by Randalynn
Karen King sat in her office, long after the rest of her staff had left for the day. Her joy over the incident she’d orchestrated that morning had faded under the pressure of keeping her empire running smoothly, and she barely spared a thought to what had become of the crying man after she had ordered one of the other women in the office to take him home.
They’d done what they set out to do. They’d broken him. What happened next wasn’t her problem.
‘As if that scrawny little excuse for a man could ever be a problem for me,’ she thought, a savage smile playing across her lips. She pushed herself away from the desk and reached for the ceiling, trying to stretch the knots out of her back.
Then she saw the small figure in the doorway, dressed in a sweatshirt and jeans with a bundle under its arm. She thought it was one of the office girls coming in to work late, until she realized it was him.
Her smile stretched to a grin
“Well, hello, Pauline,” she said sweetly. “What brings you here?”
The man cocked his head and looked at her. He looked ... odd. Unnaturally still.
“This morning,” he replied, his voice strong but oddly emotionless.
“What about it?”
“That’s what brings me here.”
Another silence.
“Have you come to complain?” Her eyebrows rose. “Because you’ll get no sympathy here, sweety.”
“I expected none.” He shrugged. “I deserve none. No, actually, I came to thank you.”
“Thank me? For what? Humiliating you?”
He shook his head. “No. For the clarity you and the other women gave me. I’ve never seen the world and my place in it so clearly, in my entire life.” He took a breath, and let it out slowly. “It’s very liberating, knowing who you are and who you aren’t. And who you’ll never be.”
“What do you mean?” The conversation rapidly began to slip sideways, beyond her control. She hated when that happened.
“You ripped my mask off. Didn’t you know?” His eyes stared straight into hers, and she found herself shivering at the emptiness she saw there. “You and everyone in that office tore my mask off, pushed me in front of a mirror, and showed me who I was, and who I wasn’t.”
“What the hell are you taking about?”
Paul looked at her, not unkindly, and sighed.
“I am a small man,” he said, as if he were asking a stranger in a diner to pass the salt. “Always have been. Looking at me, there isn’t much to see. Soft little voice ... a pretty boy even. Not what I ever wanted to be, not even close. I almost look like a girl, but I’m not, and I never wanted to be one. Not that it mattered.”
“I grew up the butt of endless jokes about my size, my looks, my strength or lack of it. No friends, because no one would have me. l spent my years being beaten up by everyone ... classmates, my brothers and sisters, my father at home.” Again, his tone didn’t change. As if he was talking about someone else. “Everyone got to take their shot. The only things I was good at were numbers and computers. So I hid in my room, playing games online and wishing things could be different. I kept thinking that maybe, once I was out of high school, I could make a life that would be better than the one I had.”
“Eventually, I graduated, got out in the world, and discovered it wasn’t any different than before. I was still small, but now there were more people to point it out to me and rub it in my face — or worse, ignore me for being ... insignificant. After a few tries at asking women out and being laughed at, I just stopped. Why try again? It wasn’t going to change.”
“Then, as a fluke, I got the job with your company. Surrounded by women, dwarfed by many of them. I could see myself becoming a joke here, too. I certainly wasn’t going to find a friend. Past experience had taught me that friends were something other people got without even trying.”
“I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what I could do. Then one day, I realized that the one thing I could change was my attitude. If I couldn’t BE bigger, maybe I could ACT like I was. Maybe if I acted important, smarter, sharper ... like my opinions mattered more ... maybe I could get people to see me as I wanted to be seen. As something more than a punchline. After all, what did I have to lose? So I did.”
“At first, there was a feeling of confidence attached to it. I heard the laughter but ignored it, because for the first time in my life, I didn’t care what they thought. The confidence was ... addictive. I couldn’t ignore the laughter forever, so I made myself believe it was jealousy, because after all, I was so damned good at everything, wasn’t I?”
A small edge crept into his voice, his eyes still locked on hers. “The problem with believing your own lies is that eventually, you stop seeing the truth. I created the mask I wore as a sword, so I could fight my way towards something that looked like respect. It became a shield that I hid behind, because a small part of me inside knew the truth of my sorry-ass existence and didn’t want to face it. And the confidence turned cruel, and became arrogance. I went on the attack.”
“I began to bully and belittle others, because I knew ... I knew inside that they’d do it to me if I didn’t do it first. And part of me loved putting down the women I worked with, because I knew inside they’d never see me as anything but something to laugh at anyway. The idea that any of them would ever like ... or even love me? Now there was something to laugh at.”
