, rounded bottom. His penis was completely stiff, rising out of him like some grand oak. I leaned over and kissed him deeply, and his male smell was driving me insane with desire.

Laying my head on his shoulder, I whispered, "Make love to me."

Gently he rolled me to my back and straddled my hips; one at a time I moved my own to the outside of his. He held himself above me, supported on his knees with his hands on each side of my shoulders. "You sure about this?"

I nodded. "More than ever, Kodiak. I've spent too much time looking backward, not realizing what I have right here...with you. I owe you so much and I want to spend the rest of our lives showing you how much you mean to me." I reached downward and gently guided him toward my feminine opening.

"I don't want you doing this just because you feel like you owe me." He paused, waiting for my answer.

I kissed Kodiak, his lips were surprisingly soft. "I know you love me...and even though I've been denying it since that day under the hide, I realized today that I'd never be truly happy without you in my life...as a part of my life. I love you, Kodiak."

His eyes glassed over as I slowly moved my legs higher, wrapping them as far as I could around his torso. We couldn't take our eyes off each other as he pushed forward, filling me with his manliness.

Each thrust from him sent me further and further over the edge, like I was caught up in a whirlwind! My mind swam; I could feel the power of his body in each push, like a lion, the muscles in his back gathering for the next. I felt so small laying under my husband, yet felt as completely a woman as I'd ever been! I wanted him to complete me once again. I wanted him to send me into the oblivion that I had felt on that day Ephraim was conceived. I wanted to know how motherhood felt once again, to feel our child growing inside of my womb! I wanted to carry his child once again.

I became lost in the moment, my mind flooded by rapture and bliss! So powerful was the passionate feeling washing through me that I couldn't control myself any longer! I began matching his thrusts with my own, timing them to give pleasure to us both. He closed his eyes and shuddered, a soft grunt came from his throat. I on the other hand was beyond human; I had become some beast, wanting nothing more than to become what my mate wanted of me! My breath was so full of desire that it was expelled in one huge sigh, seeming to leave my throat like steam from a train's whistle.

Inside of my body, I could feel his seed coursing its way into my womb, racing to overwhelm my egg with an onslaught not seen since the rains which crashed against the ark's side, lifting it upward for it's journey to the mountain. Again I felt him shudder, pumping even more into my waiting femininity. I was his now...forever more and always.

Chapter 14 - Epilogue

Kodiak walked into the house and stamped the snow from his feet, "Sure is a pretty day for a ride!"

I looked at Kodiak from my book and smiled. At forty-seven, the gray was settling into his hair thicker now, almost turning it salt and peppered in the process. I was thankful that I still had enough darkness in my own hair to keep me from looking like an old woman. It would have been hard for anyone to mistake me for an old woman; I was just inside my mid thirties...and still could hold the eye of my handsome husband.
He smiled as he caught me looking at him, "What?"

"Did you talk to them?" I nodded toward the door.

"The boys? Sure." He hung his hat up and followed it with his thick coat. "I told Robert and James what we expected from them."

"Did they take the wagon?" I asked.

"No. I let them take the sleigh." He smiled and sat down in his rocker, "Bells and all..." He laughed as I frowned. "They won't get cold either...the boys took those soft bear hides we had."

"Aren't you afraid that the sleigh is just a mite too cozy? After all, they're riding with Abigail and Cassandra, Quin and Samantha's twin daughters. Quite a lot can happen under bear hides, you remember." I gave him a knowing look, completely sure he knew what I meant.

"They'll be okay, it has two seats and they are staying away from water." he said with a yawn and smiled, running his hand through his wild hair. "Besides, those girls are good girls, so Robert and James will treat them well and be on their best behavior."

I smiled and stood, walking to the window and looking out at the late winter landscape. "I have plans for a passel of grandchildren and I don't want our boys messing that up!"

He gave me a sly glance, "You figuring that it's those girls, and our boys that'll be giving them to you?" He laughed, making a grab for my waist. "Why...you conniving old female."

"Old?" I spun away giggling, but his persistence paid off and he dragged me into his lap. Laughing, I flattened his hair with my fingertips and kissed him. Leaning in, I touched my nose to his, "I wouldn't have it any other way, old man."