Encrypted-6

Chapter 6

I blink several times trying to make sure where I’m at is really where I’m at. Brandy’s looking at me and comes over and kneels down and she slowly unbends my fingers from the frame of the bed. “Maddie…Maddie…” It still hasn’t hit me that it’s over.

I’m shaking and shivering actually and my head is pounding. I think I’m crying a little too.
“Maddie honey what’s wrong are you hurt?” I’m just not in that place were talking works and I shake my head no. I try to get it out.

“I…I…ww..was sleeping and…” I’m having to hold my breath, shake my hands, count on my fingers. “I..I..Had..a..a..a..nightmare?…I..I..ww..ww..was out of my body and..dd…”

I hate this! I hate that I’m stuttering and can’t seem to get that grip on just getting things out.

It’s like climbing up stairs but someone’s oiled everything.

Brandy kisses me and she takes my hands and she lies me down on the floor and sits on me straddling me and she holds me down there her body pressed to mine, her forehead to mine and that deep satiny hair of her’s coming down and veiling out the world.

She just took everything I couldn’t cope with right now and just reduced it down to two things. It’s just me and her and I could feel it like I was some one tied to the rocks in a pounding surf that the world became and she just…she’s sheltering me from that never ending pounding assault.

There’s no kissing just her beautiful big brown eyes staring into mine and grounding me. Her weight securing me and the feel of her straddling me and that pressure and her breasts pressed into me. I know I’m crying because she made it stop, made me stop.

Who gets that? Who get’s to be loved by someone who takes all that stuff that’s trying to drown us in life’s hard stuff and makes it just stop? Brandy made it go away. All my life my life’s taught me…You’re different, You’re strange, too strange and you won’t have what you see them have…you wouldn’t get it anyway…

But here she is…and for a person who’s used logic to survive…it’s love that’s saving me right now. And I’m crying a bit more that I might have lost this. I might not have gotten back here. I breathe with her. “You okay?” She asks me.

“Yes, getting there thanks to you.”

“What happened, you were really freaked out?”

“I…I’m not sure, I was sleeping and then I wasn’t in my body and I was out in the city and things were just so strange…then there was this current that...that was like touching…It was like actually being able to touch the bandwidth of the universe? But it was too much and it was like getting pulled into the rapids and I…I thought I might never see you again…” (Sniffle)

She’s staring at me and then she kisses me. It’s long and sweet and deep. I mean subjectively deep. It’s not like a kiss can have a lot of measurable physical properties but I guess the best thing I can think of it there’s a deep/large volume of context within that kiss.

That’s kind of a light bulb moment for me too. I compartmentalize things but where that’s a bad thing for people like me then maybe a kiss like that can be like a macro for things that I mean to feel and say.

I kiss her back and that kiss is me saying.

[I love you.]
[You save me.]
[I need you.]
[You make my life better.]
[I am Me because of you.]

The smile that she has after I break that kiss is just…it’s so good. When Brandy smiles at me like that I feel like a better me.

“Whatever it was Maddie, I’m glad I got you back.” She’s kisses me again and there’s this look of love and wonder in her eyes looking at me. I never believed that was possible. I usually hate being wrong but I am happy to be wrong about this.

Those words I never used to have come out again. “I’ll never leave you Brandy, you’re my heart, they say home is where the heart is and you’re my home. All my life I’ve looked ay the why that things are, the why of the universe…you’re my why, you’re my ultimate solution to why…”

Okay…I sounded strange and very scientific and nerdy and awkward but Brandy gives me another of her beautiful smiles…another kiss. I return it trying to put those values behind it again.

That kiss turns to more and more, the feel and taste of her lipstick on my lips, the smell of her, her soaps and make up. The perfect texture of her skin. I marvel as she sits up and her top comes off and then her bra…coffee skin and pale rose satin and lace look so good. But I love her breasts, riding high and so lovely. I can’t help myself but to take them into my hands and mouth sitting up in a stomach crunch as I lose myself and find myself in the same time as I make love to them only moving to let her get my bra off and let her pull sheets and pillows of the bed to support me and we get very involved in this sweet, sensual lovemaking and foreplay.

This of course leads to Brandy getting us both naked again and wrapped and lubed and she sinks and settles herself onto me and it’s so good. I’m not sure if lesbian fits us but I like being me right now, I like the feeling of being inside Brandy and the tightness of her body around me. Not just the sexual pleasure, but the intimate security thing too. And…that look on her face. She loves me inside of her, it gives her something that she needs. I can see the connection there in that look of pleasure and fulfillment on her face. And for me not to miss that cue means it’s something very strongly obvious.

I can go into a lot of detail but it’d spoil it I think. I’m very sure though this isn’t guy and girl sex. It’s not two guys having sex and I get so much more out of the things we do, they ways she gently touches me and the pleasure I get from my breasts not breasts isn’t a male thing so.

There really has to be more genders really than just two.

It’s time for her to get ready and go to work and I’m still not that comfortable to be here alone just yet so I get ready with her. She makes love to me in the shower and it’s good, better than good because I feel very, very right when she’s gliding through me being part of me. I am not a male, or at least I’m not the standard model.