“Then came this morning. You set me up with the new dress code and your free uniforms, then you gave everyone in the office the ammunition they needed to take me down. When I saw that the uniforms were skirts and blouses ... when they saw my reaction ...”
Paul stopped, and then laughed. It was a dry, hollow sound that felt more like the cry of a wounded animal than any laugh she’d ever heard.
“They held me down, stripped me, and dressed me up. I couldn’t fight them all. Hell, I couldn’t even fight one of them. After all, I wasn’t ever really big and strong, was it? Any strength I had — all I had to hold onto — was wrapped in that awful mask, full of ego and arrogance and stupidity. But you took that poor crutch away, didn’t you? Between the clothing, the attack, the humiliation, and your dismissal of my pain as I cried like a baby on the floor, you ripped off the mask and they tore it into a million pieces.”
“And in the end, all that was left sitting on the floor when the mask was gone was the thin, small, practice target I had always been. Actually, I was worse than I had been before, because now, instead of laughter or scorn or indifference, there was only hatred. And that was what I deserved, after all, wasn’t it? After what I’d done? For the crime of pretending to be more than I was?”
His voice was still almost a monotone, but he was still as stone, and she couldn’t look away. A thin spark of the agony he must have felt flickered briefly in his eyes, but it died as she watched. He stepped forward and put the bundle on her desk.
“There’s the uniform they dressed me in. The one I wore home. I have no use for it now. Sorry about the dirty footprint on the bottom of the skirt — that’s when the woman who dragged me home kicked me out of her car in front of my apartment before she drove off. I crawled up the stairs and stood in front of my apartment house door, and got a good look at my reflection in the front window. I saw ... myself.”
“So as I said, you ripped off my mask, pushed me in front of a mirror, and showed me who I was, and who I wasn’t. And who I can never be.”
She shook her head, still confused. He sighed again.
“I can’t go back to that office. They all hate me, and they’re not wrong. I was an asshole, and now I’m nothing at all again. Less than nothing. And I hate them, because they have jobs, and lives, and families, and friends, and people who care about them. And I’ll never have any of that. So I’m done.”
She licked her lips, her throat suddenly dry. “You could apologize.”
He tilted his head and considered it, then nodded. “I could. Then what? They aren’t about to forgive me. I know hate when I see it. And even if they do, what do I have to look forward to? Years stretching ahead of me, all alone and in pain, tormented by all the real people? That’s the clarity you gave me this morning, by the way. I know now that I can’t be anything but what I am — the human joke. It’s not going to change.”
“You could — ”
“Could what?” His eyes narrowed. “I have no options, really. What was that old saying, biology is destiny? The one the mask trotted out the other day. It fits me like a glove.”
“Once I got out of that uniform, I looked you up on the Internet. Spent the day reading about you, before I trashed my computer and left it on the sidewalk along with everything else I owned. You’ve always been beautiful, confident, in control. You rule your empire like a queen, and people respect you. So you have absolutely NO idea what I’m going through or what I feel like. And you never will.”
“Like I said, I’m done. I know you’d rather have a woman in my spot, so hire one and everyone will be very happy. You could even save some money and hire someone who’ll fit the uniform. On the other hand, you could just burn the ones you made for me in effigy, so everyone can get the rest of that hate out and get back to their lives. Think of it as a team building exercise.” He shrugged. “Whatever you choose, I came to thank you for forcing me to see the truth. It’s always best to know where you stand ... and now I know.”
The man turned and started for the door. When he reached it, she cleared her throat, and he froze, his back to her.
“Where will you go?”
“Somewhere ... not here. A place where I can be ignored, one last time.”
“What ... what will you do?”
He looked over his shoulder, and for the first time since his arrival, he smiled.
“You don’t really care, do you? After all, I'm just a man, and a poor one at that. As far as you’re concerned, I‘m nothing but a bad joke. And everybody knows that the best thing about a bad joke ... is how easily it’s forgotten.”
The door closed quietly behind him.
Comments
Karen the King
has been checkmated. The shallow person she is has
been exposed. Paul may have been exposed for what he
is and he can walk away. Karen King has received the
ultimate tongue lashing. Delivered with passion and
conviction. She will never stand tall in her own
kingdom. Thank you for this excellent story.
thank you
for giving us Paul's point of view.
"Let me succeed. If I cannot succeed let me be brave in the attempt." Pledge of the Special Olympics.
dorothycolleen
Oh, My!
Paul ("Paula") sounds like a serious suicide risk.
I can't say I liked it, but it is a powerful story.
I''d say it a dead cert'
he is about to kill himelf. Amazing he didn't kill her first. Easy to hide a gun or knife in that bundle of clothing. If he is not lying about trashing all his possessions, he's ready to hang himself or jump off a bridge.
