Him-Lady or She-Male

Chapter 6 The problems of school never end.

Un-edited yet.

After Physical Education, I always had at least two girls with me going from class to class. They would chat with me in class and between classes. I couldn’t understand it. They all knew that I use to be the quarterback from the football team, but they didn’t seem to mind. Then again, they were not treating me as a guy, but then again, they were not treating me as a girl either. It was more of a ‘lets take care of this poor freak, because he needs lots of our help’ attitude.

When we arrived at Mrs. Jones class I was lost. All of the girls went right to a typewriter and started working. I finally went up to Mrs. Jones and said I was new. And introduced myself “Hello Mrs. Jones, I’m Alvin Johnson. And I have been assigned to your class.”

“Ohh, you must be Alice Johnson, well, welcome to Office Machines 1A, how fast can you type?” she asked.

“I can’t type Mrs. Jones.” I replied.

“None at all? How can that be, you mean that you have never typed out a report for any of your classes?”

“Well, Yes, but that was only on the computer, not a typewriter.”

“Now days everyone uses computer to do their word-processing. So what word-processor are you formulary with? Alice, and how fast do you type,” Mrs. Jones asked.

“I don’t know Mrs. Jones, typing fast was never a consideration to getting the reports done. I just typed,” I said.

“OK, lets set you up on a computer and then check how fast you can type. Then we can decide how to proceed.” Mrs. Jones said.

She sat me down and started a typing program on the computer. I was on about the third word when she stopped me. “Don’t you know how to place your hands on the keys, Alice? Is that the way that you typed your reports, with two fingers? We are going to have to start you at the beginning, Alice.” She reached over stopping the current program and starting another icon on the computers desktop. “Just read the directions and follow what it say’s. It will teach the proper way for you to type.” With that she went off to another student.

I started the instructions and was soon typing out strings of f’s, g’s, h’s and j’s. When the bell rang for the end of class, I had advanced to ‘fghj’ with all fingers on the keyboard where they belong.

Two girls came up to me “We all have Mr. Diddle next.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Mr. Diddle’s class was at the other end of school. We arrived with just a minute to spare. The first thing out of Mr. Diddle’s mouth was to me “What is this MR. JOHNSON, I’ll not have any perverted pranks from the football fools in my class. So you can just go back to what ever class your suppose to be in”

“I’m suppose to be in your class now Mr. Diddle,” I said.

“Well I’ll not have any nancy boys in my class either, so you can just take your perverted skirt to the office until you learn what is the proper clothes to wear under the dress code.” Mr. Diddle said this with a great deal of anger in his voice and body language.

Mr. Diddle was a beastly if ever there was one. I picked up my books and started out of the class to go to the office when I heard Mr. Diddle again “And just where are you going Ms. Avary?”

“Well since you don’t want any perverted girls in your class wearing skirts, I’ll be at the office also,” She said.

“I didn’t say that girl’s couldn’t wear skirts Ms. Avary, I said that football playing perverts shouldn’t wear skirts,” Mr. Diddle said.

“Well since Alice took a shower in Gym with us, I know that she is a girl. So since you sent her to the office for being a pervert for wearing a skirt, that must mean that all girls who wear school skirts are perverts,” She replied.

“Come back here and sit down Ms. Avary, and where are you going Ms. Aims?” Mr. Diddle said a little to louder.

“I don’t like you calling us girls perverts Mr. Diddly, I’m going to the office to see if I can get transferred to a teacher who does not consider girls perverts because they have to wear skirts to school Mr. Diddle.”

“Girls sit back down, Girls if you don’t all sit back down you will fail this class. Girls, GIRLS! COME BACK AND SIT DOWN.”

I looked back and saw a stream of the girls leaving Mr. Diddles class.

“Alice, wait up for us,” the girl behind me said.

I slowed down for her to catch up.

“I never did like Mr. Diddle. He’s was always a wank. When God made dweebs, Mr. Diddle was the mold that he made the rest from.” She then giggled as a couple more of the girls caught up with us.

I opened the door and let the rest of the girls into the office in front of me. Then I followed them to the receptionist’s desk.

“All of us girls would like to transfer out of Mr. Diddle’s class please,” Susan said to the receptionist.

“And what, can I ask, is the reason for this mass exodus?” she asked.

“It’s because he called girls perverts. He thinks that Alice is camping it up. None of us wants a teacher that thinks that a girl is a pervert.” Susan replied.

“And all of you girls are here for that?” she asked.

“I’m not, I’m here because Mr. Diddle sent me for dressing like a pervert.” I said.

“Ohhhh, I see the logic now. All of you wait over there for a minute while I get the Headmaster for this.” She then picked up the telephone and dialed three digits on it. “Yes sir, I have all of the girls from Mr. Diddle’s class out here, waiting to transfer out of his class, for calling girls perverts.” “I thought that you might”

“OK girls, the Headmaster wants all of you, in his office now please, except for you Alice, it is going to take me a little while to fill out the paper work for you dressing as a nancy boy. In fact it just might take the whole day.” She said as she was giggling.

