The girl who never was.

Fiction by Johnny Cumlately.

A sad tale of confused gender.

The body was discovered by a man walking his dog. Or rather, the dog found it and would not obey his masters calls! It was in a small patch of woodland about a mile outside the village of Lockvale. A girl of 25 to 30.

The police cordoned off the area and made a minute search. There was no obvious sign of cause of death. The weather had been unseasonably cold for two weeks with the temperature seldom rising above freezing so that the body had not decomposed and it was difficult to guess how long she had been there. She was dressed in a woolly sweater, well worn jeans and imitation leather boots. There was no means of identification, no purse or handbag and nothing in the pockets of her jeans.

The post-mortem examination by the pathologist produced little more information. She appeared to have died from hypothermia and had eaten very little for some time before death. There was one important distinguishing feature - she was inter-sexed. That is, she was visibly female with nicely developed breasts but had undeveloped male genitals instead of a vagina. Labels in her clothes were mostly those of cheap multiple stores and could have been bought anywhere with the exception of her bra which came from a French supermarket chain. Search of the police missing persons list also drew blank, as did local enquiries. No one had seen her before and she had not been seen around the village. An inquest was opened but adjourned for lack of evidence.

There was a short report in the local newspaper which stated that the dead girl was inter-sexed but produced no identification and the police investigation was wound down, although as is usual it was not finally closed.
.....................................................................

Not long afterwards, a journalist who had read the report was visiting Paris and had a chance conversation which caused him to wonder about the dead girl. He was sufficiently curious to make his own enquiries and thought it probable that she had lived and worked in Paris for about two years. He gleaned sufficient information from people who had met her to make a tentative identification and to follow this up when he returned to the UK. This is his story.........

........................................................................

Peter and Mary Smith were delighted when their new baby turned out to be a boy. They already had a daughter, Alice, who was then aged two and had wanted a boy to complete their family. They were not well off and lived in a small semi-detached house in a suburb of a large city. They were loving and caring parents. The boy was christened Phillip.

He was a cheerful child and the apple of his parents eyes. They regularly read stories to him and Alice at bedtime and Phillip had started to learn to read even before he went to primary school. He was usually in the top five or six in his class and integrated well with his class mates, both boys and girls. When he was eleven, he went on to the local comprehensive school and continued to do well for some time.

However, when he was 13, going on 14, his progress suddenly came to a halt and his form teacher asked Peter and Mary to meet her to discuss the problem. Phillip had become very introverted, he did not pay attention during lessons and seemed to live in a little world of his own. There was no obvious reason and despite careful questioning they failed to get any comment from Phillip. He was late in showing signs of puberty at a time when most of his contemporaries' voices had broken. The school wondered whether he was being bullied for that reason but could find no evidence of it.

It was the end of the summer term and his sister, Alice, had gone way to a Girl Guide camp. One morning, his parents were surprised when he came down to breakfast dressed entirely in Alice's clothes. At first, they thought it was just a childish joke, but took it seriously when he said "I'm a girl, really. So I'm going to be Phillippa in future, but you can call me Pippa for short." They had a long talk about it and quickly realised that that was the root of the recent problem.

They went to see the family doctor. The doctor had known Phillip all his life and treated him for the usual childhood diseases. His only comment after an examination was that his nipples were slightly enlarged but he recommended that they took him to a gender clinic for further assessment.

The clinic did a number of tests and took several samples as well as a long interview with a psychologist. The tests revealed abnormal chromosomes and a high level of oestrogen but lack of testosterone. His breasts were beginning to develop as if he was a girl starting puberty. Phillip himself continued to insist that he was a girl. It was concluded that, although he was technically male, it would be wise to allow him to follow his wishes but to monitor his progress very closely.

Peter and Mary were worried that Pippa (as they now were getting used to calling her) should not return to the comprehensive as a girl but should move to another school where she was not known. They went to see Mrs Roberts, the headmistress of a local girl's grammar school and explained the situation. They showed her Phillip's school reports which had, until recently, shown excellent progress. The head was very sympathetic and they were delighted that she agreed that Phillippa could join the school that autumn. It would severely strain their financial resources but they were given a substantial discount on the usual fees. Mrs Roberts promised to take a personal interest and to try to ensure that possible embarrassment was avoided, particularly when it came to using communal changing rooms for games.

She settled in remarkably quickly. She was accepted without question by the other girls and had soon made up for lost time with her studies. She certainly enjoyed both her new gender and her new surroundings. Pippa's male bits remained small but the rest of her body developed and it was clear that she would in time be a very attractive girl. Her one regret was that Alice was unable to join her at the school as her parents could not afford to pay for both of them but she and Alice developed a very close bond as sisters.

Once again, she was always close to the top of the class and got excellent exam results which earned her a place at university, where she would to study languages. This meant that she would be away from home for the first time but, apart from some initial homesickness, she soon found herself revelling in student life. She was, however, very much aware that she must keep potential suitors at bay and studiously avoided becoming anyone's regular girlfriend - not that there was any shortage of boys who would have loved to date her!

Her studies went well and by the middle of her third year she was expected to get a good degree. But then something happened which would have tragic consequences. She was raped anally which caused injury needing medical help. The boy was convicted in court but in spite of being given anonymity, rumours went round the college about Pippa's real gender and these added to her trauma. She dropped out of college and couldn't face telling her parents what had happened. She fled initially to London and managed to survive in a squalid bed-sit by taking menial part-time jobs. She refused to tell Mary and Peter here she was, just an occasional card to confirm she was alive. Nor did she try to contact Alice.

Finally, being fluent in French, she went to Paris, again living in a tiny bed-sit and taking part time jobs but found it very difficult to earn enough to live on. The few friends she made were all living in similar circumstances. She didn't realise it to begin with but one was a prostitute who later showed Pippa that there was easy money to be made, particularly from kinky clients who would pay more to have sex with a she-male.

Added to the trauma of her rape, she began to feel totally degraded and suicidal. Her friends managed to keep her away from drugs and persuaded her that she must return home. But still she could not bring herself to tell her parents.

Quite how she came to die as she did remains a mystery. Nor is it known why she was in Lockvale which was a long way from her old home. Perhaps she just chose it as an easy way out and lay down and waited to die in the freezing winter weather. The police were able to close their file and the resumed inquest finished with an open verdict.

The memory of their promising son who became a beautiful daughter will never leave Peter and Mary. They will for ever torment themselves wondering whether they could have done anything to have saved her.

Fiction by Johnny Cumlately.

December 2010.

[email protected]