As good as Angs story was there is always a BIG risk in so ruthlessly taking someone *down a peg*. Oh, and wasn't the way they forced him to change clohing assualt? The cell phone pics seem nothing but *trophy shots* to me, hardly *proof* he changed clothing voluntarily.
She and her staff did not simply break his spirit, show him the error of his rude/crude ways, they broke his will to live. In Randa's take they broke the false and fragile shell that held him together and for WHAT? The *crime* of his arrogant speach and sloby ways? OOOOOOOOOOoooh, he acts like a boorish man. A serious crime, worthy of imposing the Death Penalty.
For those who appoved of their -- the boss and her co-workers -- action in the orignal story, consider the reverse situation, a radical feminist woman who constantly bad mouths men, is sloppy in appearance and often bends the rules on her time card but she works in an all male business. What if THEY imposed a blatantly MALE wardrobe and dress code. IE short hair, no makeup and so on. Then the men strip her and forcibly change her clothing. Would that be HER just rewards?
Cruelty is cruelty IMHO. There MUST be better ways to handle such a troublesome employee. A way to save the baby when throwing out the bath water as it were.
Both Ang's story and Randa's sequel are fiction and both are in their own ways cautionary tales. Bravo to both.
John in Wauwatosa
John in Wauwatosa
He didn't want to ...
... kill her, John. Why should he? After all, Paul thinks she did him a favor. Karen took away his last hope of ever being anything more than a joke, and made it quite clear even to him that he was really just as small and weak and worthless as everyone had told him he was all of his life. She gave him "clarity."
I feel bad about painting him into that corner, but I couldn't see a way out for Paul. From Ang's story, we knew he was small and slight and squeaky-voiced. We were told that's where his attitude came from, and Karen and Maisie said as much as well. They also said they couldn't think of any woman who would want to touch him. Doesn't leave him with much hope to start with, does it? But then again, he's a man. Better to slap him down hard and "take him down a peg" than to reach out and try to fix what's wrong, or fire him if treating him like a human being just didn't work. As you said, there must have been better ways. To prove their superiority, Karen and Maisie should have found one.
Maybe the moral of the story is, "before you take someone down a peg, be sure you know how close to the bottom they are."
I still feel bad about trapping him in a "no win" scenario, though. Maybe I'll see if I can file an appeal, even if the case is closed. *smile*
Randa
Some jerks are born that way but many are made by circumstance
The women assmued he was a jerk, heart and soul and MUST be made to pay. Never mind that if they had properly documented his behavior and attendance problems, given him writen warnings and such they could have likely long since legally fired him. OR such warnings might have maybe changed him for the better if he had any brains.
-- The following is severely tongue in cheeck but does make a point --
I'd say driving him to suicide was well justifed. After all HE's a man and they are ALL slime.
But then all men are mysogenistic assholes and all women lesbian man haters. And the world would be better off if they all died, the bastards.
Hum, I thing there is a slight problem with this theory but nah, the basic premise about men and women are right, at least to some degree so it MUST be true. So kill um all and let god sort um out.
-- back to my regularly scheduled rant --
What's the suposed Ghandi quote "An eye for an eye leaves everyone blind?"
Great Ang for bringing this up. Great Randa for taking it to one of it's sadly possible conculsions.
John in Wauwatosa
John in Wauwatosa
Appeal?
Karen may be a ruthless businesswoman, who doesn't hesitate in sacking those who underperform, but she almost certainly didn't know Paul's full circumstances before pulling the uniform stunt.
So, what next? For almost anyone else, it would be a matter of case closed. But now Paul's revealed his full story to her, maybe, just maybe, she'd make a quick call to prevent him leaving the building - after all, an employee committing suicide wouldn't look very good.
But then doing so would raise other issues. As Paul said, it would be very difficult for him to remain working in the same office, given what had just happened. He probably wouldn't be suited to delivery work, and he's struggled with the non-computing side of accountancy.
Perhaps the first step would be to examine his home life and tardiness. Ideally, he could do with being in a flat share with someone who accepts him as an equal, but simultaneously offers gentle nudges to Paul to improve the things he can, e.g. his tardiness and punctuality. If his home life was more regulated, his tardiness improved and he had a better work life (perhaps they could find a cupboard large enough to convert into a small solo office?), then maybe just maybe he could concentrate enough to get through the non-computing side of accountancy and make a life for himself.
There are 10 kinds of people in the world - those who understand binary and those who don't...
As the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then only left-handers are in their right mind!
