Evolution / 10

 

Susan sat alone in her room, both exhausted and bored.   She had been on the spot, or in the spotlight, for months now, and just as the pressure and excitement seemed to be letting up for everyone else, it seemed to be worsening for her.   She hadn’t slept well–if at all–for several nights now, but felt that tonight she’d finally be able to collapse, if from exhaustion more than a desire for rest.   Only one person seemed to have things worse at the moment:   Karen.

 

Susan looked down at herself, as she had done so many times.   She saw the body of a young woman, the body that now only occasionally seemed so unfamiliar.   The tenderness of her breasts told her that they were still swelling, growing somewhat larger with each passing day.   In the last week they had begun to assume a more normal, mature shape, from the immature, conical shape they had since they first budded on Susan’s chest.   In some ways it hadn’t been as much fun as she had hoped; the events going on around her, events that were now thoroughly affecting the civilized world, had drawn her attention away from her changing self.   She had wanted so much to explore herself and her developing body; but there hadn’t been the time, and now she hadn’t the energy.

 

Finally, the knock came at the door.   Jeannette Carlson entered and sat down across from Susan.   She looked stressed.

 

“She can’t sleep,” Jeannette said.

 

“I know.   It’s Daniel, isn’t it?”  

 

“Yes.   We’ve tried everything, but she can’t seem to suppress his thoughts.   She can stay in control during the day, but at night, it’s as if he invades her dreams–telling her horrible things when she doesn’t have the strength to quiet him.   She’s afraid to close her eyes.”

 

“So he’s still there, it’s not just her own imagination?”

 

“No.   Definitely not.   We did another ultrasound and found that he’s only about the size of a 6-week fetus now, but still very much alive.   He’s somehow conscious enough to affect her.”

 

“How’s that?   A fetus doesn’t have enough brain matter to think, let alone...”

 

Dr. Carlson nodded.   “We don’t really know.   I suspect that much of her target’s memory somehow gets transferred to Karen for safekeeping.   It’s only a theory.”

 

“It’s so mean...” Susan sighed.   “Will it end when he’s... gone?”   This event didn’t seem too far away, as Karen’s abdomen was now nearly flat, her body weight nearly normal according to the repeated observation and study she was undergoing.

 

Jeannette looked down.   “I don’t know.   I think her own conscience is bothering her.   From inside Karen’s own womb, he’s telling her that she’s a killer, a cannibal, a heartless monster.   She hears it in her mind, hour after hour.   We thought that she’d be able to control him, but she can’t.”

 

“She’s letting him in.   She said she wasn’t going to.   Now she’s actually believing what he’s telling her.   I’ve tried my best to get her not to listen, but...”

 

“I know what you mean.   It’s so hard to compete from the... outside.   I’ve dealt with the inside of people–both physically and emotionally–for over twenty years, and I’ve never felt so... outside... as I do with Karen.   I’ve been hoping that he’d just fade away, but he seems determined to do as much damage as he can–emotionally, of course.”

 

Susan looked down, and sighed again.

 

“We may only have one choice, it seems.   For Karen’s sake, at least.”

 

“You can’t ask her to go through that.   To give up months of her life, to grant a new body to the one that’s been so... mean to her?”

 

Jeannette nodded.   “I don’t like the idea myself.   From what she tells me, he’s determined to fight us.   It appears that the strategy is to shame her into giving birth to him, as it is.”

 

“Certainly he knows that even if Karen did it, he’d be born female.   I can’t imagine he’d have more revulsion at any other thought.   Karen said so herself.   And no person like that deserves to be a woman.”

 

“I know.   But he’s been devious.   He’s already told her that she might change his body, but he’d take full advantage of the situation.   Look, Susan, you’re a perfect woman.   Inside and out.   Completely.   Right?”

 

Susan nodded.   “Right.   I have memories of being... different, and I’m not always entirely comfortable yet, but I just feel like a woman somehow.”

 

“Exactly.   He’d be a man... A mean, nasty man... in a woman’s body.  

Imagine having ‘her’ walk into a public restroom filled with other women.   Somehow it’s like handing your own ‘uniform’ over to the enemy.   My God, she might even have children someday.   Or–“ (Dr. Carlson didn’t feel the need to mention the other feminine powers that “Daniel” would be granted in this case)-- “Worse.”

