beep... beep... beep... beep...

What’s that noise? I think to myself

I open my eyes and they feel heavy. I find myself on a strange room, its all white and very clean. “I’m I in a hospital?”

I look around. Beside the bed I see my mother sleeping in an uncomfortable position. She looks so tired that I decided to not say anything just yet, I just stay looking at her.

A few minutes later she started to wake up and stretch her arms, then she looks at me and suddenly she is hugging me very tightly, “Oh sweetheart, you are awake. You scared me to death. I thought I was going to lose you,” she tells me crying.

“I’m sooo sorry Mommy.” I tell her crying too.

We stay there for a long time crying and hugging unable to say anything. After a while we were able to compose ourselves back together.

“Don’t you ever scare me like that again, Sweetheart, I almost died when I saw you in that bathroom.”

“I... I’m...(sob) s..sorry Mommy.”

"OK."

“How long have I been here?” I ask her

“You been asleep for almost two days. We almost lost you, Honey.”

“W...what do you mean?”

“Soon after the paramedics arrived, you stopped breathing and your heart stopped.” she tells me crying. “T..then they started CPR for several minutes and I was praying to God to not let you die, to take me instead when they got a pulse.”

“I’m sorry, Mommy, I didn’t know what to do. I was desperate and hurting and I wanted it to stop it so much that I couldn’t even think straight anymore.”

“Why didn’t you ever tell me how you felt, Honey? I never knew you were suffering so much.”

“B..because D..Daddy was always trying to “man me up” and would never accept me for what I am, and I thought that if I said anything, I would lose both of you,” I tell her with tears rolling down my cheeks.

“Oh, Sweetheart, that’s not true, we Love you very much.”

“B...but Daddy yelled at me, grabbed me,ripped my clothes and said that he would make a man out of me even if its the last thing he would do, and said that he would send me to a military school. I can’t go to a military school, I will die there.”

“Your father is very sorry for what he did, Honey, he thought he was doing what’s best for you.”

“Yeah, right. By bullying me, always forcing me to do guys things even when I didn’t want to, always looking at me with disapproving eyes, like he was disappointed with me.”

“He wasn’t disappointed, he was frustrated, and he did what he was taught to. You know how strict your grandparents were with your father.”

“I know, but that’s no excuse to treat me like he did.”

“No it’s not, but he blames himself and after the paramedics arrived he lost his calm and started crying saying it was all his fault, because of him you tried to kill yourself.”

“Dad was crying? I never saw him cry before.”

“Yes, Sweetheart. He was crying, and when he read your note he cried even harder, and blamed himself even more.”

“Where... where is he?”

“He is just outside, Honey, he is afraid you don’t want to see him. He stayed there all this time, he didn’t even sleep or eat anything in two days worried about you.”

“Can I see him?”

“Are you sure?” she asks me and I nod. “I’ll go get him.”

“OK.”

She left the room and I started to look at the ceiling, trying to figure out what just happened. My father crying? That big man’s man crying? I can’t even picture it. Suddenly I hear a gentle knock on the door that makes me jump a bit.

“S..sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.” my father tells me in a very low voice, almost whispering.

I look at him and almost doesn’t recognise him, he looks awful, his clothes are all wrinkled his eyes are baggy, his hair is a mess and it seems he didn’t shave in days, he looks like a street bum.

Is this really Daddy?

He slowly comes to the bed and sit on the chair beside it, he gently grabs my hand look at me with very tired and sad eyes and say “How are you feeling, Pumpkin?”

Pumpkin? Did he just called me pumpkin? He never called me that,before now. What’s going on? Who is this man? He can’t be my father. Did the aliens replaced him with a clone? (I giggle to myself after that last thought.)

“Tired, confused.”

“I’m sorry, Pumpkin, I never knew.” I see tears rolling down his cheeks.

It really IS Daddy.

“Damn air conditioning, it makes my eyes water,” he says while weeping his eyes dry and I giggle at that.

"Hi, Daddy."

“It’s good to see you laugh, I thought I lost you.”

“I’m sorry, Daddy, I really am.”

“No, I’m the one that should be sorry, I was a bigoted jerk and it took me almost seeing you die to open my eyes to what I was doing.”

“Oh Daddy!!” I say hugging him with all my might and cry on his shoulder.

“I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry! It’s all my fault!” he kept saying and crying openly now.

“Stop blaming yourself, Daddy. You didn’t know. No one did.”

“Still... I am your father, I was supposed to love and protect you and not bully you. Can you ever forgive me?”

“Oh, Daddy!!! Of course I forgive you, I love you,” I tell him still crying.

“Can I join that hug?” I hear my mother's voice coming from the door.

“Of course, the more the merrier.” I tell her.

“Thank you, Sweetheart,” she tells me and joins the hug.

A few minutes later, I hear a new voice in the room. “Ah. I see our patient is finally awake.”

I look at the door and see a middle age woman walking our way.

“Hello, Sweetheart, my name is Dr. Margaret Simpson, I worked on you when you arrived here.”

Margaret Simpson? Where did I hear that name before? Then it comes to me. Marge Simpson? It was enough to give me the giggle fits.

“It seems I keep getting that reaction from my patients,” She tell us.

“Sorry Doctor,” I tell her trying to suppress the giggles. “It’s just I got the picture of Marge Simpson in a doctor’s uniform when I heard your name.”

“It’s alright, Dear. It’s good to see you up and in a good mood. You gave us quite a scare.”

“I’m sorry,” I tell her and look down ashamed.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s alright. In a few minutes I’ll ask the hospital psychiatrist to come talk to you, but first there are some things I need to discuss with you and your parents.”

“Oh... Is it bad news? Am I going to die?” I ask her starting to worry.

“No, you are not going to die, Dear,” she tells me.

“Well..., when you first came here we were busy trying to save your life so we didn’t notice it a first, but the next day, after the nurse gave you a sponge bath that she noticed something strange. So we took some blood to run some tests. The results just came back.”

Something strange? Whats she talking about? What’s wrong with me? I start to hyperventilate and pass out.