See the sequel to the sequel ...
... I posted just a short while ago. It's called Won on Appeal.
http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/26582/won-appeal
I think this was an excellent
piece I think that there's way too much of the forced femme stuff out there that never has the consequences of what they do or have done to someone show or thrown back in their faces.
Bailey Summers
Guilt Tripped
Probably makes me a bit mean spirited but how many times I have wanted the victim to come back and put it in the face of their tormentor when reading forced fem stories. He should have been fired, and that is it, nothing more.
I once knew a man ...
Who was only 5'2" and perhaps in many ways was like Paul. He transitioned to a woman because he felt he could never make it as a Man. I've lost track of her; hope that she's doing well. Sigh !
K
There is Some Irony
to your statements. When you say he felt he could not
make it as a man, thus he became a women. What does
that say about being a women. I thought the bar was
always set hire for women than for a man.
the bar
The bar only seems to be set Higher when you don't have enough confidence to reach for it. :)
>> Foxxe Wilder >>
Case Closed
Karen may be the Queen, but the pawn Paul has just shown her how much of her kingdom is built upon a pyrrhic victory.
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine
What?
Chess AND Greek History? This from Wikipedia:
Although it is most closely associated with a military battle, the term is used by analogy in fields such as business, politics, law, literature, and sports to describe any similar struggle which is ruinous for the victor.
Where, pray tell, is the victory teetering on defeat. It seems that her victory is one of morality, and that her 'kingdom' is built on ethics, good judgment, and mercy.
You showed me who I was...
...and who I could never be...The crime of pretending to be more than more than I was. More 'Forced Non-entity' than forced femme. Life isn't always a see-saw or a balance or a scale. Sometimes justice doesn't swing back in the other direction to even things out. The biblical injunction to seek an eye for an eye wasn't carte' blanche for revenge, but as a limitation to prevent the scales from tipping over; from going too far. I've been where Paul is now, and not only doesn't it feel bad, but it feels wrong as well. Great story. Thank you!
Dio vi benedica tutti
Con grande amore e di affetto
Andrea Lena
Love, Andrea Lena
It is not so simple as walking away. Paul is a contract
employee who works to keep the office computer system running. Now if his contract says he can quit at any time, that is one thing; but if the contract says he must be employed so long before quitting then he hasn't a choice. He still has to work in the feminine uniform provided for him by company policy. He can't claim sexual harrassment or sex discrimination either, because he signed the contract.
In these two stories about Mrs. King and Paul I can see there is no knowledge of contract law. Walking out and self terminating his contract, the malicious minded Mrs. King can take him to the cleaners, and even though she wouldn't get any money, she would have the satisfaction of knowing that unless he paid the judgment handed down by the court, he would never be able to get any credit anywhere.
If authors are going to write about contracts, and do sequels to stories that mention contracts, I think preliminary knowledge of contract law is a must. Just know that Paul is obligated to dress as the rest of the office. It is in his contract that he abide by company policies as amended. Thank you for sharing.
"With confidence and forbearance, we will have the strength to move forward."
Love & hugs,
Barbara
"If I have to be this girl in me, Then I have the right to be."
"With confidence and forbearance, we will have the strength to move forward."
Love & hugs,
Barbara
"If I have to be this girl in me, Then I have the right to be."
Paul isn't walking away ...
... from his job, he's walking away from his life. He just stopped by thank Karen for taking his last bit of hope away before he finds a quiet place to kill himself. If she can sue him after he's dead for denying her the satisfaction of watching him forced to work for her in a skirt and blouse, I want her lawyers on retainer.
Also, he's not an IT person, he's a trainee accountant who is better with spreadsheets than he is with accounting theory. He wasn't keeping the office computer system running -- he was fixing a flaw in his own spreadsheet program.
As for the enforceability of his contractual obligation, you can't hold a dead man to a contract he signed when he was alive. (See, I do know some contract law! *grin*). I think that, if he did choose to stay alive and fight it, the fact that he is the only man in an office full of women makes him the perfect candidate for some hungry shark to make this forced contractual cross-dressing into an "issue." Don't think it's so clear-cut -- get this in front of a jury with the facts in evidence and Karen's attorneys are going to have to work for their money and still lose. Especially if they get someone to testify about that nifty physical attack by the entire staff to force him into the uniform and steal his clothes. Flip it around -- if a power-mad male employer decided to amend his employment contracts so that all of his female employees are contractually obligated to dress as Vegas showgirls in sequins and feathers, just how long would it take before his defense of that iron-clad provision would be laughed out of court?