 

Susan cocked her head.   “Jeannette, I have a question.   Part of all this research, and some of the things I found in the library, discussed the possibility of exactly what is happening–theorized this ‘link’ that might establish between people when one was so engulfed...”

 

“Yes.   That was Dr. Anderson’s work.   She had the theory that some of those unexplained neural connections on the spinal cord were intended to form a kind of link between a mother and her child, but we never actually developed the capacity.”

 

“Or, if I understand, that the child never develops the capacity.”

 

“Right.   You might say, that, in some ways, our children are extensions of ourselves.   They share our nutrients, our body, our heartbeats, our respiration... they come from the innermost parts of our body.   The only reason they’re not further connected is...”

 

Susan interrupted.   “We’re only successful when we can separate ourselves from them.”

 

Jeannette smiled, and the conversation trailed off for a moment.   “What did you want to ask?”

 

Susan sat for a moment.   “What happened to Dr. Anderson?   It seems as if she’d be most helpful, but I haven’t seen her here.”

 

“Correct.   She was a great help, but decided that her time on this project was done.”

 

Susan didn’t understand.   “But...”

 

“Look, Susan, she’s not an activist, like most of the rest of the women here.   She had a great time working out theoretical details, but when it came to reality–“   Jeannette extended her hand towards Susan–“she wanted no part of it.   When she found that we were nearly ready to turn you into a girl–in fact, the morning that Dara and Marcy had to start ingesting the proteins for their urine–it was too real for her.   She wanted out; and of course we couldn’t keep her here.   She left under friendly terms, though.   I believe she still lives in the city.”

 

“I wonder if she’d talk with Karen.   Maybe there’s something she knows that could help.”

 

“Perhaps.   I doubt she’d take kindly to a visit, or want to come here.   Perhaps she’d be willing to meet Karen somewhere else.   I can talk with her. Of all the people here, I know her the best.   I’ll call in the morning.   You get some sleep.”

 

“What about Karen?” Susan asked, as Jeannette stood to leave.

 

“I’ve given her something to help her sleep.   Both herself and Daniel.  

I’ll try Dr. Anderson in the morning.”

 

The next morning came none too soon.   Susan had slept very well compared to the sleepless nights next to a sleepless Karen. She stopped by Karen’s room.     Karen was still snoozing, thankfully.   Susan was still tired, but wanted to find out if Jeannette had any luck.

Jeannette wasn’t in her room, and was in fact back in Karen’s room, where Susan found her moments later.

 

“We have to get you up,” Jeannette said.   Karen, awake but still quite drowsy, stumbled towards her bathroom to begin her morning routine.

 

Jeannette saw the puzzled look on Susan’s face, and answered it. “I got to Dr. Anderson.   She agreed to meet Karen, but is leaving for Florida this afternoon, and so you need to meet before eleven.   Go get ready.”

 

“Me?”

 

“She wanted to meet with Karen alone, but I persuaded her to let you come along.   You’re her best friend, and I don’t want Karen to be alone.   You’re going to Dr. Anderson’s house after all.”

 

Susan hadn’t been outdoors since she was brought to this place; and certainly not with the body she had now.   It was early March, and she asked one of the other women what the temperature was like.   It was unseasonably warm for early March.   As she returned to her room, she suddenly realized she didn’t know what to wear.   She hardly had any clothes; while the other women had provided her with simple, plain clothing to wear inside the complex, and the one skirt that she had worn at her “introduction,” she had nothing really–appropriate.   Pressed for time, she compromised on a sweatshirt and regular blue jeans.       Having stepped into panties on a regular basis for over three months now, Susan was quite used to them, and had nearly forgotten all about the kinds of things that used to be George’s underwear.

 

Karen was still tired and somewhat weak from lack of sleep, and was very quiet.   Susan escorted her to the huge front door, which was unlocked.   She turned to one of the other women.   “You mean... we just go...   outside?”

 

A woman behind a desk, who had been reviewing press releases, answered.   “Of course.   Right out front.   There’s a car out front, and the driver has directions.”