The Headmasters office opened and he stepped out of his office. “Lets step into my office, and talk this over girls.”

“You just sit over there, Alice I think that you will be called in next.” The receptionist said.

“What about the paperwork, for Mr. Dibble sending me here?” I asked.

“Well, I’m just so busy, it will just have to wait.” She replied.

She then took out a nail file and started filing her nails.

She looked up at me then held up her hand to check her nails. “What do you think Alice, Is pink or red a better color nail polish for evenings?”

“How would I know? I’ve never worn any nail polish. I don’t really understand why girls wear it.”

“Girls wear it to look cute for boys, and since your still more boy than girl, you would be the best person to ask. You are the only one that is, how should I say, from both sides of the fence.”

“Just because I have to dress like a girl, doesn’t make me a girl,” I said.

“Has the girls been after you for which boy likes which girl yet?” She continued the conversation.

“No one has really talked to me, and I have been busy trying to stay out of trouble.”

“Why don’t you try being the match maker, between the boys and girls for a while Alice. Your not going to bonk any of the guys any time soon, and your fanny can’t bonk the girls anymore. But you kind of know what boy fancy’s what girl, and the girls are just dying to find out if this or that boy fancy’s them. You are in the middle now, ‘Bob’s your Uncle’.”

The Headmasters office door opened, and out stormed the Headmaster toward me, well toward the receptionist. “I want a copy of the memo we sent out to all of Alice’s teachers this morning. Give it to one of the girls to take and him. Also write a memo to Mr. Diddle, ‘You will read this memo to your class. You will report to me after your last class today.’ Type it up now and let one of the girls, no make Alice give them to Mr. Diddle. I can’t talk to Mr. Diddle right now or I would fire him, on the spot. I need to calm down more. You girls get back to class with Alice.”

I couldn’t believe it.

“Alice, I don’t think that I have the paper work for being a pervert, so you just go back to class. Here’s the note from the Headmaster. So off with the lot of you back to class.”

We went back to class, well, half of the class, since half was already over.

“Mr. Dibble, The Headmaster told me to give you this note and to read his memo out loud in this class,” I said.

“Let me see his note, Alvin,” Mr. Dibble said.

Mr. Dibble read the note from the head master. “Are you saying that you not longer have goolies, but a fanny now Alvin.” Mr. Dibble said to me.

“Yes ALICE has a fanny now Mr. Dibble, she showered in the gym with us. We all saw she had fanny bits Mr. Dibble.” Susan said.

“I asked Alvin the question, Susan,” Mr. Dibble said. And then looked at me again.

“Her name is ALICE Mr. Dibble,” Susan interrupted again.

“Well is it Alvin or Alice then?” Mr. Dibble asked me.

“My mother changed my name for the school records,” I said. Not wishing to tell everyone that I really wanted to be called Alvin. But wearing a dress it sounded stupid being called a boys name.

Mr. Dibble handed me back the note from the office. “Read the memo to the class and me from the Headmaster then ALICE.”

I read the memo out loud from the Headmaster. It sounded strange, like it was about someone else not myself. It felt weird, to say the least. I wanted to explain things, but then again I wanted to sit down as quickly as possible.

When I finished I was able to sit down at last.

“Now to continue on with the interrupted lesson. Every turn your book to page 128 and continue with the introduction of concrete to the Roman Empire …”

I zoned out. The ending bell woke me up and I gathered my books. Mr. Diddle seemed to give me a look that would put me six feet under. It was lunchtime. The last thing that I wanted was to eat lunch. But Susan said, “It’s time to gossip, come on.”

“I’m not sure that I’m going to be any good at girl gossiping. I am sure that it’s an art that requires years of practice that I never learned.”

“Well you can start today. Since you have been in the boys gym, you can tell us all of the gossip that goes on in the boys gym.” Teresa said. We sat down at The Table.

We ended up at The Table. The Table was were all of the cool girls hung out. It was always off limits to mere boys. Half of the group sat down and the other half went to get prepared food trays.

“OK,” Teresa said. “First who likes who? Can you tell us?”

“OK, Tell you what, I’ll make a deal with you girls. You tell me who each of you fancy, and I’ll tell you if I know who that boy has a fancy on. We will trade one for one. And since I also know the guys on the football team I’ll introduce you to any of them that you have a fancy. That’s for standing up for me in Mr. Dibble’s class. Is it a deal?” I asked the group of girls around me.

“We couldn’t have asked for a better deal Alice, come on, we are going to need to make up lists and lists of boys for you to talk to. You know it is not proper for a girl to ask a guy out. But you’ve just been a boy, so if you could, you know, break the ice between us that would be worth almost anything. You don’t know how much we just sit and talk about boys during lunch. But we are just scared of rejection to actually talk to them, and be forward. Then they might just be making a conquest of us, if we talk to them first, and not really wanting us for us. You know what I mean?” Teresa asked.

“Why don’t we do it one person at a time? Who is it that you like? And are they on the football team?”

“I like Bob DeBough!” Jill said. “Who does he like?”