If contracts were as cut and dried as you say, there would be no need for courtroom conflict to resolve disputes. Anyway, since Paul will most likely be dead, the issue is moot.
Thanks for reading and commenting. *smile*
Randalynn
Paul's end game.
If he is indeed doing as you say, I do not know any human being who will not be wounded by his actions. Oh, Mrs King may laugh it off in public, but I think she would be seriously impacted by knowing that she precipitated it. I'd expect most of the women in that office to feel even worse in spite of the fact that he really acted like an ass. I feel so sorry for them, because it would have taken a very good psychologist to see through his smoke screen of irascability. In my own tidy little world, I'd like to think that she ran after him and made at least some effort to help him, though I know that no one that I had known did. Perhaps this is more true to life than the little idealist in me.
Much peace
Khadijah
Not especially
That is, it would not take an especially talented psychologist to, "see through his smoke screen of irasaibility."
In fact, I'd say it would be obvious to a two-bit armchair psychologist. Everything about his description pointed to a massive case of "small man syndrome" in Paul.
Contract law does not supersede the Law of the Land
Doesn't matter what the contract says you may or may not do to your employee, even if said employee signed it, if what you want to do is illegal to do.
Employee or Worker
If Paul has a contract to work he is not an employee because he is
not covered by a union. He is a worker, and a worker is anybody with
a contract to personally perform work. He has protections under the
Equality Act 2010 and Protection from Harassment Act 1997. Although
bullying is not specifically mentioned in the act, there are means
to obtain redress.
The owners and supervisors were lax in obtaining cause for dismissing
Paul, and were negligent when he was mobbed by the women, his co-workers,
and forced to dress in female clothing, specifically a dress. A women
in the same office was given consideration because of her large legs
and provided with pants. Paul being a man was not provided the same
consideration.
Karen King orchestrated his humiliation and what could be construed as
assault then had him ejected from the work place and when delivered to
his home he was kicked out as evidenced by the foot print on the dress
he was forced to wear.
What we are looking at is a case of "constructive dismissal," assault
and gender discrimination. I do not believe Karen King would have any
thing to gain by suing Paul. She might end up being his partner. Then
as if my experience in an office are correct his female co-workers will
humble themselves and treat him with respect he nor Karen deserve.
Please edit this!
And close your
strong
tag.Drama, and emotional grip.
I had skipped A Legal Requirement before when it came out—not relevant to my interests. But when I saw you wrote something, and it was a revenge!fic, I had to go back and read it.
But surprisingly, this isn't. It's like you said, the other side to the story, and it is, indeed, emotionally gripping. I've been at that cold and hollow place—others here have as well. your always-brilliant characterization brought out the other side to the asshole with the inferiority complex.
So yeah, it needed it, and once again, you stepped in to kick the dog pissing on the couch.Good on you.
Just having Fun
I thank the person who removed the bold letters on "Employee or Worker" but I was not
trying to contradict anyone but engage in the lively debate. I wanted to be humorous
but serious in the approach. Notice the paragraphs all neat and basically the same
size quoting law I do not have the foggiest notion what they mean or how they are applied.
Using an approach lacking in emotion trying to give the impression I am citing fact and
have an understanding of the law. It was meant for humor and I apologize to anyone who sees it any other way. But when I read, "Won on Appeal," the thunder of my comment was removed.
So I came back to delete my comment but I am computer challenged and I see no means of deleting it. But it was meant to be humorous.
re-read this today
And was reminded how much like Paul I felt like on the day it appeared. SO glad I'm not in that kind of space anymore ..
I wish I could make that claim... :(
Though my case is not as extreme as Paul's, there is much to the story that parallels my life. Unlike Paul, I do want to be female; a large portion of that has to do with several of my inborn traits of temperament that would be assets were I female, but are only social liabilities for a male. Thank you Randa for writing this, for I have also been kicked to the curb for the sin of breathing while being male, and for attempting to find ways to cope with my life, such as it is, in the world, such as that also is.
Very effective, Randa, to respond to Angie's story with another story, rather than leaving a comment, especially given the "he had it coming" atmosphere, over there. I find it highly amusing that the last comment in the discussion there is a link to your story, which really underscores how much of a show-stopper you wrote. And the userID? 'OddPOV' indeed! :D
I'm sorry you have had that kind of feeling
Hugs.
What will Karen King
learn from what Pauline/Paul said to her, here?
May Your Light Forever Shine
Looking for a low branch, ana new rope
Take away his belt and shoelaces. Paul needs the suicide hotline phone number.
However, since when does my size, personality, and nasty attitude become your problem as an employer to correct ?
I want to see where this goes.
Cefin