I’m putting on my make up and it comes out. “I think people are like custom computers, we all do and fit in best doing what we were meant to do.”

Brandy’s doing her hair with a skill I hope I’ll learn. “Huh, explain this bit honey?”

“I think that there are just as many kinds of people and jobs and genders or sexualities out in the world that we’re like custom computers and we’re only happy when we’re living/being used for the applications we were meant for.”

She stares at me and shakes her head smiling. “I love it when you talk like that. It’s really cute and smart-sexy and you don’t dumb things down for me.”

“Why would I? you’re not stupid.”

“I’m a stripper and I’m black and a girl, most people think I’m dumb, It kind of sticks in your head.”

“Well it’s wrong, education and race doesn’t make you smart, smart makes you smart, experience gives you wisdom, passion makes you learn and grow. You are not a stupid woman, your heart is very smart Brandy. Emotionally honey You’re a genius.”

That leads to more kissing and us having to redo out lipsticks. I love, love, love that feeling. There’s nothing so hot as the feeling of our shiny sexy lips gliding over each other kissing and tasting each other. Lipstick on nipples has to be second though…I never thought I’d think about sex this much, about intimacy.

I get dressed a bit differently in red lacy boy cut panties and a bra, flared jeans, and chunky heeled shoes and a really loose pink sweater with a wide neck so it almost hangs and kind of slips a bit off a shoulder revealing my bra strap from time to time and I’m wearing this pink lace patterned wool cap that makes me look… “Huh…I look, pretty cool?”

“Yeah you look hot honey, cute, cool, and sexy.” She purrs in my ear as she slides my leather coat on me all chivalrous like even though she’s in the stockings and the skirt and the clubbing street wear and looks very sexy. I kind of like that with how I’m thinking lately. I nuzzle her a bit and smile. “Thank you Beautiful, I think I’m starting to like being with a girl that knows how to treat a girl.”

We lock up and get into “Pretty” and I try, I try and not get too overtaxed by the nightlife stimulus. I sort of play with my hands as we drive there and some of the worst of it I’m start at the dash but I get through it. It’s hard but I do it and I’m a bit happy with myself as we head into the Violet Rose.

We slip into the side door let in by Nikki, she’s the girl bouncer with the security baton and I there’s hugs? I’m not used to people being happy to see me and the music’s really loud and instead of yelling I notice Brandy and Nikki conversing in a mix of finger spelling and ASL (American Sign Language) then I notice she has small hearing aids in both ears. That makes so much sense, clubs are really loud. Having someone who’s very tuned to visual acuity is smart, just as smart as a female bouncer in a strip club. You’d expect Kevin but not Nikki, she looks like a dancer or waitress.

I sign to Nikki. *Thanks for the hug, is there some where I can be out of the way?*

There’s a big smile on her face. It’s, it’s something that I’m starting to love, making people smile. It really is something special.

*You’re welcome!, I think Marks going to want with him again but behind the bar. You sign?*

*Some. I’m sorry if I’m slow or rusty. I have not used it since I was six or seven. When I was in a Mental hospital.*

*That’s too young for a place like that. Why?*

I have to fingerspell out most of it. *I have Asperegers and am part Autistic, My mother wanted them to find and fix what was wrong with me. Some deaf children were there too.*

Nikki looks and signs fast like she’s angry. *It’s who you are she should have known that. I hope she learned different.*

*I don’t know or think so. She left me and my father after that.*

I’m swamped by her hugging me and Brandy’s smiling at us. We all get to the bar and Mark gives Brandy a Fresca and lemon juice on ice. “You’re on in fifteen.” he tells her and takes out a can of Coke and wipes it down and gives it to me. “You’re back, we didn’t scare you off?”

“No, I feel safe here.” I open my pop after tapping the sides three times. It helps keep it from foaming up.

“You up to helping out tonight?”

“Mark, she doesn’t have to work here.” Brandy stares at him a bit upset, hands on hips.

“I asked, and it’s not hired, it’s helping out. I though she might want something to do instead of waiting around and getting hit on. It’s safer on this side of the bar, but if you’re behind my bar you help.”

I think Brandy was going to say something but I butt in. “I’d like that but I haven’t done anything g like this before.”

“You sure honey?” Brandy asks me.

“Yes, I would like something to do, and I would feel less like an outsider helping.”

Mark looks at me. “Good it’s settled and you not knowing anything’s good, I won’t have to unteach you stupid habits.”

“Unteach? How do you unteach something? You can’t…” Brandy interrupts me with a kiss and one of those really good loving ones where your lover touches the side of your face.

“You have any idea how much I love you Madison Grant?”

I’m tongue touching, tasting her lipstick on my lips. “I know you love me but I can’t measure it…I’ve…I’ve…never been loved before.” I give her this worried look but I just get that just for me smile back.

She kisses me again before heading out back to get into costume. “I love you infinity squared Maddie!” she yells to me.

“But, but…You can’t square infinity…It’s infinite.” I whine. Mark pulls my hand rolling his eyes and leads me behind the bar.