“I don’t know Jill, why don’t I go and ask him?” I said.

“You can’t do that!” Jill yelled.

“Why not? He might like you, or he might like someone else that can’t stand him. So if I ask him we can at least find out. I can walk up to him and say. ‘One of the girls likes you, but wants to know who you like.’ Then I will come back and report. If you’re not in his little black book, then you know that you need to get noticed by him. It is a start of getting people to notice each other.”

The girls looked at me like I was the plague. “You can’t just go up to a guy like that,” Susan said.

“No, you can’t go up to a guy like that, but I can. Remember I was a guy till yesterday, when they changed my records to make me a girl. So I’m still a guy to the other guys, but just a nancy boy that camps it up.” I said. “We could try it, what could it hurt? Only I would really know who likes whom. This way no one would get hurt. I would protect everyone’s feelings.”

They looked at me cautiously. This was a new idea of talking directly to the boys. It must have come from years of mistrust between them and the boys. I know that boys would try to get the attention of a girl by flipping up their skirt. Something I know now, was the exact wrong way to get a girls attention.

“Let me try it once and see what happens?” I said.

“OK, go ask Bob DeBough who he fancy’s” Jill said.

“OK, I’ll be right back.” I said.

I walked to the other end of the cafeteria where the football players were.

“Well if it isn’t tinker bell” John James said. I always hated him. He was a bully.

“I’m here because some of the girls wanted to know if some of the football players liked them. Since I use to be a football player, they believe that I would know, or else, I could ask with out hurting anyone’s feelings. I also promised to introduce them to any football player that liked them.” I said.

“Why should we tell a nancy boy who we like?” John asked.

“Because you might get to first base with a girl easier if she likes you back.” I said, knowing that was what most boys wanted from girls.

“You mean that the girls want to chat us up and get bonked?” John asked.

“I am sure that some want to John, but then again, I am sure that most of them want to get other things, like, ohhhh, a good friend to go on dates with and just chat. But how will you chat up anyone if you never ask them?” I rationalized.

“OK, I like Jenny Bizer, Tell her that I’ll bonk her this Friday,” John said.

“I don’t think that Jenny wants to bonk with a wanker this Friday John, so you’re just going to have to wank alone I’m afraid, but I’ll ask her, and I’ll also ask some of the other girls if they want to be chatted up, and then bonked by you, just before you get them pregnant. Is there anyone that is serious about seeing if a girl wants to go on a date with them? If you tell me, then I can ask them whom they would go out with. Eventually everyone gets a date from someone.”

“That’s really sad Alvin,” John said. “I just realized that you’re the last one on the list, so the last guy would have you to bonk! Ha ha ha ha!”

“Nope, that’s what makes me the go between, I’m a guy with a fanny. I’m not interested in bonking other guys, and I lost my bits to bonka girl. Any takers? James, Julian, Bob, Sam, any girls you fancy that you want me to talk to. I can see if they would go out with you? One girl told me she wants to go out with one of you, but doesn’t want him to know until he asks her. She’s to shy to ask him directly. What will it be? Are you on the sidelines, or in the game? Write down who you would like me to ask if she would consider it, then no one gets left out. Last chance before I go back and tell the girls that your’ all benders.”

“Tell Janice that I’d chat her up.” James said.

“But would you take her to a flick, and maybe snog with her?” I asked.

“Yea, I’d snog with her in a nanosecond,” James said.

“OK, I’ll talk to her. And you other three, you can write it down and slip it to me so no one knows.”

I looked over the three football players, I knew that they wanted to say something, but there was peer pressure to not say anything. John had made that clear.

“Slip me a note later then, Bye” and I walked back toward the girls table. The receptionist was right, there was a wall built up between the boys and the girls in school. Twelve years of forced separation in school, has caused an invisible wall between their interactions.

As I got back to the table I sat next to Janice, and close to Jenny. “John said that he’d like to bonk with you this Friday Jenny, I suggest that you bring a tazer rod with you and apply it to his balls when you first meet him. A razor sharp knife would be handy to cut off his boy bits and feed them back to him.” A few of the girls started to giggle and laugh softly. While the noise was noticeable and covering the conversation, I whispered to Janice, “James said he had a fancy toward you, and would like to see a flick. He seemed interested, and said this out loud in front of the guys. So do you want me to have him ask you?”

Lunch bell rang just then. I still had two classes left today, still my first day back to school. It was a busy day.

“Yes, Alice, if he ask me to a flick, I’ll go, but if wants to bonk me I’ll cut his bit off.” Janice said.

I went back to the football players table, James and bob was still there. “James, Janice said that she’d like to go to a flick, but if you try to bonk her she’d cut off your bits. No one liked John’s idea of a date.”

“When do I pick her up?” James said.

“You’ll have to ask her out, James, she has already said yes, but you must play the game by the rules.” I said.

“What rules?” James said.

“You’ll learn, I have to go to class. So Bob is there someone that you like?”

“Yes, I like Jill.” Bob said.

“Well she has also told me that she would say yes to a flick, so ask her,” I said as I left the cafeteria

End