 

They went out through the outer, brick-walled room where Susan had first been proclaimed to be female; and through the outer door and up the stairs.   There was very little need for security now; the complex was serving more as a coordination point for communications and information, to a nearly panicked public, than anything else.   Most of the women who had been there, except for the volunteer coordinators, were now back at home.   Susan hadn’t yet asked what would become of herself.

 

The sunlight seemed blinding as they left the front door on Industrial Street.   There was indeed a car waiting, which quickly whisked them across town to a simple single-family home in the older part of town.   Susan rang the doorbell.

 

“I don’t know what good this can do,” Karen complained.   She had not been herself for weeks.

 

“It can’t hurt.”

 

The door opened.   Dr. Anderson was an older woman, with graying hair and a pleasant face.   She invited her two guests in with a cheerful greeting, but led them both into her living room with a minimum of pleasantries.

 

“So you used to be a man,” she said to Susan.   “I never thought I’d see the day...”

 

Susan nodded.   “Sometimes it’s like a distant fantasy.”

 

Dr. Anderson puckered a bit and nodded.   “You’re a woman.   Only sensible that you’d feel like one.”   Bluntly, she turned to Karen.   “And you’re another famous case, it seems.   You say he’s still inside you, and you can ‘hear’ him.”

 

Karen nodded.   “Yes.   Dr. Carlson said, based on her measurements, that I have less than a week to make my decision, though.   I’m afraid that I might have to...”

 

“Only a week before what?” Dr. Anderson asked.

 

“Before... I can’t reverse the process.”

 

“Hmmm...   From what I understand, it’s not reversible.   Or have they changed things?”

 

Karen picked up the misunderstanding.   “Not ‘reversible,’ in that sense.   But supposedly I can grant him–a new body.   That’s what I’m having trouble with.”

 

“That I understand.   Jeannette told me this.   Why, however, are you having trouble with it?   Are you upset by the thought of being...   pregnant?   Or scared of childbirth?”

 

Susan smiled, and Karen snickered outright.   “After what I’ve been able to do so far, I think that childbirth should be fairly easy.”

 

“Easy?” Dr. Anderson said.   “I’ve had four children, and none of them were...”   She trailed off, and wrinkled her face a bit.   “How big was he when he...”

 

Susan volunteered that information, holding up both hands to indicate the approximate size as best as she could remember.   It was indeed about the size of a small baby.

 

“Well... maybe.   Gynecology isn’t my specialty, of course, and I suppose if you’re able to suck a squirming, though tiny, adult into your twat–maybe childbirth will be easy.   So then, are you worried about having to raise... her?”

 

“After all the horrible things... and what he...   Well, he’s just so undeserving of it.”

 

Susan interrupted.   “Dr. Anderson, that’s what I wanted to ask about...”

 

Dr. Anderson shushed Susan, somewhat rudely.   “Then, Karen, you feel you’re not in control of that?   Most mothers are responsible for their own children.   Bad children come from bad parents.”

 

“But I...   It’s not the same...”

 

“Nonsense.   You have a person inside your womb at this very moment, and it’s as much your responsibility as any other part of you.   If you give birth, it’s your baby, even if the development cycle is shorter.   I’d say that with the link that Jeannette described, you have far more control than you think.”

 

“But I can’t...”

 

“You say that you can get into his thoughts, and he’s apparently able to get into yours.   Correct?”

 

Karen nodded.

 

“Get up,” Dr. Anderson commanded.   “Come over here.”   She had Karen lie down on the couch.

 

“Contact him,” the doctor said.   “Reach inside his mind.”

 

“But...” Karen protested.

 

“Just do it.   Tell me what you find.”

 

Karen closed her eyes, then snapped them open a moment later.   “I can’t... I don’t want to...”

 

“Don’t want to... what?”

 

“It’s like he’s been waiting for me.   I can’t get into him without letting him...”

 

Dr. Anderson interrupted again.   “Of course.   Children always give their parents some kind of feedback.”

 

“He’s calling me a murderer,” Karen reported.   “He feels his body slipping away from him, and blames me for taking it from him.”

 

“Do you believe that yourself?   Are you a murderer?   Are you stealing his body?”

 

Karen shuddered.   “I don’t know... I can’t be sure...”

 

“So, what you’re trying to say, is that since you don’t know for sure, and you can hear him so clearly, that he might be right, and you can’t take that chance?”

 

Karen thought for a second.   Susan was fascinated; she had never seen this kind of drama unfold before her.   Dr. Anderson was being very stern, almost to the point of being rude, and Susan was beginning to believe that there was something substantial to Dr. Anderson’s approach.

 

Karen finally spoke.   “Yes,” came the reply.

 

Dr. Anderson’s voice was suddenly much gentler.   “Then why not give him the chance?”

 

Karen closed her eyes again.   “Because he doesn’t deserve it.”

 

“Why not?   You can read his mind.   Tell me.”

 

Karen read his past again.   The abuse as a child, the peer pressure, the misunderstandings, the upset, the betrayals, and finally the hatred of women.     She relayed much of this to Dr. Anderson.

 

“But he’s your child now.   You can change all that.”   Dr. Anderson sat on the sofa next to Karen.

 

“How?”

 

“Reach into his mind again.”

 

“But it’s so overwhelming...”

 

“No.   No, it isn’t.   Open you eyes and look at yourself.”   The doctor pointed at Karen’s abdomen.   “Right in here.   He’s insignificant compared to the rest of you.   You surround him completely.   He is yours; his body is now just a tiny part of yours.   You have as much control over him as you do any other part of your own body; and his thoughts as much as your own.”

 

Karen closed her eyes again.   “I’m here with him.”   Daniel was being amazingly cooperative; grateful suddenly for the mental attention Karen was offering.

 

“Have him take you somewhere.   Have him show you the things that bother him.”

 

Karen tensed as Daniel apparently obeyed her request.   She felt the upset forming, the fear, as Daniel replayed some event from his past. Anger and hatred would follow shortly.

 

Dr. Anderson whispered in Karen’s ear.   “Good.   You’re there with him.   Now make it all better.   You’re his mother; you’re his only hope.   Fix it in your mind.   Make him feel right...”

 

Karen still seemed nervous.   “I don’t... know what to do.”

 

“If you can’t help fix what he’s showing you, then simply remove it from

his mind.   Think of calm, quiet darkness.   Relieve him of this burden.”

 

A few seconds went by, and calm suddenly crossed Karen’s face.   “He feels good.   He wants to take me somewhere else.”

 

“Go with him.   You are all he has.   Make him feel better.   Then you can start teaching him that women aren’t evil.”

 

Karen tensed again.   The thought had gotten through to Daniel, who was reminded once again that his body was slipping away and that Karen was doing nothing to stop it.

 

Dr. Anderson saw the expression change, and realized her mistake.   “Calm him.   Tell him he’s alright.   He’s safe and warm.   You won’t let anything bad happen to him.”

 

Calm returned to Karen’s face.   She lay there in this dreamlike state for several minutes as Susan and Dr. Anderson watched in silence.

 

Dr. Anderson got up and walked over to Susan.   “I think she’s gotten it.”

 

“Amazing.   How did you know what to do?” Susan asked.

 

“She didn’t realize the power that she has.   She didn’t want to involve herself with him, so he was screaming louder and louder to her.   Being ignored is a terrible thing when there’s only one person in your life.   Right now, Karen is Daniel’s life.   He hangs in the balance with every beat of her heart.”

 

“What happens now?”

 

“Let her explore for a while.   She’s becoming the... parent, I suppose, that Daniel needed.   She’ll be ready for a break soon, and with him comfortable she’ll be comfortable soon.   You can take her home then.”

 

Susan nodded.   “I see.”

 

“Ironic, isn’t it;   Now that she realizes her power, she can accept him more readily.   He trusts her now, enough that if she simply wants to absorb him completely, I’d expect he’d have no problem with it.”

 

“So he’d just fade away?”

 

“He’d be in Karen’s memory, at least.   They’d be fused; one.   If you ask where he goes, I’d have to ask where new babies come from.   My guess is that it’s the same place.   I’m afraid you’ll have to excuse me now; I still have to finish packing.”

 

Later, back at the complex, Karen was now faced with the most difficult task of all; not the decision itself, but telling Susan about it.